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A DILEMMA FOR YOU ON TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBRANCE
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A DILEMMA FOR YOU ON TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBRANCE   Today, 20 November, is Transgender Day of Remembrance to commemorate all those killed because they were transgender. My knowledge of transgender has increased since joining this site. And that’s one thing about this site is that you come across people you wouldn’t perhaps have come across. And I’m thankful for that, because my circle is quite closed - generally white, largely heterosexual, mainly middle class (except my girlfriend and her family), totally liberal and invariably left-wing. Apart from reading newspapers and magazines, my first real experience of transgender happened in the 1980s when I was a student living in London. I lived in a multiple-occupied house. One person whom I shared the house with was a Christian woman called Mary. I got on with her despite me not being religious. But I do like talking about religion with people. Mary introduced me to her brother, Edward who was also a devout Christian. I got along with him too in the many times he came around to visit his sister. Also living in the house was Ann. I got on with her too but more superficially. In one conversation, Ann revealed that she worked with Edward, Mary’s brother. She told me that, when Edward first started work, Edward was a woman called Jane. Over the years Jane had become Edward. Ann told everyone in the house, except Mary, that Edward was Jane. As a result, Mary didn’t know that everyone in the house knew that her brother was once her sister. Mary’s conversations about Edward were such that Edward was always Edward - he was he to her and I assumed that he was always he to her. Think of the language issues when Mary and Edward talked to people about their past. Our language is very genderised. I felt in a predicament. Do I tell Mary that we all know that Edward was Jane or do I not tell her? Mary and Edward got on well. I decided to tell her because other people in the house were being titillated by the gossip. What would you have done if you were me? I felt both good and bad that I confided in Mary about this, not that it mattered how I felt at the time. But it made me realise the journey - I hate that word but I can’t think another more suitable word at this moment - that a transgender person sometimes has to go through and what others close by, to a lesser extent, also have to go through. Please remember that this was the early 1980s when so-called coming out was not so straightforward. And I’m not sure it’s straightforward now for transgendered people. But we can all, regardless of our gender, make it far more straightforward. I’ve changed the names of people in this post which I guess suggests in a very small way that things are still far from being straightforward.   |
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Bonjour Spunky Merci de m'apprendre qu'aujourd'hui est la journée de la mémoire aux transgenres, on peut surement avoir une pensée émue pour tout les homosexuelles brulés et tués à travers les âges . Moi je m'en fous je suis une travestie  ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie♥ Hello Spunky Thank you for telling me that today is the day of memory to the transgender, one can surely have an emotional thought for all homosexuals burned and killed throughout the ages. Me I do not care I'm a transvestite  ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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I read this trying to remember where my head was about this in the eighties. I think all of it was so far outside my ken that I never gave it a thought. But...I've always thought of myself as being not normal, and not like the people around me. I think I'd have done the same thing you did...at least I hope so. It can be hard to know the effect that telling someone the truth can have, but you bit the bullet and were honest with her. Things are very far from being straightforward. Openness and acceptance are very much under attack these days, and I expect it will get worse before it gets better. Now more than ever is when we stand by all our friends who are seen as "other". Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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That is a wonderful thing about this site. .. Interacting with people whom I wouldn't have a chance otherwise. We have come a long way as a society since the 1980's. .. Back then these were subjects of humor and ridicule. I won't forget the long line of Rock Hudson jokes. .. But those jokes also brought awareness. Sadly, I am seeing a rise in the backlash against tolerance these days.
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1 post 11/20/2016 11:58 am |
It happens that I work in an industry with many trans people. It took some getting used to - not wanting to be disrespectful, but not having enough familiarity with how to speak to/about someone respectfully. My first, and most direct, encounter was a customer with whom I worked closely, and saw every week. She was Jason when we met, and gave no indication of identifying any other way. One day, she showed up at our office dressed as a woman - in front of our whole community of customers - and announced that she identified as female. Everyone was silent, not knowing what the hell to say or do next. I remember thinking, "how do I be cool right now??" Suddenly, one of our customers broke the silence: "Do you go by a different name, now?" And, with great relief, our trans friend said, "Sarah!". And then our other client said, "well, I think you're beautiful, Sarah!" A huge relief came over the room, and everybody got back to work as if nothing had happened. I was very sad for awhile after this, because I realized that Sarah will always stick out. People will always know her "secret," no matter how hard she works to look like a "normal" woman. I realized how very, very sand and out of place she must have felt in a man's outward identity that this was a better alternative. Ultimately, the only solution is for more people to be accepting of all identities. I used to tell this story using pronouns like "he/him" when referring to Jason, and she/her when referring to Sarah. But there's only one person; Sarah. Unless she states a different preference, she was ALWAYS Sarah, and always female, and MY experience of her transition is not what defines HER. Referring to Edward as formerly-female, and/or trying to use any pronouns other than the ones he uses, is called "deadnaming" and it can be hurtful.
