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 Welcome to Sexy TIMES!This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved. Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain! Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUESSexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq. Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore] The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism. |
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D'OH!
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Posted:Feb 23, 2013 11:12 am
Last Updated:May 4, 2016 9:55 am
16738 Views
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Not many people saw this episode of The Simpsons with Homer and Marge Simpson relaxing at home. Perhaps it was an outtake!
As a I started out watching Hector’s House and The Magic Roundabout, though my favourite cartoons were The Flintstones, Tom and Jerry, and Top Cat. Scooby-Doo, Thunderbirds and Wacky Races were also good then. I hated The Clangers and I could never understand the fuss over Bagpuss.
Now older, my favourites are South Park and The Simpsons. My students loved Teletubbies when it was on television – attendance at my classes dropped if it clashed with Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po and Tinky Winky in Tellytubbyland!
What were your favourite cartoons when you were a ?
And what cartoons do you like now?
Who should be declared the top cartoon character ever?
My vote is for TC of Top Cat – poor Officer Dibble!
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JFK AND CUBAN CIGARS
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Posted:Feb 22, 2013 9:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2013 10:58 am
17185 Views
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She is smoking a cigar. I’m not sure if it’s a Cuban cigar or not.
It is a myth that the best Cuban cigars are rolled on the thighs of virgin women. They are made in the many cigar factories scattered across Cuba and they are rolled by a rolling machine.
Below is an extract from an article, ‘Great Moments: Kennedy, Cuba and Cigars’, written by Pierre Salinger and published in the Autumn 1992 issue of Cigar Aficionado. Salinger was an aide to the US President, John F Kennedy.
“... I would have to wait until I was almost 35 years old before I started to work for a rising young American politician named John Kennedy, who liked to smoke Petit Upmann Cuban cigars. Working around him, I felt I had no choice but to upgrade my smoke of choice to a Cuban. I've smoked them ever since.
Shortly after I entered the White House in 1961, a series of dramatic events occurred. In April, 1961, the United States went through the disastrous error of the Bay of Pigs, where Cuban exiles with the help of the United States government tried to overthrow the government of Fidel Castro. Several months later, the President called me into his office in the early evening.
‘Pierre, I need some help,’ he said solemnly.
‘I'll be glad to do anything I can Mr. President,’ I replied.
‘I need a lot of cigars.’
‘How many, Mr. President?’
‘About 1,000 Petit Upmanns.’
I shuddered a bit, although I kept my reaction to myself. ‘And, when do you need them, Mr. President?’
‘Tomorrow morning.’
I walked out of the office wondering if I would succeed. But since I was now a solid Cuban cigar smoker, I knew a lot of stores, and I worked on the problem into the evening.
The next morning, I walked into my White House office at about 8 a.m., and the direct line from the President's office was already ringing. He asked me to come in immediately.
‘How did you do Pierre?’ he asked, as I walked through the door.
‘Very well,’ I answered. In fact, I'd gotten 1,200 cigars. Kennedy smiled, and opened up his desk. He took out a long paper which he immediately signed. It was the decree banning all Cuban products from the United States. Cuban cigars were now illegal in our country.”
President Kennedy waited until he got his Cuban cigars before signing the order to ban Cuban products being bought and sold in the US! This is not a myth.
Are you a cigar smoker?
If not, do you like the smell of cigar smoke?
My parents’ generation often pondered over the question, ‘where were you when Kennedy was assassinated?’. For my generation, it’s more where were you when Princess Diana died, when John Lennon was shot, or when Margaret Thatcher resigned as Prime Minister?.
Do you have any ‘where were you?’ moments?
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WHO IS LUCKY?
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Posted:Feb 21, 2013 12:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2015 2:56 am
16624 Views
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Who are the lucky ones – the women or the men?
Everyone is lucky but some are luckier than others here.
My first visit to a sex club involved a similar scene. Sex clubs often have themed evenings – couples only, couples and singles, fetish, fancy dress, greedy girls, etc. The theme when we went was couples and singles - singles invariably mean single men.
