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Caring words taken differently than expected
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Caring words taken differently than expected I have someone I would loosely call a friend on this site...loosely because it seems a bit one-sided...I am struggling with that and ok with it at the moment. I know those are contradictory; guess it depends on the moment lol He was dating...involved with....having dinner with...whatever you want to call it....with a woman in his area...they are both on this site and met here. I won't go into details because privacy is important. Most of you know me well enough to know I am pretty tolerant, level-headed, understanding, etc so when I say I was concerned for his safety...at least his mental well-being...I hope you can understand what I mean. At times she is verbally abusive in the chat room we frequent and this male friend told me she'd been equally as vocal towards him on at least on occasion on one of their 'dates'. I made sure I always told him I would support whatever decision he made, he is an adult, I respect him, all that. He has no problem telling me in the room if someone I am chatting with is appropriate for me (most of the time, when that other person is not in the room)....too far away...too old....too young....what not to do on a first date with someone....I know he is just looking out for my welfare. So I carefully told him about my concerns. This isn't just me who feels this way about this woman. Many ppl have her on permanent iggy. I reminded him that he felt ok telling me what he thought about the ppl I chose to chat with so I was doing the same back to him. And I again told him i would support whatever decision he made. His response was that there were too many things about himself that this woman didn't like, so it would not go any further than just a friendship. A couple of evenings ago, this male friend was chatting in a room with another woman he is friends with and I was there as well...he was not chatting with me as much lol and I'm cool with that. He told this woman that he'd gotten a lot of 'crap' from ppl about being with the other woman. I just had to laugh. My carefully worded message of concern for his welfare was 'crap'. Lesson learned. Unless you are really, really, really good friends, don't give out advice....even if they are free about giving you advice every time you turn around...they usually want to dish it out but don't want to have it dished back to them. Hence, the struggle with the 'friends' definition. lol Live and learn. He's an ok guy...and I will be chatty with him but no more advice giving, that's for sure! Thanks for listening. Read RESPECT WE all NEED to do Better and Re Petition to Stop Transsexuals from Using Female Profiles |
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1/5/2016 2:40 pm |
Wow. That had to sting. But maybe you're not the only person that offered advice? I'm thinking-and speaking as a guy here, that if I was talking to this woman, (and maybe entertained the notion of getting into her pants) I'd abbreviate as much of the non-essential parts of my life as possible, or maybe just show what a "stand up" guy he was by minimizing what was offered to him? Like the poor treatment just rolled off his back? In any event, it was impolitic to say the least, and a dick move on his part, in my never to be humble opinion.
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He has no problem telling me in the room if someone I am chatting with is appropriate for me No offence, but I think you're old enough to know who's "appropriate" for you to chat to. It's no one else's business.
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Unfortunately it is the way of the world. some people cannot be 'told' as it were. especially from friends, and especially not over matters of the heart! They just have to learn the hard way. Hopefully he will be ok with that, as it's the only lesson that may resonate with him
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I think Lincoln makes a good point when he guessed your friend might not have meant you when he said "crap". I can understand why you might not want to ask him directly...but I think I might if it were me. I have wondered from time to time if stuff I type bugged someone- you can't do facial expression or eye rolls here. So I asked. We were good, in each case. There was nothing for me to be sorry for. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Next time he offers his opinion, tell him that you appreciate it, but to keep it to himself unless he wants you to give him advice. If he objects, just tell him that friendship is a two way street. He can't give you advice and then call the advice you give him, crap. I would have reacted the same way, just be chatty and friendly but don't get any closer than that. BTW I check with people that might have gotten mad at me, like KZoo Pair does. If it seems like I have overstepped my bounds, I try to apologize or at least explain. This post made me think about how I act, Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Hence, the struggle with the 'friends' definition. I have had concerns about the differences between friends online and the version of friends before there ever was anything online. I guess the regular face to face and time make the offline friends thing something more. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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