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The Rules of Rural Ontario :)
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The Rules of Rural Ontario :) Ok not posting this to get backlash. This is a JOKE. I love my city slicker friends just as much as my redneck friends lol.. Being from redneck country I found this sooo funny. THE RULES OF RURAL ONTARIO ARE AS FOLLOWS Listen up City Slickers! 1. Pull your droopy pants up & wear a belt. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap around right, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. They're live walking steaks & roasts. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy 401 goes east and west, Hwy 6/10 goes north and south. Pick one. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. So every person in Rural Ontario waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming out of the woods, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat biscuits & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available & far cheaper at the corner bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. We order steak. You can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the ham & turkey, but don't be a cry baby 12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. 13. If you bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. 14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better know how to shoot, drive a truck, muck out a barn and have long hair. 15. OHL and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Leafs and Habs, and more fun to watch. 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish. 17.. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges, They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays. 18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Canadian Forces. So don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get an ass whippen by the best. 19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxer shorts. Refer back to #1. 20. 2 inches of ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in your head, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case scenario is you may have to live a whole day without croissants. 21. The pickups with snow blades and Tractors with Snow Blowers will have you out the next day. Blushin |
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Absolutely fabulous! Number 5 is great. Having moved to a ruralish area two years ago, some of these lessons have been learned the hard way. Wish I had the list prior. All opinions and statistics are derived from a poll of 1 (me). The rate of error is plus/minus 100%.
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8/7/2008 6:41 pm |
Way too funny, thanks for the laugh!
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8/20/2008 2:51 pm |
AMEN to #3...I am a redneck at heart, jut don't ask me to go without my sushi... Screw you guys...I'm going home!
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9/8/2009 1:26 pm |
Why would anyone be laughing? its all true? So Sayeth this country boY!
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lol wantingmore I found it hilarious cause being a country girl living in the city now I soooo remember thinking so many of those things Blushin
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this is hilarious!!!
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