Play it Again Sam......or Not...
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Posted:May 16, 2013 7:12 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2013 4:33 pm
3457 Views
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I feel at times that i am in a bad remake of the movie "groundhog day" ... i'm sure that there are many people that have feelings of dejavu well this is a little bit further then that. I guess that i should explain a bit so people can understand what is running through my mind in order to give me the thoughts that i have.
First i would like to say that growing up society leads us to firmly believe that unless you are a size 0 then there is something wrong with you and that you are not a worthy female. well the events that have been happening in the past months just make me want to scream at the top of my lungs that society is completely screwed up in their perception of that.
being a big girl all my life i have always been judged for everything that i do and the way that i look, for as far back as i can remember. i guess that you could say that i was lucky enough because early on in my life i came to the conclusion that if someone doesn't like the way that i look or the way that i am then they don't have to look and that i don't need them in my life. granted when it comes to guys that have been in my life when they start pulling the "you need to feel worthy because i picked a girl like you" attitude that would sting and cause the barriers that i set up a long time ago to grow stronger then what they were. not only that it also caused me to question my judgement in people. that is the worst, especially given the fact that i feel that i am a pretty good judge of people. maybe it was the blinded by lust and sex that caused those errors in my judgement or a moment of weakness on my part...i'm not sure at all and doubt that i will ever figure it out..... okay well enough rambling on that and let me get back to the orginal reason why i started writing this tonight.
when i first moved here i was fortunate enough to get on here when the site was thriving.....tons of people to talk to and get to know....lots of choices of people that i had the opportunity to have as playmates or "toys" as i called them if i wanted them.
after about 2 months on here at that time i had a toy for every day of the week... yes you can say that i do have nymphomanic tendencies and i still do if the sex is good enough...i just don't feel the need to have as many toys as i use to. which is really funny being a big girl i have NEVER had an issue with getting laid. within the last month or so i have been contacted by 4 out of my 7 regular playmates. this is the fact that i am not sure exactly how to handle. part of me says take the ego boost that they are handing you by reaching out to you and wanting to be back in my life....the other part of me is on red alert asking the question "okay what the hell do they want" granted all but one of them ended in a way that i really don't feel i have anything to worry about as far as threats from them. they were simply endings in the fact that our seperate lives went into other directions and we just lost touch. now there is one that i hear from about ever 6 months or so that turned into one of those "you should feel honored that i chose you to be with me" guys. there was a reason on why i stopped seeing him and spending time with him....
these aren't the only ones over the years that seem to come back to me which gives me more confidence then i probably should have...but at times i feel really good to be able to give myself a pat on the back 
hmmmmm on another thought wonder if i could use these guys for references when i have others asking me if i am any good at sucking or screwing....hmmmmm just more for me to ponder on i guess.....lol
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You are no Angel and I'm no saint....
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Posted:May 15, 2013 2:39 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2013 6:30 pm
2886 Views
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.... if we were we wouldn't be in this place tonight.....
Those are the first words of the song that i happen to be listening to right now... when i heard them i had to kinda chuckle especially given the fact that i was sitting there watching the colors scroll by on an adult sex and swingers site... lol
well the reflection of who i am is still continuing and i think that maybe if i would just turn the music off then it wouldn't be so much on my mind but if i did that then the massive boredom would set in.... i guess that you could say that i am damned if i do and damned if i don't..... maybe that should be my blog title instead of the catch me if you can... lord knows there hasn't been very many that have been able to figure that one out in the years that i have been on here....
i was even pondering earlier when i was running errands here in town about the last post that i made last night.. and the different songs... i couldn't count the number of times that people have dedicated "brown eyed girl" by van morrison to me... then i had someone dedicate "butterfly" by crazy town to me (that one threw me off for the first couple of times that i heard it but then i realized where they were going with it) ... then of course there is my absolute favorite that guys have dedicated to me is "crazy bitch" by buck cherry...it kinda makes me laugh that the buck cherry song is the one that i pick as my favorite... don't get me wrong i really do enjoy the others immensely but something about announcing to everyone in the "room" on how good things were just makes me smile... guess that is the exhibitionist in me that causes that hell i don't know...
i really guess that i should stop rambling.. that is all that i feel that i am doing lately...
