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I'd love to tell you that my blog is always exciting and action packed with sex. But, the fact is that it's pretty much just a collection of my thoughts from time to time. There are spicy moments and jokes thrown in, but mostly I like to ramble on about my day. I like to ramble with open ended questions to anyone just cause I don't plain get "it." And probably most often I like to write about stuff and end up rambling about whatever's on my mind.
If you haven't figured it out by now.... I TEND TO RAMBLE. That's how I get stuff out. Your comments and opinions are always welcome and desired. This is an open forum for ...... anything. All are welcome. I try not to edit too much though so I apologize for not always being eloquent and for the occasional bad spelling and inevitable grammar errors that ensue. Do me a favor and look past them.... pretty please  , lol......O, yeah. And, if you comment and are a standard member stop by again later. I respond to pretty much everything everyone says on my blog.
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What are you?
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Posted:May 3, 2012 10:36 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2012 12:10 am
14017 Views
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So, due to my necessity to baby the eye I declined to play soccer today..... such a sad, sad, day. It has become a staple of single life for me over the last year or so; playing soccer several days a week.
And, since I can't wear my contacts or see at my optimum I've also declined to pay the currently ridiculous movie prices to see a movie with my friends so no Avengers for me for at least another week.
So, I was left with Thursday night TV in the form of Wall-E; a good surprise. Wall-E's quest to hold hands with Eva has reminded me first of all that I am not a hand holder. I'm not even really a great proponent of the casual "hey dear" kisses. I am, though, a champion hugger; big strong, lift you up and squeeze you hugs. I love giving hugs and I am super good at making people feel cared about and important via hugs (consequently making lame hello hugs ..... well, lame, but that's another story).
The other thing that Wall-E and his eminent lady friend reminded me of is that it has been EONS since I have really been able to give a great hug or get a real great one for that matter. People get the wrong idea when you hug like that I think and I dislike such wrong ideas when all it is, is a nice big hug.
I do miss kissing, and I'm wanting enough that I could probably be talked into holding hands, but what I really need is someone I want to actually be close to so I can give a big "I love you" hug and feel someone close.
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maybe sometime soon.....
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Captain's log; stardate 5412
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Posted:May 3, 2012 10:20 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 2:24 am
13957 Views
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Soooo another day and another trip to the doctor, which means another medication, another prescription co-pay, and more good news.
So apparently my body has decided it no longer is friends with my eye. That's the fun school version of biology which most aptly describes my current situation. Apparently when you get a good all over eye infection your eye can have an auto immune response. The doctor told me he was worried about the type of infection I have and so he gave me some new eye drops.
And, do you know how you know they work?
- no it's not because it tingles like dandruff shampoo
- it's by the ridiculous insane burning painful feeling you get as you add one drop per eye 5 times a day.
Yup, I am definitely alive!
But, I should be good by next week in time for my check-up and no doubt another co-pay and more fun medication.
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Headline: Man has "vacation", but doesn't want it
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Posted:Apr 30, 2012 8:55 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 2:25 am
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So, I guess I shouldn't complain too much, but today was not my best day. I woke up this morning having forgotten to take out my contacts and found I have some crazy eye infection. Normally this wouldn't be the end of the world because I'm a quick healer, if I get sick at all, but it has been just plain unpleasant. After like 3 hours of pain/discomfort I went to the walk-in/emergency doctors. It was probably the 2nd most painful car ride of my life including car accidents. I have been ridiculously sensitive to light all day to the point of crying out of my eye pretty much uncontrollably and non-stop (awkward for non-doctor conversations btw).
Now, I have a pretty high pain threshold and normally would just say fuck it and go about my day, but I can't wear contacts and have been stuck indoors not watching tv because it hurts and trying not to play/work on my computer because that hurts too and this SUCKS!!
Seriously, how do blind people entertain themselves because I am going stir crazy eating crap in my house out of shear boredom. How often do people entertain themselves sans eyes? Not TV, that's ok I'll play on the internet. No internet, ok I'll read a book. Hurts to stare at a book...... this is where I get lost.
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Seasons lost...
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Posted:Oct 10, 2011 11:53 pm
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2011 12:04 am
11148 Views
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Dead bodies everywhere…. the landscape is littered with dead bodies; the casualties of a life lived with the door unbolted, unlocked, and unclosed. Each fate sealed with the last and most powerful of kisses. Each dragged out from the porch and into the light abandoned, lost, and left for dead. Each piled ingloriously as one great long monument to illusion.
Not all are gained through malice. Death doesn’t differentiate though. Good and bad alike pave the road along which death travels. Death coldly and deliberately wraps its boney fingers around each neck and cold white faceless body as they’re dragged away, almost in turn toward the same fate.
Who’s to blame for such senseless indiscriminate carnage? Who will answer for it? Who will pay the toll? There are no marks, no cuts, no bruises, no lacerations, no mutilations; no evidence pointing to the culprits. The only commonality is the lack of commonality. No rhyme or reason can be applied.
