The History Of Sex...Part 1 - a Blog Post by rm_talldarkavg1

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11/23/2008 12:41 pm

The History Of Sex...Part 1

As Blogville's eldest resident, anthropology aficionado, and part-time curb-feelers promoter, I felt it was time that I explained just how sex has evolved into the international pastime that it is today, since so many members here are young and resultantly, curious. Of course, most of this information will be first-hand knowledge.

We shall begin this journey long after the primordial ooze and the dinosaurs. We'll start at the moment when the human race began walking upright. It was a Tuesday. 9:04 A.M. (EST)

Even though the early female role was focused on caring for the , some gathering was in fact performed by the female on a daily basis. Since Tupperware containers were still years away in their appearance, the early female gatherer needed a means of carrying larger quantities of berries than just the hands would allow. The birth of innovation. She would pick berries and stuff them into her vagina. Granted, no one has discovered a fossilized blueberry stained vagina yet, but it could happen. In fact, further evidence hints that alert chipmunks in that era observed this practice and adapted their cheeks to mime this effective gathering technique. Frail and hungry females would attempt to eat these berries and gave birth to lesbianism.

The male was the primary gatherer. In the early years, the penis had a similar function as the elephant's trunk. It was used to not only carry food and timber for fires, but was used as a secondary breathing apparatus. The early male could stand on his hands in a stream or lake and gather edibles while breathing out the penis. This function is still evident in modern man. Ever notice how a man will do a handstand as soon as he enters water? This is a primal instinct to breathe. A lot of people don't know this.

Penis vagina pleasure sex did not exist in the early years at all. Pleasure sex was accomplished by the female rubbing a rock on her genitals and then ambushing and hitting the male in the head with the scented rock. It was called zug-zug. Naturally, stronger females used larger rocks and thus significantly reduced the size of the male mating population. Actually, using the penis for pleasure sex was invented by early gay males. Hence the name, Homo Erectus. Observant females immediately hooked up with these males and gave birth to bisexual behavior.

The straight males attempted this practice with the females but were rejected because of a really poor technique. Not to be denied what looked like fun, they began practicing on trees with knotholes. When they got good they would then approach a female, and insert a stick in her vagina, swirl it (clockwise), and then mount her. This later evolved into the dildo play. The reason they originally inserted the stick was to check for bees.

In part two we will examine the medieval sexual practices and learn about the birth of female controlled sex.

[blog talldarkavg1]

REDC41 60M

11/23/2008 1:49 pm

This explains so much!!! Have you submitted it to scientific monthly yet?

Rog

BasalWrathBone 76M

11/23/2008 1:51 pm

Very interesting.

I was wondering about the roots of anal sex though. I always assumed that when a male took it in the ass from another, it wrecked him. Hence, the the anatomical term rectum. I haven't been able to find out if the word is a direct translation of the Latin (the language egg-heads seem to prefer) or, if it was because of the lack of spell-check at the time. Any help along these lines would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

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