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mmmmm
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Posted:May 14, 2013 10:44 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2013 5:01 am
2957 Views
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a while ago a friend of mine made a post asking all of his friends if they could pick one song that would describe him best what they would pick... being that i see this person as a little brother and was extremely close to him more so then then i am now i picked the song "boulevard of broken dreams" by green day...in a private message from him to me he let me know that is the song that he would have picked for himself if he was doing the choosing on describing his life in a song....i have thought about making a similiar post to my friends to see what they would say and i am sure that there is not one single person that would choose one of the two songs that i feel describe me....
the first one like my dear friend would have to be "boulevard of broken dreams" by greenday i am sure that some of you that are choosing to read this that believe that know me are sitting there shaking their heads at this choice that i have made... guess that the best advice i can give to you is that if you really listen to the lyrics of this song it really does describe me ....
at this time i would have to say that the other song that describes me is "something to remind you" by staind... this is a song that has just been introduced into my vast array of music within the last 3 months....
i continually struggle with the questions of who i am, what am i here for, what do i want.... the only thing that i keep coming back to is that i don't want to be alone and no matter if i am in a room full of people, whether it is online or if it is "the real world" all i do is feel alone. believe me that these aren't questions that have just recently popped into my mind... they have been there for a long time.. and always the same answer.
I have had many people over the years ask me if i have had success on this site... i guess it would depend on what you deem as success on how to answer that question. Yes i have met several people from here, yes i have had the opportunity to play with people from here, yes i was in a long term relationship with someone that i met on here, and yes i have had my heart broken by someone that i met on here. i guess you could say that i have been through it all.... yet here i am still alone.. i was recently told by a female friend that i know from this site that i have to big of a heart. how is someone suppose to fix that?
maybe you can understand the song choices a little better now..........
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how to kill boredom.....
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Posted:May 14, 2013 12:09 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2013 6:58 pm
3020 Views
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ya know i thought that i was doing good coming on here to kill the boredom that i have but recently i have felt that coming on here is just adding to my boredom... where did everyone go??? i remember before i could come in here and there would be tons of people in every chat room no matter whether it was day or night... now you are lucky to find a chat that has more then 10 in it... and god forbid if you are an outsider in most of them because they aren't going to talk to you anyways. have the drama queens and kings finally run everyone off??
so now i am debating on if i should give up my search for "the one perfect fwb" that i have had going since coming back to this site or if i should just muster on through the loll that is going on here.
guess that only time is going to make that decision for me... i know that i am going to be back in the same spot that i was when i first moved here when i move again but i really don't know if i want this "world" to be part of the new life that i will be starting for myself.
granted i have met several people on here that i feel that i can call friends.. and they aren't just the fly by night friends that most would expect to meet online... these are ones that will be with me when i go . the ones that are just "fly by night" friends can stay where they are.. more then likely they wouldn't notice that i even left if i do decide to leave.....
decisions decisions....
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Explaination for the previous post......
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Posted:Jan 23, 2013 11:52 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2013 7:14 pm
4568 Views
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The reason that the previous post was made in my blog is because the person that is included in that email history called me a liar about something that he stated in the e-mail, this was all done while in the chat room during a nice heated conversation between the 2 of us. that conversation was in the morning, last night he continued to droll on and on about it and i ignored him and didn't take the bait so i guess that the joke is really on him because i am done with it. everyone that was in the room when this was going on now can see along with everyone else what was said in every email that had ever been exchanged between me and him.
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here they all are :)
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Posted:Jan 23, 2013 9:06 am
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2013 5:34 pm
3430 Views
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Me is blanchard near tulsa?
2 weeks ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 its about 90 mins, just a lil over an hour i think
2 weeks ago
Me i'm planning as of right now to be down that way the wknd of the 19th... gonna see if i can get a few together for lunch
2 weeks ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 im a little shocked i was invited to your get together. i didnt think i was liked in here and no one cared because i talk to all the ladies. so who is attending and when is it again?
1 week ago
Me i'm not sure who all is going to show up... just looking to have lunch or dinner with some at the casino and it depends on if things work out for sat night or if it will be like a sunday brunch thing when i am down there the wknd of the 19th
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 so is it saturday night at the casino or sunday for lunch. lets all get hammered in the casino friday night and all take advantage of each other now thats a real party all bring protection. im interested lol just let me know who all is going. there are some in the room i do not care for.
