It seemed to happen so fast.
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Posted:Jul 26, 2005 11:30 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2007 12:30 pm
2832 Views
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With all the extra stress that I had been going through with my father I decided that I would take a night off and go away with a friend of mine. He offered to come here and we would just stay in town in case anything happened to my father while I was away. We had an absolutely fabulous time. I had asked my sons girlfriend to stay the night to help my with him. She had worked in a nursing home and I knew that he would be in good hands.
My Dad loved the song Just Another Walk with Thee sung by Patsy Cline and he kept asking for it in the previous weeks. He kept insisting he had it in his collection of cassette tapes. He had it, but I kept over looking it when I went through his tapes. My nephew found the song in dads’ collection. I did find it online and downloaded it. I probably played that song 100 times when I found it. The night I was gone the song kept going through my head. It was odd, yet comforting. I thought of my father all night.
I returned home around 9:00 in the morning and went directly into his room. He was leaning over and it looked as if he might be falling out of bed. I said, “Hi Dad, you’re falling out of bed. Let me straighten you up.”
“Oh, hi.” he said.
“How are you this morning? Are you ready for your meds?”
“I can’t take my medication right now.”
“That’s okay, Dad, just when you are ready, but I think that you need your morphine.”
“I think you might be right.”
It was routine for me to give him his morphine elixir and bite of ice cream and a drink of water. Today was different; he didn’t have the strength to bring anything up to his lips. So I fed it to him.
He said, “If anyone comes to see me today don’t let them wake me up, just let me sleep. I love you.”
“Okay, Daddy. I love you too. I’ll be back in to check in on you in a little bit.”
I went to my room and got on the computer so I could finish up some homework and do some blogging. In the meantime my started waking up. My and his girlfriend went on the back porch to smoke, and my eight year old came and said, “It looks like Granddad is falling out of bed.” My jumped up and went into his room. Soon he came back and said, “Mom I need your help. Granddad threw up.” My said, “Mom, Granddad looks freaky, I am scared.” I told her to stay in the other room while I took care of him.
I went into his room and said, “Dad are you okay?” He was not responding, yet he was still breathing. My helped me straighten my father up in his bed, and I started cleaning the vomit off of him. I called hospice and told them he was out of it and was not responding to anything. When I hung up the phone, I looked at my and told him, “This is it you know, he is dying.” Matt nodded his head and tears welled up in his eyes. His girlfriend was there and already had tears falling down her face.
“Do you think we should call the girls in here so they can say goodbye to him?” I asked.
“No.” Matt replied. “Yes, I think they do need to say goodbye to him.”
Just then, Dad took a deep breath, his eyes opened and then slowly closed, he was gone.
I looked at his girlfriend and asked her to please go get the girls. As they approached the door they stopped, afraid to enter. I saw the fear in their eyes as they filled with tears. I encouraged them to come in and say goodbye to their grandfather he was dying. My oldest who is 12 came in first, and she touched his arm and said, “Goodbye Granddad. I love you.” She then quickly turned to me and cried on my shoulder. I held her for a minute then coaxed my baby , who is eight, in by his side. “I love you Granddad.” She started crying and put her head on my chest. My sons’ girlfriend asked if she should take them out. I told her yes.
Hospice had not yet arrived and I called them again and the receptionist told me that the hospice nurse was out; she was going to get lunch and then was going to see a patient. I asked her if she would call her and let her know that I need her right away, because my father had passed. The hospice nurse was there in about ten minutes. She took his vitals and pronounced him D.O.A. at 12:10 pm.
I called a few family members and close friends and asked them to please call anyone else they could think of. I had not made arrangements with a funeral home and had to decide who was going to take care of my fathers’ body. He will be cremated and there won’t be a funeral, he always told me he didn’t want one, but I will have a family gathering.
Yesterday, amazingly enough, I was strong and I remained happy in spirits. My house was filled with people, the door was revolving and the phone kept ringing. Now and then I would get sad, but at other times I was relieved. I felt guilty for feeling relieved. He had been so sick for such a long time and taking care of him was not an easy task. He is better now and not suffering.
This morning I woke up at 7:30 after nine hours of uninterrupted sleep. I felt good to have rested, I can’t remember the last time I slept that long without waking up or being woke up. Then the tears started flowing and have not stopped since.
I love you Dad! I am going to miss you!
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14
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My father
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Posted:Jul 25, 2005 10:39 pm
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2007 12:29 pm
2428 Views
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He died today.
