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Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
Welcome to my blog!
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Peer Pressure
Posted:Aug 25, 2020 2:59 pm
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2020 4:34 pm
11594 Views

How many of us fall prey to peer pressure every day?

Without even realizing it??

I know I do, all the time. The residue of the date I ate in yesterday's leadership meeting is PROOF of it!!

Did I want to eat it? Nope... I wrinkled my nose up at it. I scoffed in disdain at the mere thought of eating the ugly thing.

Did I eat it? Yep.... The minute Nose Hairs said "come on! Even [Nikki J] ate one. Heck, she ate two." I knew I was in, I was trying the fucking date.

The real question is, how many times a day do I actually succumb to such pressures?

The answer? Way more than I thought!

So, somewhere between agreeing to attend a get-together I really didn't want to go to and telling Nose Hairs I was going research the Bolshevik Revolution, I realized, I do a whole hell of a lot of stuff I don't really want to do simply because 'So and So is doing it. You should do it too! It'll be fun!'

Fun for who??

Certainly not me, egads! I ate a fucking date and THAT wasn't fun! Drano wouldn't have removed the date residue from my teeth. Now, here I sit, typing up a blog post on my laptop while peering through information about a revolution on my tablet.

Peer pressure at it's finest....
22 Comments
It's a date!
Posted:Aug 24, 2020 3:49 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2020 2:32 pm
11893 Views

As in, dried fruit..... Unfortunately.

Nose Hairs brought a container of dates to the afternoon leadership meeting for everyone to try.

Not my favorite food in the world!

Between the weird texture and the thick, pasty residue it left on my teeth, It kind of turned my stomach a little. I can say, with great certainty, I won't be munching on these bad boys any time soon.

Good God!

The whole experience was pretty fitting for my Monday though.... Not quite terrible but I definitely don't want to experience that twice.

Happy Monday, thank God it's nearly over.
22 Comments
Oh... You were looking for me, were you.....
Posted:Aug 21, 2020 3:41 am
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2020 4:37 pm
11418 Views

Next time, check the back parking lot.

Look for the buzzards.....

They'll likely be circling a BBQ grill and my dehydrated corpse, in the blazing hot sun.

The day had come that I was actually grill master during our workplace cook out yesterday.

I was psyched!

Beautiful day.... Paid to stand outside and cook for a few hours.... What could be better?

Anything could have been better!

The grill had been set up, this time, in a spot that was full sun and all parking lot. Heat lines were waving up and I could hear cicadas buzzing in the background. The only thing missing was a tumbleweed rolling in the distance.

It was a breezy day, but not where I was!

I was in that special spot of Hell where the most evil of creatures reside...

The cookout was a success and everyone enjoyed their brats and dogs, but I looked a little worse for wear the remainder of the day.

I can't be pissed at the person who set up the grill, though....

They fully believed they were doing me a favor, they set it up in a spot that was close to the door so I wouldn't have to walk so far with the food.

Yay me....

Poof!

(That was me disappearing in a flaming poof of smoke out by the grill.)
11 Comments
The Bee House is taking on residents....
Posted:Aug 19, 2020 5:25 pm
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2020 4:41 pm
11780 Views
When I hung it earlier this summer, I had my doubts whether or not it would attract any bees.

On my balcony, in the midst of all the action, a weird little box full of tubes....

But, it has been discovered!



Unfortunately, the bees have been using my flowers pack those little tubes they've been depositing their larva in.

Sigh....



I was having such a good flower year, too! They've been looking amazing all summer long. This planter, and my miniature rose plant have been hit hard.

I'm kind of excited to see how many bees end up taking residence.
24 Comments
C is for Cricket....
Posted:Aug 18, 2020 9:58 pm
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2020 3:58 am
11251 Views

That is now housed beneath a measuring cup on my bathroom floor.

Yikes!

The Spawn woke me up a few minutes ago by sending me a series of texts documenting her journey into picking a blackhead.... Complete with pictures.

In my half asleep state, my first thought was, what in the heck am I looking at??? Who would do this to me....

Of course it was the Spawn!

She's a little like Newman, only, I housed her in my body for nine months and now I'm forced to keep her alive.

"Why are you still up babe, it's after midnight? And, what the heck? Did that really come out of your body??"

"Impressive, isn't it. Came out of my ear."

She had that super smug, super proud of herself look on her face.

What does this have to do with a cricket, you say?