1 week ago
Me well right now it looks like it is going to be bigmama, nightranger (if he isn't working, absolutezero, maybe a couple others but not sure
and can't get drunk... allergic to alcohol
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 im not forcing you to drink, lol. i dont know any of them just you!
1 week ago
Me lol wasn't saying you were..just making a statement
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 is your party a secret ?
can we discuss it in the room ? maybe other will be interested and it will be a great group. lol ill pay to fly fumbelina in lol
1 week ago
Me yes i am keeping my get together on the down low.... there are some that i don't care for and i don't want to have to deal with and i have already talked to fumbles... she isn't going to be able to make it
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 well damnit shes as close to tulsa as i am
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 i finalize my divorce on the 17th. i want to celebrate
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 shhhhh id like to meet fumbs
1 week ago
Me congrats on the divorce.... i know that you would like to meet fumbles...but she has been hurt by guys in the chat room and none of us (ie her friends) want to see her hurt again
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 i jsut wanna be her friend is all. i am not out to hurt her. we live about 3 hrs from each other. i am sure she is looking for someone local. i am jsut being realistic here. i know she has been hurt. i dont want to hurt her i am one of the good guys.
1 week ago
Me then be her friend and talk to her, but if you are asking her for more then don't flirt with all the other females.. trust me it will make you look like a player and it will get around the room..... us females are friends and we do talk
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 ive heard that from more than one of you. my personality is a flirt thought. i compliment all women. and i do so all the while respecting the one i want to be with.
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 as i said i jsut want to be her friend is all not after sex
jsut chatt friends ok
1 week ago
Me yes i understand the "flirt" personality.. i'm the same way trust me... i guess you could say that some of us have been around here longer then others and have seen the same things turn out differently
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 i have been in aol chats for 20 yrs i have seen it all
1 week ago
Me i don't remember there being as much drama in aol chat as there is here... lol
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 pffftttttt ... i fucking hate aol for that reason
1 week ago
Me mmm then you are going to hate it here.. there is more drama here then there is on aol.. or i should say when i was on aol....
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 nah ive learned to cope and ignore lol
1 week ago
Me yeah that ignore button is a wonderful feature on here
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 isnt it though ?
lol
1 week ago
Me think that the last time i looked i had 48 pages on iggy
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 dang lol glad i didnt get on your bad side and get iggied
1 week ago
Me there is still a possibility
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 lmao
1 week ago
Me i'm soooooooooooo bored
1 week ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 masturbate and video it lol
1 week ago
Me why?? ?i'm on cam live right now?
1 week ago
Me i'll make sure that i wave to the south on friday when i come down to the warren in moore...
2 days ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 thats right by the harley store! MY favorite store , lol. great place to watch movies.
2 days ago
Me i have yet to be there.... gonna go this friday if things work out with my friend down there and he can get away... i wanna see hansel & grettle
2 days ago
Me you will have to keep in touch with me since you are planning on leaving
1 day ago
xxxdouglasxxx3 sounds good
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The art of torture techniques......
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Posted:Jan 23, 2013 7:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2013 11:40 am
5054 Views
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I never really thought that i would have to suffer someone elses torture techniques but that changed a week ago when my doctor ordered me to go through physical therapy for my back. Everyone keeps telling me that oh they aren't torturing you they are trying to help you but i hate to tell them they are WRONG!!!!! I swear the therapists at this place have either mastered or come close to mastering the art of torture techniques. and the ones that haven't gotten that masters certificate get me to practice on twice a week... yee haw...yay for me... 