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4
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Rocked my world
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Posted:Jul 25, 2005 11:18 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2006 12:19 pm
3576 Views
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Have you ever had anyone just totally rock your world sexually? I have, but might post on that later.
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47
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(Page:)
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Fair is Fair
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Posted:Jul 23, 2005 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2006 7:40 pm
2913 Views
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After reading Jerosd and tamethytension blogs about swallowing it triggered something I have thought about for a long time.
Men,
Would you be willing to experience the things you ask of your lover?
Anal, would you be willing to have her put on a strap on and do you up the ass?
Swallowing, would you be willing to kiss her after her mouth was filled with your jizz and share the swallowing experience with her?
Threesomes, ffm and mmf would you be willing to try both?
I look at it this way:
If a lover of mine asked me to try anal, I would tell them, “let me go to the grocery store and get a cucumber the size of your pecker, do you up the ass with it, and if you like it, you can do me.” Although, I must admit I have a growing curiosity about it now.
When a lover asks me to swallow, it’s just no. At times, I do let him cum in my mouth, but I’ll spit it out. Now I would be willing to swallow if he was willing to share that experience with me. After all I kiss a man after he has performed oral on me, and his face is all glazed over. I did bite once when a lover came in my mouth. I didn’t even realize I did it. He told me afterwards.
It’s funny how men are so willing to have a ffm threesome, but in no way will do the mmf threesome. Now if I have a ffm threesome with a lover, I am sure he is going to expect me to have fun with her. Yet, these some of these men will not have a mmf threesome, and others will, but with no sexual contact among the men.
My whole point is fairness. Fair is fair. If you expect me to do it, you better be willing to do it yourself.
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10
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Law Student Lacks Common Sense.
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Posted:Jul 22, 2005 4:12 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2858 Views
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Thursday nights at karaoke are three of my most favorite hours of the week. My life is very full and here lately pretty stressful, so karaoke is a pleasant break. I love singing as I stated in a blog that [blog CuteAZguy27] created about karaoke in the shower. Tonight was a good night and I had a lot of fun.
A friend of mine, who I have not seen in nearly a year, came to join me. She's a lesbian. She didn't sing, but it was good to catch up. She left a little earlier than I did. There were about eight people there when closing time was approaching.
I was sitting with two of my friends I usually sit with and there were three guys mingling with us. Two of them were law students who had been studying for their bar exams all day today, so they came out to relax after a long day of studying.
Sure they could have been lying, but honestly I didn't think they were, they were nice and definitely way more educated than most of the guys who go there. (I like the smart guys.) After talking to the one, Brent, I realized that his father is my sons optometrist. His friend Ron happens to be from Ohio. I lived in Ohio for 22 years.
Now, I am a pretty good judge of character. That's probably the reason I have never met any jerks from this site. Anyway, we all left at the same time, and Ron decided he was going to ride with me. I was not concerned or worried in any way. I was driving, so that removed the fear of being in the car with a drunk driver. I had asked enough questions to confirm that he was had not been lying about his choice of careers. He is staying with Brent. And Brent happens to live walking distance from my house. I had no problems taking Ron there dropping him off.
What was I thinking?? I certainly was not thinking what he was thinking. The first thing he asked when he got in my car was, "Do you have any condoms in here?" I laughed and told him no, and we weren't going to need a condom anyway, because we had just met. So, I drive him to Brent's house and he hops out of the car and I tell him goodbye. He turns around and comes back to my car and asked, "Where are you going?" I told him I was going home. He asked me to stay for a minute, so I did. Ron went and talked to Brent for a few minutes and returned to my car.
He was a persistant one and tried like hell to score, but finally gave up after about 100 negative responses from me. I didn't feel that I had anything to fear. I just think that he thought that he was going to get lucky. To me in his mind he was thinking, "I am a good looking 27 year old law student, built, (very defined muscles) and that impresses all the ladies, she'll put out. All I have to do is look at her that special way with these eyes."
Well, law student, good looking, *ahem* young, muscular and those eyes, mmm those eyes, I don't give a shit what he was, he was not going to get lucky with me. He finally gave up.
First of all, I go to the bar to sing karaoke, not to pick up men. Second, just because I flirted does not mean "I wanna fuck." Third, to get in someones car and ask for condoms does not guarantee a fuck. And finally, how many "no's" does it take to get a hint? He may be a law student, but personally I think he spent too many years with his nose in those books to learn proper social behavior.
