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| Blogs > CuteePie74 > The Perks of Being a Slut |
Sluts Anonymous
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Sluts Anonymous My name is Annie and I'm a slut. I'm re-reading The Ethical Slut for maybe the tenth time. I first read it in 2010 on the recommendation of a FWB. He thought I'd really identify with it and that it would help me negotiate my newly single sexual journey. I fell in love with the book. Even if you don't identify as polyamorous, I'd highly recommend reading it. I learn something new about myself or am reminded of an important facet of my love and sex life each time I read it. What is a slut, you may be asking yourself. What is polyamory really? According to the authors of The Ethical Slut, "a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." A slut may be getting themselves off alone or may be getting it on with an entire football team at one time. A slut may be gay, straight, bisexual, transgender or any other sexual identifier they choose for themselves. Polyamory is taken from the Greek and Latin roots and translate to mean "loving many." While many who identify as polyamorous may choose to define their relationships one way and disagree with how others define theirs, I myself do my best to define my own relationships and leave others to define theirs. In my opinion if all parties involved are fully informed and consent, the possibilities are infinite. I grew up in a conservative Christian home, so you can imagine the sexual oppression I grew up under. Part of the generation whose parents didn't talk to them about sex, I grew up not knowing what to expect and learned what I could from friends, movies, television and then eventually boyfriends and then after that girlfriends. I toed the line between living a good Christian life and exploring my sexuality as a young adult until I'd finally had enough of my parents expectations and the shame they continued trying to instill in me for not living like a "good and decent person." I left the church at age 25 and never looked back. I also grew up sexually confused. I found myself attracted to both my male and female classmates. Yet I was told that was "wrong." As I graduated from high school and attended college, I dated a woman for the first time and fell deeper in love than I had before. I struggled with bringing together two parts of my life that conflicted greatly and so the relationship ended and I was heartbroken. I continued to date both men and women over the years, straight, bisexual, lesbian, transgender and genderqueer. I wasn't sure where I belonged on the sexual spectrum. I was ridiculed by my gay and lesbian friends for being bisexual and told to "make up my mind." I also became frustrated dating men who were excited by the fact that I'd dated women and so the possibility of a menage a trois loomed. I didn't know that my sexuality could be fluid and that my sexual identity, sexual behavior and sexual attraction could all be different. There is no label that I have to wear. I suppose my current struggle stems from my primary relationship. My SO has never been poly, doesn't believe in poly and has a healthy sense of jealousy. He also loves me deeply, works ridiculous hours, respects my needs and so allows this openness in our relationship. What I love most about him is his understanding that anything I give anyone else, takes nothing from the love I have for him. I feel like it adds to my love for him. I think most of us are raised with the belief that intimate, sexual love exists between two people at one time and only two people. The idea that romantic and sexual love can exist between more than two people at a time is often seen as absurd and almost selfish. I think, like the authors of The Ethical Slut, that this idea stems from the belief that romantic love is supposed to serve some sort of purpose like marriage or partnership or procreation. Why can't sex, love and intimacy be enjoyed for their own sakes? I see each sexual connection I have as relating to that person on some level and so each connection holds a meaning for me. I don't have to fall in love with someone to have sex with them but there must be connection, respect, attraction and most importantly consent. I have lived polyamorously in the past. I have had both a primary relationship and many sexual partners at the same time: what we called lovers because we loved and respected each other which did not mean we were beholden to one another or had any claim over the other. I've had as many as three relationships at a time, two of which were intertwined in which the three of us had sex together, sometimes separately, sometimes together. The authors liken polyamory to exercising what they call one's "love muscle" and that having an abundance of sexual connections, whether that be with one or many, leads to an abundance of love and sex increasing the capacity of love we have to give. Sound hokey? Yeah to my SO too. But I've lived by this principle happily in the past. And currently, I am finding that my connections outside of my primary relationship are reducing pressure on my SO, increasing the intensity and fire of our sexual connection and I feel so fucking good. So I'm going to keep moving forward in this journey of mine. One step at a time, one chapter at a time. Meanwhile, I'll be using this space to sound off. Whomever decides to read, thanks. |
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5/22/2017 9:37 am |
Hello Annie. Great blog article by the way. well written and thought provoking. I too went through a long journey discovering myself. I also documented that journey and discovered I enjoy writing erotic literature. Welcome to blog land! You will need a comment to move this article from the "New Blog" list to the main list everyone reads. People come to this site for various reasons. Me? I love to write and collect erotic stories. I have about 90 of them posted on my blog Into The Woods (erotic tales) for all to read and enjoy. It's my hobby. (a hobby that got me kicked off facebook several times) oh, and FYI some of the stories are true... lol Jimmy B.  My blog JimmyB7474 is called Into The Woods (erotica) entertaining stories about a guy named Jimmy. Enjoy.
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very good post
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