Socks: The Revenge! Edition
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Posted:Jan 30, 2013 8:48 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2013 8:33 pm
13923 Views
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Anybody who knows The Beast, knows he has a hate hate relationship with men who refuse to remove their socks while making homemade coitus videos with their partners here on the AFFvision.
While I was shopping in my favorite discount store today, I came across a stack of boxers/socks sets which feature some awesome trout artwork. Yes..... I mean the fish.
As soon as I can figure out why my computer won't allow me to add pictures to my posts, I'll be sure to take some stunning action shots while wearing my newly aquired troutacular sex gear.
When I say action shots, I really mean solo action. I don't currently have any lady types who are demanding to engage in coitus with me..... with or without trout.
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The lowest of the low Edition
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Posted:Jan 30, 2013 8:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2013 8:40 pm
14181 Views
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Hello,
I would have said hello minions, except at this point I doubt I have too many left hanging around, waiting for their beastly master to make a rare appearance.
I just felt like a rant today. I was doing some thinking yesterday, which then led me to read several reports and investigations which I found online.
There are many groups of people that I lump into my lowest-of-the-low form of humanity. Today I'm ranting about police officers at every level who use and abuse illegal steroids, while at the same time sending people to jail/prison for marijuana, or other lightweight recreational drugs.
I'm a fairly large man. I'm 5' 11" tall. I currently weigh around 230-240 pounds of mostly muscle. If I can stick to my diet, I can get that down to a fairly lean looking 210-215. It took me 25 years (20 in the U.S. Navy with random drug tests) of steady time in the gym to get this big, without the aid of anything more than the occasional supplement from GNC when I felt like throwing some money into it.
I started noticing years ago though, that a well above average number of police officers are ridonkulously large, muscular men. I always had the suspicion that some illegal drugs must be behind a great deal of them. There just aren't going to be that many genetically gifted individuals who all just happened to stray into the same line of work.
I won't even mention that Ronnie Coleman (8 straight wins as Mr. Olympia) is a police officer. Wait..... I just did.
So, like I said, I did some reading. A casual goog search will get plenty of hits with articles about police being caught up in steroid stings. It's become such a common thing apparently, that the FBI has even been keeping an investigation going.
There are plenty of excuses given. Most commonly the police say they need a tactical advantage over the criminals they are going after. It completely destroys their reasoning when our prisons are flooded with people who bought or sold marijuana, a natural drug which is arguably far less dangerous than steroids.
One Doctor who was caught in a police related steroid case had hundreds of individual , and another expert estimated as many as 1/4 of police across the board are doping.
New videos of cops using far more force than is necessary to put somebody on the ground, and then beating on them once they are down pop up on the internet every day. You can't help but wonder how many of those incidents are "roid rage" related.
My opinion is that any police officer who has arrested somebody who ended up serving years in prison for marijuana use, should be in the next cell over if they had steroids coursing through their veins at the time. An illegal drug is an illegal drug.
One article I read stated that police in certain districts are given regular drug tests, but tests specifically to look for steroids have been blocked repeatedly.
Congress felt it important enough to bring sports personalities in for questioning. I would think it's more important to know how many drugged up, rage monsters are driving the streets, itching for the chance to handcuff somebody, and then body slam them face first into a car hood.
So there's my rant. To all of the boys in blue who send people to jail just prior to going home to use their own illegal drugs, I say you are one of the lowest-of-the-low of humanity.
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Recipe for mind blowing sex Edition
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Posted:Jan 9, 2013 8:08 am
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2013 10:31 am
15303 Views
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There's a rather disappointing, although thoroughly entertaining trend happening at some of the television studios which began as educational programming.
Animal Planet has found it's ratings cow in the form of Finding Bogfoot. If you've never watched it, you should, simply for the laugh factor. Each episode, four grown ass people travel from state to state, spend a night stumbling around in the dark while making "expert" "Sasquatch" calls, and finding nothing. They of course proceed to state that they collected definitive evidence that bigfoots live in that area before moving on to the next location.
The History Channel has found equal ratings gold with it's Ancient Aliens series, where other grown ass people can tie almost any ancient structure made of stone to alien intervention and assistance.
The moment of recipe perfection came during an episode of Ancient Aliens, when it was suggested that Bigfoot was, in fact, an alien species.
You just can't get better entertainment value than that.
While stopping at a nearby gas station to pick up a drink and a snack, I believe I may have stumbled upon the perfect recipe for earth shattering sexual release.
I'm sure you're all familiar with the product, 5 Hour Energy. Well apparently there's a new addition called 6 Hour Power.
