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| Blogs > MyUndoing > Dances With Words |
How about a little help?? :)
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How about a little help?? :) I’m a busy person so instead of sending endless messages or finding out if we are compatible over coffee, I thought I’d try to save myself some time getting to know you so just fill out the applications, boys. Your Affairlook name: Your age: Your sex: Male (This is non-negotiable. Sorry.) Where are you located: We live in the same city Far, far away I’m close enough to peek in your window and do On the boulevard of broken dreams I live in my Mom’s basement Other:_________________ How did you find my profile: Member Search Accidentally A friend told me An enemy told me You told me about your stupid page I can smell your desperation from here A scorching case of herpes led me here Blind hogs eventually find acorns Other:_________________ Why are you filling out this form: I want to ask you out. No, seriously, I really do want to ask you out I want to buy you lots drinks and watch the train wreck develop I’m hoping to get laid. I’m horribly desperate for anything female and you fit the bill This is the final stage in a destructive spiral of self-loathing and despair This is helping me stop masturbating so much Other:_________________ Why do you want to meet me:. I feel strangely attracted to you and you seem interesting. It’s a sex site. Why do you think? I want to hitch my wagon to your star, and this is Step 1. I think you’d be fun to get drunk with. I can’t divert my eyes from accident scenes, and you have that same effect on me I think your sarcastic exterior belies a sweet and caring inner self I want to give my VD to someone else before I die I wanna try on your panties. Other:_________________ What is it that you find most attractive about me?: Your cute face and hot body Your obvious loose morals The way your immense ego blocks out any real emotional depth You make me laugh I think you probably never use deodorant. And that your pheromones are too sexy to cover up. Everything. Other:_________________ When would you like to see me?: Whenever When you are available Hey, we’re on my schedule here, missy When I get out of jail When I get over my herpes and pink eye As soon as I can sneak away without my wife knowing How about never? Is never good for you? It’s your sandbox baby, let’s get dirty now Other:_________________ How would you rate yourself in terms of your physical attractiveness?: I’m cute I’m cute enough for you, bitch. I’m hot If you like hairy, morbidly obese, cross-eyed guys, you’ll LOVE me The at school used to call out “Greasy Weasel” when I would walk by No, really, I don’t think you understand: I am UG-LY My Mom says I’m ‘this close’ to living in the yard! Other:_________________ How would you rate yourself in terms of your intelligence?: I can read enough to answer this I’m average I’m smart enough to get your stupid jokes I’m a fucking genius I can bend things with my mind I’m dumber than week-old bat shit “Me fail English? That’s unpossible.” Other:_________________ How would you rate yourself in terms of your emotional maturity and stability?: I’m about average I’m pretty sane, but have some minor insecurities and peculiarities, just like everyone I’m very emotionally stable I’m loonier than a shit-house rat I claw at my eyes, trying to get the demons out The doctor says he can’t increase my prescriptions anymore or he’d get in trouble Why do you ask?!? Do you know something!?!? Who have you been talking too?!? Other:_________________ What is your most defining feature or characteristic?: My eyes My cock My incredible intelligence My huge cock I have the ass of a 12 year-old boy My matted pubic hair My charming lack of couth My colostomy bag My monstrous cock Other:_________________ What would you bring me?: Cheap flowers Expensive champagne My A+ game Shiny things A unquenchable libido Astroglide Crabs A small, hairless Asian boy Other:_________________ What will I do when I see you?: Smile Drool Start jumping up and down yelling “UH, UH, UH” Vomit uncontrollably Curse the anonymity of the Internet Run like a track star Other:_________________ What will you think when you see me: “Another broad with no self-esteem–I’m<b> getting laid </font></b>tonight.” “Wow! She’s the hottest thing since nuclear fusion.” “Tonight’s forecast calls for scattered clothes, with a significant chance of intense, passionate humping.” “My Lord–she smells like the fish market.” “Wonder if I can fake a believable epileptic fit .....” “Could be the transmission’s going in my truck. Will have to get that looked at tomorrow.” Other:_________________ Thank you for your time and effort. I will go through all applications thoroughly before rejecting them. Heh heh |
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Fun stuff. I think it's time to add you to the list of blogs I read.
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I can understand you needing help. OK, I'll paraphrase and use small words... Your Passion name: you can't read? Your age: Not a day over 13 Your sex: Male (usually) Where are you located: Other: Anywhere you want me to be. How did you find my profile: Other: hogs find truffles and apple peels. Squirrels have a better shot at the acorns. Why are you filling out this form: Other: it's Monday and I'm searching for the perfect woman. Why do you want to meet me:. Other: I feel strangely interesting to you and you seem attractive. What is it that you find most attractive about me?: Other: Every last damn thing! When would you like to see me?: Other: Mondays and Wednesdays. Monday is a 48 hr day and Wednesday's never end! How would you rate yourself in terms of your physical attractiveness?: Other: Fortunately you have low standards. How would you rate yourself in terms of your intelligence?: Other: what do you mean by "intelligencse"? How would you rate yourself in terms of your emotional maturity and stability?: Other: I watch a lot of Jackass and Ren & Stimpy - they get funnier every damn time! What is your most defining feature or characteristic?: Other: hairlip and toe fungus. Oh shoot - you asked for just one. What would you bring me?: Other: 10 camels and 99 goats! (Would have been 100, but I'm busy with one...) What will I do when I see you?: Other: Just a small victory dance - with the USC marching band in the background... What will you think when you see me: Other: Two words: dammit - did I leave the iron on?! [image]
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This post solidifies your position as the funniest Affairlook member in Ottawa. Out of curiousity, are you equally insane in person or does your mind only wander online?
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I thought it was a great application form. The Other option does allow for creative writing, so that helps. Now about that sex toy on the ceiling, you need to speak to it very softly and of course in Japanese and it might come back down. 
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11/26/2014 6:44 pm |
I actually went through all of it... and still laughing!!!  Have a great evening... if you want some company... let me know...!!
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Is there a short form?
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