I feel myself heading into a dangerous slide of self sabotage. All of these memories and pictures pop up of things I was doing on this day over the years and I see these pictures of happy fun things and me smiling and the memories are so strong that it makes my current state so much darker by comparison. I feel lonely in my bed at night. Even when I can feel your body beside me. I have started getting accustom to doing things on my own again and I hate it. I don’t know what I did wrong to turn you away from me or kill your desire for me but I wish I could take it back. The fact that I still lust for you and crave your affection is a cosmic joke that mocks my body as I pleasure myself every night so that I am not tempted to beg at your feet. I don’t want to seek attention from other men but the need for validation that I am something worth desiring is hard turn away from.
So I ended up on this site because boyfriend had an account that I stumbled across. So naturally I made one to do some exploring and see what was up. And now he has deactivated his and here I am..... I’m having trouble with the thought of getting rid of mine. It’s not like he has changed his lifestyle and decided to change his ways and get rid of everything he was using do naughty things. This is the only site he deleted. Everything else is still up and running the way it was before I found it. But just to be honest with myself I am enjoying the attention I get from this site. I have felt lonely and rejected and unwanted and unattractive for a while now and yes it may be shallow but to have someone see a picture of me on this site and have something positive say or even just get a hard-on is something I need right now.