Gone Again...
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Posted:Jul 31, 2008 7:08 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 4:02 am
15903 Views
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Thank you All, so very much, for your sweet, warm welcomes back. They have been truly gratifying, as was looking at my watched list to see that I've been viewed, even when I wasn't writing. I Knew that I had the Best here with me; this has served as confirmation. As I repeatedly stated, I wasn't interested in popularity...I wanted Depth, and that's what I was able to get here.
I thought, I really did, that things in my life had calmed down enough so that I could come back in and be a support to you, and get some Love in return.
This, it seems, is not to be. Just for example, last night, three people called me, one after the other, at a time when I had determined to take care of ME for a change. Oh, should have known better than that.
Two of these people calling were crying so hard that I couldn't understand them...and one of these people has NEVER cried in the five years I've known here. It's one of the reasons I've called her Sister. The other cries frequently, but this time it was so bad, I had true concerns for her physical health.
The other who called was so drunk that I couldn't get a word in edgewise. A tape recorder may be a solution for her, as she only seems to want to hear her own voice.
I can handle no further instances of pain, confusion, grief, unhappiness, drama or trauma from any quarter and still maintain any semblance of my own mental health. It reminds me of a scene in Jesus Christ Superstar, when everone is grabbing at him, imploring for recognition and healing. It feels as if I am being stretch apart in too many directions. I CAN NOT HELP ANYONE ELSE...I'm doing damned good to help myself.
That's not harsh...that's self-preservation, and it is my Highest Order.
So, as for me, I am retreating back to my hermitage. I will be reading, watching movies (with a decidedly dark twist, no doubt), working helping other people with their survival and recovery issues (at least I had some idea of the full extent of what I had taken on when I applied, and I do get paid for it), and yes, falling in love with a man who seems to be My One. In the midst of all of the turmoil, there is a Saving Grace for me. Even if that should not work out, for whatever reason, I Know that trying to give a part of myself to everyone is not within anyone's best interest.
Do Remember that if I've loved you, I Always Will. These are not simply pretty words; they are expression of My Truth. I will think of each of you from time to time, as I have in the past, and Send My ***Wishes****. I simply can not send my Devotion.
With Genuine ****THANKS*** and ***HOPES FOR YOU****,
Dysgyzed!
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5
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Plots and Plans...
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Posted:Jul 28, 2008 4:12 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 4:15 am
14554 Views
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Plots and Plans and things that make me *Grin*...
I had almost forgotten how many hideous dick pics are on Affairlook. They're probably so traumatizing to my sense of aesthetics and (twisted) sense of decency that I blocked them from my mind...a valid defense mechanism if you ask me (and even if ya don't!)
So...here's my solution. I think we should all create fake profiles of gay men, and write to the Troads with the littlest, ugliest, most gnarled dicks who have the audacity to post such pictures, thereby virtually forcing us to see them as we are on the way to visit Friends.
We should write under our gay men pseudo-'files and tell the dicks how very much lust they incite, how we masturbate multiple times to the pics while moaning their screen name (i.e. Dick4U), and how just one taste would send us to our Sweet Place.
My male Friends should do this too, since seeing all of that raunch could turn a woman off to dick for life (though not me of course...laughing like hell!) You could suffer for someone else's gross misbehavior, and that must be prevented! I am here to Help.
Damned! Only problem is, those nasty-assed Troads probably aren't adverse to having any old thing that wants to handle their puny pricks.
And then there is the fact that I don't want to malign gay men.
Ah, hell. Let's do it anyway! *wink*
MissAnnThrope this concept sounds like something you would come up with. I don't recall any such post now...even if I commented on it then, but I do apologize if you've already written of it...it was not my intention to plagerize. Frighteningly enough to everyone, you and I do think a lot alike.
This time around, if I'm thinking it, I'm going to write of it, so this is a global statement of intent and notice to all that we are seperate individuals and that I have no need to steal topics from you; we can have similar lines of thought independently of one another. *Smile*
Same Ol' Dys, with that *Glimmer* in her eyes!