In the bar of the club, we sat together filled with excitement and fear. After a while, another couple came and sat with us to chat. We chatted and got on. In sex clubs, there’s a time in the evening when the talking stops and the playing starts. The other couple had been to the club before and knew other people. They suggested we all undress and go to the playroom to use the big jacuzzi. We followed their lead.
The other couple beckoned the men – at this moment, there was two of us, to sit on the side of the jacuzzi for the women to give us blowjobs. The other couple had invited single men in the playroom to join us. Very soon, single men started sitting between us on the side of the jacuzzi. At the start, I was second in line but within a few minutes I was about tenth in line. At the time, I thought the more the merrier and my turn would come, but it didn’t. I didn’t get a blowjob!
The unluckiest person is the fifth man last in line. Manners may maketh man, but manners don’t maketh a blowjob! He doesn’t stand a chance, but, if he did, then I was doubly unlucky!
Have your manners ever got in the way of what you wanted?
Are you lucky or unlucky in sex?
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RESTRAINED SEX
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Posted:Feb 20, 2013 11:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2013 10:57 am
16254 Views
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There's a lot in this photo - a woman, two men, cuffs, a gag, a blindfold, a collar and lead, a chain, and a leg-spreader to name but a few.
The lamp is on the floor; the man on the left is holding a camcorder; and she is suspended from something. There's also probably someone else in the room to take the photo. She is wearing an anklet. And the man on the left hasn't even got an erection, or maybe he is a spent force!
Do you think this is a real photo of a real event?
Do you like being restrained for sex or restraining someone for sex?
Are you a 'tied and teased' person or are you a 'tie-er and teaser' person?
I like tying and being tied, and I like teasing and being teased. Does that make me a dom/sub switch?
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SPUNK LAKES
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Posted:Feb 20, 2013 12:00 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2014 3:28 am
16720 Views
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Bloody internet! I went from finding this photo below to the exploring the historical meanings of the word, spunk. My life has been enriched!
Have you stopped at this rest area? If so, what did you do?
Would you stop at this rest area?
Have you ever stopped at a rest area or a motorway service station to have sex?
The Big Spunk Rest Area is a rest area by Big Spunk Lake near the town of Avon in Minnesota. The rest area is “clean and filled with supplies” with “Plenty of space to stretch your legs”. I would have to stop just to see what it was all about!
Nearby is the Middle Spunk Lake rest stop by Middle Spunk Lake, and the Upper Spunk Lake Country Park on the shore of the Upper Spunk Lake.
Have you been to Big Spunk Lake, Middle Spunk Lake and Upper Spunk Lake?
I have never visited Minnesota; all I know about the state is from the film, Fargo. But why are there spunk lakes in Minnesota?
The word, spunk, has been used in the English language since the sixteenth century. According to Anatoly Liberman, a leading etymologist, spunk “means ‘spark’ and ‘touchwood’. Touchwood is what becomes of wood when certain fungi convert it into a soft mass; once ignited, it can burn for hours like tinder”. He added that the meaning of spunk as courage, mettle, pluck, spirits “can be understood as a figurative extension of ‘tinder’” and the meaning of spunk as semen “is an obvious extension of ‘spirit, virility’”.
Liberman also suggested that punk and funk, both derived from ‘touchwood’, are etymologically linked to spunk. He does not speculate whether the phrases, touch wood and morning wood, are also linked.
From a rest area to a spunky, funky punk – blame the Minnesota spunk lakes!
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BANKERS ARE ...
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Posted:Feb 18, 2013 11:25 am
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2014 8:58 am
16206 Views
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What's the difference between a dead cat on the motorway and a dead banker on the motorway?
There are skid marks around the cat.
