I Never Realized How Badly I Need Drugs. And Lots Of Them! - a Blog Post by rm_talldarkavg1

Blogs > rm_talldarkavg1 > AFF #1 Source for Useless Info

11778 posts
10/30/2008 4:47 pm

I Never Realized How Badly I Need Drugs. And Lots Of Them!

Lately, it seems like as soon as I turn on the TV I see all these ads, by the drug companies, hawking the cure to a bunch of stuff that I didn't even know existed. Well, I figure if the drug companies can diagnose illnesses...why can't I? There's a whole bunch of stuff that has been plaguing me for years. They must be illnesses.

First on my list, an epileptic rectum. Every time I start to spend money...my butt puckers. Now we're not talking a gentle nibble like a eating oats from your palm either. We're talking eye squinting clinches. I'm talking about clinches so intense my eyes blink in unison. Wildly. Combine that with a store clerk, a leg cramp, a suddenly itching scrotum, and you have all the makings for a 9 1 1 call. No medicine out there for this one.

Doctors claim that hiccups are the result of a lack of oxygen. OK, if that's true...why don't penises get the hiccups after sex? Or, even better, during sex? I don't know about other men, but I've always wanted penis hiccups. Maybe penis sneezes too. I think it would be cool to be standing in line and hear this tiny muffled ACHOO. I'd love to be able to look at the person behind me and explain, "He was playing outside without his mittens". I need a pill that causes this.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that my penis has Alzheimer's. He forgets where the toilet is. Usually around 3 in the morning. You see, males have difficulty stopping a full stream pee flow in general, let alone at 3 in the morning. Many a 3 A.M., I awake with a 10% over capacity bladder, madly ricochet to the bathroom, and for some reason, sight in on the wall. I start going...and smile. Of course I do. That's why I'm here. It usually takes 2 or 3 seconds for the bankshot to reach my feet. I panic...but who can stop? At this point, you are forced into attempting a tricky realignment technique (usually resulting in over compensation in the opposite direction) and stand–now tip toed–in the puddle. Then clean it up. All at 3 A.M. I need a pill that stops this.

Another illness that I suffer daily with is REA. Restless Ear Syndrome. For no apparent reason...they start wiggling. OK, granted it's a real blessing if you happen to be giving oral sex at the time, but other than that it's really embarrassing. Imagine you're in line at the bank. The cat lady in front of you, while trying to push her shopping cart forward, becomes flatulent. Embarrassed, she turns and looks you in the eye...and your ears start wiggling! I need a pill that stops the wiggling. And heals a black eye.

You've heard the comment, "Her carpet doesn't match the drapes"? I don't have a problem if a woman's carpet doesn't match her drapes. However, I do have a problem if the carpet is the same length as the drapes. Must be a phobia. I need a pill to get over this.

[blog talldarkavg1]

rm_19harley86 74M

45446 posts
10/30/2008 5:40 pm

If I took a pill for everything the drug company's suggested ,I would never get the chance to eat some food

I might even be "SUPERMAN"

---------------------Dennis US ARMY (RETIRED) AND YOUR FRIEND

I never mean to offend(blog or comment) anyone ,If I do contact me please. Please check out my blog Harley-Davidson Drive(19harley86)

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