Limitations and Personal Growth
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Posted:Jul 30, 2009 4:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 10:55 pm
8006 Views
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Another topic that I'd like to take credit for, but I can't as I didn't write it ! But I feel it's worth "spreading"
Limitations and Personal Growth
by Rover
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My usual disclaimer applies. These are simply My personal musings regarding a D/s topic. It works in My relationships, but certainly does not work in all relationships. As Y/you read, think about what may or may not work for Y/you in Y/your unique relationship. Take what makes sense for Y/you, and discard the rest.
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I’ve participated in and observed a hundred discussions on limits. In each of those discussions, the conversation focused exclusively upon physical limits - limits for activities and scenes. While it’s vital to know and explore those limits, I find that to focus so exclusively upon them ignores another vital aspect of the D/s relationship.
It’s true that Dominants are responsible for their submissive’s lifestyle growth, and truth be known, that’s an important part of a D/s relationship. Yet it’s still just a part of it. And when Y/you stop to think, while it’s an important and vital part, it’s actually a very small part. How much time do W/we spend scening? Maybe five percent, if W/we’re lucky?
Now, I’m not in any way trying to diminish the importance of limits for that five percent of O/our lives. Establishing them, exploring them, discovering them, and even expanding them when appropriate (ie: not hard limits) are vital functions in a healthy D/s relationship. However, no matter how important they may be, it only covers that five percent of O/our lives. What of the other 95 %?
As Dominants, We are not charged with simply the lifestyle growth of Our submissives. Our obligations, responsibilities and commitments go far beyond that five percent of O/our D/s lives together. That’s one of the things that differentiates a D/s relationship from a BDSM play partner. No, I’m not saying one is better than the other, just different. In a D/s relationship, We Dominants accept the responsibility for the other 95 % of Our submissive’s lives, and make a commitment to their personal growth as well as their lifestyle growth. Just as in their BDSM activities, submissives have limits in their personal lives that need to be discovered, explored, and expanded when appropriate. Because the term “limits” has become so closely associated with BDSM activities, I prefer to call these personal limits “limitations”.
Limitations stand in the way of O/our personal growth every bit as much as limits in BDSM activities. Like those BDSM limits, some limitations are hard limits that should never be touched, but most personal limitations simply hold U/us back from achieving O/our full potential. They are the cause of frustration and the obstacle to achievement and success. They can affect relationships with friends and family. They can affect employment and career advancement. They can affect the enjoyment of hobbies and activities. They can even be limitations to enjoying a full and loving relationship. In short, these personal limitations affect most every area of O/our lives.
As We Dominants take on that full responsibility within a D/s relationship, We also take on the responsibility to help find those limiting factors in Our submissive’s lives. Generally speaking, what is evident to Us is a symptom of that limitation. We should take particular note whenever Our submissives says they “can’t” do something. Whenever they denigrate their own capabilities. Whenever they express frustration or a desire to quit something. Whenever they exhibit signs of changes in their lives, like a new hairstyle or a new clothing style. Whenever there is a change in body language, posture, or the manner in which they communicate, or not communicate. Whenever there is a change in an established pattern to their lives. Those are signs of someone that wants to change something about themselves. And those are also signs that something is limiting their lives, and they are choosing to change themselves in ways that does nothing to overcome that limitation.
There may be limitations from previous bad relationships. There may be limitations of self doubt. There may be limitations of fear. There may be limitations of understanding. The list is endless. And the cause of those limitations may differ considerably. So, in addressing those limitations, it’s important not to chase a never ending litany of symptoms. We must dig deep at times to find the source of those limitations, and address that source directly.
That digging process is called communication. Talking about the limitations. Finding those sources together. Don’t assume that submissives know the source of their limitations, because in many cases they don’t. Discover them together, and provide plenty of reassurance along the way. It may be helpful to keep a list of those limitations as they are discovered, and to prioritize them. Exhibit pride in Your submissive as progress is made, and especially when a limitation is overcome.