In an amusement arcade in Southwold, Suffolk, there is an amusement called 'Whack A Banker' - see above photo. The game’s instructions state:
"When the coins are inserted, the banking poster falls to reveal the fruit machine ‘gambling’ display. The bankers pop up out of the holes in the table and the game is simply to whack as many as possible in 30 seconds with the investment instrument (the mallet). There is an easy option, ‘low yield, safe investment’ and a much harder one, ‘high yield, high risk investment’. If you lose, the bankers put the experience behind them and return to business as usual, If you win, the bankers retire and thank you for funding their pensions."
The inventor of ‘Whack A Banker’, Tim Hunkin, said the amusement has proven to be very lucrative. "You pay 40p to hit as many bankers as you can in 30 seconds as their heads pop up", said the inventor. People use a mallet to hit as many bald and faceless pop-up bankers as they can in the time. Tim Hunkin observed, "It's proving very popular. I keep having to replace worn-out mallets."
Why don't sharks attack bankers?
Professional courtesy.
Poor bankers! Bankers seem more despised than politicians, journalists and estate agents all put together.
When someone says, banker, what is the first thought that comes into your head?
Are we scapegoating bankers?
Why do we trust bankers, and not politicians, to set interest rates?
A London banker dies in poverty and so his local pub decides to raise funds for his funeral. One day a man walks into the pub and is asked to donate 20p for the fund. "What's it for?" he asks, and the landlord tells him. So he reaches into his pocket, hands him a £5 note and says, "Here, go and bury 25 of them."
Do you know of any good banker jokes?
P.S. Also in Southwold pier’s arcade are amusements called ‘Pet Or Meat’, ‘Mobility Masterclass’ to train punters in using a zimmer frame, ‘Rent-A-Dog’ where punters walk a around Southwold, ‘Get Your Mother-In-Law Frisked’, and 'My-Nuke' where punters can load plutonium rods into a nuclear reactor, all designed and built by the eccentric inventor. Sounds like a great pier to visit!
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TURN ON, TUNE IN, DROP OUT
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Posted:Feb 16, 2013 10:28 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2014 8:38 am
16114 Views
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In 1967 Timothy Leary, of LSD notoriety, uttered the phrase, "turn on, tune in, drop out", to a gathering of 30,000 hippies in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco.
Having my balls licked is probably the single act of sex that most turns me on. It is heaven!
What turns you on most?
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HITLER'S TABLE MANNERS
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Posted:Feb 15, 2013 11:14 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2013 10:56 am
15815 Views
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Is this how Hitler tasted his food?
During the Second World War, Adolf Hitler had many military headquarters, known as Führer headquarters, scattered throughout Europe. Wolfsschanze, known as the Wolf’s Lair and based in Poland, was one of Hitler's Eastern Front military headquarters. He spent over 800 days at the Wolf’s Lair during the war.
At Wolf's Lair, Hitler employed 15 food tasters, all women, to sample his food before he ate it. They had to sample the food that Hitler was to be served one hour before he was due to eat it, sufficient time for food poisoning to take effect! The food tasters only sampled food; men of the SS sampled drink.
Margot Woelk is probably Hitler’s last surviving food taster. At the age of 95, she has finally recounted her experiences as Hitler’s food taster. She said the food, always vegetarian, was “quite delicious – the best vegetables and cut fruit”.
It is widely claimed that Hitler did not eat meat, did not drink alcohol and did not smoke. After the war, he wanted to promote vegetarianism to further Aryan purity. A 1930s Hitler Youth manual championed soya beans as an alternative to meat and described them as Nazi beans! Also, Nazi Germany was the first government in modern history to launch an anti-smoking campaign to promote public health.
Before the war, Hitler liked to eat stuffed pigeon, plus lots of cake with whipped cream. As a young man, Hitler was a heavy smoker, smoking up to 40 cigarettes a day. Also as a , he celebrated leaving school with no educational qualifications by getting very drunk.
Whatever Hitler ate, his guests had to eat the same meal and also had to watch Hitler eat his food. In a diary, one German soldier recorded: “Hitler eats rapidly, mechanically. He abstractedly runs his index finger back and forth under his nose, and his table manners are little short of shocking.”
