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Let's Talk About Homely People Sex Shall We? I Get No Respect.  

rm_talldarkavg1 113M
11778 posts
10/25/2008 5:12 pm
Let's Talk About Homely People Sex Shall We? I Get No Respect.

I guess today is One-liner Saturday. Some are mine...some aren't.

I got my phone back! Woohoo. There was a text message from one of my nephews. It read..."370HSSV 0773H". I was puzzled. I read the next text message from him, "Turn your phone upside down and read the last message".

I had time last night to do some thinking, unfortunately. And I wonder if all us homely people have problems in the sexual arena? I think that might be, perhaps, a definite maybe. You know, homely isn't something that just happens over night either. It's a life long journey. I can remember when I was a , my mother used to feed me with a slingshot. When I was a I worked in the local pet shop. People used to ask how big I'd get.

When I got married my ex said there was only one thing wrong with my face. It showed. However, I have been blessed with 3 beautiful daughters. Thank God my ex's cheated on me. I'm so homely that when I get mugged, the guy takes off his mask and makes me wear it. When I go for a walk people follow me with a pooper scooper. Ten years ago I met the Surgeon General. He offered me a cigarette.

Now, when it comes to sexual powers...I am incredible! You know, I once gave a woman a 6 hour orgasm. Well, it wasn't actually an orgasm. Turns out she was epileptic. But I count it.

I did try one of those machines at the mall last year. You know, the ones that say, "Rate Your Sexual Powers". I put in 50¢ and gave it a whirl. People gathered all around. Most were clapping and laughing. I smiled and watched the needle keep rising and nodded to then...then I realized...you're supposed to put your finger in that hole.

Looking back, I guess maybe I should have dated smarter women. My last girlfriend had to go to the ER every time she made French Toast. Her tongue kept getting stuck in the toaster.

Even still, a woman will usually have sex with me three or four times a night. And at my age. Here's my secret...after the first time, I tell her if she doesn't go more I'll call Visa and stop payment.

Last February I made a big mistake. I decided that I would try to break my personal sexual record and go for 22 orgasms in a 6 hour period. Good news and bad news. Good news I did it. Bad news, I couldn't use my right arm for a week.




[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/25/2008 6:44 pm

    Quoting  :

I get no respect I tell ya. When I get on an elevator, the guy looks at me and asks, "Basement?"

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_mm0206 76F
7758 posts
10/25/2008 6:47 pm



We should form a club for homely people...
we can be the original members

here it is Saturday night and I am home alone...
again

lesseee... I am going for the worlds record.....
126 Saturday nights in a roll.

be well Darlin...
tender hugs...m.


rm_1hotwahine 70F
21089 posts
10/25/2008 7:58 pm

What? Rodney Dangerfield's estate have an auction or something?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/25/2008 9:24 pm

    Quoting rm_mm0206:


    We should form a club for homely people...
    we can be the original members

    here it is Saturday night and I am home alone...
    again

    lesseee... I am going for the worlds record.....
    126 Saturday nights in a roll.

    be well Darlin...
    tender hugs...m.
Hmm, form a club out of homely people...OK. I'm in. Would we use it to hit attractive people?

126...right there with you.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/25/2008 9:25 pm

    Quoting  :

I love Urethra. That's one of my favorites. You're welcome.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/25/2008 9:27 pm

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    What? Rodney Dangerfield's estate have an auction or something?
You know how they say pets look like their owners? My dog heard this and committed suicide. I get no respect I tell you.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_ShyUTGal 64F
11101 posts
10/25/2008 9:30 pm

Brussel PUFFS? You can have my share.

Were you so homely as a baby, that your parents accidently diapered the wrong end?

I think you're a handsome devil, but maybe your ego needs some brussel puffs so it grows big and strong!

What we lack in looks, we more than make up for in wit!


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/25/2008 9:47 pm

    Quoting rm_ShyUTGal:
    Brussel PUFFS? You can have my share.

    Were you so homely as a baby, that your parents accidently diapered the wrong end?

    I think you're a handsome devil, but maybe your ego needs some brussel puffs so it grows big and strong!

    What we lack in looks, we more than make up for in wit!
I was that homely as a baby. You know how they say, "after so-in-so was born they broke the mold?" In my case, they lynched the mold maker.

You think I'm a handsome devil? Well thank you!

Haven't had your regular eye exams have you?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/25/2008 9:49 pm

    Quoting  :

Thank you for pointing this out. many people are unaware of this fact.

BTW...it's really BIG issue. However, on the up side, one day that may be able to propel your car.

[blog talldarkavg1]


beadchick 62F

10/26/2008 7:19 am

just remember this, you aren't SO homely you have been featured on "My Big Redneck Wedding", now those are some seriously homely people!


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/26/2008 7:29 am

    Quoting beadchick:
    just remember this, you aren't SO homely you have been featured on "My Big Redneck Wedding", now those are some seriously homely people!
I haven't heard of this show. It sounds like it was aimed at me. Where and when is it on?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/26/2008 9:10 am

    Quoting  :

Thank you. It isn't dog food is it?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/26/2008 12:27 pm

    Quoting  :



[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/27/2008 8:49 pm

    Quoting  :

furballs? I'm thinking one set with fur is plenty. I vote no furballs.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/27/2008 8:51 pm

    Quoting  :

New's my celebrity commentator. Larry King was too expensive and New made me an offer that was in my price range.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 113M
10172 posts
10/30/2008 1:50 pm

    Quoting  :

I'm all in favor of average Joe sex. In fact, if women weren't willing to lower their standards, I'd never have sex. At least with another person. As far as rubbing one out in the bathroom, I'm assuming that this isn't mobster jargon, and you were actually relieving some pent up tension. I advocate that! If you'd like, next time, video tape it...send the tape to me...and I'll help out with pointers on technique. Technique is ever so important! Introduce the clothes pins and hair brush too soon and you missed an opportunity of a lifetime.

[blog talldarkavg1]


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