It is my belief, that if you and your sexual partner both consume a bottle of each of these products prior to the making of the love, or fucking as we sometimes refer to it, you should achieve nuclear meltdown approximately 3 hours into your session. The resulting explosion of sexual energies will more than likely result in radical cases of Crooked Cock, and Lousy Labia, but should be well worth the deformities by my estimations.
Now all of you run along to purchase bottles of these products so that you can combine them into the greatest night of your lives.
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The- Does anybody remember me?.... or- I want a free computer. Edition
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Posted:Dec 29, 2012 3:04 pm
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2013 10:31 am
15855 Views
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I want a free computer, and I think I've found the solution.
I'll get to my point right after I make fun of a certain group of people. Don't get too upset with me folks.... it serves to build the foundation of my post, and set me up for my free computer.
The group I'm going to make fun of are those made-up sufferers of a non-existent condition... Dyslexics. This "condition" is so loosly defined, that no two "Pyscho-Babble Mental Medical Professionals", or PBMMPs, will give the same definition or set of criteria to determine if somebody is suffering from it. When they do... it turns out their symptoms sound remarkably like any other yahoo who didn't pay as close attention in class as other did, and so they have to play catch-up with special tutors, and tailored teaching techniques.
Other countries use improved teaching techniques from the get-go, and amazingly have an almost 100 percent literacy rate. For some reason.... dyslexia skips those countries.One country in particular only had three people reach high school graduation who weren't at the expected level of reading. Only three for an entire country.
I'm not making this stuff up, folks. Do an internet search for "Dyslexia is Bullshit", or something similar, and you'll find plenty of articles written by people with actual degrees that agree with me.
So anyway. Instead of just admitting that their is a little slower to pay attention than their peers, more and more parents are jumping on the, "My has a learning disability" bandwagon. Once they do that, those get free computers, extra tutoring, longer test-taking periods, and so on and so forth in order that they not fall behind due to their "condition".
I've discovered I have a condition as well. It's been well known for many years, but hasn't as yet been widely accepted by the medical community. As such, you probably won't find a great many papers written about it in the more well known scientific journals.
The condition I am referring to is known, at least by me, as Average W. Syndrome. Low T seems to be all the rage on the commercials these days, so I thought the use of a mysterious initial may help me achieve what I'm after.
Average W. Syndrome is what many of us men suffer from... Average Wang.
I know the old, "It's not the size of the boat..." line gets thrown around by plenty of women. Others will say size doesn't matter.
BULLSHIT!!!!! Liars Liars pants on FIRES!!!!!
I've been around on this site. I've read more than a few profiles. I would even bet that I've probably read at least a couple thousand individual profiles on here over the years.
I would wager that somewhere between 35-40 percent of the female profiles go straight for the BBC approach on here. (Even when one of the B's is lacking.)Another 50 percent, at the bare minimum, make a casual comment about, "No small packages need apply.", "A nicely HUNG man would be nice.", or "Small cocks can skip to the next profile."
I can vaguely remember 1 or 2 profiles where the woman actually stated she preferred a smaller to average package on a man. The rest all hover around that magical number 9. 9 inches seems to be the most sought after size of cock. It's like my shoe size apparently. I can never find the shoes I like in my size, so everybody else must be taking them. (Too bad, according to the scientific literature out there, only 1% of the male population carries 9 inches or more.)
So how does all of this lead to me getting a free computer? Simple! Now that I have a "condition", and not simply an average sized wang, or Average Wang Syndrome, I deserve free shit to help me advance in life.
I can use the free computer to research penis growth pills, penis pumps, penis stretching techniques, and penis implants available from the medical establishment.
A free computer would allow me to shop online and order all manner of benificial penis related items, and have them discreetly delivered to my home so as not to be embarassed by my condition.
So..... I'll be waiting patiently for all my free shit.
Thank-you
P.S. This post was inspired by Karl.
P.S.S. Don't bother leaving comments bitching me out for calling dyslexia a bullshit condition. Refer to the people I mentioned with degrees who also do it.
Anyway..... I suck at math... so I must have a learning disability too.
Hmmmmmmmmm I wonder if there's a name for not being able to grasp math as well as others? Why should reading get all the attention, and not rithmatic?
As a matter of fact..... any of us who are not as smart as a PHD Rocket Surgeon are probably suffering from some, as yet unnamed, conditions!
Free computers for everybody!
Two for Karl. He's got lots of conditions.
Love you, buddy.