I headed into the bathroom to get some peroxide and a q-tip to clean her ear when...

Out of nowhere!

A cricket jumped out at me, fangs bared, nearly landing on my foot. I screamed out in surprise.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! Quick! Get me something!!"

There was a measuring cup on the counter in the kitchen, so I grabbed it and stuck it over the cricket, where it is now currently residing.

Good God....

At some point I'm going to have to think about getting that thing relocated back outside. For now, I'm going to hide in my bedroom, and pretend it isn't there.

It's been a disturbing twenty minutes, I may never sleep again.

Wish me luck!
19 Comments
The Unsolicited Compliment
Posted:Aug 17, 2020 4:19 pm
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2020 3:57 am
12221 Views
Like a deer in the headlights....

I remain frozen in spot, staring awkwardly at the giver of the compliment, unable to comprehend what comes next.

Do I thank him?

Do I act non-nonchalant and shrug it off as if my life is an unending string of complements?

Do I shrink back and stare making an already uncomfortable situation THAT much more uncomfortable?

I think we all know what I ended up doing.



I was out on the sales floor talking with a coworker when a customer approached to tell me I had an enchanting laugh that made him smile.

He could hear it from a few isles over.

Naturally, I turned 5 shades of red and thanked him in Pirate talk.

Matey!!

Yah, makes no sense to me either, but he got a good laugh out of it. Lord help us all.....
19 Comments
Honesty is a must.
Posted:Aug 16, 2020 6:19 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2020 3:42 pm
12588 Views

I've seen this before in messages and profiles....

Anonymous screen names with limited profile information that preach the necessity of honesty and discretion.

Hmmm.... Honesty, you say. So, let's be honest.

I honestly think, when I see this in a profile, the owner of this profile will never have the balls actually meet anyone from the site. The owner of this profile is in fact married, but my guess is, he hasn't been honest with his wife and she has no idea he's out there, secretly hoping find enough courage meet a woman online for the sole purpose of fucking her.

I could be wrong.... but, I honestly don't think so

I was a little surprised when I checked my messages today and found one from a female screen name that was unfamiliar to me.

Women don't normally message me..... Unless it's about my blog.

Thinking it was probably a comment about one of my blog posts, I opened it up and read through it.

It was supposedly from a guy who was using his friend's "account" to find a friend. He had gone into detail about how he was looking for someone honest and it was a must for any future relationship.

Really....

The guy using someone else's profile to send messages has an honesty ultimatum.

Uh, yah. Good luck with that!

Happy Sunday.
23 Comments
And.... Another installment of the Friday Shit Show.
Posted:Aug 15, 2020 4:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2020 5:32 pm
11538 Views

Because my company is amazing like that....

They've decided transition our time keeping system something NEW and HIP and allow our employees several methods be able punch in for the day!!

It has been FRESH and SEAMLESS in the transition, especially since they gave us NO TRAINING WHATSOEVER!

We * Are * LIVING * the * DREAM!!

[Insert my crazy, frustrated scream here.]

My day started with about five people frantically looking for because their phone apps would not work and allow them punch in. "I'm going be late!! I don't want get in trouble!!"

"It'll be ok. We just transitioned, your leaders know that this is something new that everyone is learning and we are working on getting everyone into a new clock in routine."

Between utilizing computers, moving to different locations in the store, and assisting them with downloading the apps to their phones, I managed to get them punched in.

Now, my company is purely spectacular in it's uncanny ability make any rough situation into 36 Grit Sandpaper and and abrade the shit out of the people who work for them until they forget the original issue every existed.

As if murder hornets and change shortages weren't enough....

Challenging transition into the new time keeping system??

Easy, peasy.... It becomes a thing of the past once you 'accidentally' remove all the security roles from a whole section of the staff.

Suddenly, nobody is thinking about whether or not they can punch in from lunch our out for the day....

It's an all hands on deck situation because nobody can run a cash register anymore!! Biometric fingerprints aren't allowing access overrides!! And the customers are getting....

Dare I say it....

Angry!

Who do you suppose is the SOLE employee who has the ability to modify their security roles???

You guessed it.

It is me.

I am the fall to, wears every hat, fixer of all problems where I work....

Wonder why I have so much stress in my life?

TGIF!
19 Comments
Goulash.... It's what's for dinner!
Posted:Aug 13, 2020 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2020 9:41 pm
13688 Views

I was trolling through faceplace while the Spawn and I were at the lake tonight....