Fear and self doubt are two common limiting factors in many submissive’s lives. It’s vital for submissive to know that overcoming them, does not necessarily mean that fear and self doubt will cease to exist, but that they will grow to the point that they can act in spite of them, and no longer allow fear and self doubt to limit them. I like to use the analogy of jumping off the high board at the swimming pool. It’s frightening to stand at the top and think about jumping. It’s easy to doubt one’s ability to jump while standing up there. And it’s precisely the thinking about it that causes many people to turn around and go back down the ladder. Overcoming that fear of jumping does not mean that the fear ceases to exist. It simply means that the fear no longer limits O/our ability to actually jump. In this example, the fear can become an enjoyment all it’s own, and becomes more closely associated with excitement. It’s always there, no matter how often one makes the jump. But it has been overcome in that it no longer limits one from jumping. And in the process, one no longer doubts their ability to jump. Each successive time they climb that ladder, they know they can and will jump. That’s growth. That’s overcoming a limitation.
I would love to see more discussions in open forums about limitations in O/our lives, and certainly more discussions within relationships about them. D/s relationships do not revolve around BDSM activities, as enjoyable as they may be. The rest of life, of living together in a D/s lifestyle, occupies much more of O/our time together. The limitations W/we have in that 95 % of O/our lives that is not spent scening, have a far greater impact upon the quality of O/our lives and O/our relationships. Let’s place a greater emphasis upon personal growth, and O/our limitations. Not to exclude BDSM limits, but to make sure that personal limitations also get the attention that they deserve.
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Dominants or Just "Power crazed control freaks" ?
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Posted:Nov 4, 2007 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2013 7:12 pm
8110 Views
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I wondered if anyone else had come upon this question before ?
for Me, the question came about from an incident that I encountered a few months ago.
I have been learning about the lifestyle of BDSM for over a year, consulting various texts, and speaking with various Dominants, and having an "on-line" submissive. I'd learned lots of good information from all avenues available. I had shared this information on a Board, and the information was well received, and accurate. I had become a respected Member of that board.
Then came the "fateful" day !! I DARED to disagree with the "alpha male" !! I tried to put My point of view across, but his was the right one and if I dared to make anything of it, then I would be banned and that the definition he put down (Copied of Wikipedia !!)would be the one that the group was going to use. Well, after being belittled in that way, I "stuck up for Myself". Well isn't it funny that all My previous posts, all My gained knowledge that I'd passed onto the group, counted for nought !! I was summarily kicked out, and with the board supported by this "so called dominant's troupe" behind him ( Oh and "wannabe one's" too) I stood as much chance as a snowball in Hell !!
What makes Me laugh about this whole incident, is the fact that the ONLY posts of Mine that remain on the boards, are the ones praising, or thanking this ......... "person" for his sterling efforts, which incidently, were COPIES of other posts made and convieniently left the origin off so that it was to be "assumed" that it was his own work. I like the TRUE Dominants that find posts and SAY where they got it, putting it up for their group to learn from as well.
I am FULLY aware that this post seems "on the surface" to be a moan, whinge and bitch upon My part, and to a degree, I suppose it is ..... But the Question has arisen from this ....... Dominant or Control Freak ?
I was led to believe that a Dominant, while stern in His convictions, still maintained an open mind !! while a control freak acts just as I have experienced.
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Subspace, subdrop and Aftercare
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Posted:May 18, 2007 4:06 am
Last Updated:Feb 19, 2011 8:01 pm
8262 Views
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What is subspace ?
subspace is an altered state of consciousness, one that varies from one individual to another but the awareness of that person is altered dramatically, some submissives become immersed in sensations to the point of becoming unaware of anything else ! Where they are, what the time is and in some cases they lose their own identity! Some can even shut off completely entering a trance like state in which they are no longer conscious of their own actions, experience or surroundings. A dissociated state generally caused by intense stimulation, physical and/or emotional, from a “scene” perhaps, and partly related to biochemical release of endorphins,. When out of subspace, generally the feeling isn’t unpleasant but many are aware that “something” happened, but they aren’t aware of the details of that experience.
What is subdrop ?
Sometimes coming out of subspace can be distressing as the endorphins and other body chemicals stop being produced (Lack of stimulus), it can produce a sudden feeling of depression, clinginess, and dependency, this is usually referred to as “subdrop” and is generally unwelcomed. The effects of subdrop (it's usually referred to as subdrop when these are "bad" effects) are manifestly similar to a kind of depressive state.