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I guess I didn't think much about this in the 80's either....or even till I joined this site. There was an Irish blogger who wrote the story of her journey from being identified as a male when born and her realisation that she was a female. Her story really made me realise the hardships she faced. It horrifies me to think that being a transgender can be a reason to be murdered.  ~~Anais Nin~~
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I work for an ob/gyn and we have transgender patients. Women that are transitioning to men but haven't had the final surgery still need exams. Men that have had their surgery to become women need on-going hormone therapy. I treat them as the gender they desire to be. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Great post, personally I am a part of it cause I am not a natural born female. I have been lucky to have had a successful transition. never felt the hate in the real world. I been lucky. my transition was very easy. from personal experience, for some reason, I feel men has been more supportive, they have embrace me or accepted my transition, my life style, much better or much easier than females. this is speaking in general as a whole. and only by my experiences. but in person, I have never been insulted or disrespecful, never. Ironically, I was insulted and persecuted in this site, out of all places, in this site, crazy isen't it?. but we all know what happen to her. and some other few people that was acting up over my gender, were doing it cause she was putting shit in their head. they did not had the personality to tell her to fuck off. sad but true. I do know of few TS's that have been assaulted for no reason, just for being who they are. I also know of one that was murder. is very sad, but it does happen still today. To all the sisters and brothers in the house, cheers to you all 
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It happens that I work in an industry with many trans people. It took some getting used to - not wanting to be disrespectful, but not having enough familiarity with how to speak to/about someone respectfully. My first, and most direct, encounter was a customer with whom I worked closely, and saw every week. She was Jason when we met, and gave no indication of identifying any other way. One day, she showed up at our office dressed as a woman - in front of our whole community of customers - and announced that she identified as female. Everyone was silent, not knowing what the hell to say or do next. I remember thinking, "how do I be cool right now??" Suddenly, one of our customers broke the silence: "Do you go by a different name, now?" And, with great relief, our trans friend said, "Sarah!". And then our other client said, "well, I think you're beautiful, Sarah!" A huge relief came over the room, and everybody got back to work as if nothing had happened. I was very sad for awhile after this, because I realized that Sarah will always stick out. People will always know her "secret," no matter how hard she works to look like a "normal" woman. I realized how very, very sand and out of place she must have felt in a man's outward identity that this was a better alternative. Ultimately, the only solution is for more people to be accepting of all identities. I used to tell this story using pronouns like "he/him" when referring to Jason, and she/her when referring to Sarah. But there's only one person; Sarah. Unless she states a different preference, she was ALWAYS Sarah, and always female, and MY experience of her transition is not what defines HER. Referring to Edward as formerly-female, and/or trying to use any pronouns other than the ones he uses, is called "deadnaming" and it can be hurtful.
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Yes, this site has certainly made me more knowledgeable in understanding the courage and strength that a transgender has in abundance.
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I'm usually a proponent of keeping ones mouth shut, but I think you did the right thing in this case.
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Like you, I'm happy to know lots of people I would not have encountered in my real life, especially via blogs. I understood more fully the difficulties of transgender people. Under the guise of unbridled sexuality, this site actually allows much more intimate relationships than basic sexual relations. Sommaire Et la souffrance vgtale L'être idéal ? Un ange dévasté par l'humour. E.M. Cioran
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What would you have done if you were me? I don't know for sure what I would have done but I knew people who were gay and lesbian in the seventies and eighties and it wasn't an issue to me. I don't think I knew many Transgender people back then but have known some since and I don't think it's so difficult to understand. It's to bad there are so many people in the world who attack anyone who's different. Vive La Difference
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Last year I was reading about a village in the Dominican Republic where due to a genetic mutation some children do not become outwardly/physically "male" until puberty. These children are sometimes mistaken for girls and raised as such until they become recognizably male. Apparently this transition is not stigmatized within the community. Hopefully one day we all recognize and understand that individuals choosing to transition are not a threat to society as a whole, or to other individuals.