What protection was given? the shade of the porch roof? the porch banister that passed into view as the trust fallen victims’ grace passes from their eyes left lifeless to the ravages that would have them? No more of what was, what could have been, or what was supposed to be. There was no other protection but that which was held in the highest esteem, expected but not received. It’s not a secret anymore. Now everyone can see where the skeletons are hidden.
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The boy with kaleidoscope eyes
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Posted:Sep 26, 2011 2:08 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 10:43 pm
13534 Views
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Have you ever opened your eyes in one split second to see infinity in everything, without words and left immutable with only the picture of a tear escaping the corner of your eye to speak for you, when the world acts in a common singularity filling you so far past full that your body has but the one answer. All things melt into one, all time melts into now, and all thoughts fade into simple radient energy and emotion.
There is so much beauty in the world and in perferates every particle and action around us. Every moment everything calls out to us; a subtle wisper on the wind with the power to match a howling hurricaine. Without command and without self interest, not to stand out and be heard or to fill a void, but calling none the less. It seeks to remind us of the true partnership destined for all things, to rekindle the connection given but forgotten by that which screams to overpower it.
I wish that I could do more to share with the world. There is so much flowing in and it doesn't require me to direct or conquer it. It only seeks a vessel in the way that sound uses air. Another tear escapes me at the feeling that I squander this gift. It rests on my cheek and discipates, snapped by the realization of present loving action through which all things are possible.
What love and power lies in me may it pass on so that I can be the change that I see in the world, flowing out of me the way an iceberg floats about the ocean below the ruff waves that would hide it; to leave its next vessel equally unchanged but profoundly different.
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WHY???
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Posted:Apr 23, 2011 7:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2011 1:58 pm
13637 Views
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God, I am in so much pain at the present. Have you ever wished you felt physical pain that matched the emotional so at least there was a reason you knew it hurt so much? Well, I'm sure as hell not going to hurt myself THAT much (only once or twice in my life have I ), but I think a trip to the gym is in order.....
Is that a positive use of energy, or just a coincidentally beneficial means to torture one's self? I'm not really sure what the intention is.... but I'm gonna go do it anyways.
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Thought of the day:
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Posted:Apr 15, 2011 10:09 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 2:11 pm
11018 Views
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Suffer no illusions. The truth can be treated with subterfuge and side stepped, but eventually it sees the light of day. And, just as newton's law of motion would have us believe, the harder you ignore it the harder it pushes towards said light.
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thought in my head...
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Posted:Apr 10, 2011 8:32 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2011 2:00 pm
13832 Views
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Silence is scary; almost as scary as the fact that it's where I live. Why do I do that? Why do I love doing that which hurts me most?
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Today's thoughts as the day comes to an end...
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Posted:Mar 21, 2011 6:18 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 2:11 pm
10380 Views
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What beauty will last from seasons past when that which was will never be once more. When colors and emotions transubstantiate, the past fades even as its evolution continues. Where then is its place; it never belonging here and now where ever and whenever now may be. In kind, the present continually reshapes itself growing ever farther but, inescapably a bond remains; one which can't be spoken, heard, tasted or touched. It ever embodies that which it was without ever being again.
What lasts then when nothing ever did or ever does? What power is held and what responsibility is left? What love is left unscathed by the ravages of time. What stands the test; not the rocks, not the oceans, not life, and not even the foundations of the earth. All must meet the same fate.
What is good? What is bad? What is just different? There will alwasy be that which remains from now unitl the ever end of time. Time stalks us. It carries us. It brings us into the world and time takes us out of it.... all in a blink. The blink lasts forever and blends with all the others and becomes what it must and what it always was meant to be even before it was meant to.
There are no shelves for storage and no one to tend the shelves which would be if they could. Neither has a place in the ever changing world. There are no screams of justification and no arguments of rights to exist. All has a place and time and that place is now; or was it then? Did it ever exist? DOES it ever exist?
Life and love leave their imprints but are themselves fleeting. A powerful contradiction as they shape all that is, never living to see the fruits of time toiled, time spent, and time lived. Now is forever and forever is a split second in eternity.
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And two years later....
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Posted:Mar 21, 2011 6:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2011 6:37 am
13044 Views
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Wow, who knows when life randomly brings those meaningful people to you. Just saw my last post. She was def worth keeping around... until that one landed on me like a ton of bricks. Over a year and a half of the best relationship I've ever had.....
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Age...
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Posted:Mar 15, 2009 2:59 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2009 9:05 am
13493 Views
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Ok, so I just recently met this girl. Or rather I should say she met me maybe.... since she initiated conversation. But, anyways... she's 22. Normally that's kinda weird because I'm 28 and all the "" I teach in college are just a year or two younger.
I suppose I shouldn't feel wierd about it since we're both adults and done with college, etc. I guess it's just generally something that I wouldn't think to do... go out with someone that different in age. She seems very cool and fun though. I suppose I'm just a bit worried a bit because I dated soem onee a couple years younger than me once and she ended up beign a bit immature.