After the submissive has rested, and even after sleeping, there can be spontaneous outbursts of emotion: tears, fear, happiness etc. Dominants should see these as a need to be comforted, and looked after, to be held, told how much the submissive is needed, and how important the submissive is. submissives can crave attention, and often the sub psyche feels that they have lost the massive attention which they had before (during the scene) from their Dominant, and this can cause the unease, and charged emotions that may occur in a sub drop situation. Added to this of course, are the hugely elevated amounts of naturally produced hormones (endorphins adrenaline etc) that are still flowing around the sub's body. These may take some time to return to normal levels, varying from hours to sometimes days. The exact psychological impact varies from person to person and the interplay between mechanisms is not well understood. All of the information on this subject is based on casual observations or indications rather than rigorous or scientific analysis.
Physiological Processes
During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine ( Adrenaline ) from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response, produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Producing a sort of trance-like state due to the increase of hormones and chemicals, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives once reaching a height of subspace will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.
Enkephalin :- either of two pentapeptides with opiate and analgesic activity that occur naturally especially in the brain and have a marked affinity for opiate receptors.
Endorphins :- are a group of small proteins naturally occurring in the brain around nerve endings, that bind to opiate receptors and thus can raise the pain threshold. Enkephalins are included in this group of compounds.
Epinephrine:- is a naturally occurring hormone, also called adrenaline. It is one of two chemicals (the other is norepinephrine) released by the adrenal gland. Epinephrine increases the speed and force of heart beats and thereby the work that can be done by the heart. It dilates the airways to improve breathing and narrows blood vessels in the skin and intestine so that an increased flow of blood reaches the muscles and allows them to cope with the demands of exercise.
Subspace “Recovery”
This is a very ambiguous subject, so I will endeavour to try to give a broad spectrum program of Aftercare that I have received from many various sources. You may have your own way to give Your submissive subspace aftercare that either I haven’t included here, or that you find contradictory. Either way, I am very open to correction/additional information.
Sleep helps, and the submissive may want to nap for a while to relieve some of the feelings of subspace. Drinking plenty of water, staying warm, and having their Dominant there with them will help a lot in this situation. Sometimes, a warm shower will also help the submissive to feel better.
Don't be surprised if the submissive seems clingy during this time it is only their way of seeking comfort and security in the arms of their Dominant, and will usually pass within a day or two.
The only thing You, as a Dominant can do is to be there for Your submissive when they hit subspace, a high caused by the raised endorphin levels. During subspace, the submissive may actually be unconscious for a bit, or at least somewhat incoherent, and unable to think properly, or even walk without falling. This is a dangerous time for the submissive to be alone, as their ability to think or act rationally may be impaired. This will slowly dissipate over a short time, but when in this state, they must be taken care of, and protected, as they haven't the ability to do this for themselves When in this trance like state, talking caringly to Your submissive and asking very simple questions requiring basic yes and no answers, would be advised, as more intricate questions may not be understood to bring them out of subspace because this can be an area that the submissive may not want to come out of ! it is that "heavenly" for some, so focus their attentions on You, make sure they respond to Your commands WITHOUT giving “extra stimulus” !! but make those commands VERY simple, “squeeze My hand” “talk to Me” easy commands but requiring answers, however simple. The submissive can become almost like and when in this state, the submissive may giggle, laugh, speak things not clearly understood due to their inability to formulate sentences requiring of a more complex nature. It is indeed a state of bliss, one that cannot be adequately expressed with mere words, but is better understood by actually experiencing it.
Subspace can last for several hours, to several days in various levels, but in most cases, the submissive will be able to take care of themselves within 30 minutes to an hour. Be sure to offer them water, or a light snack, or both when they seem able to maneouver on their own right after a scene.
This is only a collation of information that I have received, and worked into, HOPEFULLY, a broader understanding of subspace recovery, it is NOT the “Be all and end all” nor is it a RULE, it is just one Man’s attempt to try to help those who wish to know.
UPDATE
Well, I have now got some "hands on" experience and I'd like to pass on what I have observed. PLEASE note that this is just based on observation of My lady and obviously, may NOT be applicable to Y/you and what Y/you have found.
