Have hairbrush, will travel.
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Posted:Jan 24, 2020 3:24 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2020 4:58 pm
9774 Views
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I saw The Hairbrusher at work today....
The Hairbrusher being a guy that I briefly dated who LOVED to brush my hair.
And, I do mean love....
I hid down an isle until he was out of sight as the last thing I wanted to do was come face to face with this asshole.
This asshole with a short, awkwardly curved dick who suffered from erectile dysfunction yet managed to get a fucking hard on whenever he brushed my hair....
Only to lose it the moment he put the brush down.
The sad thing is, I was willing to overlook all this because I had known this guy since elementary school and he tried so hard to win me over and actually go out on a date with him.
This asshole that ultimately felt I wasn't religious enough for him and his bible study group felt I was a bad influence.
Bad influence???
Um.... Yah.
I wonder if his bible study group knew how he would expose his crooked dick so he could drape my hair across it.
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28
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And the fuzzy stole the show....
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Posted:Jan 23, 2020 3:40 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2020 5:01 pm
7918 Views
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So.... Yah. It was a weird fucking day.
It started with Nose Hairs and the giant black thing in his teeth.
Giant!
I couldn't pull my eyes away from it in the 9 o'clock meeting. Was it pepper?? What the hell was it???
When the meeting was over, he walked over to me, like usual, and before he could start talking I told him he had something black in his teeth.
Like a miner digging for gold, he went to work trying to pick that thing out of there. When he'd finally manager to secure the offender and had it on the tip of his finger I asked him what it was.
"Ew, what is that?? Pepper?"
"No, it's a fuzzy...."
A fuzzy?? What the hell....
"I don't even WANT to know how that happened..." I couldn't stop myself from bursting into laughter. How does one get fabric in their teeth?!?
"Get your mind out of the gutter. You can raise it up from down there."
Is he eluding to the idea that I was thinking he got it from oral sex????
More laughter from me.
"Oh good lord... I was NOT thinking that."
"All I can hear is you laughing and giggling...." He was embarrassed. I laughed even harder.
I think we can safely say, it was Nose Hairs who had his mind in the gutter.
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12
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20 going on 12
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Posted:Jan 22, 2020 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2020 5:21 pm
8254 Views
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The big computer switch out was today….
It came complete with a 12 year old technician and a whole host of glitches and anomalies.
Totally fantastic!!
Thankfully I’m that super sweet, super funny office lady with the infections laugh.
My desk was a mass of tangled cords and wires when the 12 year old was done. I was staring at it in disgust, side glancing in anger, wrinkling my nose in disbelief when Deputy Don noticed my frustration.
“What’s up?”
“Look at my desk….. Ugh!!”
“Um, yep. That’s unsightly.”
He immediately went to work organizing, hiding, and zip tying the hot mess. He then went on to download my print drivers, citrix, and set up my home buttons and links.
Thank God for amazing coworkers....
My work BFF was also in today for a department meeting, I don't get to cross paths with him as much anymore in his new role.
I do miss him.
He pulled me aside after the afternoon meeting to ask me if I was ok. He noticed in the meeting that I just didn't look myself, and I haven't looked myself the past few times we'd worked together.
I smiled and told him I was fine, I just had a lot of stuff on my mind these days.
We ended up talking for about 45 minutes....
45 minutes of free therapy. There are very few people who I can talk to about life stuff who will actually take the time to listen and do it judgement free without telling everybody and their brother all my secrets.
He is one of them.
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8
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And the image will forever be burned into my corneas...
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Posted:Jan 21, 2020 4:10 pm
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2020 11:14 pm
8076 Views
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An old man with obvious memory issues showed me his penis today at the gas station.
I wanted to die.
It was very apparent that he didn't know what he was doing, or what was going on....
I think he was actually trying to take a pee.
I just stood there... Shocked.... Trying desperately to find whoever it was that was at the gas station with him.
So much gray... So much shriveled skin....
I motioned for the gas station employee to help me, I'm certain it was written all over my face that it was an emergency. Thankfully he knew the old man and quickly led him to the restroom, alerting an older woman on the way there.
Of all the emotions I could be feeling right now, I feel sad for the old man.
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17
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Allow me to remember where I am, before I open my eyes.
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Posted:Jan 19, 2020 3:49 pm
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2020 5:54 pm
9441 Views
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I fell asleep this lazy afternoon with music quietly playing in the background of m.y room.
I had been laying in bed, reading, and closed m.y eyes for a moment....
The Eagles were playing when I hazily began t.o wake. The music had m.e fooled , in m.y half asleep state....
