A true 1st step, finally
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Posted:Aug 22, 2012 2:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2012 6:13 pm
13001 Views
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I was on here a year ago, well the profile or parts of it have been here since a year ago. I thought I had delt with the implanted cultural and religious bias that had caused me to suppress my lust for men all those years. I was wrong.
I did OK with the fantasies, and I flirted well enough I think. It was still not easy to meet guys, partly because I'm picky, not just about who but also about how and what. When I said I needed kissing and cuddling I was put down by a number of members.
I did finally meet one man, a nice guy really. We met and went to his place. As he was trying to suck me I just thought, this isn't me, apologized, dressed, and left. End of adventure.
A few weeks ago the lust demanded release or at least it resurfaced and fought for control of me. In the past year I've worked with a lot of gay men and women, gotten more involved in my church's gay rights campaigns (not the church of my childhood), and had a lot of Facebook debates on gay marriage with the people I grew up with who still have very closed minds.
I came back to this site under my old profile and began to look around. Last week I got an email from Affairlook titled 'Free viewing and emails on Senior FriendFinder this weekend' I couldn't figure why they sent it to my Affairlook account (I'm on both). Then I discovered it worked here, before the weekend. I could read profiles and send emails. So I did.
I contacted a local guy and we traded a few emails and eventually . We were talking on the phone Friday evening and I asked if he'd like some company. He invited me over. We had a pleasant conversation, played handsies for a bit and went to the bedroom.
I was naked first and was pulling his boxers off in my excitement. We stood there kissing, I turned him and backed him up to the bed. I pushed him back so he sat. I knelt between his legs and reached for his dick. I played with it, tried to beat it. But it stayed limp, a problem I expect to encounter a good bit dating in my age group.
Then I bent and took it in my mouth. It was the most wonderful and liberating moment I have had in years and years. I loved sucking his dick, running my tongue around the head and along the bottom. His moaning filled me with joy. His balls and sac are smaller than mine so when I was licking them I was able to suck the whole thing into my mouth and masturbate him.
We kissed, cuddled, and made out some more. The third or fourth time I slide his hand over my ass toward my anus he got the hint and asked if I'd liked to be finger fucked. I jumped to my belly, wiggled my butt, and said, "Oh yes!"
He was good, he's very experienced and was very gentle. He took his time working his way into a virgin ass. It was heavenly. I love being fucked!! I was selfish and had him keep it up for longer than I am sure he wanted. But oh my God it felt so wondeful!!!
I'm over a lot of the hang-ups I had last year. I've discovered I'm really much more a bottom than a top. I'm happier than I've been in years.
Oh, and I have a date Friday with another man from here on Affairlook. I have't seen a face pic but the full frontal nude picture of him standing there with that beautiful dick and his nest of pubic hair made me weak in the knees.
I'm not where I need to be yet. But for the first time in years I feel like I'm actually headed somewhere I want and need to go.
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Why do they keep looking?
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Posted:Sep 25, 2011 2:11 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2012 1:47 am
12970 Views
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I've noticed something that puzzles me. People, particularly Gold & Silver Members, who keep looking at my profile ... and that is it, just looking. I get that since I added pictures people who viewed me in the past would look to
1) see if seeing me, or parts of me, physically would make them want to meet me where my words didn't. Reasonable, logical, I get that just fine.
2) they would not realize it was a profile they had viewed since it didn't have pictures before. That makes sense too, very logical. Do you remember everyone's name/ID, particularly since some are so much like someone elses? I know I don't.
OK those make sense. Looking a second time in general can be explained by forgetfulness. But at some point I have to ask why is someone looking at me the 3rd or 4th, or even 5th time. I feel honored they were that attracted but come on. If I see that I will send a note so a Standard Member can reply (if I notice it and since I'm writing in several cases I obviously did).
I've even taken to writing the first note to someone who looked like they might be interesting and lived reasonably close, even Gold Members, who has viewed me several times in a 3-4 day period in case they are just shy.
