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Summertime and the Livin' is Easy
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Summertime and the Livin' is Easy This post is only viewable by Affairlook members. Join Affairlook now! When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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I say "submit" and I hooked another!   
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Welcome Back!! I've missed you and your wonderful view of this crazy place called "life". I actively enjoy the Dom/sub lifestyle with a wonderful man and it didn't start out that way. We started as lovers who talk and explore and eventually we fell into the roles we each took. Like those above, the key to a fullfilling partnership is TRUST and communication. The biggest obstacle is filtering through the wannabe's and the scary ones that think they know what a Dom/sub lifestyle is all about and have it completely wrong. Sexylynnamorta4U said it much more eloquently than I did, but bottom line is, take your time and he will come along and you will know,
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Finding the right dom or sub can be like finding the right romantic partner. Not just anybody will do. Because there are so many different forms of play, you both need to be on the same page as far as what you want to do together. Above all, you need to be able to communicate and trust each other. The easiest way to meet people is to attend a "social" or "munch" with your local kink group, and these can usually be found over on the fet website. These are public activities in bars or restaurants, so everybody is dressed normally, and there is no pressure. If you find someone you click with, you can check their fet profile to see what sort of activities they enjoy. A good dom isn't going to tell you things like, "If you're my sub, here's what you will do", or, " You will do only as I say." Those are red flags, and you should avoid people like that. A good dom will take care of his sub and play off of the limits the sub sets. You should be able to set hard limits (things you won't do under any circumstances) and soft limits (things you might do, but only under certain conditions, and he should ask first instead of assuming). There may be other things that you just don't know anything about, and he should be willing to let you try them in a controlled setting before going all-out with them. And most importantly, you should have the power (usually through safe words, like "red" or "safeword" or something else that wouldn't normally come up during a scene or sex) whereby everything stops immediately. That is your way of revoking consent. The traffic light system (green=go, yellow=slow down, red=stop) is another common way to communicate consent within a scene. People that can't follow the sub's limits are abusers, not doms. Unfortunately, it may not always be obvious as to which ones are true doms and which ones are wannabes, so ask lots of questions first and don't be too eager to jump into action immediately, especially without getting to know them better first. A good dom should be able to provide some references as well, and you should probably talk to them. Personally, I prefer sensual scenes over sadistic ones. I've play both ways, and I like scenes that leave the sub (usually me) begging for *more*, not begging for less. Good luck in your search. If you have any other BDSM questions, I'm always happy to answer them.  [post 3097853] Come join the half-nekkid fun! Check out HNW Bloggers.  
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Having explored this side of my sexuality with a long term partner, I am a switch. First of all, being dominant does not involve violence. Actually, in my opinion, aside from a little swat or spank using it is a sign of someone who doesn't understand what dominance is. It is being in control, running the show. This is what I want and you will do it. Being a sub is a refreshing change. It is trusting our partner and doing what they enjoy. A good domme will be very specific in what they want to happen and it is up to you to do exactly that. There is great personal satisfaction in pleasing a partner. They will also know what you enjoy and have the anticipation of that build to a fever pitch before rewarding you. Which they will, because while they are dominant the also care about you and want to see you happy, just in a disciplined way and when they say so. While some people want their sex lives to be totally this way, I found that it is something best done when time is available, a great addition to "maintenance sex" which is just sharing yourself with a partner to help them when the are stressed, sad, happy or just "OMG! I'm horny" Well, that's my two cents worth. Take it easy, guns are cold. 
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I have talked to you off site and in person about the whole dom thing. I don't think that is what you are looking for but then again I think you are really just looking for me so delusional states are obviously in effect. you look as good as you ever have to me in the pic too.
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All very good advice here. Trust and communication is key in such a relationship....knowing your boundaries, your limits. And I have to agree with BEBBW..."Perhaps most importantly you need to know what you envision this looking like and where your boundaries are. What d you mean by being dominated? Your married, is it okay if yu go home with bruises or other marks on you. How much control will you allow him to have? You *must* discuss this with anyone who is moving in that direction with you." If your worried about sadists contacting you perhaps a slightly different wording would be in order instead of a Dom...maybe try Strong Minded Man or something like that. This way if a man does contact you first you can better explain what you are seeking. Good luck! And niccce pic!
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New guys loss I guess. But I've been going through the same thing in trying to be a little more proactive. Only I've mostly been doing so on OKC. No one I messaged on OKC has responded. There is a person or two on fet I'm thinking about sending messages too. One of which is a woman who from our limited interactions at events so far I do think is amazing. She has lived an insanely interesting life and never ceases to amaze me in one way or another when I see her. So much so it is actually kind of intimidating. But I know she tends to go for people older then me (she is about my age by the way) and she also falls on the same side of the proverbial whip that I do. Some people get really hung up with that sort of thing. Speaking of the proverbial whip. I would say if your interested in finding a dom, then yes you should be prepared to do a little pursuing. Just like any other meeting of people sometimes you might be the one doing the pursuing other times they might be. Will advertising you want a dom open the door to a sadist? Yep a few will likely try to walk through that door. To many the terms almost mean the same thing. But then figure, I could be considered a sadist because I enjoy spanking and flogging people. Even though I'm into more of the sensual side of things and it is about trust and respect for me and not about the pain aspect. But the best way to avoid the sadist knocking at the door is to have some idea of limits you want to start with (keeping in mind you can always change the limits if YOU choose). If they huff and puff, keep that door locked and move on to the next one. I hope this helps a little. Or at least makes sense considering it's 3 am. 
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Yeah, there was something off kilter about the guy and you can surely do better. Reasons you might not hear back from a guy: He's given up on the site, he doesn't believe you are real; your profile is too long for his tastes; he's lying about being single in his profile; he's a picture collector and yours aren't naked enough; he looks at what you want and thinks you are too high maintenance. Don't let it dent your ego, it's not about you, it's about them. Subs and Doms This is what has worked well for me. I don't look for a dom, never ut those words on my profile or anywhere else. It attracts a bad sort, Vivid Video Doms I like to call them. Dudes who read 30 pages of that 50 Shades crap lat summer and all prepared to emotionally scar you and break your arm. Um no thanks. At the foundation of any solid dom/sub relationship is trust. I look for that first. Over time a trust bond develops and as it deepens I accede more and more control of my body and mind to him. There is a point whee it becomes clear that he is my dom and no longer just some dude who ties me up and flogs me. Perhaps most importantly you need to know what you envision this looking like and where your boundaries are. What d you mean by being dominated? Your married, is it okay if yu go home with bruises or other marks on you. How much control will you allow him to have? You *must* discuss this with anyone who is moving in that direction with you. Why d I have a burner phone? Because of the dick who thought that good times in a hotel room meant he could call me whenever he wanted including Sunday Am when I told him I was going to be in church. He also thought it was ok to spam me with text messages and then try to get hard with me when I didn't respond. Wasn't gonna happen. So yeah, find someone you can trust, know your own limits and communicate frequently.
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Saying you want a dom, or are a sub, opens the door to a particular kind of approach. I wouldn't say it's any better than 'wanna fuck' emails, but the impression is that you can be easily 'taken'. The mistake being made is that being rough and aggressive is the same as being dominant. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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Shoot I didn't get one  Don't compromise yourself! You are all you've got!
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