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Posted:Aug 1, 2007 11:51 am
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:44 pm
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In my post Completely Confused... I was asked for an update, so here it is.
He left, came back a couple of weeks after that, said that he couldn't stay there, they were expecting him to work an amazing amount of hours, and he didn't like it there. And proposed to me... I said I would think about it.
For Thanksgiving, we went to my sister's house to visit, he got drunk and fell asleep. His phone started getting messages, and I got it, it was some woman, calling him baby and stuff, I asked who she was, and told her that he was in Georgia with me and that I was his fiancee. She said that she wondered who he was fucking when he was with her, so I checked the number, and it was a Georgia number!! What a coincidence!
Of course he swears he doesn't know who it is, and he's been getting messages from that number for a while now.
I, of course didn't believe him, but not wanting to argue with him at my sisters house left it at that.
Once we got home, he didn't change his story, and I left it at that, with the thought that, the truth always comes out... sooner or later it comes out.
About a week ago, he found out that my best friend was coming to visit me from Kansas, and he decided he was going to be a prick about it, and give me a hard time, because he didn't want her to come. Well, this is MY house after all, and I'll have WHOEVER I want to have here! Yes, he threw temper tantrums and bitched for the whole week, but I didn't tell my friend to cancel her trip.
So today, my best friend Fuzzy came to visit me from Kansas, and this morning, he packed the few things he had here, and left... For good. He said he was not staying here when I didn't give him the respect he deserved, and if I wanted him to come back, to go pick him up, and he didn't want her to be here when I picked him up.
Needless to say, he's still waiting for me to pick him, and I hope he's sitting down cuz he's going to get tired of waiting.
I told him a few days ago, that today would prove to me exactly how much he meant everything he said, and how much he wanted things to work out. And that after today, I would give him an answer. I think it's obvious.
So, to sum it up! Yeah, it kind of hurts a little, but the last few months he's been here, have made me realize that is not the kind of relationship I want. He has become a very jealous, possessive person. Who wants everything his way, when he wants it, how he wants it, where he wants it. And I'm just not sure interested in that kind of relationship.
I guess I'm still confused!
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Jan 12, 2007 6:49 pm)
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Posted:Aug 1, 2007 11:47 am
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:35 pm
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I finally got my car back, it's got a new engine, which I guess it's a good thing, the warranty was extended on that.
I had to take my to the hospital this morning for some lab work. I got a call last night from the doctors, he has a biopsy in about 4 weeks and they want to take him off the prednisone, and they want to make sure that his cyclosporine levels are ok, so I had to take him in this morning, I will hear the results by Tuesday.
That is quite an accomplishment, since I was told when he first had the transplant that he would be on medication for the rest of his life, mainly prednisone and cyclosporine... When I brought him home from the hospital, he was taking around 23 different medications, 8 times a day. Now, after 6 years of the transplant, he's taking 7 medications, including prednisone, 2 times a day. Now I just gotta make sure he doesn't go into rejection. I'm praying things work out.
I'm still trying to get hired on a permanent basis where I work, I've talked to my supervisor and she gave me some pointers, which I'm working on. I really want this job, it's good money, good benefits, and the hours are not bad. If I can get this job, I want to see about moving somewhere closer to it, so I don't have to drive so far every day, and be home earlier for my . It should give me more time if I can cut the driving time even in half!
I know I haven't been too active lately, and it's not that I don't want to. It's just that I'm working, and , and other "real life" issues have kept me away, but with the beginning of a new year, I hope that will change!
In the short time I've been working there, I've managed to catch up on almost all of my bills. Now it's just a matter of saving some money so that if anything should happen, I have something to fall back on.
Anyway, enough about me...
How's everyone doing?
What are you hoping to accomplish this coming year?
and most importantly... Have you missed me?? lol
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Dec 30, 2006 10:15 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 11:26 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2007 8:16 pm
16334 Views
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For those of you who do not know, my car broke down this weekend! I couldn't believe it!! I was stuck at work, waited for the tow truck to arrive for like 2 hours! Then I had to find a way home... needless to say instead of getting home at 8:00 pm as usual, I didn't get home until 10:30 pm, and now I don't know how I'm going to get to work!
