LES DAWSON SECRETLY MARRIED JOAN RIVERS - a Blog Post by spunkycumfun

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9/25/2021 10:55 am

LES DAWSON SECRETLY MARRIED JOAN RIVERS

The secret marriage between Les Dawson and Joan Rivers, my two favourite comedians, was always doomed to failure. It was a funny marriage!

Les Dawson, born in Manchester, was a working class comedian with a deadpan comedic style who often made jokes about his wife and his mother-in-law. He also dressed up as a gurning woman in his comedy sketches. Les Dawson was quite an accomplished pianist, though he played the piano deliberately badly to make people laugh. In his autobiography, Les Dawson claimed that he learned to play the piano while working in a Parisian brothel.

Here are some of Les Dawson’s best lines:
• My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
• A duck goes into the chemist's shop and asks, “A tube of Lypsyl, please.” “Certainly”, the chemist replies, “That'll be fifty pence.” The duck says, “Put it on my bill, please.”
• I was in a play on television once. It was one of those suspense plays. It kept you wondering ... what's on the other channels?
• The wife's mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance on your grave." I said, "Good, I'm being buried at sea."
• I went to my<b> doctor </font></b>and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
• Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying my wife's ugly. But she was under the mistletoe at Christmas, waiting for someone to kiss, and she was still there at Lent!
• I went to a small guest house. The manager said, “Do you want a room with running water?” I said, “What do you think I am, a trout?”
• Marriage is based on compromise. My wife wanted a new coat and I wanted a car. We compromised. She kept her new coat in the garage.

Who are your favourite comedians?

Joan Rivers, born Joan Molinsky, was a sassy comedian from New York. Her comedy was both self-deprecating and acerbic, especially towards famous people. The Rolling Stone magazine once ranked her sixth on its list of the 50 all-time best stand-up comedians. Joan Rivers was also a formidable talk show host and in 1986 she became the first woman to host a late night network television talk show with the launch of The Late Show with Joan Rivers.

Here are some of Joan Rivers’ best lines:
• If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
• People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
• I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd like without plastic surgery.
• When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes least three years off.
• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
• I knew I was an unwanted when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
• The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.