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| Blogs > tazzerman2000 > Cosmic Debris Part Three! |
Biting off more than you can chew
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Biting off more than you can chew  ladyunlaced has written an interesting post titled [post 2551501] which was a follow up to this [post 2551029]. Between these two posts she has brought up a couple of very interesting items/topics for discussion AND 'further study'. Of course, who better to help further the 'Study of Human Sexuality' than Ol Tazzerman? In the first post, she discusses guys who ask her "Why can't I find a single woman like you?" and in the follow up she makes the statement that "open marriages aren't for everyone and neither is swinging." and further, ponders the following: "However, at the root of it, apart from swinging or open marriages, the overt sexuality that a woman like me brazenly embraces can be very intimidating, or at least unsettling, to a man who is in love with her. What if she doesn't prefer him to other lovers? What if he can't satisfy her? That's where trust comes in." I have direct experience and deal with and/or struggle with this issue on a daily basis. Not from the standpoint LU puts forth but from the fact that I am totally incapable of having sex with a women without there being SOME kind of emotional bond created. Remember the statement regarding how women and men view sex that I have echoed many many times throughout my blog? Women need a REASON, men just need a place.. Well for a LOT of women, that 'reason' IS that emotional bond. I've met very few women who can in fact have sex without there being some kind of emotional 'attachment' and ol Tazzerman is built the same way in regards to making love to women. (I know, its a shocker but it's TRUE) The question LU puts forth in the first post answers the question. by way of the notion that there are folks who can be 'shwingers' and those who shouldn't or can't be. Those who are in fact true swingers know how to 'handle' the emotional aspects and are capable of being both totally honest, upfront and sincere in their feelings and emotions but yet still capable of having and maintaining good, close relationships with multiple people over long stretches of time. The main 'tool' as I've always said is COMMUNICATION! Being up-front, honest and open with your friends and partners is the WAY to build that trust LU talks about. Now regarding the intimidation issue: LU has a very good point here and one that I myself have suffered with in the past. I was not intimidated by her 'brazen sexuality' so much as I would be caught up in my own insecurities. As a side note: this is one of the areas where I focus on both before and whenever I meet up with a couple. I go out of my way to make sure not to step on the guys 'toes' so to speak and I make SURE that he's comfortable with me fucking his wife totally before we proceed. We guys can be a VERY insecure lot and a lot of times, that CAN be read as intimidation. Over the years, Ol Tazzerman has suffered less and less from those dreaded insecurities. I guess it's just part and parcel of the maturing process. These days, I know what I know and well I KNOW I don't have anything to feel insecure about. Lets just put it like that  Most guys however are more insecure than they will probably admit to and when you couple those insecurities with a guys innate and over-riding need for constant affirmation.... You see my point.... LOL Anyway, I thought I'd chip my two cents worth in what I thought was an interesting topic for discussion...  -tm |
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Here's my issue with this idea. If indeed, a couple is in love, that emotional connection should make any physical act superior to one that is JUST physical. So, to classify someone who is only a lover as "better" to me really means that something is missing from the supposed loving relationship. No matter how many times swingers tell me something different, I still only see their relationships end. Or the swinging end. Observational and not a scientific study I know, but hey, it's just me.
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Very interesting addition to the discussion, Tazz I am intrigued by the way you draw a distinction between intimidation and insecurity. It seems that one is passive (focused on the partner, in our example me and my brazenness) and the other is active (focused on yourself, an acknowledgment of personal weaknesses, etc). Did I read that correctly? ***
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