I feel like everything is falling down on me again, I can't miss days at work because if I miss a single one I'll get fired, my car breaks down on me, I won't be able to do a damn thing for xmas this year even though I've been making sure I don't spend any extra money aside from the bills for the last two months! Oh it's unbelievable!!
I need to relax... any ideas?
What do you do when you're all stressed out??
What would make you feel better?
How do you forget your worries?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Dec 17, 2006 9:55 am)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:38 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2007 8:19 pm
16824 Views
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Gotten a call from a friend you haven't seen or talked to in a while, and the urgency in their voice gives you this funny feeling in the pit of your stomach??
You want to call, because you fear there's something terribly wrong, and as a good friend you want to be there for her/him... But something deep inside tells you this isn't about them... And all of the sudden your heart sinks, that feeling in the pit of your stomach intensifies, your mind starts racing, your palms start sweating, your heart jumps to your throat to where you can hardly catch your breath, and you think, "Maybe it's best I don't call... Do I really want to know?"
So, like the good friend you are, you call, but she's/he's at work and can't talk right now. Your friend tells you he/she will call you right back, and without going into great detail your friend tells you it does have to do with you. And from the sound of his/her voice, you realize that this, could ultimately change your life forever.
What do you do?
Can you handle not knowing?
Does curiosity get the best of you?
What if you just KNOW, from the bottom of your soul, that this, whatever it is, is going to hurt you deeply? Perhaps leave a wound in the deepest of your being, that will bleed non stop for the rest of your life?
Would you still want to know?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Nov 9, 2006 9:10 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:37 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:33 pm
16056 Views
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Working overtime all last week... I'm exausted! And just thinking I've got another week to go, makes me just want to go back to bed!
Anyway, I've missed being around latelly, I did get to go to a Meet & Greet last weekend, it was great, I had a good time! I just wish there would have been more people in one place at a time! lol, but it's all good!
This weekend... I'm hoping to rest! I haven't been able to sleep because I have that "restless leg syndrome" and it's usually triggered if someone touches my feet... well at the meet and greet someone kept messing with my feet! I won't mention any names (JEFF!), but the point is I haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night this whole week. But I have to take my to the dentist, and I've gotta get this house cleaned, do laundry, cook, cut my hair... etc, etc... I'd be surprised if I get any rest this weekend also.
One can only hope uh?
1. What keeps you up at night?
2. What are you doing this weekend?
3. What would you rather be doing?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Oct 28, 2006 7:46 am)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:35 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2012 9:39 pm
24617 Views
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In loving Memory of My
Seems as if it was yesterday
When I first held you in my arms,
you where so helpless
so beautiful and small.
I still remember your first smile,
Oh how your face lit up!
How was I supposed to know
it was your way to say goodbye.
Had I known it was the last time
I would've kissed you more
I would've held you closer,
I would've begged for more.
Had I known it was the last time,
I would've stayed up all night
holding you in my arms,
keeping you safe.
Oh how I miss you!!
I dream of you every day,
Not a day goes by
that I don't think of you.
Why did it have to be you?
It should've been me.
Why did it have to be you?
When I need you so desperately.
I know I have to keep going,
but it so hard without you.
My life will never be the same,
not till I'm around you again.
I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you
just how much I really love you.
I know your looking down at me
but I'd give my life just to hold you.
RIP baby... Mommy loves you.
Juan Daniel
10.05.95 - 12.27.95
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Oct 7, 2006 2:55 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:33 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:42 pm
16310 Views
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This is for those of you who keep telling me you'd like to get to know me a little better... I know, this is perhaps not what you had in mind, but it's something I've had to live... and part of what makes me who I am.