Yes, it could have been the alcohol, Yes, he could have lacked social skills. Then again, it could be that I am just irresistable. 
My lesbian friend had a better chance of scoring with me then he did.
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5
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My Blog
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Posted:Jul 21, 2005 2:16 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2658 Views
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I decided that I needed a title to my blog after reading fins_left's blog, so I decided on Deep Throat... uhm, Thoughts, and I got this message from the blogging police, "Your text has been denied (e.g., short, bad languages, solicitation, personal information and human error). Update your text for re-approval."
This is a sex and swinger site and photos of sexual acts are all over, but I can't have a title that says, Deep Throat... uhm, Thoughts?
Crazy!!!!
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5
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Today is the first day of my journey on changing my life. - follow up.
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Posted:Jul 19, 2005 5:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2624 Views
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My new eating habits have been pretty easy to follow. Don't get me wrong I have had some rough days. Stress with my fathers illness takes a toll on me and I get really exhausted at times and it is so much easier to grab something quick than something that I need to take care to fix. My oven broke, so it has been harder to bake my chicken and fish, and it’s been too hot to grill. I worked through it. Going out of town, I found out that it is difficult finding a place that cooks your food exactly how you need it to be done.
Besides all that, I have not weighed myself, due to the advice of a very dear fellow blogger; however, I have had to buy new smaller clothes and had to scoot the seat in my car up. I have found energy I had forgotten existed. Even though I am very happy normally, when I am happy now I am very very happy. Yes, I have had some sad days, but it has not been due to my new eating habits, it’s been because of my father’s health.
I had my friend take some “before” photos that I might share. I might just wait to post my before and after photos when my journey is complete.
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4
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My blogging friends
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Posted:Jul 18, 2005 1:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2558 Views
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I was going through some of my older posts and realized I have missed a few comments people have made, like keithcancook, PillsburyCodeBoy, and a few others. I like to respond to everyones comments in my blogs but I have failed to recognize a few of you. I want to apologize for that.
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7
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Red Flags and Titanium Walls
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Posted:Jul 16, 2005 1:43 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2836 Views
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About five years ago I met a man I had known from online. I met him at a night club on Thursday. He asked me to go out on an official date with him the next day. I was not really attracted to him, but he was nice and I felt safe with him so I agreed.
He came to my house the next day with roses in hand. He had bought me a DOZEN roses. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love flowers as much as the next girl, but a dozen roses on the first date, to me, is over kill. I thanked him, and put them in a vase and we were on our way.
We ate dinner at this little Mexican restaurant. The food was good, and I have enjoyed meals from there many times since then. After dinner we went back to the night club we met at the night before. We found a table as the place had not filled up too quickly. I just love to watch people so I sat back and observed. He asked me to dance a few times, and then it finally came... the dreaded moment that really set off the red flags... he dedicated a song to me, Amazed by Lonestar. While we were dancing he whispered to me, “I could easily fall in love with you.” I pulled back and told him, “That is the last thing you want to tell me.”
Okay, now there were not only red flags but there were titanium walls being constructed right between us. I was pretty uncomfortable for the rest of the night; however, I did give it a fair shot. I dated him for two or three months. My loved him and enjoyed his company, and they kept asking when I was going to marry him. What was holding me back? He is as nice as could be, and he loved me like no one ever has, and he loved my . It just was not there I liked him well enough. But it could never be more than a friendship. I held back because he lacked hygiene care both physically and dental. He had no ambition. He was happy with his minimum paying jobs; he could barely support himself, let alone a woman with three . I was happy for him when he said he was going to college. He lasted a semester and quit for another minimum paying job.
I could have dealt with the hygiene issues, by encouraging him that it is not pleasant. I could have gently reminded him that a woman loves a clean man who takes time to cleanse his body and mouth, could have been the resolution to the problem that prevented me from kissing him. His had great intentions, but his priorities were mixed up. An education is very important to me. There is no reason he had to quit college to work.
A few months after we parted company he saw me at a night club. I was sitting at the bar and he came up behind me, leaned against me and put his hands on either side of me, he leaned down and whispered into my ear, “Do you have a curfew?” I smiled and said, “No, why?” He suggested that he and I get together for the night. Politely I declined. Not even two weeks later, a mutual friend of ours told me he had just gotten married. I was in shock, not that he got married, but because only two weeks previous he was hitting on me!
