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Holy Fuck - Made It To 49 ...
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Holy Fuck - Made It To 49 ... On Sunday, I will celebrate my 49th birthday. I had no intentions of making it past my 20th birthday. Tho, for some reason, the Universe decided that I still had lots of work in this lifetime ... I had been thru a lot in my early years - as far back as I can remember. Each time, I would mentally disassociate my soul from my physical body a little more. Finally, I got to the point in which I was able to release my soul out of my physical body. My soul just floated there, looking down at my physical body. Afterwards, when it was safe, my soul flew back into me .. There was an incident when I was 19. It was so horrible that it took longer than usual for my soul to return to my physical body. Not long after, I made the conscious decision to leave this world. My physical body turning to ashes - soaring thru the Universe as the wind kicked up. My soul turning into a butterfly - leisurely flying thru the skies ... My plan was perfect and would be executed to a tee - went over it in my mind a million times. Made preparations - made peace with myself and my life. And, my plan was absolutely carried out with no flaws. Except this one: "DIVINE INTERVENTION". That bout sums it up ... I just went bout life after that, not really living, just existing, for many years. I did the normal day to day stuff, worked, but I was just going thru the motions. Got married, but it wasn't anywhere near a good marriage. He was very mentally abusive. Telling me how stupid I am, not believing in my learning disorders. He would always put me down - make me feel like shit. You know the type ... "no one else will want you". He also suffered some severe health issues out of nowhere and ended up in a coma for weeks. The docs told me that I was going to be a widow. He made a complete recovery as I helped nurse him back to health. Except for his crappy attitude. My moms health failing - my brother slowly killing himself with Heroin ... This went on for years - getting<b> arrested. </font></b>Living in filth. He thought he had my mom fooled - she knew. She just choose not to see it. Me, on the other hand, I called him on it every time. When his junkie girlfriend killed herself, I refused to go the service. The worst thing he ever said to me, and there was a lot of fucked up things. "I can't believe you won't go - how could you betray me like this". My mom and I took this little fucking cunt bitch in - gave her food - bought her clothes. And, in return, she show up for dinner all drugged out. Not even conscious enuf to sit thru dinner = her head ended up in her plate - several times. And, killed herself from an overdose in my moms old apartment, my room when I visited. That's what we got in return for treating her with kindness. And, I betrayed him?! ... When I was 39, I attended a New Years Day Party at my cousin's. I knew my brother would be there, and, it took everything in me to go. As usual, my hubby wasn't supportive. As usual, all he did was make things worse. I did my best not to have any contact with him. Everyone picked up on this. When he asked me to drive him to the train station. I did this - not for him - for my mom. It was only bout 20 minutes away, tho, seemed like eons away. Silence - dead fucking silence. Then, he spoke up and asked me to please drive him home. He begged me. There was no way that I could possibly be in confined quarters with him for that long. I luved him - tho I actually hated him more than I could possibly put into words. Our relationship was toxic - for numerous reasons. I flat out told him no fucking way, that train station was a far as I was taking him. When he got out, the last thing I said to him was this: "My marriage is falling apart and your drugged out messages aren't helping. Had enuf of you. Of your lies. Of your stealing. Of the way you manupulate mom. I had enuf and I am fucking done. Don't call me - don't write me. As far as I am concerned, you are dead to me until such time as you clean the fuck up. I mean it - I will call the cops and have you<b> arrested </font></b>for harassment if you try to contact me. Now get the fuck out of my car" ... A bit over a month passed when I got the call. The inevitable happened - it just was a matter of time. He overdosed and my mom found him slumped over the bathtub with a needle sticking out of his arm. My mom was devastated. In her words, "regardless of why, a mother should never bury their ". A few days before it was time to clean out his house, I really did some soul searching. Here I was 39, not really happy, more often then not abused, sad. I had to change this - there was a reason why the "Powers-That-Be" saved my life. I had to find it before it was too late ... When it was time to clean out his house and we were getting ready to leave to go there, my hubby started a fight. I told him that I would be there as long as it took - as long as my mom needed me. Then I just blurted out it out, "you know what, I'm not coming home. I want a divorce and I walked out ... I had to call the cops in order to get back on the property to retrieve my things.Within days, he had thrown out most of my stuff. Even my dads ashes.I ended up with nearly nothing in the material sense - tho I had my sanity and a new outlook on life ... So, at 39, I started a new chapter in my life and "re-invented" myself. Letting go of all that I knew. Giving up the office cubby for working with . Going back to skool even tho I was fucking sacred to death!! Started a new, healthy relationship and married him ... Here I am - just a few days before the start of my 49th year. It tool a lot of hard work and looking into my inner self. I am now and will forever be a work in process ... and pretty much a walking miracle. I am fortunate to have been given a second chance. These days, I am living a beautiful life, with slim to nil considerations. And, am ever so blessed ...  In Luv, Lite, Laffter ... |
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Hi trix: In all manners of the term, Happy Happy! I find that it helps to periodically remember that you have to take the good with the bad. Actually, I tend to live that way. Others can live the other way. Have a great day. Ciao, a presto, Bella. G
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Happy 49th Birthday to you..Happy Birthday to you..Happy Birthday Dear Trixie, Happy Birthday to you and many more my sweet sexy friend.. Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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Hi trix: In all manners of the term, Happy Happy! I find that it helps to periodically remember that you have to take the good with the bad. Actually, I tend to live that way. Others can live the other way. Have a great day. Ciao, a presto, Bella. G In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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Happy Birthday Trixie. In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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Happy 49th Birthday to you..Happy Birthday to you..Happy Birthday Dear Trixie, Happy Birthday to you and many more my sweet sexy friend.. In Luv, Lite, Laffter ...
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