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Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
Welcome to my blog!
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Ever wonder what your coworkers REALLY think of you?
Posted:Oct 8, 2020 1:29 am
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2020 3:30 am
12717 Views

Leave your office door open, stand out of eyesight around the corner, and wait for them to engage in conversation.

Never fails!

Working in retail means.... Never working the same schedule as the person you are trying to touch base with.

Guaranteed!

Which means, the utilization of mailboxes becomes essential.

Got something they need to sign?? Leave it in their mailbox!

Received a package destined for the guy on third shift?? Leave it in their mailbox!

Find random shit on your desk that belongs to someone else?? They probably FORGOT it on your desk when they were waiting for you to get back, so guess what! You can leave it in their mailbox!

The leadership mailboxes where I work are right around the corner to my office on the opposite side of the wall.

It's a fantastic place to learn new info and get the scoop!

In my world, it is the equivalent to the office water cooler.

Feeling a little bored? Check the mailbox, there's bound to be another bored leader milling about there too.

Got some gossip you just don't think you can keep to yourself? Check that damn mailbox, someone is bound to show up and ask you "what's new?"

I was at the mailboxes distributing internal communication to a few people when I heard Deputy Don and his trainee entering my office.

"This is [secret_lade's] office, she does everything around here. Her door is open, she's got to be around here somewhere..."

"She seems like a nice lady."

"She is an absolute fucking sweetheart."

Ever wonder what your coworkers really think of you? Listen to what they say about you when they don't think you're around.

They left as quickly as they arrived, so I ended up meeting up with them later on, but it was kind of nice to catch that unsolicited compliment. Sometimes it's those small things that can be the bright point to your day.
16 Comments
It's the middle of the night....
Posted:Oct 6, 2020 11:51 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2020 2:44 pm
13297 Views

Of COURSE I'm wide awake, watching 'The Hand that Rocks the Cradle' and replaying the crappy events of my day over and over in my mind.

Why wouldn't I be??

My Creepy Gym Stalker was at the gym tonight when I got there.

Oh yay.... Not!

I don't bring the Spawn with me anymore because of COVID, so I'm kind of on my own now. I miss having her there even though she was such a little shit....

She could do things like keep an eye on Creepy Gym Stalker.

I was on the treadmill, listening to my music, reading the news on the TV above the elliptical machines when I could see him through the corner of my eye. He was to my right, standing by the weight benches, staring over at me.

My anxiety was kicking in...

He hasn't tried talking to me or approaching me at the gym, but he did reach out to me here on this site a few times. I politely turned him down, considering our brief past history... But it's an odd feeling when real life intersects my online life.

In my mind, they are both separate entities....

For those brief moments, though, they are suddenly one in the same.
15 Comments
Time
Posted:Oct 6, 2020 2:05 am
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2020 6:49 pm
13290 Views

It's a funny thing....

For some people, it's fluid, kind of like a guideline.

"Be here at 10:15 so we have time to do your COVID intake and get you punched in before orientation at 10:30."

They come strolling in at 10:35.....

"Hey, I was waiting for you where you said to meet you."

Really??

"I was expecting you at 10:15, which was the start of your shift today."

"Oh.... Well.... I thought orientation started at 10:30."

Awkward silence as new employee scans their brain for the plausible excuse for being late.

"It does start at 10:30, it is now 10:35. You're 20 minutes late. Going forward, you will need to be on time for each shift."

It's a sad state of affairs when you have to explain to people what being on time means.

For people like me, whose every moment during the workday is linked to a timeline, being late creates an issue. When I have a meeting scheduled at 10:30 am, and you show up 20 minutes late at 10:35 am, guess what that means??

It means I have to LEAVE MY MEETING to get your fucking ass going in an orientation you are late for.

So, while time may only be fluid for you, or a guideline for when you are expected to be somewhere, for others it is not.