My girl has gone into subspace a few times now, sometimes with Me giving her a good spanking and sometimes just because of multiple orgasms, but each time she has been "tough" to bring out of. At this time I have tried being gentle with her and sometimes stroked her to re-assure, but each time she's acted as though she's just had a mild electric shock ! she has been Hyper sensitive. So obviously, I've had to bring her out with just a re-assuring voice only. NO shouting, just tender re-assurance, also I've tried asking questions such as "What are you feeling"? "Tell Me what's going on" all of which I have stated before as not to ask and I found out why when NO answer was her "reply", and yet such "requests" ( please note NOT commands !! ) like "open your eyes", and "I'm here, you know that don't you?" were met with difficulty in opening her eyes, and just "mmm" as a general reply !! Just be patient and caring and DON'T leave them alone until YOU feel that Your submissive is now "with it"
Another thing I have found with My girl is afterwards, she has a tendency to cry for NO "apparent" reason. I have asked her later about subspace, and she commented about how seems to be in a "white space" and it's certainly a place where she doesn't want to come out of, she can't explain exactly why apart from it's just so fantastic, all she knows is that she wants to stay there. Why she cries, she couldn't explain, she just can't hold back the tears !
As I said at the start, this is just an observation of My girl ONLY !!
Hope this helps out even more, and I'd be pleased to hear about Your submissive's reactions.
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Progress
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Posted:May 10, 2007 4:37 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2013 7:13 pm
8099 Views
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Well at last things are looking up ! for those that may have been following My "journey" into the D/s lifestyle, there has been quite a delay between posts !! Things with Me went a little "Kah kah" and I lost a lot of friends because of it, sadly including a dear Domme, but I am back now and thankfully I have the good fortune to have "met" with a Master of 25 plus years of experience in the D/s lifestyle. He doesn't as much "teach" but directs My mind into thinking the answer for Myself. I have also the benefit of an "on-line" submissive, not a "pretend" or a wannabee, but a TRUE submissive, and I am getting a fabulous insight into the D/s lifestyle as well as providing for My submissives emotional needs.
I am discovering such a multitude of New feelings sexual AND emotional, Power and control, Pride and giving, something I NEVER had in My previous "vanilla" lifestyle, nor I feel, possible in that past life. It may be a cliched word to use in todays society but the feelings are truly AWESOME ! I am very fortunate that My girl "Helps" Me a lot, and that help one day soon, I know for her happiness, MUST stop. Time for Me to take control so that ALL of the needs that I can give her "On-line" are met. Being with My girl has taught Me so much that the books can't teach, it would be to confusing to put into words !! But providing that My Dominant self can claw it's way out of all the "Vanilla" that it has been buried by for all these years, I will be OK !!! I've had a "taste" of the feelings D/s can give Me, I'm hooked and what's worse ( Or better !! ) I'm addicted and want MORE !
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Dom/me / sub relationships , What works ?
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Posted:Nov 21, 2006 4:02 am
Last Updated:Feb 19, 2011 8:02 pm
8482 Views
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Be advised that this is just My opinion and is open for discussion.
Everybody knows, or should know, that a true Dominant is aware that they are "different" at a very early age. They are the type that will organise and allocate certain people to sides when playing games in the schoolyard etc etc, it is in their very nature to be Dominant, even at infancy.
So my discussion is this:-
Can an "ordinary" person become Dominant and be able to satisfy the needs of a sub effectively enough to have a wonderful, long lasting relationship ?
Now within this question, I am assuming that the "Dominant" has the full understanding of a D/s relationship and embraces the principles within.
I don't think that this is possible, I feel that the so called Dominant, will eventually cause "harm" to him/herself and/or the submissive. If they are a true sub, then I doubt that the relationship will last, even if it gets to the "meeting" stage, which I don't think would happen ! A true sub will "see" that the "Dom/me" is not naturally a Dom/me and probably move on to find a true Dom/me, and quickly !!
I believe the interactions between true Dom/mes & subs cannot be "learnt" it has to be within their very natures to be Dominant & submissive.
Now, if the reverse is true, ie a person wanting to go from "ordinary" to sub, I wonder whether these two will be able to co-habit to have a fulfilling "D/s" relationship....... of sorts ?
those that study, learn & want the lifestyle for the benefit of their wants & needs ? Is it possible, or would it be a complete disaster ?