How good are your table manners?
What did Eva Braun see in Hitler?
Are powerful men and women sexually attractive because of their power?
One biographer of Hitler, Richard Payne, claimed that the Hitler’s vegetarian asceticism was a fiction promoted by the Nazi propaganda minister, Joseph Goebbels, to create an image of Hitler’s self-control and total dedication to the Nazism.
Nazi propaganda was countered by Allied propaganda. The British started stories that Hitler only had one testicle. Hitler Has Only Got One Ball, sung to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March, was a very popular wartime song with British troops and civilians during the war. Hitler, in fact, had two balls.
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TITFUCKING
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Posted:Feb 14, 2013 12:15 pm
Last Updated:May 11, 2017 7:17 am
17860 Views
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Mammary intercourse is more widely called a titfuck, titty-fuck, tit wank, French fuck, tit job, boobie-fuck and, in Japan, a paizuri.
A man’s cock simulates sex by placing his cock in the woman’s cleavage and thrusting his cock between her breasts. It is safe, non-penetrative sex – the Catholic Church would at least approve, provided done within marriage!
If the man cums while titfucking, the woman may be wearing a pearl necklace; the drops of spunk on the woman can resemble a beaded necklace of translucent white pearls.
An episode of Sex and the City once featured a pearl necklace. In 1981, ZZ Top once released a much criticised single, Pearl Necklace. The song’s lyrics included the lines:
She was gettin' bombed,
And I was gettin' blown away,
And she held it in her hand
And this is what she had to say:
A pearl necklace.
She wanna pearl necklace.
She wanna pearl necklace.
She's so cold, as pure as the driven slush.
And that's not jewelry she's talkin' about,
It really don't cost that much.
I’ve never got the hang of titfucking. I always felt my partner was doing it just to please me, which it didn’t, and also it’s difficult to do. My cock kept coming out!
Has anyone tit-fucked?
If so, what needs to be done for titfucking to be fun?
Are ZZ Top's Pearl Necklaces lyrics objectionable?
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MITES UP, TITES DOWN!
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Posted:Feb 13, 2013 11:32 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2013 10:55 am
15731 Views
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All speleologists, plus most schoolchildren, will tell you that stalagmites go up, and stalactites do gown.
Above is a photo of a potholer. At last, we now know what potholers get up to in caves!
But is he photographed with a stalagmite or a stalactite?
It seems neither up nor down, maybe it was down before and up after the photograph was taken!
Perhaps he is the first caver to have found a stalagtite (or stalacmite), or perhaps the cave has released his bisexual urges.
And what do you call a stalactite that is joined with a stalagmite?
Have you ever been potholing?
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COCKS AT DAWN
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Posted:Feb 12, 2013 11:12 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2014 10:48 am
15653 Views
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In early 19th century Britain, the Foreign Secretary, George Canning, was in dispute with the Secretary of State for War and the Colonies, Lord Castlereagh, over the deployment of British troops. Canning wanted British troops deployed in Portugal, but Castlereagh wanted troops sent to The Netherlands.
The dispute was eventually, and incredibly, resolved by a duel between the two government ministers, which was fought on 21 September 1809 on Putney Heath in London. George Canning, who had never before fired a pistol, missed badly. Lord Castlereagh, an experienced shot, wounded his opponent in the thigh.
Have you ever had a fight as an adult?
Have you ever had a fight with someone over someone else?
Have two people ever had a fight over you?
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5
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BANANAS AND CONDOMS
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Posted:Feb 11, 2013 11:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2013 10:54 am
15953 Views
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How good are you at putting on a condom?
Have you practiced with a banana, cucumber or something else phallic-shaped?
Planned Parenthood is one of the world’s largest non-profit reproductive health care organisations. Below is its step-by-step guide on how to use a condom:
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Steps for Correct Condom Use:
If both you and your partner know how to put on and use a condom, the condoms will be more effective and you’ll feel more at ease. Follow these directions to make sure you’re protected and prevent having a condom break or slip.