The most disrespectful thing you can do to another person is waste their precious, little time.
20 Comments
It's been a Star Trek kinda day for me.
Posted:Oct 4, 2020 3:27 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2020 12:14 pm
18839 Views

Yah, I'm a Trekkie at heart....

The geek in me revealed it's true colors as I sat on the couch today junking out on 7 hours of Star Trek movies.

Reminds me of back in the day.

Back in the day, I watched Star Trek Next Generation every Sunday. It was part of my Sunday routine.... The weekend was officially coming to a close when Star Trek came on.

Before that, I was watching the original, in syndication, with Captain Kirk boldly going where no man had gone before daily. I was tiny then, sitting on my grandpa's lap, with my grandma sitting on the couch next to us. They would be talking about the impossibilities of what was happening and I was imagining I was a part of the crew.

Such a simpler time....

It just felt like a good day for me to snuggle up in a blanket, drink some cocoa, and watch some Star Trek.

Healing.

Happy Sunday.
44 Comments   (Page:)
Common cold?
Posted:Oct 3, 2020 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2020 5:10 pm
14631 Views

Or, Coronavirus.....

I've come to discover there is no such thing as being 'regular' sick anymore.

Develop the sniffles and you've essentially kissed anything normal in your life, goodbye. The moment you pull that Kleenex out of your pocket every eye within a 20ft radius is laser focused on you.

Bring it to your nose?

Better start looking around for the guy in the hazmat suit, cause, he's going to be waving that CDC flag and hauling your ass outta there.

So, I started feeling a little something in my sinuses at work Friday.

Not too terrible, just a little pressure.....

Then I got home. The moment I sat down in the warm heat and my comfy pajamas, it was full on sniffles.

Runny nose... few sneezes...

Dammit if I didn't feel like Typhoid Mary.

Do I go to the doctor?

Should I sequester myself??

Is my life flashing before my eyes???

I ended up taking some Dayquil, like I used to do before the..... Virus! And I felt fine again within the hour. That, however, led to thoughts like....

Should I be around people?

Should I be calling in to work because of a cold??

If the cold medicine is helping, am I really considered "sick"???

I think I kind of long for the days when you could be down and out with the flu and your boss would still be expecting you to come to work.

Those days felt normal....
19 Comments
"I see her butt."
Posted:Oct 2, 2020 2:30 pm
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2020 5:03 pm
13984 Views

On today's episode of Restroom Disasters.....

Secret_Lade is pulling up her slacks when suddenly she hears a tiny little voice from behind her say, "I see her butt." Startled, she whips around to see the tiny face of a little girl pressed up against the crack between the stalls.

Are you kidding me??

Where are her parents??

I exited the stall and walked up to the sink to wash my hands, hoping like hell this would wander off and find a parent.

No such luck.

"Why are you doing that?"

"It's good to say clean. When you're clean, you stay healthy."

"Can I do that?"

"You probably could. You need to find your Mom or Dad and they can help you."

"I don't know where she went. I wanted to see the fish."

Fantastic

Somewhere out there is a freaked out mom looking for her missing .

"Tell you what. Let's find mom and we'll see what we can do."

So, there we went, in search of mom. Boss #2 was out of the office today so I placed a call to Second in Command to start a low key search.

"Kadence!! Oh My God!! Kadence!!"

Freaked out mom's scream was echoing off the walls as she ran toward us. I'll be honest, I could totally relate to how she must have been feeling.

"Oh My God Kadence, I was so scared!!"

It was at this point, little Kadence started to bawl and hopped into mom's arms.
That was my queue to leave.

Those restrooms at work are going to be the death of me.
7 Comments
And.... Cut!
Posted:Oct 1, 2020 5:59 pm
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2020 6:03 pm
13925 Views

This shit-show of a day is done!

It was a day where I felt I was everywhere and nowhere all at once. A day that I wound up with a million different projects happening and everything managing to find itself on a back-burner for something else....

A day where I had so much to do but managed to get absolutely nothing done.