What happens? Nothing. They don't reply. Not even just the quick reply from the drop down boxes at the top of a received email that say "fuck yourself, I'm not interested" in several different ways that sound much nicer. Which I guess is at least somewhat more honest because why would you view a profile 4 times if you weren't interested at some level.
I don't understand. This is a sexual dating site. I thought people were here to start a relationship, find a one night stand, or something in between. That is going to take a conversation. Perhaps not a long one, nor a deep one, depending on what the goal is, but some kind of discussion. "Your place or mine?" and the response is a brief conversation.
I thought men who had sex with men were eager to get it on. In the time I've been on here as 1sttimewithguy looking for men I have also been on here under a different ID looking for women (women don't date bi guys). During that time I've met two women and no men! And women are supposed to be more picky!
Does anyone have reasoning for this behavior?
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The 'no show' date, it is disappointing but understandable
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Posted:Sep 1, 2011 1:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2012 12:40 am
10988 Views
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If you look at many profiles on here - and if you aren't at least window shopping what the hell are you doing here - you will read a lot of "be real," "want to meet, not endless chat," "if you make a date SHOW UP," and the like. All indicating the all too familiar 'no show' or the more polite but almost as disappointing 'last second cancel' has been a part of the author's dating history here. Or maybe I should say non-dating history here.
It is disappointing, but I understand it. I don't particularly like it, but I understand it. I understand it because there was a time when I was the guy doing it.
Affairlook and places online like it are very different than meeting in a bar. Here your urges have more power over you. You are alone in your house or apartment with these fantasies, these desires. All you can think of is fucking another man's ass, sucking his dick, eating a woman five minutes after you meet her, having someone spank you with a riding crop and when the pain makes you cry fuck your ass hard and fast (perhaps with a strap-on if you were spanked by a female), or something else you have never done. (For the record all of these are NOT my fantasies, so don't expect me to let you do some of them to me if you contact me.) And not only are you thinking about them but you read profiles of people who want to do this stuff to you or you do it to them.
So, being normal and horny, you contact one of them. Maybe you exchange a few emails. You make a date. The time of the date approaches. It hits you, "I'm going to suck a dick! I've never touched anybody's dick but my own! What if my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/whatever, either one now if you have one or someone in your future you haven't met yet but will someday, ever finds out?" or "When the guys make fun of a gay, I'll have done everything he does."
The fantasy has just lost a lot of power!
If you were meeting in a bar the person you are about to stand up wouldn't be, "someone I met online" he would be "the guy with the winning smile I've been flirting with for 15 minutes." He wouldn't be "someone to fuck," he'd be "Bill" or some other real name. He would be a human being the way someone who only exists in your world online can not be.
You are conflicted. You don't go for the date. If your mother raised you right you call or email and cancel, but either way you don't go.
So what can be done, other than have all 'virgins' be 'deflowered' by another 'virgin' and only then admitted to the much more exclusive, currently non-existent, 2nd level with sworn statements from two others, "Yes, we did the shit he/she said he/she wanted to do in his/her profile?" And you know some would lie. Get three IDs, two to vouch for the real one.
When we say we want FWB, show the 'F' part in the emails immediately. Take time to set up a date, let them get to know you. Don't loose your cool when they still end up cancelling, and some will.
No matter how much everyone protests, "It is just sex," the fact is it is as intimate a thing that can be done by two people and most people have to have someone who acknowledges that, at some level, in some way, to lead them through it the first or second, or tenth time. Without it no shows will always be a big part of our dating life here.
If the fantasy, desire, you pick the name, was real and had occurred before it will occur again. My experience tells me they will be back and will do all in their power to make the date(s) worth your time when they meet you. I know, I have been them and so have many of you.
So figure the stand ups as a part of the cost of membership and don't let it upset you. It isn't personal, it is nerves. One day the nerves will be history and you'll have a lover, FWB, NSA buddy, or one nighters you'll remember.
J.
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Another week in review
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Posted:Aug 29, 2011 9:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2011 12:56 pm
8958 Views
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It has been another week. Am I closer to a lover than I was last week? I can't be sure. I can't see me being any closer to someone within a 30 minute or even an hour drive who is indicating he wants what I want and can deliver it. I think 90% of the men looking for men on here are married to totally clueless women, or who the men hope are clueless. But the existence of a wife does restrict time and opportunities for getting together, unless she's aware and OK.
