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| Blogs > ICDeadPeople2 > Ghost Writer in Disguise |
Heart Attack Humour
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Heart Attack Humour I shall be missing in action for a few days. Audrey and I are taking my and headed down to Sarasota Florida. I cannot work until after the 15th of April so this is about the right time to go I think. We are heading out sometime tonight and will arrive in FL tomorrow afternoon. Stay until Tuesday morning and then head back this way. I will spend Sunday and Monday lounging on the beach and just resting up. I hope to meet up with some Atlanta Bloggers on my trip home... I had mentioned my revelation of how I had lost my sense of humour during my heart attack so I thought I might share a couple of my better moments with you, my readers, in hopes that it might bring a smile to your face. When the ambulance arrived to pick me up I did not want my to see me picked up and carried outta the house so I had Babe and my oldest help me up out of the floor and I stumbled to the awaiting gurney and told the paramedics, ok lets roll! Shortly after locking me in place and announcing it was definitely a heart attack was when I decided I was not dying frowning. Thats when the new me died and the old me took control of my body and brain again. I had a couple good lines for the paramedics but I really turned on the charm when they wheeled me into the Trauma Room at Paragould Methodist Hospital. I had 7 people working on me at the same time I think. Doctors, nurses, and paramedics all either sticking electrodes on me or sticking needles into my collapsed veins. They were all in a panic because they could not get a second IV in. I think I was the only calm one in the room. After a couple minutes one guy on my left said ok I found a vein , OH SHIT I HAD A BLOW OUT!!! I turned my head in his direction and said.. "Dude, is that why this bed is tilting? Do I look like I feel like changing a tire right now?" They all just kinda stared at me while they continued working frantically. I said "CRAP"!!! and one of the paramedics was like "dude what is it?" I told him... "This is my first major comedy routine and no one is laughing. Shit, I am really dying up here". Then they finally decided to see the humour and they started laughing and lightened up a bit. The paramedic that rode in the back with me told them that I had been cracking jokes all the way to the hospital and then told one of the nurses that I was a smart ass that could give her a run for her money. At this point I could not resist this easy one and I said... "If I could give her a run for her money right now.. she needs to be up here worse than I do." Ok, Now I got my audience in the palm of my hand, well its not like they could really walk out on me but while they were laughing at that remark someone else came in the room and he was working on a frantic woman in the room next door. About all I heard him say was that she could not be having a miscarriage because she was taking the depo shot. The guy who had just successfully started the second IV in my right arm (where the first one was) said the depo shot don't mean nothing so I twisted my head over and said.... "Depo shot??? You been working on me about 10 minutes now and you don't know if I am having a baby or a heart attack???" The new guy in the room freaked out and was telling me no no no sir, I wasn't talking about you I am dealing with someone else. All my medical attendees laughed their ass off at him because he thought I was serious. After about 15 more minutes they finally drilled (I think) three 10K shots in my neck and had various IV bags hanging. My heart rate was up to 65 and my BP was holding steady at 90 over 60 and they declared me stabilized and told me they were transporting me to Saint Bernard's Medical Center in Jonesboro AR. The ambulance driver that was transporting just happened to be a guy I used to bowl with. When he said "Crap Joe, you aren't old enough to be laying there" I just looked him in the eye and said... "I sure hope you drive better than you bowl"..... Then I called SHOTGUN!!! But you know what? Them bastards made me ride in the back anyway. I even put that down on the ambulance survey they sent me in the mail tuesday. I gave them all excellent and then in the place for comments I wrote... "Both of my ambulance trips were smoother and better than trips to heaven because I was not really ready to go there yet. However, I do have one complaint. The paramedics were quite unfair because when I was stabilized enough for the move I clearly vocalized my desire to ride SHOTGUN and they still made me ride in the back. I think you need to let your paramedics know that it is customary for the person who first calls SHOTGUN to gain the privilege of riding by the window in the front seat". When we arrived at Saint Bernard's in Jonesboro they wheeled me into the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit and the nurse that was checking me in was a total hottie. She was the main cardiac nurse overnight and let me tell you people... She was a smoking hottie, late 20's early 30's and totally to die for. (ok even though I was close I don't mean that literal). While they were hooking me up to wires on my ankles and ass and stomach and chest (I pointed out to them exactly where I thought my heart was at this point) she was getting my information. She (Her name was Abigail) told me that she needed a contact phone number in case she needed to call. I looked over at my brother and at babe (who were also bedside and they were just kinda standing there) so I answered her. I gave her my number. She looked at Babe and my brother and asked who's number that was. They both looked at me so I said... "Thats my number Abby, Its the only number you will ever need to call again"... She looked at me and the look on her face was priceless. Babe and my brother and everyone else in the room died laughing and she was stuttering about how she meant she needed a number in case she needed to call someone ABOUT me. That covered the first 90 minutes or so of my heart attack ordeal. There is more that I will probably post later. Like why my modesty drove me to a hunger strike my first day there.. I will see everyone again on Wednesday. I hope everyone has a great weekend and a great start to the week. I doubt I will be able to access the internet while I am gone but I will keep in contact with [blog newaroundhere64] or/and [blog daphner] while I am gone. Looking forward to dining with some Atlanta Bloggers Tuesday night. Ya'll play nice now ya hear!!!!!!  I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed    RAInBow |
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Doesn't she have any relatives out this way? Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.
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Thanks Soy, I was gonna give her your number but I remembered that she might be a little young for your taste  I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed RAInBow
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3/6/2009 9:34 pm |
 Damn son you are priceless. You enjoy your trip and take care. Babe must be a hell of a woman to put up with your smart ass.Have a good one son
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3/7/2009 1:37 am |
Safe journey, you.
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 You are a trip! I hope you enjoy your trip! Have a safe journey but make sure to have loads of fun too! xoxo T  Let me offer u comfort, rest,& peace.
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Wow, that was quite an ordeal and I know the seriousness of something like that. The fact that you could keep your humor is amazing! keep well my friend...relax and dont do too much.
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It sounds like you found your humour again friend...my family motto id you may as well laugh as cry! having said that, it is easier said than done. Enjoy your time away and we'll see you when you git back!
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I keep trying to think of something rude to say but I'm drawing a blank. Damn...I'm slipping. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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3/9/2009 6:28 pm |
I like! Enjoy your trip. Nothing like getting away from it all...
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hope you had fun and relaxed see you back here soonI'm a   and i'm here to stay
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lol...getting caught up...hope ou enjoy meeting those bloggers my friend...warmest of hugs my dear...be safe!!!  []   Seduce my mind and my body
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3/10/2009 8:09 pm |
Have a great trip! Be safe ~~ Butterflies are free...so am I
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Well, have I been out of the loop? LOL I am sorry about your heart attack, but glad to know you seem to be doing better. Take care my friend, and thanks for stopping by my blog. I have wondered about you over the time I've been gone and glad to know you're still ticking. bwahahahahaha!! DustStormDiva 
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Well, have I been out of the loop? LOL I am sorry about your heart attack, but glad to know you seem to be doing better. Take care my friend, and thanks for stopping by my blog. I have wondered about you over the time I've been gone and glad to know you're still ticking. bwahahahahaha!! Good Times !! I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed RAInBow
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