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Finally.... something women can't make appear sexy Edition
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Posted:Sep 28, 2012 5:34 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2012 2:13 pm
18689 Views
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Has anybody missed The Beast? Probably not. I thought I would pop in anyway. It's just been one of those months.
The Burrow looks like shit. No, really... I literally see piles of shit in several places. I can't turn my back on minions for a second... let alone a month or so.
So I've went on at length in the past about the way in which women can do all sorts of things, and still make it look sexy which men don't stand a chance pulling off.
Women can throw on their man's shirt and look sexy. Men can't do the same with their counterparts gear.
Women can suck the end of a dildo, and have men drooling with thoughts of what it might feel like if they were on the receiving end. Men can't lick an artificial vagina and hope for anything other than ridicule, and possibly vegetables thrown at them in disgust.
Women can pose nude doing almost any conceivable act, whether it be washing dishes, weeding a flower bed, or washing a car, and make it look hot as hell. Men more or less need to pose naked while doing nothing other than being naked to pull it off and make it look sexy in a non-laughable way.
I have finally found the one thing that women cannot pull off and make it appear sexy in any way. The funniest thing about it is that it's an actual sexual act.
Women can't give their man head while web camming, and typing responses to people, and appear the least bit sexy. I've seen dozens, if not hundreds of them on here try it, and they all fail miserably. Each of them ends up looking like an old dog, gumming lazily on a piece of rawhide, and trying to scratch a few fleas on its ass in the process.
If these web cammers simply performed, and then discussed the performance with their viewers once everything was accomplished, it would be fine. As soon as they attempt to type, and read comments while the cock is in their mouth, it actually makes me like blowjobs less.... and that goes against the very laws of the known fucking universe.
They all get these highly studious looks on their faces, and squint, and pan their eyes back and forth reading while the whole time they are half-assedly lipping, and semi chewing the head of their lovers cock distractedly. It's downright disturbing.
I just have to go ahead now, and ask all women who cam with their man to please stop doing the rawhide chew show, concentrate on the job at hand while you're doing it, catch that nut like a pro, and then worry about who's making comments along the lines of, "Yeah, you dirty ho! Suck that shit! I wish that was my cock. I would fuck your mouth so good."
That's all I had. I'm just happy there's at least one thing you vagina life support systems can't do and make look good when it comes to sex.
I tease. I love you.
BEAST OUT
P.S. Enjoy the beard I was growing for awhile during my job search. I'm still searching... so I may start growing it again.
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Language Edition
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Posted:Aug 20, 2012 7:53 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2012 5:06 pm
19244 Views
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Greetings and salutations, my fine minion horde.
I know I've put you all on a paid leave of absence, but if you could spare a few moments from feasting on human flesh, or whatever you get into while I'm not around, I would greatly appreciate it.
I recently had a discussion with a dear friend about the proper pronunciation of certain words which we use here in this country.
Today in a store, I also happened to pick up a book, and read a portion written by Mr. Mark Twain. It dealt with the exact same topic, and that clinched the deal for me to write about it myself.
Some folks become highly agitated when they hear a word pronounced incorrectly according to their regional tongue. I have a few personal favorites myself. I chuckle to myself when somebody in a restaurant orders a gyro, and pronounces it as if it's the prefix of gyroscope, instead of ye-raw, or gee-rah.
You can tell which words are a person's pet peeve, when their voice takes on an entirely different accent for just one word during in the middle of a sentence. This is most notable to me when somebody of Italian decent, utters a complete sentence, with a single word in the middle greatly exaggerated... Like mozzarella. They will say, "Oh dear, I need to go back to the store and get a pound of Mhut-Za-RELL! for supper tonight." They may even throw in some wild hand gestures just for that one word.
It's even more humorous when the person isn't actually italian.
The fact of the matter is though, that we have developed our own version of a language here in the U.S. It's base may well be english, but it differs from what people in England speak a great deal. Even The King's English is made up of aspects of Latin, Spanish, Greek, and a host of older tongues.
I would like to start a movement to have what we speak here in the states referred to as Statesian.
Statesian would be a more fitting moniker than the often used "American" that some people of redder necks demand people to speak.
We here in the states use the term Americans unjustly I believe. Canadians, and Central and South Americans, are all technically "Americans", and yet the folks in the lower half of North America have monopolized the term American.
Something manufactured in Chile could technically be stamped, "Made in America".
Statesian is the most appropriate term I can think of for the unique and ever-changing form of english we speak here.