• Talk with your partner and decide to have sex.
• Discuss protection methods with your partner. Many people find it easier to talk about protection before engaging in sexual activity to reduce pressure or embarrassment in the moment.
• Check the expiration date on the condom. If it’s past the date, get a new condom.
• Check the package of the condom for holes, tears, or any sign of damage. To do this, you can fold the package in half – before opening! You should be able to see and feel the pocket of air protecting the condom in its wrapper. If you can’t, get a new condom.
• Carefully open the condom wrapper (with your fingers, not your teeth!) and remove the condom.
• Make sure the penis is erect.
• Place the condom on the head of the penis.
• Hold the tip of the condom to squeeze out any air and leave space to collect semen.
• Roll the condom down to the base so the entire penis is covered.
• Use water-based lubricant to prevent breakage.
• Have vaginal, oral, or anal sex.
• Keep the condom on the penis until you are finished having sex, whether ejaculation occurs or not.
• Hold onto the rim of the condom at the base of the penis and withdraw the penis.
• Carefully take the condom off the penis.
• Throw the condom in the garbage, NOT the toilet, the bushes, under the bed…
• Use a new condom if you want to have sex again
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For “visual learners”, Planned Parenthood has a video guide on how to use a condom. The guide is so detailed that, by the time a someone has reached step 6, the urge to have sex will have long since expired!
Have you ever practiced using a condom before using one for real?
Do you always carry condoms with you?
What are your favourite condoms to use?
Have you ever inflated a condom and put one over your head?
Have you ever used a female condom?
I’m not very good at putting on a condom and always have a few on standby just in case things go wrong. My favourite condoms are ribbed ones; I’m not sure they give any extra enjoyment but I pretend to myself they do! I don’t get the point of flavoured condoms, but then again I’m not tasting my cock.
I have never come across a female condom though I have seen one in a photo. One of my ex-girlfriends had an allergy to latex, so to her condoms were like Count Dracula seeing a cross. Nearly all condoms are made of latex.
While at boarding school, I played with condoms many times – blowing them up until they exploded, filling them up with water until they burst, and wearing them on my head. In one dormitory, we used to have wanking contests – the winner was the first one to cum in a condom; one boy as nominated to be the cum inspector! At school there was very little for adolescent and pubescent boys to do!
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COMING OUT
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Posted:Feb 10, 2013 1:42 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2016 8:54 am
16091 Views
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Stonewall, a leading charity for lesbian, gay and bisexual rights, recently found that 81% of people in Britain would be comfortable if their grew up to be lesbian, gay or bisexual. The charity has just published a guide, So You Think Your Is Gay?, offering advice for parents on how to support their if they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. Stonewall is now handing out copies of its guide to local authorities, doctors, libraries and schools across Britain.
Would you be happy for schools to use Stonewall’s guide to educate ?
Coming out is a phrase describing lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people's disclosure of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. In 1869, the German homosexual rights activist, Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, pioneered the idea of coming out and advocated self-disclosure to homosexual men as a way of achieving emancipation.
Coming out is probably shorthand for coming out of the closet. In the closet means being aware of but not wanting to reveal one’s sexuality or gender identity to the wider world. Coming out also possibly equates to the early twentieth century practice of coming-out debutante parties that were then popular in so-called high society.
Whether someone should come out or not is entirely their choice. Heterosexuals will never be able to experience the pressures to come out or not to come out. I cannot imagine when I was much younger having the need to come out about my heterosexuality to my parents or friends; it was just assumed (and probably hoped for)! There does, however, seem to be much pressure on non-heterosexual public figures to come out (or be outed by the media).
Why do many people assume heterosexuality?
As public figures, should lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender politicians come out?
Or, regardless of who you are and what you do, are sexuality and gender identity private matters and not for public consumption?
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To link to this blog (spunkycumfun) use [blog spunkycumfun] in your messages.
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