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| Blogs > evergrnstatewife > Mrs. evergreenstatewife |
Why am I a cuckold?
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Why am I a cuckold? This was a question asked by a dear reader of ours. In this blog I have talked about my wife, us, her lovers, and the lifestyle in general. But seldom, if ever, have I talked about myself. Her question brings lots of thought, and one I’ll try my best to explain. I think for most people, me included, discovering sexuality is something that occurs over time, mostly as you get older and venture into adulthood. When you’re younger, especially with guys, you tend to follow what your friends are doing or the fad at that particular time. But I have always been different sexually. While my buddies chased after size zeros, I preferred a voluptuous woman. While my buddies drooled over two girls together, I enjoyed watching two men and one woman. Early on sex was an unknown to me. I grew up in a conservative home, and didn’t fully engage in sex until my late teens. As I began exploring I realized there was much more to it than I knew or even thought of. I knew the term gay, only as a slang, but never really understood what it was until I started viewing porn. I also had an interest or curiosity in bisexuality, and again, porn allowed me to examine it more closely. Porn opened so many doors and ideas of what sex was, or could be. Being a thinker by nature, and applying thought and porn was appetizing idea and concept to me. It was there where I discovered swinging, voyeurism, exhibitionist, group play, and the theory that sex could and can involve more than two people. As I started dating I explored that scene with a girlfriend of mine at the time. We swapped, but it didn’t seem all that natural for me participating. So I didn’t. I preferred watching. I enjoyed the thrill. I was fascinated by the way these other men fucked my partner, and way my partner reacted to it. It was different than the way I did it, and she reacted different too. As we became more involved with swinging it was my girlfriend who suggested going more often and after a while she had a regular guy who she fucked there at the club. I would always watch her. At the time you never really grasp the reasons, mostly because as a younger person I was still naïve to sex and never really understood why she preferred sex with this other man over me. He was tall and as I look back, had defined alpha traits. His cock was large and while he fucked her she came. She also ‘climaxed’ with me, but I have a feeling she faked it. As that relationship ended, I decided on just exploring sex by myself, which led me down various roads of one night stands, and friends with bennys. I’ve thought a great deal about this over time, the women I’ve been with, and the sex we shared. Most times sex was plain. Very plain. There was passion involved, kissing and petting, but once intercourse came that all ended. It was a matter of motions for my partner whom at times appeared bored, with her night ending either manually pleasuring themselves, or me pleasuring them through oral sex while she tugged on her clit. Either way, I couldn’t get them off. As I continued through the dating scene my partners preferred oral sex over intercourse. It was something I was good at, but until I got older I never really understood why they chose that over sex. As I met my wife the same ideals and actions followed. We used to have sex, a lot of sex, but she was always quiet, very reserved, even though we had passion and all the accessories. Much like before, once penetration started all that excitement whizzed out as I pumped anyway on top oblivious to the obvious. In my free time I would browse the net. I still enjoyed swinging and wanted very much to include my wife in it. I decided on talking to her about it where she infinitely said ‘no.’ She had no interest in bringing another woman into our marriage. Simple as that. But it wasn’t the woman I was after. I secretly wanted to see her with another man. I also wanted to explore my bisexuality in the comfort of her through that experience. She liked that fantasy, and we played a lot to it. I fucked her and she partook in the idea of me sucking his cock, or eating her pussy after he came inside her. She was involved in our sex for the first time as she thought about it and described ‘his’ large cock fucking her. She was vocal, in tuned, and into it. It was great, in dreamy world, but once I suggested it for real, then the reservations came out. After the novelty of that wore off sex became plain again. But I wanted more, much more. It would be years before I approached the topic again. . . . In the mean time I started surfing the internet. It was such a great tool and more convenient than clubs and bookstores. I attended blogs and chat rooms about swinging and wife sharing. It was incredibly hot, and I wanted badly what those people had. Most were for play, but there were some that were real. Then one day I met Joe online. Joe was a cuckold and had a blog about cuckolding and his wife’s adventures. I had no idea even what the term meant at the time, but his blog contained pictures and stories of his wife as she fucked other men. She had several ongoing relationships with his full support, all the while, having a committed and loving marriage of 25 years, at the time. His writings were pure, sincere and real. It was different than anything I had ever read at the time. I could relate to his words. He talked of his wife’s lack of interest, her matter of fact demeanor during sex with him, and I immediately thought about me and my past and present sexual experiences. It was if I had written those words. One day out of the blue I emailed him, and in the mean time, researched what a cuckold was. Wow! I was shocked, and hoped he didn’t answer back. It was a strange lifestyle that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a part of. I never viewed my wife as a slut or the idea of her cheating behind my back wasn’t something I wanted to explore. It was a little too racy for me, more less her. But, Joe did email me back, and thus started a friendship that lasted a couple years. It was through those mails I learned a lot about me and a lot about cuckolding. One of the first things I learned about cuckolding is the difference between living cuckolding couples, and theater. Couples have love, a bond, the images and websites you see online have budgets and bottom lines. That’s a big difference between fiction and non. Every time I suggested my wife didn’t like or wasn’t interested in sex he would counter with ‘she likes sex, just not with you.’ At first those words were brutal to hear, but if you’re honest with yourself and looking at the truth rather than discontent, they’re true. Talking with Joe I realized a lot about myself. I am bi. I’m not into penetration all that much. I can’t fuck, and don’t really know how to use my dick. I am a voyeur, prefer to masturbate, and I have submissive traits, which was something Mark brought out years later. And most importantly, I am a cuckold. Learning this gave me more perspective on my sexual relationship. It gave me more perspective on me. For the first time in my life it all made sense. She did like sex, as did the girls before her. It was horrible of me to incline otherwise. But understanding my wife’s love and deep bond to me could also be supplemented by her sexual attraction to alpha men who can fuck, also made sense. As I think about my swing club days with my girlfriend the same applies. She loved me, but I couldn’t fuck her the way she needed. That man could, and did. I talked again with my wife about inviting a man into our bed, a bi man, and not a couple. She liked that idea, and liked the thought of me participating with the same sex. It took months of talking about feelings and boundaries before we took that leap. But even as our sex life opened to others it wasn’t until after she dated Ron I told her about cuckolding, and explained that’s who I was and most comfortable with. Her relationship with Ron was a cuckolding relationship. He knew it, and I think we all did, way before I said anything. It started out as the three of us, but quickly turned to him and her. It was natural to be honest, me watching as she fucked, but I struggled with the feelings of her showing different emotions with him then with me. It brought back memories of the swing club and now brought insecurities which weren't around then. It was Joe who set me straight. ‘That’s her enjoying sex,’ he’d say, ‘nothing more.’ I struggled with that for years, and it wasn’t all bad. It fueled my kinky and perverted side, which in the end, made it easier to accept. To all my questions Joe had answers, and his answers made sense. It was right in front of me, but sometimes you’re glasses are too thick with self pity and ‘why’s to see it. She still loved me; nothing’s changed. I please her, just not in the sexual sense, as I remembered the part about her love for me and her sexual attracted to a specific type of man. . . Cuckolds have this ongoing battle within between not being able to pleasure sexually and watching those who can, and not admitting or accepting that, can send ruffles throughout the relationship. My wife and I learned that during Ron. Over time other men have came and we’ve tweaked our relationship to fit our needs. But I can say this; I’ve never been as content as I am now with our sex life. And I think I can answer for us both with that. It’s not perfect, nothing is. There are still days when I’m human and wish I could take her and fuck her the way an alpha man can, but it’s just not me. She knows that, as do I. Cuckolding isn’t a bad word. It’s not scary, It’s an unknown, or little known word. And I would speculate, there are lots of knowing cuckolds out there besides me. Why am I a cuckold? Well, the shoes fits, it’s fun, and it works for us. Shared wife -evergreenstatewife |
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Still enjoy this blog
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I have a cuckhold couple over here in Montana and we have been in a relationship for about 5 years. Just keeps getting better.
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I enjoy discussing cuckhold relationships with others. Also, the one I am in has turned out to be a wonderful experience and the 3 of us are very open about it. It took the pressure off him to perform and he enjoys his role. We are experimenting more and more with the limits.
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Really very clear to understand,well written,thank you for explaining this very honestly.
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There is nothing more exciting in a cuckhold relationship as when the hubby says to me "Her pussy is yours, you own it".
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Cuckhold times are fun times. I am very comfortable being with a couple that are into this lifestyle. Nice to help them along on theirs as well as mine.
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Thanks for "opening" up to your readers. I have always been curious how a couple ends up involved in cuckolding. Your insight is awesome!
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very well written and I must say, very brave of you. thanks for sharing! and providing us an insight. Although we may never fully comprehend it reading your blog u seem very happy with how things are.. and that's what it should be... one man's pleasure is another man's poison.. Wannabe/Sexpot - which one do you want me to be? 
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I began reading your posts because I am a native of Spokane. It has been intriguing from the beginning. In so many blogs people share themselves and end up feeling like they have to defend what they do or have done. This is not the case with you. It is quite refreshing. Hell, even I feel like I have to defend myself a bit, but I play it off by telling people I don't care what they think, which it actually true. Although your lifestyle works for you, there are several times I catch myself 'hoping' you get to fuck your wife!!  Thank you for sharing yourself again, FEAB
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Really good insight, and expressed really well From Alicia With Love XX Come and join me in Wonderland... Talk to me... Play with me... lead me astray.... [blog AliciaBlonde]
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I had a GF once......who tried to convert me to a culkold......before we even had sex for the first time. She literally....told me......she wants to fuck another guy as I watch.......and I cannot join or do anything. I did not realize at first what was going on. I was strangely aroused.....but I knew I could not comply 100% so I probed and asked for more info. She backed down....and never discussed it again. Prior to that....I was a Bull in a culkold situation.....and watched as another man sucked my cum out of his wife's pussy. He even offered to clean my cock...but I declined. I could PRETEND to be a culkold.....however.....I am fucking her after she is done with him!!! lol "Be selective in your battles, for sometimes Peace is better than being right" *********WARNING********* Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects or any purpose - You do NOT have my permission to use any of my profile including name or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
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Very enlightening. I seek answers too and this was very helpful. I'm glad you and your wife found your way.
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well written
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I appreciate the insight and most importantly the honesty, as I have always been curious about this type of relationship. Although I still don't fully understand it, I have a much better idea of it now. Thank you. Here's hoping your basket is empty Basket Theory and your algebra skills are improving Algebra is Like Sex
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well put, that's a nice post and well spoken some times the things that comes from between my ears makes me pause for reflection
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 very well spoken
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