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So Honored
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Posted:Jul 13, 2008 11:33 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 4:07 am
15595 Views
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Hello, Dear Hearts.
While not possible now, I will be coming back soon.
I was thinking about past experiences here, and realized that I want to keep this blog post as a reminder. It's a sweet honor by my Friend bluenfree.
If I've loved you, I've loved you well...
If I haven't, well now, your Troadish ass can fill in the rest of the 4th grade poem...even if you have to have help!
See...only the picture changed, Babies!
I met another blogger this weekend
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Where Ya Been?
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Posted:Dec 3, 2007 9:07 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 4:15 am
16267 Views
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Well, in hell, actually. Thanks to some of you for continuing to fan the flames. Ah hmmm...
So...here's it in a nutshell.
I'll have surgery on Friday to take out the damned gall bladder that's been creating serious assed issues for the past 18 months. Some of you may remember the post when it all went to hell. Well, it just went into the greater depths.
My 18-year-old niece now lives with me. It's going okay. Strange though...I thought I'd make it throughout my life without and the accompanying morning sickness. Well...life has a way of wailing on your ass anyway, now, doesn't it?
My apartment building was auctioned. I think the landlord will be a good one, but still major changes.
On the bright side, I just got a "new" car. I have to say, it's rather nice. A champagne colored convertible with a black top...A Chrysteler Sebring JXI...leather interior, superior sound system. Again, nice, but in combination, it's all stress inducing.
Oh, the "new" computer fucked up this weekend. It turns out to have been an easy fix, but just one more thing.
So...that's why I haven't been around, and it doesn't look like things are going to clear up very soon either.
But Making it Through, Making it Through...that's the important thing, and that's what I'm doing.
So, be patient. When I get a block of 3 days...only because I'll be out on medical leave...I'll catch up on all of your past blogs. I MISS some of you deeply, and want to know what's going on in your lives...if only my own life would settle down...just a little.
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13
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Fall of Freddie the Leaf
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Posted:Oct 27, 2007 10:45 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 4:16 am
15908 Views
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Several years ago, a Dear Friend of mine, Hawk...Viet Nam Vet Extraordinaire... sent me this humbling story.
It's a bit on the lengthy side, but well worth the time.
Hope you have pause for thought with it.
IT'S ALL GOING TO BE JUSSSSTTT FINE if we let it. I *PROMISE*
____________________________________________
THE FALL OF FREDDIE THE LEAF
Spring had passed.
So had Summer.
Freddie, the leaf, had grown large. His mid section was wide and strong, and his five extensions were firm and pointed.
He had first appeared in Spring as a small sprout on a rather large branch near the top of a tall tree.
Freddie was surrounded by hundreds of other leaves just like himself, or so it seemed. Soon he discovered that no two leaves were alike, even though they were on the same tree. Alfred was the leaf next to him. Ben was the leaf on his right side, and Clare was the lovely leaf overhead. They had all grown up together. They had learned to dance in the Spring breezes, bask lazily in the Summer sun and wash off in the cooling rains.
But it was Daniel who was Freddie's best friend. He was the largest leaf on the limb and seemed to have been there before anyone else. It appeared to Freddie that Daniel was also the wisest among them. It was Daniel who told them that they were part of a tree. It was Daniel who explained that they were growing in a public park. It was Daniel who told them that the tree had strong roots which were hidden in the ground below. He explained about the birds who came to sit on their branch and sing morning songs. He explained about the sun, the moon, the stars, and the seasons.
Freddie loved being a leaf. He loved his branch, his light leafy friends, his place high in the sky, the wind that jostled him about, the sun rays that warmed him, the moon that covered him with soft, white shadows.
Summer had been especially nice. The long hot days felt good and the warm nights were peaceful and dreamy.
There were many people in the park that Summer. They often came and sat under Freddie's tree. Daniel told him that giving shade was part of his purpose.
"What's a purpose?" Freddie had asked.
