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jingle bell rock
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jingle bell rock i have started three posts the first was a discussion on death - and i got so mired down that i just had to leave it be. the second was the perfect conversation which was fun but slipped away from me somewhere in the middle and started to sound way too sugary. suffice to say i had one and it was lovely...thanks solar. so i'll try again with a topic less dire and less personal and discuss the frenzy that was mine as i went to purchase one simple item at Target yesterday afternoon at 4 PM. while i grant you it was a saturday and a foolhardy time to go shopping, i was not prepared for the experience. the parking lot was packed. nary a spot to be found. so, in no rush, i sat in a lane and waited for someone to leave. someone did, and as they did, an idjit slid into my spot. my first indication that this was not a just or perfect world. i pulled up behind the offender and as they got out of the car, ia asked if they had seen me waiting. they laughed and hurried away. i resumed waiting, but this time i was like a hawk, poised for the the first sign of movement in the field. ten minutes later, i pounced. parked. as i walked into the store, the number of people was enough to send any sane person scurrying back to their car, head bent and silently swearing to join the first zero population group they could find. i nabbed a carriage and pushed forward through this sea of humanity and immediately found myself swept into the bra section where i was unceremoniously dumped. i asked a person in a target shirt where the toy section was and i swear you'd need a gps system to get there so i wandered willy nilly until like some mystical oasis appearing in the dessert, there it was. i needed a toy for a two year old. it's been a while and to be honest, two year old boys have very different tastes now.....so i asked a dad with a little one and his showed me all the things he wanted. a delightful little guide and i might add greedy as hell. i chose one and as i left the toy section, i found myself utterly lost and without any sense of where the front of the store was. i asked a red person who was just a lady with a red sweatshirt and she was NOT happy. boy, this holiday shopping stuff makes people tense. eventually i found a real target red person and they shoved me along nicely. now for the fun part. on items that are pricey, they put these locks. i was behind someone who had a pricey item. it took four people and 27 minutes for them to unlock the lock on the pricey item. grant you the lady saved 76 dollars which is no small thing. but the lines were very long and everyone was getting very irritated....so i suggested we sing christmas carols. why not....nothing better to do and really this was getting grim. so we did.. and i have to tell you, there was a tenor in our line that was killer. he kinda took over and we rocked on through most of the standards and some of the other lines joined in too. lemonade. You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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Oh, oui... Don't you know that Christmas... is a tradition that has been shit-canned? After all: we got us Targets--so who really needs the Holy Spirit? I have to go into town, today (maybe tomorrow), for some supplies--mostly for paint and such for the house. Luckily, I'll be fightin' my way through Home Depot (or Lowes) and they carry big freakin' hammers. I know exactly where they are, too. So... if some "idjit" decides to cut me out of a parkin' spot... or another decides to grab the last can of paint on the shelf, and I can see they have thirty-five other cans already in their cart ( like anyone could possibly use up thirty-five cans of paint in a single rollin' )... I can then simply walk over to the appropriate isle, grab me up one of them "California" 28oz framin' hammers (with a straight rip-claw) and proceed to dent their freakin' forehead--right between their freakin' eyes! I'm jealous, though, of your propensity to let shit slide from your back--much as a duck sheds water. However, I am not inclined to take any lessons. I prefer to simply respond somewhat in kind--with just a tad more energy exerted, to tip them scales... in my favor. (I don't turn the other cheek well.) Christmas, you say? Dog-jive, I say! I'll take the solace of my solitary confinement any day of the week. I may be old and lonely; but I'm old and lonely... in peace.  Solar... BTW: You're welcome? 
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Whew, I was sweating reliving that experience with you...and then the carols. Yep, you do my heart good! And obviously the other shoppers! Nice bit of turn there. Ahh the holiday season...no wonder I usually leave the country for it. xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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This was a trip to buy a toy...for a boy?!?  Woman, he's a boy, he has a built in toy.  By the way, you should always carry a nice little squirt bottle of sulfuric acid (available at Home Depot at 95% concentration) just for those occasions when some asshole steals your parking spot. A little squirt on the hood or in the door lock or across the license plate and all is right in the world again...without no fing Xmas carols. 
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No, this is not a just or perfect world; how we respond to adversity says everything about us. What would you have sang had it not been the Christmas season?  I'm thinking maybe the "The Brady Bunch" theme song.Elevate me... 
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 Brilliant story McWickster. Yon eejit needs a swift kick in the baws, and no mistake. And isn't carol singing very uplifting? I reckon you're onto a winner there, it should be made compulsory in all shops, and it would certainly beat the shite out of listening to that awful piped music!
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WE, I love the idea of your impromptu-flash-mob Christmas caroling! Bravo! I hope you haven't been barred from the Target store because you offended some atheists shopping in the cookware aisle! Solar, you're gettin' to be an old white-haired Ebeneezer Scrooge! I entreat you to butcher a fattened goose for Tiny Tim, Bob and all the rest of the Cratchits on Christmas Day. And take a long a bottle of some high-quality single-malt scotch to brighten your own melancholy mood! Ha ha ha! And whilst I'm on the subject, I sure would appreciate a bottle of Mccallan 12 in my stocking come Christmas morn'!
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I am so trying that next time I am in a testy check out line...even if it's July. Good job bringing the spirit!
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I was waiting in a store the other day and a gentleman was whistling Christmas carols. It was so nice to listen to. Good for you, to probably created a warm Christmas memory for all those other people who were also waiting with you. Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.
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Just this morning I was reading an article in my health club magazine about the virtues of becoming more patient and how to deal with those moments when you're stuck in traffic or stuck in line (e.g. look at a traffic jam as an opportunity to listen to some nice music in your car and to be grateful that you own a cell phone and was able to contact whomever might be waiting for you). I think your Christmas carol story tops any of their suggestions, though! And I think I'm going to copy it and email it to my good friend who works in Target corporate - I think she will enjoy the ending.   
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I love this post!! made me laugh out loud! These are the Aims and Objectives. Please read. of the group, Bloggers United! which I moderate. And a link to a post about my home town, Glasgow ,I hope you enjoy it!
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 And somewhere, Santa's elf smiled Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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I can never understand why people get soooo stressed out at Christmastime (or Hannukah time). It's amazing how important it is for people to save a few bucks. I didn't fight any crowds this year...did all my shopping online, and saved a ton of money...Christmas is such a great time of year to be happy. I love that you made everyone sing! 
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I am like Ms. Idoknow, and I never let knowing the words or tone deafness stop me. I absolutely LOVE your idea and should I find myself in any long lines, I am going to do exactly that. I want to go caroling right now, actually. It's one of the few things that never fails to bring me joy.
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A great time to break into song, though please, no Jingle Bell Rock Happy Holidays to you, Wicked' and warm wishes throughout the coming year(s)!  John Lee Hooker Recommended: [blog lucyjane78]
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