I thought I was napping with the Hippie, something we would do on a lazy day off as I would often stay up late with him when I visited, watching the sunset on Lake Michigan, making fun of movies well into the night while slowly getting drunk.
There was always music quietly playing while we slept.
When I didn't feel him pressed up against me, his arm resting on side, I felt behind m.e....
And then I remembered.
I opened m.y eyes while Stevie Nicks sang Leather and Lace.... And briefly missed the Hippie for just a moment.
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12
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Just leaving a comment to get points.....
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Posted:Jan 19, 2020 5:07 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 3:55 am
11398 Views
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Look, I get it.
You're pissed off! Everything on here is changing and you don't want to have to for what you think will be an effortless hookup.
But, here's the thing....
A lot of people on here use their blog as a social outlet, a way to meet new friends, and in a lot of cases, as an emotional outlet to express the secrets they can't reveal in 'real life'.
While I know that we are all guaranteed the right to freedom of speech, how about we not flash that "I'm an uncaring Douche Bag" badge by stating 'I'm only here to get ' and maybe, just maybe, actually read a little of the post and state something worthwhile.
Death in the family? I'd much prefer 'wow, that sucks' to a 3 sentence diatribe on why Affairlook is fucked and the system blows. Whatever you are trying to make is lost by doing this. You are not bitching to the right people.
One last thing for all you earners there.... There is a limit to how many you can earn. What will be your back up plan when you have met that limit?
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54
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Death of a Friend
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Posted:Jan 15, 2020 11:02 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2020 4:11 pm
8888 Views
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A long time family friend passed away yesterday....
Death being an anxiety trigger for me, I've been having some rough moments. My middle is absolutely torn up about his passing, for the past 5 summers he had been helping him with his garden and at the farmer's market each week as a summer job.
His loss is already felt.
He had been living with lung cancer for the last several years, so his dying was not unexpected. It doesn't really matter, though, whether you know its coming or not.... Because you still feel that loss.
A small part of you now feels, empty.
I had stopped to pick my up after work yesterday and my ex-husband was gone, the family had called him up to say his last goodbye.
So amazingly touching....
The friend had passed, and was on the stretcher to be bagged up and taken away, and the family had requested they wait for my ex-husband to be there, be present, and say his goodbyes.
It was my ex-husband who apparently had zipped him up and help place him in the hearse.
The finality of it all is overwhelming for me, at the moment.
Mr. B is no more....
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9
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The Over Thinker
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Posted:Jan 14, 2020 10:58 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2020 3:43 pm
7741 Views
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I am...
The Classic Over Thinker
You can rest assured that, no matter the situation, I've mulled it over, thought about every possible outcome, and already jumped to the worst possible conclusion in my mind.
Yah, fun stuff.
Soooo....
What do you do when someone reaches out to you for help with their own over thinking?
Work BFF messaged me earlier because he was falling victim to his own thoughts, over thinking his recent first date and jumping to all the wrong, bad conclusions.
I silently empathized with him, I have thought all those same thoughts many times over. I knew exactly what he was feeling.
I tried not to sound like a complete loser, but I told him I was not the best person for advice in such matters as I ALSO am my own worst enemy. He thought it was funny and we chatted a bit about the irony of it all...
But the fact is, even as I sit here writing this post, my mind is a million miles away, mulling over my days events, focusing on my insecurities.
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9
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Suck it up, Buttercup!
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Posted:Jan 10, 2020 3:39 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2020 4:03 pm
8745 Views
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You pushed the crazy button....
After getting absolutely no sleep last night, I wasn't in the best of moods today at work.
Top that off with 4 hours of new hire orientation in a room the size of a thimble with the heat set on blazing inferno....
I was a ticking time bomb when Boss #1 popped his head into my office to lecture me about leaving the conference room door open.
Not only did he shush me, he stepped back a full step when I unleashed my wrath on him.
Needless to say, he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure he was afraid.
Prick.... That's what you get for pushing the crazy button.
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20
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It's 1:08 am...
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Posted:Jan 9, 2020 10:35 pm
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2020 8:37 am
8169 Views
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Why WOULDN'T my loud assed downstairs neighbors be very loudly gaming while I try to sleep???
Fucking pricks....
I scheduled an appointment to talk to the apartment manager tonight, though. The appointment itself was to talk about a few repairs that need to be made in my apartment, but I did take the opportunity to discuss the loud gaming, the stench of cigarette smoke that now permanently resides, my concerns that the maintenance guy was in my apartment replacing the smoke detector by himself with my while I was at work, and a few other random things....