I HATE days like this.

Days filled with.... "have you got a second?"

Days filled with.... "When you get a moment"

Days filled with.... "I know you're on lunch but"

The highlight of my day was having Nose Hairs yelling at me and pushing a cart at me.

Really???

I don't know what he was angry about, it certainly wasn't me as I hadn't seen him all day, but it fucking pissed me off. There was a non-profit waiting right outside the door wanting to speak to him and this douche bag is trying to injure me with a cart.

I turned on my heel and started walking away.

"What does he want?" He was following behind me.

"I do not know."

"What does he want??"

"I DO NOT know. " I wanted to fucking deck him, I chose to be civil. "It's a non-profit that I just did a for."

I left it at that though, didn't even look in his direction. He was rambling on about something but I'd stopped listening. I just couldn't wait to get the fuck out of his presence.

Nose Hairs crossed a line with me today.

I honestly don't think I can be friendly with him again going forward. This was definitely behavior unbecoming of someone in a leadership position.

Unfortunate for him as I have quite a bit of clout where I work and I'm pretty much his only friend.
8 Comments
Mechanical genius?
Posted:Sep 30, 2020 3:58 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2020 5:20 pm
14495 Views

I am not....

It was pouring down rain as I was heading work today. The moment I turned on the wipers I could see something was terribly wrong.

The driver's side wiper was beginning come apart.

Fantastic

Cursing the wipers and bitching up a storm, I decided I'd buy a wiper after work and see if I could put it on.

Now, I've tried this process in the past. While I usually manage to get the wiper blade on there.... it's usually through the process of trial and error that I eventually find a way to get that fucking wiper installed the way it should be.

You wouldn't think it would be that hard!!

Yet, it is....

So, here I am today.

Forty five minutes of dinking around in the parking lot later, I still do not have an installed wiper blade.

Even better??

Now I have no wiper blade.

Not only did I fling the new wiper blade across the parking lot in a fit of rage I also stomped on the old wiper blade because it was pissing me off too.

A W E S O M E

Needless to say, here I sit, regaining my composure, preparing myself for round two with the wiper blade from hell.

Wish me luck.
27 Comments   (Page:)
Hey! Take it easy! That's my arm!!
Posted:Sep 29, 2020 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2020 3:32 pm
13572 Views

Nose Hairs was standing next to me in the morning meeting, this morning.

Here's the issue with that....

Nose Hairs is one of those people who playfully punch others in the arm.

Say something funny?? Punctuate that joke with a punch to the arm!

Trying to get someone's attention?? Punch their arm and ask if they're paying attention!

Ready to get out of the hot seat during the meeting end round robin?? Punch the person's arm next to you and say "You're up!!"

Now, I do want to emphasize it is just a playful punch to the arm, but after a while, even those playful punches start to get sensitive.

So, there I stood, the human punching bag, waiting for my turn in the round robin, when he kind of went crazy!

"Ok, you're up!! Whatcha got?? Go!!"

Input barrage of playful arm punches here...

"Ow! My arm!!"

I laughed, but I wasn't exactly exaggerating as I was rubbing my arm. It really did kind of hurt.

"Good Lord, stop hitting her!"

My Evil Twin was coming to my rescue and stepped between the two of us. She and I were both laughing, but it was a really odd moment....

And suddenly I wondered, have I ever done this to anyone else?

Considering I'm not a touch person, my guess is no.... But now I will forever be acutely aware of whether or not I'm a playful puncher.
17 Comments
Fashion Tips from the Spawn
Posted:Sep 28, 2020 10:17 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2020 5:21 pm
13266 Views

I went to work today in a white button down shirt, black slacks, and a black open front sweater styled very similarly to a blazer.

These are my work clothes.

I have several pairs of black slacks... But, I also have tan, grey, and navy as well.

I wear a button down nearly every day.... Sometimes with a sweater, sometimes a scarf, sometimes alone.