Once upon a time, when I was young and stupid... I fell for a guy... A guy that managed to enter my heart against all odds, someone who... I don't know how managed to tear down this cast iron wall I had built around my heart. I fell for him so hard... we moved in together, and lived happily... for a while. Until someone came into our lives and destroyed that happiness, the love... the trust. He met a girl on-line, and left me for her... she was married, and she left her husband for my then boyfriend. He was with her for quite a while, but he would always come back when she decided to go back to her husband... then she would call him and want to go back with him, and he would take her back. A few months ago, he came back again, for like the 3rd time... Of course I just "knew" he'd be back with her the moment she called. So I offered him my friendship, even though he swore he wouldn't go back with her. I told him to give it time, that he needed time to be alone and decide what he wanted... Yes, I still had feelings for him, but I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with anyone, specially not him. Now, months later, he's kept his word, even though she's called him several times. He has told her to leave him alone, that he wants nothing to do with her. But I still wouldn't take him back. Last night, he sent me a text message, said that by the way I acted, he knew I didn't want him around. So he was leaving the state, because it would be the only way he could stay away from me... and he asked me to be happy. Of course I didn't believe him, so I went to the greyhound station, and I found him on a bus heading to Atlanta... when he saw me, he got off the bus... He said he would stay, if I took him back and kicked my room mate out. I didn't take him on the offer, so he got back on the bus and left.
I stayed until I saw the bus drive away... and my heart began to break... I feel this... void inside of me... I know he didn't treat me like I deserved the first few times, and I know that I'll be an idiot for taking him back... But I can't help it... I miss him so much! I haven't been able to sleep or eat... I keep stopping my self from breaking down in tears, just because I don't want my and my room mate to see me cry... I guess I still love him... more than I realized.
He told me, that if I wanted to wait for him, when he came back, in about 6 months or so, that he would come back to me. But how can I trust that?! Sometimes I ask my self, Do I even want him to come back to me?? the answer is YES!! I do!! I've never been a good lier. I can't even lie to my self very good. But I don't want to get hurt again. So I guess the question is... What would you do?
Would you forgive and forget?
Would you go after him/her and tell them how you truly feel?!
Would you swallow your pride and admit that without him/her you're lost?
Or, Would you just let it go and try to live without half of your heart?
Those who know our history will think I'm stupid for even considering taking him back... but to be quite honest... I've never loved like this before... I know I'll survive, and I know that with time, perhaps this feeling will subside... but in the mean time, how can I ignore the pain in my chest? this cold loneliness??? the fact that I feel as if I can't breathe!?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Oct 1, 2006 10:24 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:31 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:31 pm
16097 Views
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What do ya think?? This is my new car! I'm so excited!! it's a 2006 Dodge Stratus, 24000 miles, still under it's original 36000 miles/3 year warranty, clean inside and out, no dents or bruises, a few nicks here and there but nothing worth noticing really... and, not only is it nice, but now it doesn't take me 3 hours get to work! I made it here in 1 hour and 15 minutes today!!! Yay!
Although it wasn't my first choice, I think that I did pretty good. I didn't even need a co-signer, which tells me that I'm succeeding at repairing my credit! Hopefully some day I can have the car I want. My first choice is a GMC Denali, my second choice... a Nissan Maxima.
How about you guys and gals... what type of cars do you like best?
Which ones would you definitely stay away from?
What is your dream car?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Sep 11, 2006 9:40 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:29 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:30 pm
16137 Views
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I know, I haven't been as active here lately... But I've got a good excuse!... I've been working!! I think I might've finally found a job I like, and the pay's worth the boredom! Well, actually, training, but I still get paid anyway, the only problem is that I work in Lincolnshire, and live in Chicago... I have no car, so I'm using public transportation and it takes me 3 hours each way. Which means, for me to be there by 8am, I have to leave by 5am, and I don't get home til 8pm because I get off at 5pm. So, I'm hoping to get a car soon though, then I'll be more active, in the mean time... why don't you answer some questions for me??