I would greatly appreciate it if everybody could begin demanding foreigners to, "Speak Statesian!", whenever they hear some people babbling away in a foreign language, like english.
BEAST OUT
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This isn't goodbye, I just won't be in the Burrow Edition
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Posted:Aug 17, 2012 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2012 7:54 pm
19645 Views
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I haven't written jack squat in quite some time, and I suppose I should at the very least place all of my minions on a paid leave of absence.
I'm concentrating on looking for employment at the moment so that I still have an income once I officially retire at the end of September.
I can't get my mind to pull anything interesting from my ass at the moment anyway, so any writing would be lame. I know what you're thinking. (How could the writing in The Beast Burrow be any more lame?) Trust me... it could.
I wish everybody the best. I'll still be dropping by to read some of your own offerings, and I may even leave a comment or two.
Take care
James
P.S. By paid leave of absence... I meant the same dollar amount you are all currently receiving. 
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Unintelligent Design Edition
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Posted:Aug 7, 2012 2:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2012 7:25 am
19393 Views
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I believe I have the final, definitive argument ender for whether Evolution, or Creation is the root cause of our existence here on the third orb of carbon from the sun... My cock and balls.
If any one clump of soft, vulnerable, easily mangled meat can show that there's no way an intelligent being designed the human body, it would be my junk. KarlBloggerfeld may have an even more easily damaged set of meat and two vegetables, but we've never compared notes.
I was originally going to use blind cave fish to illustrate my point here. Would an intelligent being really design a fish which has eyes that have been covered over by its own flesh over millions of years, rendering them useless? I suppose if the intelligent being had a really cruel sense of humor. What am I talking about? Every supreme being I've ever read about seems to have a cruel sense of humor.
Back to my balls. As I was saying, a weak, vulnerable, easily kicked cock and balls combination would be one of the absolute worst designs in the history of engineering if an intelligent entity had been behind it.
Just take a look , or any of the related, viral video websites, and type, "Hit in the Balls", into the search field. You'll probably find videos of men's junk being annihilated by everything from Airsoft Guns to kicks from a Zebra, along with the other 24 letters of the alphabet represented.
Evolution is simply concerned with the survival and adaptation of a species, so keeping the sperm cool enough in the baby maker sac by locating it outside the furnace of the body was a fair enough trade.
Had an actual intelligent assembly line worker been on duty, there would, bare minimum, be some sort of retractable shield between a man's junk and the outside world while it wasn't in use.
If an intelligent being, who was also fairly hip had been in charge, an accompanying cool ass noise would be involved as well. It wouldn't necessarily need to be as complex as the Transformers sounds as they shift from robot to car mode.
I do have the two coolest sounds in all of comic books in mind, however. I'm thinking something akin to Wolverine's classic "Snikt!" to signal that a set of cock and balls have emerged for business, and possibly Nightcrawler's classic "Bamf!" To accompany everything retreating back to safety once the junk is no longer needed.
I believe had an intelligent being designed a retractable shaft and nuggets, the evolutionary need, whatever it was once upon a time, for pubic hair could have been eliminated as well. Think of the time, money, and effort involved in manscaping that could be saved.
Maybe one day, when we're all hybrid, cyborg entities, not only will men have retractable balls and telescoping cocks, but we'll also have a tiny nozzle which sprays pheromones directly into the faces of potential sexual partners.
Psssssst Psssssssst Pssssssssst. That will be the non-stop sound heard in every nightclub once that day arrives. There will be a dense cloud of pheromones hanging low over the dance floor, and flowing along the floors near the bar like dry ice in those old mystery movies.
Until that day arrives, men are stuck with the decidedly dumbass design of having their wang and marbles dangling dangerously close to any and all hazards this world can throw, heave, drop, punt, swing, catapult, rotate, accelerate, or gravitate toward them.
This is a condition which confirms to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there wasn't, isn't, and never will be an all powerful, invisible being in the sky, who gives two rips about the plight of humanity... Or its balls.
Don't even get me started on chafing.
BEAST OUT
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7
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Bloggerfeld / Beast Campaign Edition
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Posted:Aug 4, 2012 3:48 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2012 4:27 pm
19037 Views
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It's been far too long since KarlBloggerfeld and I had a new campaign poster out there among the minions, so I thought I should do somehthing about that.
I've been watching nothing but documentaries for days now, and I think I have several very good issues for Karl and I to tackle; from the ever decreasing amount of available fresh water, to the need for more sustainable energy sources, and for people to stop using so much energy that isn't their own, i.e. get off your butts and be more active.