Because of my articles and, maybe some extent, my blogging I have had a lot of views and a few conversations with people I will never meet from places I will never go like South Africa and Australia. I'll never make it to India again so I probably should count that too. Not to mention all the states that have sent visitors.
I do have a date scheduled but it is far away and not immediate either. I have obligations that will keep me in town for a while. Doing charity work and trolling for men aren't mixing well.
Speaking of which I have a report to prepare for a meeting.
I hope things are going well for you.
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I got diverted for a while
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Posted:Aug 24, 2011 8:48 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2011 8:57 pm
8466 Views
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I have had several conversations since my last blog, met a few new men online, none in person, but the inertia I had built up, the force heading toward meeting someone has slowed. I got caught up in writing as series of articles, a coming of age love story between two .
The whole story thing started with my tracking backward to identify when I first wanted sex with another male. I got into a lot of 'what if' thinking about myself and my best friend at 12 years old, and "Boys to Men" was the result.
Writing it took time. Rewriting it took more. My PC has hard disk problems. My connection to the web is a Nokia E71-2 cell phone. It doesn't have a lot of memory. With the browser I use it is hard to type an article without the browser crashing and losing everything.
That happened with "Part 2" about two paragraphs from the end. I edited it down and retyped it. The editing didn't hurt the tone of the story, it may have helped it.
I've typed most of "Part 3" three times already and lost it all each time. The first time I should have known better. I tried to put in some scenes that didn't help now but would set things up for some things I was planning several installments later. That was fortunate. I realized after the crash the first time, while what I was planning was the kinkiest sex I had considered writing, it was not in line with the tone of the story.
I scrapped the plan and retyped "Part 3." 90% of the way through "out of memory" and time to edit and start over. Third time was not the charmed one. In the first sentence of a paragraph only about four paragraphs from the end, you guessed it, "out of memory" and all was lost.
I can't cut any more out of the story.
So I'll piss off some readers and do "Part 3" in two parts, 3.1 & 3.2. Why will they care? Part 3.1 will be an "Erotic Story" without sex, references to sex, but no actual sex acts.
Why do I care enough to spend all my time on an article of fiction when there are real men to find, date, and have sex with? It is really simple, I know it is all inside my own head but, I finally get to live a 'might have been' with my first love. I need to do that, to finish it and get it right.
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It has been an interesting first week.
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Posted:Aug 22, 2011 2:26 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2011 5:24 am
8389 Views
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In a few hours I will have been a member of Affairlook under the ID 1sttimewithguy for a full week. I've been on looking for women a few times in the past under a different ID, this is the first time I've been openly and actively been looking for a man for a friendship and sex. I say openly because under that other ID about every 4th search or so would be looking for men. Nothing but fantasies came of those searches, fantasies and a total of 3 conversations, 2 on here and one actual phone conversation. No sex, no dates.
Being here as openly bisexual, looking for a man I want to make love to and have him make love to me, has been totally different, and a bit the same. I haven't had sex of any kind with a man, but I've had at least one conversation, usually two or more, every night here or on the Yahoo IM with a guy I met here. Most conversations were flirtations at least part of the time. So at this point I have some reason to be optimistic.
If I want to I also have experiences that could depress me. I spent the better part of the second night talking and flirting with an interesting man I met here. His profile said he was after what I was, a friend and lover. We both opened up and told each other things I'd normally never tell some one I just met. We traded face pictures and he shared three of his dick, it was nice. The next day I saw he was online but he said he was busy and would get back to me. He didn't. I gave him a day or two and dropped him a line. He hasn't responded, I doubt he will.
I also met someone who reminded me of myself. According to our profiles we were after the same things and had about the same level of inexperience. He had a less romantic view of a relationship with a guy, but he wanted one best friend to have sex with, not a series of sexual encounters with a series of men. We talked a lot. Thursday he asked me out for Sunday night, dinner and conversation. He was almost as inexperienced as me he had traded oral one time with one man and neither took the other to orgasm.
