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Blogs > RI_NakedBarber > My Blog

Open Relationship ?!? WTF ?  

RI_NakedBarber 55M
14 posts
4/9/2019 5:23 am
Open Relationship ?!? WTF ?

I was married nearly 17 years. On the third date we decided to be "exclusive." I told him then I could never be monogamous, it would be a lie and I could never honestly commit to that and remain faithful. He said thank God. That's when I knew we were partners.

For us it wasn't unique by any stretch, I mean, we were and I am still a San Franciscan, a place where pretty much anything goes. He died a San Franciscan. By all standards we were your stereotypical Californians. We pretty much hit every stereotype on the list. I still am that same person. Though I don't try to live by those standards, I just am. And I can't be monogamous. Do guys lie when they say they are 100% monogamous and still are sexually satisfied throughout their relationships ? I think so. I think men who are 100% monogamous are the minority and very rare. So what is monogamous ? Is jacking off with a buddy on the side monogamous ? Is getting a blow job at the video booths in a dirty book store monogamous ? Is letting a guy jack you off monogamous ? Well no it's not. I think being 100% monogamous is only allowing your partner to please you in any way sexually, period. I just can't be that. I can not please your every sexual desire but I want you to have that.

For me sex is a tool. It bonds me closer to my partner. It something we share together and have fun doing it. It brings us closer together. And then sex is also a way to release stress, a quick jack off session and done. Sex for me is also a recreational way to have fun. Sometimes I enjoy sex with multiple partners and sometimes just one on one. Sex is fun in a circle jerk or at a bathhouse. Sex is great in a gym bathroom, stroking with a bud. Sex is great and can be a lot of fun. But sex is not the defining factor for a relationship with a partner. It's just not.

A partnership is so much more than sex. For me a partnership is based on loyalty, like I will have your back no matter what. We will stick together no matter the circumstance, be it with family or others, I will have your back. I will be as honest as I possibly can, always. I will always communicate with you no matter what it is. I'm the guy who mentions the elephant in the room, I bring out into the open so we can talk about it. If you piss me off, I will talk about it. If I fuck up, I'm willing to talk about that too. Whatever it is, we can talk it out and get through it. I will be loyal to you no matter what, that's decision I made when I said I will be your partner. I will be home for you, take care of you, sleep with you, love you unconditionally. I will be the bestest friend you have ever had. I will be the guy who knows all your inner<b> secrets </font></b>and you will know mine. I am the one who will take care of you throughout our time together no matter what. I will be solid and stand up for you. I will be the one who loves you forever and always, even if we split, because I just don't love someone for a duration of time, my love lasts forever. Sex does not clinch the deal, it's you, you. Who you are, the person you are, that's what bonds me to you, sex is just a tool to bring us together.

I never expect my partner to be everything for me. He can not be my psychiatrist or my only best friend. He can not be my hobby or the stand in when I'm bored. He can not be my brother or father. He can not be everything for me, it's just not possible and it's not true. We need to face that. I'm with him because I love him and like him and because I simply want to be around him and with him. What bonds us is loyalty and our commitment to that, to be loyal for each other, that is what bonds us. It's not sex. Sex can not make you love me. My naked body can not make you love me. I'm not owned by anyone and neither is he. We are with each other because we want to be. Trust in that is the key. I must be able to trust you. That means it's necessary to know you want to be with me no matter what, that is what defines a relationship for me.

Sex is just sex it doesn't define love, loyalty or trust for me. It's a tool that brings us closer, it relieve stress and it's for fun. So to totally rely on sex as the only element that keeps us together is a fragile concept that is ultimately doomed for failure. How many men do you know who are in marriages that are sexless ? Why are they together ? It can't be the lack of sex. There are pertinent reasons you stay with your partner and sex is probably the last reason, for men anyway. Men think of sex very differently than women, we all know this even women do. But women still put a heavy burden on sex as the key to their the strength of their relationships. It has to be hormonal, that's it, because on paper, it just doesn't make sense.

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