Going for the gold
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Posted:Nov 17, 2015 5:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2015 4:39 am
6330 Views
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Good morning friends-
Was given a gift card from a vendor I do not often visit so I decided to use it to try out a Gold membership here. (those two emails I'd received last week but couldn't read were really getting to me.)
Do you have any recommendations for me as I explore? It is nice to see the larger photos and get to view videos of course. (Some of you are so delightfully naughty)
What else should I check out?
Prof
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Give me the business
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Posted:Nov 16, 2015 4:26 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2015 5:20 pm
5990 Views
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Alas my Packers are on a losing streak. Looking ahead to the end of the week when I'm traveling on business. I hope to find some fun while I'm away.
Prof
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Health Care
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Posted:Nov 15, 2015 4:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2015 5:05 am
6056 Views
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Health Care
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Two women were bemoaning the state of the National Health Service. One said, "Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?"
"That's appalling," said the other woman. "What a terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman. "It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, 'Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?'"
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New one to me
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Posted:Nov 13, 2015 4:57 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2015 7:30 pm
5708 Views
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Oldie, but Goldie
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name tag that she is called Patricia Whack.
"Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan so that I can take a long holiday," he says.
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief, and asks for his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, and that his Dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay. And his father knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that to secure a loan for so much cash, he'll need to have some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, I have this," and produces a small porcelain elephant, about an inch high, bright pink, and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty says she'll have to consult with the bank manager, and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and tells him "There's a frog out there who says his dad is Mick Jagger, he wants a $30,000 loan and that it's okay, that you know his father." She holds up the pink elephant and says, "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The manager looks at her nonchalantly and says -
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone!"
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Sporting chance?
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Posted:Nov 11, 2015 4:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2015 7:03 pm
5760 Views
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Sex Lives
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Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."
The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."
The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."
She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."
"How so?"
"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."
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More than words
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Posted:Nov 10, 2015 4:38 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2015 5:03 pm
5850 Views
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I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower.
I realized that I couldn't find the rake so I yelled up to my wife, "Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"
I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion.
My wife wasn't sure and shouted, "What?"
I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
My wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?
She replies," "Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !!!
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Whale of a story
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Posted:Nov 9, 2015 4:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2015 5:29 pm
5642 Views
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Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.
Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.
Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"
When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.
So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.
The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors
were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.
The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the sailors!"
That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen!"
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Manners are important
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Posted:Nov 7, 2015 6:31 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2015 12:12 am
5832 Views
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Three Cowboys
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Three cowboys were sitting in a bar discussing women.
"I think Southern Women are the prettiest," one of them said.
"I think Southern women are the toughest," said another.
The third said, "I think they're the most polite. That's why they don't like group sex."
His friends looked at him, confused. "They don't like group sex?"
"Nope, too many thank-you notes to write."
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Gotta be in shape
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Posted:Nov 3, 2015 4:13 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2015 4:52 am
5992 Views
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New Brand
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A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts. "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies. "Gold, silver and bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
"Why don't you wear silver?" answers his wife. "It would be nice if you came second for a change!"
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Thoughtful planning
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Posted:Nov 1, 2015 4:09 am
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2015 4:10 am
6246 Views
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Sex in the Office
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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you."
But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his Pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
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Sigh
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Posted:Oct 30, 2015 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2015 3:50 am
6335 Views
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Flight
My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay...
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Smirk
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Posted:Oct 29, 2015 7:21 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2015 3:52 am
6510 Views
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Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
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Clean bill of health
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Posted:Oct 26, 2015 4:22 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2017 2:09 pm
6626 Views
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Hospital
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As a blonde was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for her wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet now."
"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" asked the woman, coyly.
"No," he said. "But it costs just as much... maybe more!"
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To link to this blog (Prof10001) use [blog Prof10001] in your messages.
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