"A reason for being," Daniel had answered. "To make things more pleasant for others is a reason for being. To make shade for old people who come to escape the heat of their homes is a reason for being. To provide a cool place for to come and play. To fan with our leaves the picnickers who come to eat on checkered tablecloths. These are all the reasons for being."
Freddie especially liked the old people. They sat so quietly on the cool grass and hardly ever moved. They talked in whispers of times past.
The were fun, too, even though they sometimes tore holes in the bark of the tree or carved their names into it. Still, it was fun to watch them move so fast and to laugh so much.
But Freddie's Summer soon passed.
It vanished on an October night. He had never felt it so cold. All the leaves shivered with the cold. They were coated with a thin layer of white which quickly melted and left them dew drenched and sparkling in the morning sun.
Again, it was Daniel who explained that they had experienced their first frost, the sign that it was Fall and that Winter would come soon.
Almost at once, the whole tree, in fact, the whole park was transformed into a blaze of color. There was hardly a green leaf left. Alfred had turned a deep yellow. Ben had become a bright orange. Clare had become a blazing red, Daniel a deep purple and Freddie was red and gold and blue. How beautiful they all looked. Freddie and his friends had made their tree a rainbow.
"Why did we turn different colors," Freddie asked, "when we are on the same tree?"
"Each of us is different. We have had different experiences. We have faced the sun differently. We have cast shade differently. Why should we not have different colors?" Daniel said matter-of-factly. Daniel told Freddie that
this wonderful season was called Fall.
One day a very strange thing happened. The same breezes that, in the past, had made them dance began to push and pull at their stems, almost as if they were angry. This caused some of the leaves to be torn from their branches and swept up in the wind, tossed about and dropped softly to the ground.
All the leaves became frightened.
"What's happening?" they asked each other in whispers.
"It's what happens in Fall," Daniel told them. "It's the time for leaves to change their home. Some people call it to die."
"Will we all die?" Freddie asked.
"Yes," Daniel answered. "Everything dies. No matter how big or small, how weak or strong. We first do our job. We experience the sun and the moon, the wind and the rain. We learn to dance and to laugh. Then we die."
"I won't die!" said Freddie with determination. "Will you, Daniel?"
"Yes," answered Daniel, "when it's my time."
"When is that?" asked Freddie.
"No one knows for sure," Daniel responded.
Freddie noticed that the other leaves continued to fall. He thought, "It must be their time." He saw that some of the leaves lashed back at the wind before they fell, others simply let go and dropped quietly.
Soon the tree was almost bare.
"I'm afraid to die," Freddie told Daniel. "I don't know what's down there."
"We all fear what we don't know, Freddie. It's natural," Daniel reassured him. "Yet, you were not afraid when Summer became Fall. They were natural changes. Why should you be afraid of the season of death?"
"Does the tree die, too?" Freddie asked.
"Someday. But there is something stronger than the tree. It is Life. That lasts forever and we are all a part of Life."
"Where will we go when we die?"
"No one knows for sure. That's the great mystery!"
"Will we return in the Spring?"
"We may not, but Life will."
"Then what has been the reason for all of this?" Freddie continued to question. "Why were we here at all if we only have to fall and die?"
Daniel answered in his matter-of-fact way, "It's been about the sun and the moon. It's been about happy times together. It's been about the shade and the old people and the . It's been about colors in Fall. It's been about seasons. Isn't that enough?"
"That afternoon, in the golden light of dusk, Daniel let go. He fell effortlessly. He seemed to smile peacefully as he fell. "Goodbye for now, Freddie," he said.
Then, Freddie was all alone, the only leaf on his branch.
The first snow fell the following morning. It was soft, white, and gentle; but it was bitter cold. There was hardly any sun that day, and the day was very short. Freddie found himself losing his color, becoming brittle. It was constantly cold and the snow weighed heavily upon him.
At dawn the wind came that took Freddie from his branch. It didn't hurt at all. He felt himself float quietly, gently and softly downward.