I am certain in my own mind that the initial scenario would end up as a tragic disaster, but as to the second scenario, I am curious to view your opinions.
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NOT Dominants
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Posted:Nov 8, 2006 9:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2013 7:14 pm
8491 Views
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Another "Gem" that I "Pinched" from anothers Blog, But once again....... SO Correct.
NOT DOMINANTS
If someone submits to you because they fear you, then you are a bully not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you give him or her expensive presents then you are a not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you threaten to leave or abandon him or her if they refuse then you are a manipulator, not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you wont leave him or her alone if they don\'t then you are a predator not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you will beat him or her if they don\'t then you are an abuser not a Dominant.
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And with relation to Submissives:-
If He scares you into submitting, he is a bully, not a Dominant.
If He treatens to leave or abandon you if you don't submit, he is a manipulator, not a Dominant.
If He harasses you, doesn't leave you alone so you have to submit, then he is a predator, not a Dominant.
If you stay with Him because he'll beat you if you'll leave, he is an abuser, not a Dominant.
The Only reason I post these "Poached" Items from others Blogs is twofold.
First, It's because I believe in them, and secondly, Information such as this, In my opinion, needs to be "Spread" to as many that need it.
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The ONE !!!
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Posted:Nov 8, 2006 9:34 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2009 2:55 pm
8466 Views
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I Would dearly LOVE to take credit for writing this, However, I can't. I found this on another Blog, but found it SOOOO Truthful, that I Had to put it into my Blog
The One
There are so many types of Masters and Dominants.
On one end of the scale, there is the type that believes none of it is about the submissive ‒ it is all about Him.
She learns, modifies and serves, while he teaches, directs, corrects and trains.
And on the other end, there is the type of Master/Dominant that is:-
One that delves into who the submissive is.
One who probes, listens, and learns exactly:
what make her the way she is ‒ her past experiences as well as her present ones.
what makes her ‘tick’
what turns her on
what thoughts does she have ‒ about sex, submission, serving, men, women.
what drives her
what she feels
what hurts her and has hurt her
what does she love, need, desire, fear
what is important to her
All of it He learns, not to criticize or find fault with…
He learns for Their benefit.
He takes this knowledge and uses it, to positively effect their relationship
Actually modifies His own behavior accordingly(( To a point !! ))
To best utilize her hopes, dreams, fears, desires, needs, and loves in a way that
enhances their relationship,
empowers Himself,
and truly enslaves.
He can get in her head like no other
He can read her like no other
He can lead her like no other
He can touch her like no other
In all ways - mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, sensually, spiritually…
This type, can Dominate her mind, body, heart and spirit almost effortlessly.
And thus makes her submission, surrender, service effortless.
As with this knowledge,
He can become her MASTER ‒ in all ways.
He can become her Dominant ‒ in all ways.
He can enslave her - in all ways.
This type of Dominant/Master is simply.....
One who Knows.
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It's Getting Better ...............
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Posted:Oct 31, 2006 9:37 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2007 5:31 am
8363 Views
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...... NOT !!
Well, Not for me lol..... I see a picture I like (( Yes I'm THAT shallow !! )) lol
Then I read the Profile .... mmm interesting !
Then I see NO MEN !!! Or Looking for Women, Now I KNOW that bit's on the Top, and yeah, I should read it, But I don't 'till the end, yah never know ?? Either that or looking for a Couple, or a MMF ........ Just my Luck I guess !!! Where's all the Single gals that like "Good guys" (( Although Have a "Bad" side too !! lol ))
By the way, I'n not really that Shallow, I just like the "Attraction" to bring out the Animal !!
Well ........ At least the Pics are nice to view, so thanks for that ladies.
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Oh Well !!
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Posted:Oct 25, 2006 12:19 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2007 3:33 am
8498 Views
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Well months, and Hours of typing on this thing has really helped my sex life and my Love life ............. NOT !! lol
Well it looks as tho I'm not going to find "The Love of my Life!" or "My sexual Nympho" on here !! Now I KNOW I'm not an Ugly git, Nor is my personality that of a Schizophrenic, Mint sauce Phobic,Kinky wet tombola ticket FREAK !! I'm just a "Sensible" (( Well almost !! )) Fun loving guy, who has a "Few Kinks" He'd like to experience & Fulfill, Just like any other Gent. So why no replies or Meets ?? I Have come to the conclusion that all I'm going to use this site for "Perving" ......... HEY !!! I like to see the Ladies anatomy too !! I'm Still a straight guy after all !!!! At least I'm honest enough to admit it !!