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This is a intresting story.... thanks for sharing, I think changing their names was the right thing to do... it shows respect for their journey. although some ppl have come a long way towards respecting others.... there are also a large number who have regressed in this as well
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I agree with you and others who commented here about this site. I wasn't too ignorant before but A*F*F helped to expand my knowledge and it was here where I met so many amazing people of every gender. When I was little, my parents had a friend whom I called Uncle Sasha. One day a woman visited my parents and I was told to call her Aunt Sasha. Uncle Sasha disappeared, he never came to visit us again, and Aunt Sasha looked very much like him. At that time homosexuality was outlawed in Russia. I suspect that included transgender individuals also. It wouldn't terribly surprise me if new administration in the U.S. wouldn't push against LGBTQ community. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I am not sure spunky how I missed this compelling post. It is fabulous. In the 1980's I do not think many of my friends thought about transgendered people even though we had a myriad of gay and lesbian chums. I certainly have come to know many of them on here and as far as I ma concerned they are my on-line friends and gender plays no role nor will it if we ever get to meet in person. I grew up in a really progressive city where discrimination was not part of every day life. New England was a real eye opener. I am not sure if I would have told Mary but I surely would have pout a stop to the gossip mongers- that's hateful and unkind (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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Bonjour Spunky Merci de m'apprendre qu'aujourd'hui est la journée de la mémoire aux transgenres, on peut surement avoir une pensée émue pour tout les homosexuelles brulés et tués à travers les âges . Moi je m'en fous je suis une travestie ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie♥ Hello Spunky Thank you for telling me that today is the day of memory to the transgender, one can surely have an emotional thought for all homosexuals burned and killed throughout the ages. Me I do not care I'm a transvestite ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥  
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I read this trying to remember where my head was about this in the eighties. I think all of it was so far outside my ken that I never gave it a thought. But...I've always thought of myself as being not normal, and not like the people around me. I think I'd have done the same thing you did...at least I hope so. It can be hard to know the effect that telling someone the truth can have, but you bit the bullet and were honest with her. Things are very far from being straightforward. Openness and acceptance are very much under attack these days, and I expect it will get worse before it gets better. Now more than ever is when we stand by all our friends who are seen as "other".
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That is a wonderful thing about this site. .. Interacting with people whom I wouldn't have a chance otherwise. We have come a long way as a society since the 1980's. .. Back then these were subjects of humor and ridicule. I won't forget the long line of Rock Hudson jokes. .. But those jokes also brought awareness. Sadly, I am seeing a rise in the backlash against tolerance these days.
| ||||
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It happens that I work in an industry with many trans people. It took some getting used to - not wanting to be disrespectful, but not having enough familiarity with how to speak to/about someone respectfully. My first, and most direct, encounter was a customer with whom I worked closely, and saw every week. She was Jason when we met, and gave no indication of identifying any other way. One day, she showed up at our office dressed as a woman - in front of our whole community of customers - and announced that she identified as female. Everyone was silent, not knowing what the hell to say or do next. I remember thinking, "how do I be cool right now??" Suddenly, one of our customers broke the silence: "Do you go by a different name, now?" And, with great relief, our trans friend said, "Sarah!". And then our other client said, "well, I think you're beautiful, Sarah!" A huge relief came over the room, and everybody got back to work as if nothing had happened. I was very sad for awhile after this, because I realized that Sarah will always stick out. People will always know her "secret," no matter how hard she works to look like a "normal" woman. I realized how very, very sand and out of place she must have felt in a man's outward identity that this was a better alternative. Ultimately, the only solution is for more people to be accepting of all identities. I used to tell this story using pronouns like "he/him" when referring to Jason, and she/her when referring to Sarah. But there's only one person; Sarah. Unless she states a different preference, she was ALWAYS Sarah, and always female, and MY experience of her transition is not what defines HER. Referring to Edward as formerly-female, and/or trying to use any pronouns other than the ones he uses, is called "deadnaming" and it can be hurtful.
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I guess I didn't think much about this in the 80's either....or even till I joined this site. There was an Irish blogger who wrote the story of her journey from being identified as a male when born and her realisation that she was a female. Her story really made me realise the hardships she faced. It horrifies me to think that being a transgender can be a reason to be murdered.
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My girl friend has transgender friends and I am ok with them!
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I work for an ob/gyn and we have transgender patients. Women that are transitioning to men but haven't had the final surgery still need exams. Men that have had their surgery to become women need on-going hormone therapy. I treat them as the gender they desire to be.
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It's extemely difficult to stop people gossiping; people just talk and I'm not in control of that. If I blog about people in the so-called real world I always change names. My post was about a story when one person changed their name, and I've changed their changed name.
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