He is pretty miserable in his current marriage, but sticks in there for some odd reason. I know he still loves me, yet he knows I will never love him. I see him weekly at the bar I go to sing karaoke at. He talks to me and hugs me and occasionally makes advances on me, only to be stopped rather abruptly.
Red Flags that turned in to titanium walls, dozen roses, dedicated love song, and the Phrase, “I could easily fall in love with you.” all in the first date. I don’t know about the rest of the ladies, but it was just a little fast for me.
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1
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Orgasms
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Posted:Jul 14, 2005 5:11 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2887 Views
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I was thinking today about men and how they (at least most I have been with) usually cum fairly early in the game. Yes, it can be disappointing, if they can't rise back to the occassion and go on longer, but my question is this... Should it be considered a compliment? I mean if they orgasm before me is that because they don't have stamina, or is it that he is sooo into the moment that he loses control?
If a lover is attentative, then it does not really matter to me how long they last during intercourse. I have seen disappointment or embarrassment in the faces of men who feel they should have performed longer. I never want a lover to feel in adequate because they are disappointed in their performance. I know that I have a strong sex drive, so strong, it's almost abnormal, so I have a bit more understanding.
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8
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Prefer not to say
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Posted:Jul 14, 2005 12:49 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2766 Views
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I was glancing through some profiles today, and I always have to wonder why people mark "Prefer not to say" for sexual orientation and marital status when in their profile they say they are searching for "something on the side" or they are looking for a same sex relationship.
I had to giggle tonight at one where the profiles sexual orientation was "Prefer not to say" yet this man had a photo of himself giving a blow job to a very well endowed man.
Yes, I realize that there are many profiles that are "fake" or here for whatever reason, but I always have to wonder why?
I Understand marking "Prefer not to say" for profession, or salary... I mean I don't want everyone to know what I do or how much money I make.
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3
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My first time
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Posted:Jul 11, 2005 5:28 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2662 Views
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It was the first time I had ever done it. I looked up and took a deep breath. I was shaking.
"It's going to be okay." He said.
"I don't know, I am scared."
"Really, you can do it." He assured me.
"You really expect me to do that?"
"Yes!" He demanded.
"I, I, uhm, I really don't think I can." Breathing heavy now, I feel my body shaking more than ever. I was terrified. My fingers were trembling, and my whole body was shaking. I was nearly hyperventilating.
"I just can't do it! There is no way in hell."
A sound of disappointment came through his lips. "Okay." He said, "Let's try something easier." He was gentle and understanding.
His tenderness was exciting; yet, his need for adventure was being held back by my inhibitions. Carefully he guided me to many places I have never been. He took it slow and easy and understood my fear. It was one memory I will never ever forget. The whole adventure ended up being exciting, fun and addicting. I was ruined, and now I need to do it again and again and again.
To be continued...
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1
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Today is the first day of my journey on changing my life.
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Posted:Jul 6, 2005 3:05 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
3387 Views
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On June 15, 2005 talldarkavg1 posted a blog called A Question of SIZE. In that blog he shared information from a conversation with a lady who is, in today’s society, considered a BBW and her struggles with her size. I call myself a BBW and when I saw this blog I took great interest in it.
In no way shape or form, (pun intended) am I ashamed of who I am or what I look like; however, I am concerned with the future health problems I may encounter in the not to distant future if I don’t do something about it. [talldarkavg1] encouraged me to get involved in a fitness plan, and I have started just today. I am changing the way I eat, drink, and am adding more exercise into my weekly routine and I am working on increasing my metabolism. It seems I have the slowest metabolism there is. No wonder I never have energy, or is it because I average about three hours of sleep a night?
I considered not sharing this with you, but figured I might need all the support I can get. It took me 39 years to learn what is not good for me to eat, now in a matter of the next few months I am going to learn what is good for me to eat. Foods that will give me energy, foods that will work with my body type and allow my body to know it is being nourished. I have always drunk a lot of water, so hydration is not a problem, but water retention has been. I always know when I drink too much soda; I either break out, and/or my ankles swell. This never used to happen to me, god getting old sucks!
I want to get old with my , and I want to play with my future grandchildren. I want to be running through the park chasing them. I want to ride bikes with them for family time. I want to swim all day. If I become unhealthy, I won’t be able to do any of this.
Today is the first day of my journey on changing my life.
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13
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To link to this blog (duststormdiva) use [blog duststormdiva] in your messages.
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