Saturday afternoon he emailed and canceled. He said he had to work late. Maybe he did but it felt like cold feet to me. I wrote back and asked if he wanted to reschedule. I haven't heard a word from him since.
So I went from being excited about my first date with a guy to disappointment in the span of less than hour. I was down and wanted to be alone. I decided to spend Saturday night logging on this site and browsing nude pictures of women from India. I've spent a few months there and have long considered the women of India the most beautiful in the world.
An hour or two after my Sunday date was officially canceled I got an email from a man who lives here in Oak Ridge. I knew little about him, he is listed as straight on Affairlook and everything in his profile is written toward women. He wanted to talk. I didn't, I wanted to be alone. But I was polite and we chatted a bit.
Then he asked me for a date, that night. It was out of the blue. I turned him down, suggested we do it another night. He was insistent, every time I said no he pressed and asked again. Finally I thought maybe it was a sign and agreed to meet him at a burger joint at 6:30.
As I took care of my dogs and got ready to meet him my attitude shifted. I recalled how insistent he was to meet me, based only on my profile and blogs. I felt desirable, to at least one man. The more I thought about it the luckier I felt and the better I felt.
When I got there I was headed for his table and ran into a guy I worked down the hall from for three years. I knew his wife had died and his youngest was out of law school and working hours away. And as I feared he was lonely. He followed me to my date's table. And the dear man whose insistence had lifted my spirits had to spend the first 20 minutes of our date listening to two old engineers discuss all the R&D that had been screwed up by business majors who got promoted into management and ran projects they didn't understand.
Finally we were alone, alone in public but at least we could talk freely. We talked about pretty much everything, childhood, divorces, families, sexual experiences, Affairlook experiences, we talked and talked. Three hours after we met, as the staff was sweeping one side of the place and prepping for the next day, we got up to leave.
Obviously no sex, since we were in public the entire time the only physical contact was a handshake as we said our parting words.
It may not sound like much but I spent three hours with someone and we both knew that at some level we were auditioning to become lovers. I'd never talked, in person, to anyone about how I longed for sex with a man, much less a man it could be with. When you've spent decades not accepting or even recognizing these feelings in yourself it is extremely liberating to talk about them openly. Doing it while flirting was wonderful.
On the whole it was a great week.
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How long have I wanted this? When did I first really want to have sex with a man?
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Posted:Aug 19, 2011 2:48 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2011 12:56 pm
8173 Views
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Since I accepted I'm bisexual, some here have told me I'm gay since kissing a man makes one gay while sucking his dick doesn't but I want to be with a man as much as with a woman, I've been trying to remember when I should have known what I was.
You'd think with all my education and a fairly high IQ it should have been easy. But those masturbation fantasies 'were just fantasies' and didn't give me a clue.
Back in community college there was a teacher who tried to seduce me and I wanted to give in and give myself to him. To suck his dick and fuck his ass and him do the same to me. I was half-man/half-boy, he was a good 4" taller than me and at least 20 years older and that was attractive. But I was a country boy coming out of a small Southern Baptist church and was afraid of the fires of hell. I never thought about being bisexual it was just a temptation. I knew I wasn't gay, I spent too much time chasing girls.
Back in high school I used to go to the movies alone, sometimes while cutting school, sometimes on a Friday or Saturday night. My friends didn't like films as much or the same kinds of films as I did. I then and now still think film was the great 20th century art form, rock'n'roll, Hank Williams, and Bob Dylan not with standing.
At the movies I was alone and young. I noticed these guys who spent as much time watching the audience as the movies. It got so every movie at least one, sometimes as many as three, though always one at a time, would come and sit by me and try to have a conversation. I hate anyone talking during a movie and brushed them off.
Poor dumb me. But finally after a month or so I figured out what was what, or who was what, or something. I was bugged they did it. But I was flattered, no girls were trying or it seemed even willing, to flirt with a chubby four-eyed nerd. A part of me wanted to go with them, to let them suck me, maybe go back to their house and get naked, I might even work up the nerve to suck them. But I never did, see Baptist reference above.