1. Do you like your job?
2. What did you want to be when you grew up?
3. What did you end up doing?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Sep 6, 2006 2:57 am)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:26 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:30 pm
15418 Views
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Ok, so I haven't been really active in my blog this week, and for that I'm sorry.
Do you ever feel like you're in this big bottomless pit, out of which you keep trying to climb out, and every time you get close enough to seeing the light at the end, something happens, that pulls you down so far that you have to start all over again?? And again?? And again??? What happens if one day I just get tired of trying to pull my self up and give up??? Is there really a bottomless pit?? Or does it just seem that way???
I'm still trying to get my house organized, before I start working, so I've got a lot to do still.
I'm supposed to start working on Monday, and I still haven't gotten a hair cut, I don't have anything to wear, I haven't found a babysitter for my , I'm completely broke, and as if that wasn't enough, my car broke down yesterday! I mean, out of the blue it just stopped working!!
There's a Meet & Greet going on this weekend that I would really like to go to. I'm wondering if that's even going to be possible now.
Can it get any worse?!... On second thought, don't answer that!
So, how's your life going?
Ever felt this stressed out?
What do you do to relax when you feel this overwhelmed?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Aug 18, 2006 2:43 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 10:22 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 7:30 pm
15387 Views
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Today is my 's birthday... He's now 7 years old. I'm so happy, yet so sad. 6 years ago, the doctors were saying he wouldn't even make it one year. Now 6 years later, the doctors are telling me that he's doing great! and he's growing like you wouldn't believe. I don't have the money to have a birthday party, so enstead, I'm spending all day with him, doing whatever it is he wants to do. He's no longer a baby, but he'll always be my baby.
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Aug 12, 2006 10:43 am)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 9:55 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2007 5:03 pm
15440 Views
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1. I GOT A JOB!!!
Finally! I got the call telling me when the job will start! August 21st... it's kind of far from me, but hopefuly I can save some money and move closer to it, If I get hired permanently. I'm so happy!! I just hope I can have this house all set up before I start working.
2. MY IS DOING GREAT!
I took him for his annual check up with the cardiologist.. and they've informed me that he's doing great! They want to try to get him off the steroids in 3-6 months!! I'm so happy, no rejection at all, he's doing great!
Life's good.
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Aug 11, 2006 10:34 pm)
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Posted:Jul 31, 2007 9:52 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2007 5:03 pm
15511 Views
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Finally! After all the moving, and unpacking, which I'm still not done doing, I got my cable today, and I'm back! Good thing too cuz I was about to go nuts without you guys!
OMG! You guys have been busy! It's going to take me forever to catch up!! But not to worry, I'll be checking out the blogs tomorrow.
Sorry guys, it's kind of late and I'm getting sleepy... I get weird when I'm sleepy so I won't ramble on for much longer.
I do, however, want to thank Kitty, Una, Fogar & Elf...
Kitty - Thank you for all of your help, when I talked to you on the phone, I was only half kidding about needing assistance, I mean, I needed it, that is obvious, but I was only jokingly asking... and for you to come to my aid, in such a way, I can never repay u, and I will never forget it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without you, none of it would've happened.
Una, Fogar & Elf - You drove all the way here, just to help me. Helped me get a truck or brought your own, worked all day, in this awful heat to get me moved. Without expecting anything in return. None of you had to do that, yet, you did, and I know that in part it's because kitty is the type of person not many people can say no to *lol* But the point is you guys did it. Even though you all had other things to do, people to see.. M&G's to go to, I'm sure a lot of ladies were disappointed, but I'm glad I got to spend that time with you all, although it was not exactly how I imagined it, it ended just as I had thought it would... all 3 men sweaty, worn out and out of breath... I owe you guys big time!
Now... Who missed me?
~ Nessa ~
(Originally Posted Aug 5, 2006 2:46 am)
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To link to this blog (Miztress_Nessa) use [blog Miztress_Nessa] in your messages.
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