What's you opinions on age difference?
Is there a point when age becomes a big deal no matter how much you get along? I alwasy thought that maybe there was, but I guess rules and ideas are maade to be broken, right?
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unattainable......?
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Posted:Mar 6, 2009 9:40 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 10:58 pm
13722 Views
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I've been sitting and thinking a lot tonight about who I am, about what I am, and mostly about the choices I make in my life and how it reflects upon me; not just how I am seen by others and by my peers but by myself. I wonder, do most people have trouble looking in the mirror? Do most people hold themselves to high and seemingly impossible standards? How does anyone live up to themselves, to their beliefs, and perhaps most of all to their potential?
I think perhaps one of the last things that truly tortures me is me is me. In my life I have faced up to all sorts of things. I have confronted small fears like heights and the uncertainty of swimming in water I couldn't see the bottom of; things that make grown-ups chuckle because they know better. I remember being a and being terrified of such things though. I am now an accomplished swimmer able to go for miles at a time and I never miss the opportunity to hang off a rail just to see great voids that could fill the imagination.
I remember being older and being scared and worried about being popular and liked. I used to cry myself to sleep worried about such things, always trying to hard to be liked and never really feeling like I belonged. Since then I've grown into the person who sings in elevators, voluntarily talks to strangers just to make them smile, teaches because I love sharing and interacting with a crowd, and would love to go out to sing karaoke if only someone would ask. I don't fear the eyes of the world anymore and I don't second guess my worth as a result of what others think.
When I was in college I worried about what I wanted to be. And, as I grew in knowledge I realized that I lacked in wisdom. I saw things in myself, my life, and in the lives of those around me; the hypocrisy of the world. So, I did what I always do. I changed my life to resemble what I thought life should be. I didn't let myself compromise on things that mattered and I didn't label things as meaningless and unimportant just because I misunderstand and had never taken the time to notice small things that were large truths. I became a conscious person who makes decisions based on knowledge as well as feelings and I didn't ignore the truth just because it was convenient. Most notably, those who know me know that I have "crazy" health habits. But, it goes way beyond what anyone could hope to ever know about me just through simple conversation.
I don't mean to carry on in order to validate myself though. I don't need validation from anyone who would read this...., or from anyone who doesn't for that matter. I think it wouldn't come to much of a surprise to many to know that I am my own harshest critic. Lately, and in both professional and personal arenas of my life, I have been a bit tortured living up to myself. I don't have any particularly famous talents or any recognition, and I am not seeking any.
I am, however, rather tortured by the fact that I always seem to let myself down when I depend on me. I never let others down when asked for a favor or when someone needs help, but I am not so easy and accommodating to myself apparently. I'm not sure if it's because of my goals or the fact that maybe I think I owe it to myself to be better because I know that I can, but I seem to never be able to avoid the feeling that my conscience is looking down at me; a shadow ever present as the large proverbial elephant in the corner. I wonder why I can't just easily flex my "muscles" for myself. I tell myself it's probably just because while I do have great self-worth I do lack in self-esteem sometimes or other such things. I think the truth though lies closer to the fact that I may be afraid to be successful.
Where else do we have to hide if we don't have our faults. I am not of the impression that I am now or will ever be prefect or anything remotely close and I have no inspiration to be a deity. I don't live the way I do because I'm afraid but because I love and respect myself and those around me. I just don't know how it is that I always manage to let myself down though.... even as I watch myself doing it as if I were outside my body just watching it happen.
Such things don't require constant stress or sticks up my butt though. I don't think I have such hindrances. Maybe I'm just driven by myself to be the best I can be. Do we ever stop doing that?
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I have been in bed all weekend and I'm sooo sore right now!!
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Posted:Feb 8, 2009 1:27 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2009 7:55 am
10563 Views
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So normally when you hear those words around here you're thinking there must be soem great sex story to follow...
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Yeah, sorry... I'm lame, lol.
I actually rolled my foot playing basketball on Friday and have been pretty much unable to walk the last couple days now. What's worse is that I've apparently lost the remote to my TV in my room so I was forced to watch the family channel yesterday for like 7 hours. It was ok at first, but there's only so much full house, grounded for life, and hallmark reject movies that one person can stand, lol. And, I've also internetted and video gamed my brains out. I am sooo ready to just go work for 12 hours... except I can't  .
So I'm just laying here with my foot up on pillows wrapped in ice by myself hoping that something will come up and I won't be bored out of my mind anymore. I actually got so bored yesterday that I drove, with my bad foot (right), to visit an ex for lunch. How sad is my weekend????
ok, well back to playing online I guess. I think I may force myself to go to work for a few too. The pain might be worth it....
Someone, ANYONE... feel free to enteretain me.... PLEASE!!!
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To link to this blog (HokieTiger) use [blog HokieTiger] in your messages.
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