When I came across a post that had a picture of goulash with the caption, "You ain't never been poor if you haven't had this for dinner."

And I was like... Oooh! That sounds good! Goulash for dinner!

I guess that makes me poor.....

Cause, I'm making goulash right now and... It's what's for dinner!
35 Comments   (Page:)
Who messed with the TOASTER!
Posted:Aug 12, 2020 3:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2020 3:43 am
12047 Views

Because I'm usually doing about five things at one time...

I popped some bread in the toaster and headed out to the balcony to check my flowers.

"Mom, I smell smoke."

"I'm not even cooking anything! We're having tuna fish sandwiches for dinner."

"Oh. I still smell smoke."

Assuming the Spawn was just being difficult, I waited until I heard the toast pop up and headed back in.

"What the hell??"

Plumes of smoke were coming from the charred, black squares that were sticking out of the toaster.

"Who MESSED with the toaster??"

The real question is, why is this even a setting on the toaster? What brain decided scorched and nearly on fire was desirable?

Is this one of those.... It'll put some hair on your chest moments?

The Spawn was laughing as I chucked the charred little husks into the trash and a poof of smoke wafted out at us.

"Wasn't me..."

"Mmmm... Hmmmm.... It's *never* you."

I laughed and put two more pieces of bread into the toaster.

And forgot to change the setting......

Happy Wednesday!
19 Comments
And out of nowhere....
Posted:Aug 11, 2020 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2020 1:15 am
11416 Views

Bam! Apartment Complex Studmuffin!

Scared the shit out of me....

I was reaching for the exterior door to the apartment building when it flew open before me revealing the Apartment Complex Studmuffin.

"Oh My God!" I stepped back from the door, startled. I was actually running a little late for work and my mind was in a million places at once.

"Oh, sorry... Didn't see you coming." He stood in the doorway, staring at me.

Is there EVER a time when this guy ISN'T in the parking lot??

I waited for him to either step through the door, or step aside to let me pass...

Didn't happen.

So I found myself barging through, getting an up close and personal look at this guy.

He's a lot older than I thought he was.

That explains the 80's gold chain and weird need to be hanging out in the fricking parking lot 24/7. He was an 80's spending his Saturday nights driving the strip and hanging out in a 7-11 parking lot somewhere trying to pick up chicks.

Glory days...
14 Comments
When your phone doesn't recognize you...
Posted:Aug 10, 2020 5:08 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2020 3:34 pm
11448 Views

After about a hundred drops to the cement floor of my office, my phone had finally bid a final farewell last week.

I was in need of a new one.

Considering the fact that I have a phone at the bottom of Ocqueoc Falls, butter fingers in a cement floor office, and have left previous phones in snow banks, wood piles, and other peoples cars.....

Expensive phones are NOT for me.

So it surprised me when my new $99 special came with facial recognition.

Really??

The phone was on super-sale and I got it super cheap so I never expected such fanciness out of a simple piece of technology.

Or should I say.... Curse!

I was in my office trying to unlock the stupid thing to see who was texting me when I ended up locking myself OUT of my phone.

Yep, that's right!

The phone did not recognize my masked image and decided I was doing nefarious activity and locked me out.

Fantastic.

It can recognize me with and without my glasses... With my hair up or down.... With my eyes shut and sticking out my tongue....

But it doesn't recognize me with a mask.

Note to self: It was embarrassing when customer support recommended I remove my mask before future phone use while they were unlocking my phone. Don't let this happen again!!
17 Comments
Not the sunny beach weekend I had planned....
Posted:Aug 10, 2020 1:56 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2020 4:51 am
11263 Views
But, we made the best of it regardless.

After hearing it was going to be a beautiful weekend all week long...

It turned out to be rainy and cold on Saturday. Those weather forecasters couldn't have been more wrong if they'd tried.

Damn them!

The Spawn and I ended up trekking out anyway, hoping for the best. I really do live within driving distance of some of the most beautiful sights, I feel fortunate that even on a not so beautiful day, I can take these beautiful pictures.



My goal is to start exploring more, though... When we are not all clutched so tightly in the grasp of a pandemic. If there is one thing that has come of all this COVID-19 stuff, it's this...

There is a lot to my state that I've never seen or experienced because I've been afraid to drive in traffic or wander too far by myself.

It's time for me to start wandering.

27 Comments   (Page:)

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