As he fell, he saw the whole tree for the first time. How strong and firm it was! He was sure that it would live for a long time and he knew that he had been part of its life and made him proud.
Freddie landed on a clump of snow. It somehow felt soft and even warm. In this new position he was more comfortable than he had ever been. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. He did not know that Spring would follow Winter and that the snow would melt into water. He did not know that what appeared to be his useless dried self would join with the water and serve to make the tree stronger.
Most of all, he did not know that there, asleep in the tree and the ground, were already plans for new leaves in the Spring.
THE BEGINNING
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9
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Yes, Actually...
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Posted:Oct 21, 2007 4:11 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2007 12:10 am
15707 Views
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Yes, Actually. I *AM* some kind of Prize.
But only to the Right Winner.
Believe it.
With a Wink and a Growl...
Dysgyzed.
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5
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Well, just Damned!
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Posted:Oct 10, 2007 3:41 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 4:17 am
15992 Views
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So, there I was composing in my head the announcement that I've had a blog on Affairlook for TWO YEARS now.
Of course, this is straight forward evidence of my insanity, as if any additional clues were necessary.
That's okay, many of you have been here for much longer than I. *snigger*
I came home, turned on my computer to write out the announcement...tried to turn on my computer...tried again, and BUSTED out cussing.
The -of-a-bitch died during the lightening storm that literally rocked the apartment building where I live.
So, it'll take me a few days to see if this is an honest-to-hell DEAD computer episode or if the computer surgeons can resurrect the damned thing.
Keep writing...I'll get to you when I can. *sigh*
Yes, life's a bitch, but then, so am I and it'll all be okay, eventually.
Hey...at least it's not "whinny" bitch.
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7
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The Lady has Honest Class...
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Posted:Oct 6, 2007 11:18 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2009 3:33 pm
15979 Views
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Our Butterfly Lady...
[blog SensuallyKatey] has a deeply honest request.
She's a quite Special Lady, and I'd like to see her Wish come True.
See if you can Help, Please...
[post 1069700]
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5
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Time for a New Song:
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Posted:Sep 25, 2007 3:46 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2007 6:30 pm
15992 Views
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Time for a New Song because it seems as if there is a contant chorus behind me...exactly in Greek voice.
Oh, but then there comes the chorus of the Round...same patterns, at different times.
It is Time for a New Song...and I am Trying hard to Listen.
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3
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Tagged by a "Friend"
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Posted:Sep 22, 2007 11:53 pm
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2007 11:49 pm
14995 Views
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Oh joy. Oh joy.
I've been tagged in the latest round of madness. I've had to be away for a while, but here, HUSSIES, especially YOU, Scott_in_Tulsa is my obligation fulfilled.
10. I just spent two hours speaking to my ex-finance. We agree that I have space issues...can't stand to be around anyone all of the time, and that I have some sort of problem with men paying for our dates.
See? So for those men who think all women want you to send all of your time with us, especially while we spend your money...you are wrong.
However, some of us are flight risks. I've been engaged four times, and married once...see about "issues".
9. I'm having great difficulty in coming up with ten things about myself, although I've been told by both veteran police officers and therapists that I'm the most unusual person they've ever met.
I don't take it as an insult. I think of myself as being "Genuine."
8. Halloween is my favorite holiday. If I had beau coup money, I would have a haunted house to scare fuck out of everyone. Little doll voices echoing down halls "I'm coming around the cor-nerrr"...torment of Santa Clause...shit creeping through the ground at you...Neat shit.
This year, I'm going to North Carolina to party a bit. I'm going as a vampire witch. Yes, I know. It's just me, Larger than Life, and not a costume at all.
I am going to order a silver headed walking cane to go with the black velvet cape I've owned for about 18 years.
7. Uhhh...in High School, I was second in the state for Dramatic Interpretation. The girl who won deserved it, but it was "one of those any given day" kind of things.
My piece was about a young woman who handled snakes as part of her church. The line that won me competitions was "One thing's for sure. You're empty...you're gonna get bit."
