Stolen.....
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Posted:Jan 4, 2009 11:59 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2009 3:41 pm
3870 Views
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From Flimflam's Blog....
1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
2. What were you doing this morning at 8 am?
3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
4. What are you wearing?
5. Are you mad at anyone right now?
6. Last person to say they loved you?
7. Last time you kissed someone?
8. Have you ever had sexual interaction with someone your own sex?
9. Favorite lingerie color?
11. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
12. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
13. How long is your hair?
14. How many different drinks have you had today?
15. What have you eaten today?
16. Are you any good at math?
17. Do you have plans for Saturday night?
18. Do you like Sex On The Beach?
19. Do you prefer beer/wine/liquor or neither?
20. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
21.Do you like the ocean?
22. Do you stay friends with your ex/exes?
23. What are you excited about?
24. What did you do last night?
25. What is your real age?
26. Where do you keep your change?
27. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life?
28. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
29. Have you ever had a one night stand?
30. Have you slept with anyone in you network?
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A WOMAN'S STRENGTH.....
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Posted:Dec 26, 2008 12:57 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2009 3:41 pm
3339 Views
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Only a women can bear hardship and carry heavy burdens for others,
Yet hold happiness and joy.
A woman can smile when she wants to scream,
Sing when she wants to cry,
Cry when she is happy and laugh when she is nervous.
A woman will fight for what she believes in.
She will stand up to injustice,
She won’t take no for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
A woman will go without so her family can have more,
Go to the doctor with a frightened friend and Love unconditionally,
Her heart breaks when a friend dies and they grieve for a lost family member,
Yet they have strength to perceiver when they think have none left.
HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD TIME.
Merry Xmas.
XXXX
She will cry when their excel and cheer when a friend receives an award,
A woman is thrilled to hear of a wedding or a birth even if it is a stranger,
A women understands the power of a hug or a kiss to mend a broken heart or a scraped knee.
Women come in all shapes, all sizes, all colours,
She will fly, walk, run, drive, phone, e-mail you just to show she cares about you.
It is the heart of a women that keeps the world turning,
It is women who brings joy, hope, and love filled with compassion and ideas,
They give physical and emotional support to all around them.
A woman has vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMAN.
SHE DOES NOT REALIZE HER WORTH
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Tits....
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Posted:Dec 21, 2008 9:36 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2009 12:00 pm
3465 Views
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A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
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2
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Ever Wonder Why..........
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Posted:Dec 11, 2008 9:37 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2009 3:43 pm
3422 Views
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Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Who tastes food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
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Observation.....
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Posted:Dec 1, 2008 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2008 9:30 am
3398 Views
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A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
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Marriage.....
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Posted:Nov 25, 2008 10:58 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2009 12:02 pm
3391 Views
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A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
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How To Speak Blonde....
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Posted:Nov 23, 2008 2:54 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 4:49 am
3151 Views
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy and that she will have go sit in the back.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde and I have learned to speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
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Men and Marriage.....
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Posted:Nov 19, 2008 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2008 10:40 am
3234 Views
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
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Ten Things Only Women Understand.....
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Posted:Nov 16, 2008 5:11 am
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2008 9:31 am
3247 Views
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Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
And the number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
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A Man and His Money....
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Posted:Nov 14, 2008 4:45 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 8:29 am
3350 Views
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There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.
He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"
She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.
"You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!?
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."
Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman.
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Answer to Everything Part 2.....
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Posted:Nov 11, 2008 8:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2008 7:49 am
3257 Views
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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Answer to Everything Part 1.....
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Posted:Nov 8, 2008 11:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2008 2:29 pm
3229 Views
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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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Bugger....
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Posted:Nov 8, 2008 10:55 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2008 2:15 pm
3298 Views
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heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm? yes! ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff!!!
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