i had someone the other day ask me in the chat room what i was talking about when i stated that the only good thing to come from this so far is the fact that i got a new TENS unit to use here at the house. well for you that don't know i am going to be nice and inform you. a TENS unit is a wonderful little thing that gives me electroshocks into my back. yes i know that some of you are thinking to yourself that no one uses electroshock treatment any more but you are wrong. anyone who has a TENS unit (and i am finding out that more and more people actually do and i am not the minority any more) are going through electroshock therapy. trust me it isn't as bad as it sounds. this little $700 unit is one of the best things that i can ask for. you see i am an extremely stubborn person when it comes to pain. because i live with it daily and have for years due to my degerative disc disease i have to reach pretty high on that scale of 1-10 before i will take one of the pain killers that i have. doc thinks that it is a bad thing i think it is a good thing...but hey what do i know i'm just a little high school graduate with no medical training but what the hell i believe that i know my body better then that idiot doctor. so see with now having my electroshock therapy back (and yes it does work) it means less pain killers (which didn't work that great to begin with) for me 
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having to say it's over..... the one these lyrics are for knows
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Posted:Jan 22, 2013 3:47 am
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2013 3:50 am
3206 Views
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don't think that i could have come up with a better way to express how i feel right now with what i needed to do this week, so these lyrics are going to do it for me. just know that i will always worry, always care, and always love that won't change despite what had to be done
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me i can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
i'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
(chorus)
what hurts the most was being so close
and havin' so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowin' what could've been
and not seein' that lovin' you
is what i was trying to do
it's hard to deal with the pain of loisn' you everywhere i go
but i'm doing it
it's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
but i know if i could do it over
i would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my hear
that i left unspoken
what hurts the most was being so close
and havin so much to say and watchin you walk away
and never knowin' what could've been
and not seein that lovin you
is what i was trying to do
(chorus)
not seeing that lovin you
that's what i was trying to do
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the endless changes in screen names......
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Posted:Jan 21, 2013 10:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2013 7:31 am
5158 Views
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one thing that i have been noticing more and more over the years of being here chatting is the fact that more and more people keep changing their screen names, so it really makes me wonder on why they do it... my best answer is that they have something to hide. i have heard others say it is because what ever their first one was got banned from the site so they had to come up with a new one (but yet that doesn't explain the 5 other ones that they have as well).... guess it just goes to show the level of the game players out there.... gotta say that the joke really is on them because most of us are smart enough to figure out who they are with their new screen names... once you see someone typing for a bit and the way they say things it is like a signature of their real idenity
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*shakes head* lol
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Posted:Jan 20, 2013 7:58 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2013 10:42 am
4279 Views
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Despite the fact that i have been on this site for just shy of 7 years now there are still some things that i just have to sit back and shake my head and laugh to my self about when it is said in the local chat room. at this point i am not sure if i would call it stupidity or attention seeking on what has been happening by one of the newer "regulars" into the room that i frequent the most. i think that the majority of it goes to the latter of the two especially after what has been happen more and more frequently lately. i understand it is a chat room and you are there to chat with people. this person has been in the room for a spell now and you would think that they might have an idea on how it works...but here i will give y'all an idea of what has been going on... the first time i really had to shake my head and laugh is when this person updated their profile picture (which yes i know there are a lot of us that do that frequently myself included) but unless we are attention seekers we don't ask every male that comes into the room if they looked at the new picture and what they thought about it. hence the shaking head and laughing part. the second time i really had to shake my head and laugh was when the same person went on cam and started begging people to check it out and asking "how do i look". again i am also one that goes on cam but i have enough respect for my regular room chatters that when i do i go into the cam room as to not disrupt the regular chatters conversations by all the trolls that always seem to show up when a person is on cam. but are you starting sense a trend on why i am leaning more towards attention seeker..... the third example that i will give is the reason on why i have become unsure on if it is attention seeker or ignorance. tonight i called an old friend of mine in the chat room by a nickname that only he would understand to let him know that i left him an offline private message. there was no one with a screen name even close to the nickname that i used with him in the room chatting at the time. not even 10 posts later after i sent him that message this same person posted a hello to him using that nickname... so are you starting to see my dilemma on which they are more...
so please let me know which you category you would classify them under
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total confussion
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Posted:Oct 12, 2012 11:34 am
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2012 3:51 am
3935 Views
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Can someone please explain to me: why is it that someone gets really pissy at you in the chat room because you are talking to another person that they believe offended them. so the person that quits talking to you is suppose to be your friend, you didn't see what went on in the room but yet you are made out to be the bad guy?????? now your "old" friend (supposedly) now is all buddy buddy with the person that they got pissed off at you for talking to?? how in the hell does that make sense??? i'm starting to think that the one that was supposedly my friend is on the psycho side, that is the only explanation that i can come up with to explain it. Please if anyone has another answer for it i would love to hear it 
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For someone.....
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Posted:Oct 10, 2012 3:09 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 6:21 pm
3372 Views
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Well even though right now distance and circumstances are keeping us apart... know that you have mine forever.
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Blah
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Posted:Oct 8, 2012 6:00 am
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2012 2:57 pm
3946 Views
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well today is another blah kinda day.... what more is there to say about it really.
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To link to this blog (mia_coy) use [blog mia_coy] in your messages.
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