When and where I grew up there was no sex education in school, we learned the old fashioned way from an older who knew something but not much. When I was 10 or 11 an older boy, around 13 or 14, was out with several of us younger guys who were all in the same class. He started talking about sex. We were a rapt audience. The young were me, my best friend since birth (5 months difference in age) who lived, and still does live, in the house across the road from my parents home, a whose parents rented the house on our farm my aunt couldn't bring herself to stay in after her husband died, the who lived in the house up the road to the north, and my best friend from church who'd often come home with us after school and catch a ride home when his dad came by on his way home from work.
Later the older brought magazines full of pictures of naked women. We'd meet after school in the woods around our little farm community. Before long he talked about masturbation, we all had questions, so he suggested we all take our dick out and he'd show us. That is right, my first sexual experience was a circle-jerk.
At the end of the school year the older 's father took him out of our school and sent him to a school in the next county because it was so much better than ours, it was. So our boy's school on sex folded.
When I was 12 or 13 the best friend from church told me my best friend and the renter's were meeting in the hay loft of my father's barn after school several days a week and they'd 'corn hole,' the term used for have anal sex with, each other.
My reaction was not disgust or shock. I was angry, hurt, and upset. I felt rejected. He was my best friend! He should want to fuck me! I should be behind him, fucking him, my hand masturbating his dick. Not him and this other who'd lived among us for only a couple of years.
We are still friends to this day. I still own the family farm and we visit every time I go down there. He has aged worse than me, 40 years of smoking and several years of meth will do that to you. He used to be bisexual, if he sees women now I don't know it. I'd still like to make love to him, lie naked together, holding him in my arms. But he has never kept a secret in his entire life, the people there have nothing to talk about but each other, and I need the people there to think I'm one of them, to be accepted, to protect my farm. One neighbor already sold an acre of my timber, he "didn't know where the line was," a line that was marked by a fence the first 50 years of his life. It would be worse if he and others thought I was "just a queer."
So I have my answer I have wanted a male lover, or a particular male lover, for as long as I've wanted a woman, I just didn't accept it in myself. That is as many years, decades, as many or maybe most people on Affairlook have been alive.
If you have desires or urges, and following them wouldn't cause real harm to someone else, don't hesitate. Define what you want so you have no question in your mind and go for it!
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Not sure why I'm so turned by Blacks but I really am.
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Posted:Aug 17, 2011 8:12 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2011 12:55 pm
7077 Views
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I don't know why I find blacks so sexy but I do. I grew up in rural Alabama. I was in high school when we finally integrated. There were these two black girls, sisters, as in same mother and father, and I couldn't get enough of looking at them and being around them. I never asked either out, we'd have both been in hell, the Klan was active then.
In college there was a girl I had a hell of a crush on. We had the same circle odds friends, some went to bat for me trying to talk her into going out with me. Nothing worked, she never went out with me. So it has been.
Now I've accepted my Gay side and come out as a bisexual (I still love women). But I still have a black hang up. Can not but imagine being with a black man, looking are his dick as it goes in and out of my mouth, or me behind him thrusting into him.
I found a profile of a man who seems perfect for me. If his profile is any indication he is intelligent and kind, he wants a white partner & I'd love a black one, he likes guys my age and I'd feel really special with a man his age beside me (or under me or on top of me), his photo shows a beautiful ass, presented and waiting. But he is a couple more hours away than I think I can handle, if he were to want a relationship with me.
All is not lost I've since started a flirtation with a white guy about my age. He is just as nice and intelligent, and his shyness about some things is completely endearing. Even then I can't help but resent the curse that is now at least 35 if not closer to 40 years old.
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Bisexuals: Aren't we just part-time Queers?
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Posted:Aug 16, 2011 7:36 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2011 12:55 pm
6610 Views
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Since I accepted my bisexuality and joined Affairlook as a bisexual looking for men I've spent a lot of time reading profiles and blogs related to bisexuality, profiles of men listed as bisexual or bi-curious and blogs on bisexuality.