But one GREAT thing about this site, I have met some GREAT people here in the UK as well as Many from Overseas (( Mainly U.S. )) Only "On-Line" meets, but nevertheless, some great great people, both guys AND Gals, and some of those provide me with great support if ever I feel low, Share in my fun, ahhh it's great.
I'll still send out the "Occasional" E-mail, But to be honest, I'm happy just having "On-Line" Friends, Obviously more would be good, But I'm just being realistic here !! lol
This is probably a repeat of something I said earlier, But hey...... so What ?? lolol
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FOOD !!!!
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Posted:Oct 11, 2006 9:51 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2009 2:58 pm
8525 Views
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Betcha thought this was gonna be all about food "Fetishes" ?? WRONG !!! lol
I'm a Single guy living on his own. Now when I have to cook I want something quick and delicious.
It's Ok with these "TV Dinners" but sometimes I like to Experiment.
I LOVE meat, rice and I suppose my friendliest cooking "Utensil" is my Wok. So I'm after some good Quick recipes that DONT Involve hot spices.
Here's an example of what I "Experimented" with tonite, and it was Delicious !!!
Chopped onions "Woked" until Just going light Brown in Stir fry & Toasted Sesame Oil
Added 3 cloves chopped Garlic
Added 1Lb (( 0.4 Kg )) Chopped Pork
Added the Juice of One Fresh Lemon
Once all had Browned & the Pork cooked "Rarely" I then added Creamy Mushroom Sauce & let the whole thing Simmer for about 20 - 30 mins, stirring occasionally.
I Did try some Par Boiled New potatoes, But they wern't cooked enough for them to be "Browned" unfortunately
This "Dish" was server On top of Savoury Mushroom Rice
Longest part of the Dish was the Preparation of the Onions & Garlic (( Fresh )) !! And of course the "Simmer" time.
So Something Quick, Tasty and "Wokable" !!! lol
Ideas ???
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Why Did you Join ?? And Why Do you stay ??
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Posted:Oct 11, 2006 8:15 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2007 3:26 pm
8530 Views
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Why Did you Join ??
Well I think the Initial question is a bit too easy to answer !! lol We all joined to try to find a Partner for "Various" reasons !! Well, I assume MOST did !!
Why Do you Stay tho ??
Well if it's because you cant stop getting dates ...... If you're a dude ....... LIAR !! lolol
I haven't had ONE meet yet !! (( Pauses for an "Ahhhhhh" ))
The reason I stay is for the "Webcam" shows that the Ladies put on for us all (( Yes I Know !! Pervert !! lol )) And for the Comaraderie that I have made with a LOT of people, male AND female !! I KNOW I've said this all before, but what I'd like to know is............
Where are all the UK girls ?? Surely SOME of you like the "Older guy" ?? Or is it cos I'm not rich ?? I Know to some ladies I aint too pretty !! But hey........ If Quasimodo can Land a babe like Esmerelda, there's STILL hope for me yet !!! lolol
There are quite a few "Young women for Older men"
But as yet ....... only seen ONE from the UK !!! Where ARE YOU ALL LADIES ??
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Reading Profiles
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Posted:Jun 20, 2006 3:52 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 10:55 pm
8582 Views
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Ok you get so many idiots on here (( Male wise !! )) That dont read Profiles, I've already said something about that in a previous topic.
I'm HOPING that those that read this may learn something, although I doubt it !! lol
What is PARAMOUNT, is that whatever you write or think, you MUST be HONEST !! if you lie, you WILL be found out, so be straight from the "off"
When I'm looking for a Potential "Mate", of course I look at the Pictures, Lovely ladies mmmm But I dont post them a message, I read, Now if you read "OK MEN I KNOW YOU READ LOTS OF WOMEN PROFILES THAT SAY NO MEN AND STILL THINK YOU WILL BE THE ONE TO TEMPT THEM. REALITY CHECK WHEN WE SAY NO MEN WE MEAN NO MEN> PLEASE DON'WASTE TIME - YOURS AND MINE. DO NOT CONTACT ME." Then move along to the next pic, It doesn't matter if you fancy this lady like crazy, NO form of post will get her to mail you, let alone date you !! It's a Question of reading the profiles but TAKE IN WHAT IS WRITTEN.
