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My Demons
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My Demons I have a new therapist. I've had a total of 4. One of them referred to another one who used a technique that I found intriguing. Unfortunately she had breast cancer and died. I loved her. She was so warm, loving, I felt so comfortable with her. I found another therapist who uses the same technique, it's called EMDR. I think you can figure it out e m d rdotc o m It's eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It's used for people like me who have post-traumatic stress. There are a lot of people here who were abused as that could benefit from this technique, this is why I mention it. Unfortunately you have to revisit the trauma for it to work. I was a again, being held down and it was so terrible. I cried so much yesterday that I developed an awful headache. I wanted to throwup but never did. I am supposed to be at work, but I can't work in the kind of state I am in right now. I took my ambien a lil early last night, slept some, tossed and turned and got up for awhile at 3. I hurt allover. Especially my shoulders. (TJ, why don't you come rub them for me? LO  I know other people here face the same demons from their childhood. Many are open about, blog about and it has helped me (Thank you LT). You may see many more blogs like as I work through this. It still hurts me so bad cause it was family members who hurt me. I can't understand. My question always is WHY? and I'll never know the answer. Wolves in sheeps clothing. They look like normal people, monsters on the inside. Now I'm going to my safe place, in my mind I'm underwater, face down with a mask on. Watching the parrot fish munch on coral. Watching lobsters scurry under coral ledges. Seeing a school of pin fish being chased by yellowtails. Keeping my eye on the barracuda that hangs out under the floating dock. Feeling the sun on my back and on my ass. In this place, an exlover is holding my hand as I introduce him to snorkling. We swim through a coral canyon that opens up to a "field" of brain coral. I point out the angel fish. There are a multitude of small fish around the brain coral, lots of wrasses, some yellow and purple fish I can't recall the name of. We drift and float till we're tired. Lie on the beach till we're so hot we can't stand it and go back in the water for more.  |
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2/2/2007 9:38 am |
*strips down, puts on mask & snorkel, floats contentedly with MacWendy*  King Nor XVIII  
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2/2/2007 10:25 am |
The worst monsters tend to be the ones closest to you... Find someone to talk to..let it all out then start building your wall back up piece by piece..its a slow painful process..but its there to protect you and keep you safe within... Remember your greatest friend will always be yourself.. I wish you well Take care ~Kittie~
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2/2/2007 12:00 pm |
I lived through some pretty horrible childhood experiences myself, and have probably had more than 6 (?) therapists over the years. They all used different modalities. I think I let go of some of the pain with each therapist, but I could never forgive. Intellectually, I WANTED to forgive, but I just couldn't feel forgiveness at a heart/soul level. Then about 6 months ago I started reading about meditation and higher consciousness and began meditating at the beginning and end of each day. One day I realized that the past just didn't matter to me any more. The pain was gone and I had forgiven somewhere along the way...the most incredible thing. I wish you well on YOUR journey and hope that you will find that peace
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2/2/2007 7:37 pm |
I like the idea of your safe place a whole lot better than trudging through the painful muck of the past. But maybe that's the shortest route to get you back to the reef and looking at fishies. Big hugs, TJ
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It's amazing what you learn and how many people can be helped by writing and reading posts in this place.. Now just remember to put your imaginery sun-tan lotion on when you go to that safe place again Mac...don't want you to end up like the lobster! Frangi x
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EMDR is an amazing tool! My therapist and I have worked through an amazing amount of pain that was unapproachable any other way. .
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