All in all I feel the conversation went well. I'm scheduled to get new carpet this year, they will finally be replacing my kitchen faucet and fixing my bathroom faucet, and it looks like I may be getting an air purifier out of the deal. I filled out the forms and they will be sending them over to my 's pediatrician to be signed off on.... The fact that she has asthma and is allergic to cigarette smoke apparently works in our favor.
I would rather she was healthy, and my biggest worry was just the obnoxious smell and headaches involved with the second hand smoke..... But, it is what it is.
I also used the meeting as an opportunity to talk about the loud gaming. Hopefully my nights like these will come to an end soon. I already have a hard enough time trying to remain asleep at night, but it doesn't help to be startled awake by the douche bag's gaming.
Interesting piece of information learned tonight about said neighbors: I found out the guy I thought was an adult is IN FACT the husband to Butt Ugly. Even the apartment manager was gossiping about the 20 year age difference between the 2 of them.
Scandalous....
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8
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The New Bra Experiment
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Posted:Jan 8, 2020 3:47 pm
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2020 9:53 pm
9957 Views
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Last week, I complained that nobody could quite pin-point what was different about after I got hair cut. As someone notices everything, I found it baffling.
of blog comments piqued a little interest in me.....
The comment was from mc_justmc, and he basically said if a guy isn't looking you in the eyes when you're talking, he's not going notice your hair. Change your bra and he'll notice it.
So, today was THE day!
I finally got box of goodies that I'd ordered from Victoria Secret a few weeks ago.... And I was totally excited.
The Experiment was on!!
I got up and got ready this morning, wearing the exact outfit I wore last week, styling hair the exact way.
The difference??
You guessed it, bra.
So, there I was, hidden beneath a black button up shirt and black slacks, wearing a lightly lined, cleavage enhancing demi-bra that put tits there.
I almost changed mind....
I save this kind of stuff for date nights!
'
In the spirit of science, I forged on with the experiment.
It happened almost immediately, the moment I took coat off this morning. I was standing in office door talking a coworker immediately said, "You good today! Are you trying a hair style?"
Nope...
I couldn't help but chuckle.
The funny thing is, I ended up getting quite a few compliments today. Most of the complimenters were unable to pin point what was different about me, once again.
I refrained from telling them it was because tits were pushed up and pushed , nearly unable fit in shirt anymore.
Instead I told them, I got a hair cut last week.
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22
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How was my day?
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Posted:Jan 7, 2020 4:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2020 4:02 pm
8957 Views
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It was Boss #1's birthday today....
And, while he says he doesn't want everyone to make a big deal about it... What he actually means is, make it a big deal!!!
So, we ended up getting him a cake and presented it in the afternoon meeting. The cake decorator did a fantastic job, she was able to incorporate a motorcycle, a beach scene, and oreos all in one cake!
All his fave's.....
Although, I have to say, I did find the sight of him licking frosting off the tires of the toy motorcycle from his cake a little unsettling.
How many people touched that motorcycle before it found itself atop his cake?!?
And, should a grown man really be licking toys in public?!?
Food for though....
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13
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Run, Fight, Hide...
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Posted:Jan 6, 2020 3:20 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2020 3:49 pm
8570 Views
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I do the required training every year work...
And every year I think to myself, of COURSE I know what I would do if I find myself in a situation that would require to think fast and take action.
Wrong.... So VERY wrong...
I was standing in the kitchen last night, my mind a million miles away. The water was running in the sink as I was about to do dishes and the microwave was on, popping one of those single serve bags of microwave popcorn.
Through the corner of my eye I could see movement by the front door. Looking over, I see my and walking through the door saying "" to .
Catching completely off guard and scaring the SHIT of , I stood frozen in the kitchen and screamed the top of my lungs, hands flailing wildly in the air.
Had this been a scary movie, I would have been the irritating, screaming character who gets killed at the very beginning of the movie while everyone yells "RUN!" from the audience.
"I told you to mom!" my yelled my .
"I didn't think she would be crazy." She replied back.
"I don't have any pants on!" I yelled back both of them. "You're going to have to wait in the hall for a minute.
Cause, I literally didn't have any pants on. I'd taken a shower about 45 minutes before they got there and managed to only put on a t shirt and underwear before getting sidetracked while putting lotion on my legs when I noticed the glass sitting on the stand next to my bed.
It was an eye opening experience.
I learned in that brief moment that I am completely useless in any situation that would require me to think quick and act fast.
Intruder breaking into my apartment??
Random shooter appearing out of nowhere at work??
Hostage situation at a bank robbery??
Never fear... For I will be frozen in fear, brain void of all conscious thought, possibly not wearing pants.
Lord help us all.
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13
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