Ok, so I read the profile ..... Looks promising, I then read the "View other responses" If the "Sexual activities off limits" reads Master/Slave, and you're a Dom .... Move on to the Next Profile, there's NO POINT trying to convince her that this IS for her, she's already stated NO !! But if that's Ok, then move back to her "Preferences", Generally, as I'm a smoker, I move on if it says she's a Non-Smoker But i'm starting to send a message unless it definately states that the lady wants a Non-smoker that she's written in her profile.
Ok, I've checked the Profile, she smokes, she likes being dominated, sounds great, BUT, is she within a distance that you can comfortably travel ? I work on a distance of about an hour or Hour & a halfs drive, No-one likes a "Long distance" relationship !!
If all that's Ok, I'll send her a message. Now, just think of it as a first meeting in a Pub or club......... You wouldn't go up to a Lady in the Pub & say "Hey Babe, I'd love to cum between your tits" So Why in a message ?? With the profile she has Made, you have an "Edge" that you wouldn't get in a pub...... she's already said what she wants and probably what she likes, Use that, and include something that she has written, It'll show her that you've read & understood her profile, If she likes the same group as you, mention it ! Try to show her a bit of your personality, And better still .......... RESPECT !! Women are NOT "Hunks of meat" to be shagged at YOUR will !! Tell her a little of what you like, try & show a sense of humour, but MOST OF ALL, dont talk sex....... Maybe a little "Innuendo" but not blatant, dont forget, you're trying to get an initial contact...... Sex talk can come later.
If she's interested, she'll send you a mail, even if she's a standard member, so DONT include a Hotmail or Yahoo addy (( something which I'm guilty of doing !! )) it shows a certain expectancy that the Lady will message you, and there's nothing worse than telling a Lady to do something !! SHE WONT !!! But if she asks on her profile for it, then by all means do.
Last, but by no means least,........... NEVER send a "Cock shot" unless asked for, you may have the biggest dick, or Hottest body, But if your face isn't appealing to the Lady, you're dead in the water !!!
To Summarise, when Mailing for the First time........ Treat the Lady as If it's your meeting face to face, Use the information that she has given you, if she writes "Blogs" look at those too, it'll give you an insight into what her personality is like. Photo of face and maybe upper torso's good...... NOT COCK SHOT !!!
Try to show some sort of personality & Sense of humour. And MOSTLY, show the Lady respect, courtesy And most of all BE HONEST !!!
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Guys .............. Dumb, Dorks or just Desperate ??
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Posted:Jun 19, 2006 5:31 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2007 3:27 pm
8467 Views
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What the Hell are some of you guys on ?? You read a profile (( Well I HOPE you read them !! )) And it says that this gorgeous looking lady is seeking another lady, what do you do ?? Post a message saying you want to fill her full of cum ?? Look dude READ !!! That's like trying to convince a Vegatarian to eat Steak, trying to convince a Protestant to turn Catholic !! I mean, it aint rocket science!!!!
And what's worse is that she doesn't answer you, so you post again !! This time with a cock picture !!! ermmm ...... Hello ?? Again.... post ignored....... so you post YET AGAIN, and this time with a Different cock shot !!! And you're wondering "Oh why hasn't she mailed me back ?"
" Ahhh I Know, she's playing hard to get!!" so you send her YET another. Now this is all assuming that the lady hasn't put you on "Ignore".
At last !! A Response .... you read with cock flicking, only to find out that this mail says :-
Look man, stop bothering me, I want pussy, not a shrivelled up, excuse for a cock"
So what do you do ?......... HURL abuse at the lady for turning you down !!!!
Hell guys, why do you think Ladies dont respond with a thanks but no thanks mail, Because it's the TWATS amongst us that handle rejection as well as Sonny treated Cher.
GET A GRIP GUYS !!! you are NOT the be all and end all of the Male species, LEARN..... the Biggest turn on for a woman is our personality !!
NOT what you look like, Nor the size of your dick nor the 6 pack.
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