The Spawn hates the way I dress for work and never misses an opportunity to comment on it. I don't think she realizes, I don't really have a choice in the matter, a professional appearance is something expected out of me.

Would I rather be wearing jeans and a trendy shirt?? Absolutely!!

Do I have that option?? Nope....

So, today when I got home from work, she was already in form. Eyeballing me from head to toe as I threw the mail down on the counter and asked where her brother was, she said to me....

"You look like a priest."

"Like what???"

"You look like a priest. That's a lot of black and white you've got going on, I don't know what they wear, but I'm sure it looks like that."

What a little shit head.

I've heard everything from "that outfit is killing your vibe" to "you might want to rethink those shoes", but this was a first for me.

I look like a priest.

Sometimes, all you can do is shake your head and laugh.
17 Comments
Lazy Sunday Morning
Posted:Sep 27, 2020 5:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2020 3:26 pm
13069 Views
I slept in this mornin..

It felt pretty fucking amazing, be honest. I did wake in the middle of the night last night, which isn't that unusual, but I managed stay asleep once I fell back sleep. Things are looking !

I read an interesting article FB last week about a yoga'esque pose where you lay the floor with your legs against the wall.

Supposedly good for relaxation, digestion, circulation, swollen legs and feet.....

So the skeptic in said myself this morning, I'm doing it!!

While my coffee was brewing, I grabbed a small pillow for my back and put the pose in motion.

Hands flat on the floor next , legs in the air lightly resting against the wall, cat going crazy jumping my face, pawing at my hair, trying climb my legs.....

Relaxation was not present in no way, shape, or form.

I finally gave as the kitty just wasn't going relent... The little shit.

Climbing my feet, I went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and realized my ankle was no longer sore.

Was it my imagination?

Looking down, I saw the swelling was gone in my ankle. For the past 2 days, my right ankle had been sore and swollen and the swelling was gone.

Not sure if it was the pose, or if it had gone away on it's own and I'd only just noticed it, but.... I think I'm going to give this one more experimentation.



Speaking of cat.... How could you not love this face??
27 Comments   (Page:)
Fast Cash and Guns
Posted:Sep 26, 2020 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2020 3:14 pm
12487 Views

Sounds kinda sketchy, doesn't it...

Believe it or not, that's the name of a business I drove past today.

Now, if that doesn't make me want to u-turn right into that driveway!! How did they know I wanted my cash fast?? Who knows, while I'm at it... I might as well get a gun!

Add the mandatory face coverings and it's a starter kit for a bank heist.

It was a perfect morning to sleep in... A rainy, thunderstorm morning. It's too bad I couldn't actually, sleep in. Instead I was up and cleaning before it was even light.

When the rain finally quit I decided to venture out... It's nearly peak color where I live, I absolutely love the fall colors. If I could have had one wish, I would have wished for sunshine though.

There just isn't anything quite like a sunny fall day...
17 Comments
It's been a minute....
Posted:Sep 25, 2020 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Sep 27, 2020 10:11 am
12417 Views

I realized today, I'm ready to blog.

I was sitting in the break room for lunch today when, out of the corner of my eye, I could see something kind of close to my head.

Thinking it was someone standing by the trash can to the right of me, I tried to ignore it and continue on with the conversation I had been having.

Then it got closer.

Attempting to not look like a perv by whipping my head around right into someone's ass... I slowly turned my head fully expecting to give the evil eye to a random coworker as they invaded my personal space while fucking around with the trash can.

Only....

Instead of seeing the random coworker standing behind me, I saw a bloody hockey mask inches from my face on the crouched form of Deputy Don.

It was the scream that could be heard around the world.

And then I laughed....

I laughed so hard I was really thinking I might actually wet myself. The more I laughed, the more the people around me laughed, and the more I realized, I haven't laughed like this in ages.

Who could have known a psycho in a bloody hockey mask could bring such joy.

TGIF!
17 Comments

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