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A TESTICAL FESTIVAL IN MONTANA
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A TESTICAL FESTIVAL IN MONTANA  I was going to write a blog post about crazy, strange and weird festivals but there are too many around the world to cover in one post. I then decided to focus just on one festival, the annual Montana Testicle Festival. If I ever visit Montana, I’ll watch my balls! I think it’s better to hear about the Montana Testicle Festival first hand. Below is a review of the festival, written by Kelly O and published on the VICE website.    I first discovered the Montana Testicle Festival in 2005, via an old VHS tape I bought at a thrift store. It came in a bright red case with a simple black-and-white label that read "The 16th Annual TESTICLE FESTIVAL©, Volume II, 1998. 16 Years of Having a Ball!" Then, in smaller type, "WARNING: Contains frontal nudity and lots of balls." I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw, despite the clearly printed label - the "Itty Bitty Titty" contest, "Big Dick" competition, and bull-testicle eat-off that soon appeared onscreen were branded into my brain for years to come, not unlike a propriety tag burned into a cowhide. Flash-forward to 2007, when I decided to attend the five-day festival that's been happening in Clinton, Montana, since 1982. I piled three girlfriends into a rental car, and the four of us drove seven hours from Seattle, across the state of Washington and a small chunk of Idaho, into western Montana for the event, which had haunted my dreams ever since picking up that VHS. That year, we watched not only the Testicle Festival's main event - the competitive eating of bull balls (a.k.a. "Rocky Mountain oysters") - but also a women's hot oil wrestling contest, a women's wet-T-shirt event, and a men's "big ball" competition (basically a "wet underwear show" with dudes). “If I see another naked nudist wearing a cock ring, I am going to barf," said one of my pals. We left before I had the chance to try the "oysters," and my curiosity wasn't sated - here was something uniquely surreal about a festival where a bunch of bikers gathered to eat fried cattle genitals. Last weekend, I finally went back to Montana for the 33rd annual festival to properly document the strange spectacle and eat bull balls for the first time. At high noon on Saturday, August 1, in 97-degree heat, I arrived at the Rock Creek Lodge near Interstate 90, Exit 126. The area was surrounded by dozens of motorcycles, RVs, tents, and attendees ready to munch on some nuts. I got some beer and took in the scenery - bikers, locals, and noticeably fewer naked people than my last visit. Two people hauled out what the cook would later tell me were 30 pounds of sliced and fried cow testicles. They smelled good, even with the sun beating down on them. I guess anything battered and fried kinda smells good. Two women and seven men sat down on some picnic tables outside the lodge. After a proper countdown, a four-minute timer was set, and real Testicle Festival began. Competitive eating contests are always brutal to watch, but knowing that this one spawned out of a tradition of ranchers meeting up in the area to brand and castrate their cattle together made it even harder to digest - literally and figuratively. A biker named "Big Daddy" stripped off his T-shirt that just said "VIKING" on it, and went hard on his paper plate over stacked with steaming hot cow balls. At the end of the first plate, he noticeably looked nauseous. Another women took a ball break, and quickly took a hit of weed, likely for the same reason.    In the end, Matt Powers, owner of the lodge and of the festival, won, eating two plates (over two pounds) of cow testies in under four minutes. He smiled through some visible discomfort for some photos. "Out of ten competitions, in ten years, I've lost twice," Powers told me. To win you have to eat "at least a half pound in a minute." Powers stuck up for the health benefits of bull balls, saying, "They do a body good - a great source of protein, omega 6, and fatty acids." He'd even eat them if they were roasted rather than fried. He's not the only one who thinks so. The festival cook told me that attendees had gone through 600 or 700 pounds of balls last year. When he's not organizing the Montana Testicle Festival, Powers is the head coach of the state's number-one fight team, the Pound. He also coaches wrestling and is in the works of organizing the Montana State Hempfest in September. "Between Testy Fest, my fighters, and my efforts to legalize marijuana, some might say I'm Montana's most hated man," he said. "But I'm really a nice guy! I'm just trying to make a living, you know?" Guy, a.k.a. Big Daddy, a.k.a. the Shirtless Viking, a regular attendee of the Testy Fest, told me that they don't, in fact, taste like chicken. "No, ma'am!" he said while pulling on his suspenders. "They taste like balls. Breaded balls." He told me that no two balls are the same, and some of the treats on his plate in the eating competition were soggy, while others were crispy. Another participant added that he thought they tasted like chicken gizzard, and I overheard another woman tell her boyfriend, "They taste like chicken nuggets - the cheap frozen ones, like what we get from Walmart." I tried one myself - "Suck it down, girl! It's good!" Big Daddy shouted as I chewed - and underneath the breading, it reminded me not of oysters but of geoduck (pronounced "gooey duck") - the penis of the sea. Maybe I just had genitals on the brain - and, well, in my mouth. "I'm so fucking full right now. I can't even drink a beer," said an attendee named Cecil the Red. "That's bad, if I can't even fit a beer in there among all the balls." When I asked if he'd be interested in trying the balls if they were prepared differently, he thought about it for a minute before answering, "I kinda wonder what they'd taste like on a barbecue. That might not be so bad." “When I was a , I worked near a farm that would cut the young cows balls off and slice 'em thin, and serve them with eggs," he added. "They called it a calf scramble." Sean, a festival organizer and the MC of all Testy Fest's events, told me the Undie 500 event is now almost as popular as the ball-eating competition and the ladies wet T-shirt contest. I find it a little hard to believe that watching some grown-ass men and women race around on oversized tricycles in their underwear is entertaining, but you could say the same about watching people eat bull balls. "Our contests are crazy, but people wanna participate in something and be silly and have fun," Sean says. "Most of the contests involve nakedness and alcohol. Because of this—the nature of the festival - the authorities aren't always too happy about us, but we do everything we can to keep everyone safe. We have free bus rides home, tons of security, and we really do everything we can to make sure no one gets hurt out here. We also donate to charities - this year and last we gave around $5,000 to a charity benefitting testicular cancer." Have you eaten a testicle? Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? I think the Montana Testicle Festival is so bad that it’s good! There’s a Montana steak grill bar very near where I live; I think I’ll go once I get castrated!    |
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I've never eaten a testicle but I quite like my testicles licked, sucked and chewed ... but not eaten!  