One term that keeps coming up again and again is the idea of having a "bisexual experience". One of the things I do that upsets people a lot is look for logic and point out when it is missing. There is no such thing as a bisexual experience. There are hetrosexual experiences and homosexual experiences.
Bisexuals are people who have both kinds of experiences, or in my case want to have both kinds (I am not curious, I know what I want). But ladies when you have your face in someone's pussy or she has her face in yours or even are sucking each others breasts, and guys if you have your dick in someone's mouth or ass or he has his in yours, you are having a homosexual experience. A damned fine one I would hope but a homosexual one none the less.
We seem afraid to admit that we are part-time homosexuals. There is a stigma in many parts of our society to being gay or having gay experiences. But let's be honest we bisexuals are doing the same thing people who are exclusively gay do, we just have a different mix of experiences in our life so the flavor of "us" is different from the flavor of "them". Kind of like beef in a Chinese dish tastes different than beef in an Italian dish, but leave out all but the beef it is just the same.
When I have thought about it I've assumed I'd be with another bisexual male. That is bigoted. A gay man would be the same, his arms would hug as well, his lips would kiss as well, he would suck as well, his dick would be as beautiful, ... well you get the picture.
We are here on a site devoted to sexual freedom and we subtly segregate ourselves from others. Maybe because we feel since we dip our dicks in a pussy every now and again it is purer than one that only does mouths and asses (??) I don't know. I am sure it is unconscious in most if not all of us but it is real.
The truth is I want to fuck a man and that is gay!
Of course I would enjoy fucking a woman about now too and that is not. 
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I took the first step out !
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Posted:Aug 16, 2011 1:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2011 12:54 pm
6734 Views
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I took a step in the last 24 hours that has been a long time coming. I began looking for a man for a special relationship. A good friend, someone to catch a movie or a game with, or maybe a hike, then get naked and give each other pleasing orgasms.
I've never been with a guy before.  I've had fantasies for years, masturbated to those fantasies, and had powerful orgasms. But I never acted on those feelings. They didn't fit my self-image. I've been married twice, had a lot of girlfriends and several female fuck buddies and the odd one-nighter, I've even forgotten the names of some of the women.
But I have realized the fantasies aren't just fantasies, they are desires, yearnings, cravings. I want a man as much as I want a woman. Yes I still want women.
I want a complete relationship with a guy, not just a suck & fuck. I want good conversation, friendship, and lots of physical contact. I like to caress and be caressed, to kiss and be kissed, to be casually naked together whether before or after sex.
I want a man's lips around my dick. To have him make love to me with his lips and tongue. To watch him work to bring me joy.
I want to lie between his legs and smell the musky smell of that sweat that has dried between his thighs and scrotum, to kiss and lick his balls, to kiss his dick, take it in my mouth, feel his erection against my lips, run my tongue around and over the head, and begin to go up and down on his cock, feel his hand on my head to encourage me as he begins to approach orgasm, to feel his thrusts and his trembling as he can't control himself.
I love anal sex. I've introduced three of my exs to it and trained them to take me, I'm not huge but I do require a Magnum size condom.
I want to slide into a man's ass, to fuck him, slowly at first, then building intensity and speed until my balls are slapping his. Feeling him cum and cum myself.
The next part is what would require a friend/lover, if my desires didn't. My anus is tight, too tight. It needs to be trained. To be slowly and lovingly prepared for him to enter me painlessly.
Then to have him enter me, feel his lips on my neck and back as he slides all the way in, his balls lying on mine. Feel him start to thrust in and out, in and out, owning me during those moments, just as I owned him when he received my thrusts. Lovingly giving myself to him, appreciating even more his giving himself to me. Finally cumming as he continues to fuck me. Feeling his body as he cums. After he rolls off kissing each other, and lying in each other's arms.
But so far all is still a dream, a desire, a fantasy. No one has replied to a message from me. No one has sent me a message. But it is only one day. I've waited years, it won't be a big deal to wait a while longer.
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To link to this blog (Man4Man4Fun2Day) use [blog Man4Man4Fun2Day] in your messages.
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