With a few exceptions, like The Beast's thoughts that abortion is bad, I probably lean more to the left, while trying to hold onto the middle. I'm sure Karl will probably balance me out in any areas where I sway too far one way or the other, and I will do the same for him. I still believe the best plan in most situations comes from somewhere in the grey area of almost any topic. Extremes of anything tend to break whatever they are thrown against. A rational middle ground with some room for sway keeps a tree from snapping off at the top during a storm.
Karl and I are going to do our best to make as many people happy as they can be without caving in to any one view. We'll leave the boneheaded, knee-jerk reactionism up to whomever sits in the presidents chair, while we find real solutions in the chairs of Co-Vice President.
Don't forget to vote!
BEAST OUT
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Had to Share Edition
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Posted:Aug 4, 2012 9:18 am
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2012 10:02 am
13823 Views
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The Beast has been watching a great number of documentaries lately. I'm absolutely disgusted by the majority of what is offered on television lately, and the few shows I do enjoy only come around once a week.
I had to share the documentary I watched last night with you, because I've read quite a few people here and seen their desire to lose weight, and get into better shape.
What I watched last night was titled Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, and I found it on Netflix.
The first half of the story revolved around an Australian man who weighed just over 300 pounds at the beginning of filming. He got tired of being the way he was, and the illnesses and medications that had developed along with it.
He decided to do a 60 day, juice only diet. He also decided to take time off from work, and fly to the U.S.A. to film his journey. He wanted to be around as much temptation as possible so that he could develop mental defenses, as well as physical ones against his over eating habits.
I believe he lost over 80 pounds during the initial 60 days while he drove across the country interviewing people about food, their health, and how they felt about it all.
The second half of filming was even more amazing. The Australian had run across a trucker at a truck stop in the U.S. who had the same medical condition as he did. The trucker weighed 429 pounds. he contacted the Australian man after he had flown home and asked for help. The Australian flew back to the states and helped him get started.
You have to see the trucker's transformation for yourself. What started as a 10 day attempt, turned into a 60 day juice fast, and resulted in the man losing over 200 pounds. I could barely recognize him by the end of the documentary.
I was so impressed, I'm pricing juicers myself. I don't need to go to the lengths that these men did, but i think I will use some juice to supplement my nutrition needs, and replace unnecessary snacking on crap.
Well... if anybody is interested, please locate the documentary for yourselves.
There was another I watched about natural gas drilling and how people that live near some of the wells can now lighjt their tap water on fire with a match. That was a scary documentary considering they want to drill 50,000 more wells throughout Pennsylvania and New York..... but that's a story for another day.
BEAST OUT
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The Beast Burrow Scientific Inquiry Edition
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Posted:Aug 4, 2012 6:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2012 6:08 pm
13559 Views
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The Beast has been doing a little reading and research....big surprise.... and has decided to perform his own scientific study with the help of his female minions.
There is a great deal of debate, and laboratory testing, surrounding the phenomena of female ejaculation.
Some studies have shown that the majority of liquid expelled by women who claim they can "squirt" during intercourse is simply urine based. Other studies have shown a distinct difference between the two fluids, depending on volume, and the women tested.
I've seen a few videos on this site myself that suggest by volume alone that the liquid must be primarily urine. There's simply no secret structure in a woman's body capable of hiding that much liquid. A 2-5 second squirt of moderate volume I can accept. Looking as if somebody just yanked the cork out of a barrel of beer is a bit suspicious.
Here's what I need you squirting minions to do for The Beast. I want you all to drink some water which you have added a generous portion of methyl blue prior to your next sexual encounter where a squirting episode is likely to occur.
NOTE: Don't ask me where to find Methyl Blue. I'm a researcher, not a salesman.
When you begin to squirt, take a few moments to scrutinize the liquid expelled, and write down your findings. I'm sure your partner won't mind since it's in the interest of science. Check to see if the liquid is primarily the color of the methyl blue that you ingested, or absent of that color.
Report your findings back to me here in The Burrow once you've collected your notes.
This is a very important cause, and will determine the direction that one of the issues that KarlBloggerfeld and myself are determined to tackle while we're in the office of Co-Vice President.
Do myself, Karl, and your country proud!
BEAST OUT
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Tin Top Edition
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Posted:Aug 4, 2012 5:49 am
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2012 8:36 pm
13193 Views
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This is just a quick post to show people who expressed interest the mint tin dresser top I made for my 's room.
Sorry about the poor lighting. Enjoy
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To link to this blog (OneStrangeBeast) use [blog OneStrangeBeast] in your messages.
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