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Have you eaten a testicle? No Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Doubtful Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? A high percentage of ball-less bulls? When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I have not eaten one, nor am I inclined to. This does sound like a fun festival. I don't think the authorities here would allow something like that.  -- Things are a little looser in Montana. It is much more rugged and sparsely populated there as well. I hear it is beautiful there.
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You always seem to find just the right ones to post! Have you eaten a testicle? no .. but always up for any challenge Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? sure would Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? love the big cock she has in her hand hugssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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I have eaten testicles. although I kindof hurried. so as far as taste goes, I have no idea. let's say fried. I love weird festivals and fairs. I always stop if I can. i'm a sucker for fried dough. and someone is always selling something I never saw before. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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Have you eaten a testicle? No! Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Not on purpose Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? Wide open spaces, probably good to hid ones balls:_
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Bonjour Spunky J'ai déjà mangé du taureau après une corrida mais jamais ses testicules Le toréador les garde pour lui avec la queue et les oreilles  ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Spunky I have already eaten bull after a corrida but never his testicles The toreador keeps them for him with the tail and the ears  ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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Funny  When and where a (Cow) Breast FESTIVAL ? [image] Sommaire Et la souffrance vgtale L'être idéal ? Un ange dévasté par l'humour. E.M. Cioran
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Have you eaten a testicle? No Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Probably not but you never know, if I happened to be in the area. Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? They have some beautiful mountains and national park areas. Lots of farms. I went on a camping trip for a couple days in Eastern Montana by a lake back when I was stationed in North Dakota at Minot AFB. Vive La Difference
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Have you eaten a testicle? No...bollocks to that! Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? I suppose it's okay just to hang about. Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? Rocky Mountain Oysters 
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Haha...No and No. I think Montana is where Yellowstone Park is.  ~~Anais Nin~~
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Montana border is 60 miles south of here where I live. There are some great camping areas in the mountains.
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there is a bar in Port Wing Wisconsin up here by me that has an annual testicle festival. it is nothing as good as what you were showing. I think I might have to attend the one in Montana.
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I can feel the testosterone radiating from the screen, Spunky. Have you eaten a testicle? I swallowed a goldfish once and I'm fairly sure he had tiny testicles. Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Sure. It sounds like fun. But I'm carrying a weapon if I do. Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? I give up. Tell me. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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That's one way of seeing a testicle festival! Thanks for stopping by.
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Have you eaten a testicle? No Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Doubtful Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? A high percentage of ball-less bulls?
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I have not eaten one, nor am I inclined to. This does sound like a fun festival. I don't think the authorities here would allow something like that. -- Things are a little looser in Montana. It is much more rugged and sparsely populated there as well. I hear it is beautiful there.
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I think you can unsee but your mind doesn't want to! Thanks for stopping by.
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NEVER MIND If you have seen my now deleted comment... well... chalk it up to a careless and cursory read through, just disregard my previous comments.
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You always seem to find just the right ones to post! Have you eaten a testicle? no .. but always up for any challenge Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? sure would Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? love the big cock she has in her hand hugssssss V
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I have eaten testicles. although I kindof hurried. so as far as taste goes, I have no idea. let's say fried. I love weird festivals and fairs. I always stop if I can. i'm a sucker for fried dough. and someone is always selling something I never saw before.
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Have you eaten a testicle? No! Would you attend the Montana Testicle Festival? Not on purpose Apart from testicles, what else Is Montana famous for? Wide open spaces, probably good to hid ones balls:_
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Montana looks beautiful, though I'll keep my balls hidden if I visit!
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Montana looks beautiful!
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Bonjour Spunky J'ai déjà mangé du taureau après une corrida mais jamais ses testicules Le toréador les garde pour lui avec la queue et les oreilles ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Spunky I have already eaten bull after a corrida but never his testicles The toreador keeps them for him with the tail and the ears ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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