Powerful Truth, there.
Speaking in public is still one of my favorite things to do.
8. Every once in a while, I'll go through phases where I read Shakespeare out loud. One of my long-term fantasies has been to play Lady Macbeth on stage. Because I tend to the Southern dialect, I'd have to watch my elocution, but I assure you, there are times when that presents no difficulty.
LOL.
7. If I were to take a college class for fun right now, it would be in: architecture, welding, or finance.
I would love to find a good, inexpensive architectural salvage store so that I could collect stained glass.
6. You would think that after 14 years getting a Bachelor of Arts degree, I'd be a bit tired of classes. I mostly am.
Calculating all of the years of education, including K-12, and a year of grad school...I was in school for 30 years!!! That's mind-boggling to me; I can only hope some of it stuck with me.
*I ought to ask these smart asses who tagged me to ask some damned questions to I had something to write.
5. Another thing I'd like to do: take vocal lessons. I can clearly envision myself as a blues singer...smoky voiced Nina Simone songs and Ella Fitzgerald being favorites.
Kindly refrain from the "Just do it" phrase. There are times when I'm going to literally begin to grab and bite people if I have to do one more damned thing.
4. Uhhh...the building I live in is for auction. That ought to be damned interesting, and I bet almost none of you've had that happen.
3. I collect ceramic masks, angels and books on art, fairy tales, and spells.
2. I just bought another digital camera to replace the one that I can't find. No one has been here to take it, so it may well be in the teleporter. If anyone should have one suddenly appear, drop me a line, won't you?
1. *Glimmer* was a nickname given to me by a Friend who was formerly on Affairlook. She used it to mean that I had a certain Brightness. She was a woman who truly humbled me on several occasions.
Of course, I added my own little touch to indicate a warning.
An old profile that I had said that I was like the Glimmer of Hope, or the Glimmer of a Knife, and that people got what the deserved from me.
Just cause I deleted that profile doesn't make the statement any less true.
*Glimmer*
Alright, dammit! Are you happy now? Scott_in_Tulsa, [blog Ready_11], and you too, MissAnnThrope since you started this whole damned thing?
If not, you'll just have to suffer, 'cause that's all I can offer at this time.
Feel free to ask questions though, and I'll feel free to maybe answer. *wink*
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6
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Results (finally) are posted.
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Posted:Aug 24, 2007 9:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2007 2:18 pm
15847 Views
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Alright. I've finally gotten my impressions about the last post up...since it's been so long, and it's such a pain in the ass to check for 2 weeks only to not get a response, I thought I'd let you know.
I do it cause I Love ya!
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A work in progress:
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Posted:Aug 12, 2007 9:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2007 7:28 pm
17148 Views
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There are a few posts going on around there about reincarnation, so I've thought of this little "game".
If I Know you, and you comment here, I'll tell you what kind of person I think you were in a past life (past life to be choosen at my discretion). If I don't know you as well, I'll try to ummm...come up with something.
Do I have to write some little "For entertainment purposes" clause here?
Of course not...I don't have to do a damned thing! *Glimmer*...
*Wink*
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15
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The NEXT...
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Posted:Aug 11, 2007 1:44 am
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2007 10:13 pm
16140 Views
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The next motherfucker who acts as if I am stupid when asking a reasonable question, or asking for simple information, is going to deeply regret it.
The same goes for those smug assed fuckwads who seem to believe their opinion is the only valid, responsible, rational, mature point of view.
Get bent, bitch.
Truly, never believe because there is deep sweetness here that it's the extent of all that I am.
I'm *EVERY* fuckin' bit as tough as I think I am. Don't make a mistake there.
It ain't called Dichotomy of Personality for nothing, and Dysgyzed means I can walk into any world and play it to the hilt.
::violent images of swords being thrust through bodies of arrogant pricks::
That is all...
for now.
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To link to this blog (rm_Dysgyzed) use [blog rm_Dysgyzed] in your messages.
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