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The Chauffeur and The Penis Bong
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The Chauffeur and The Penis Bong So I got pulled over for speeding the other day, which isn't really a huge surprise since on average it happens monthly. I was lucky enough to be able to talk my way out the ticket, which was fortunate because the Georgia DMV said a couple more tickets and i'll require a chauffeur for a 6-12 month period. Hmmmmm...Maybe I haven't thought this through all the way, perhaps i've missed a possibility for a fantastic blog worthy porn moment. I could hire a cute one, ooh or maybe join the chauffeur of the month club and they'll just send me a new hottie every 30 days. Mmmmm,I can visualize it... Ok, so hot chauffeur guy, we'll call him...let's see, Mark, yeah that sounds like a hot young chauffeur guy type porn star, i'll just call them all that so I don't have to remember their individual names. Anyway, so he comes to pick me up at the airport. I walk toward the car wearing a sexy dress and a pair of to die for strappy stilettos. What? This is my fantasy and the shoes are important. When he goes to open the car door for me, i'll look at him all seductively, giving him the ole package check out and say "so Mark,think you can drive me home" running my finger across his cheek and under his chin. He looks at me all porn style and says "oh yeah, i'll drive you all the way home" Cue the porn music, you know (brown chicken brown cow) Chauffeur Mark drives us to a secluded spot climbs in the back of the car, where i'm waiting stripped down to sexy lingerie and my fabulous shoes of course. He puts his hands on my hips and slides my panties down caressing my legs with his manly hands. He starts at my knee kissing up my thigh, stopping to give my hot, dripping pussy a soft lick, then he stops, looks up at me and says "want me to uh..check your oil ma'am?" Oh god, did I really just write that? I know i'm a fan of classic 70's porn but come on. Do I secretly fantasize about growing an enormous jungle bush and gettin it on with some guy rockin pants so tight you can tell if he's circumcised or not and a perm? Sounds like a topic of discussion for idiot therapist, don't you think? Yes! Chauffeur of the month club is definitely the way to go. It sure sounds like a lot more fun then the grapefruit plus mystery fruit I received when my crazy aunt so generously gave me a membership to the fruit of the month club as a wedding gift. Not that I don't enjoy a good pear and all, but porn level sex with assorted cute boys in those little uniforms....Way better!! Originally, I started writing this to tell you about a memorable speeding pull over experience I once had... I had just crossed over the county line into my uber conservative little town when I notice the ever so familiar blue glow, followed closely by the standard reaction of "oh shit". I pull over, making sure to check out the make up in the mirror cause you gotta at least try to get out of it, right? Cop guy comes to my window, i'm almost a professional speeding ticket receiver, so I have all the items I know he'll be requesting in my hand waiting for him. He looks at my license, looks at me, then I notice him glance into my back seat, he makes a weird face and says he'll be right back and goes to his car. I'm freaking out because I am just convinced this is the time they will finally take me to prison for excessive speeding. So cop guy returns, leaning over looking in my back seat again and says "where are you on your way too in such a hurry?" I reply with "oh just on my way home" Ok, what happened next could have and really for story telling potential, should have turned into a porno moment. But instead turned out to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.... Cop guy looks at me and says "your big hurry doesn't have anything to do with that does it?" as he nods his head toward my backseat. As if in slow motion, I turn around and am immediately hit with nausea, the kind you would get if you were being searched while attempting to cross the border and you know you have 600 pounds of pot plus 2 mexicans in your trunk... Oh, I forgot to mention that I drive a convertible, the top was down and I had just come from a shopping trip at my favorite pleasure palace for some birthday gifts for friends and a couple of things for me. I had two big, brown paper bags full of goodies sitting in the seat. Apparently at some point, my erratic driving made one of the bags fall sideways and the other in the floorboard. So there I am already worried i'm going to prison, staring at a backseat full of sex toys, lube, and of course, one of those 24 inch dildos(it was a gift you pervs), just laying there. And if that wasn't enough, there was also a gift for one of my pot smoking friends which was a bong thingy shaped like a huge cock. I turned back around to cop guy, smile, obviously horrified that he saw any of this, and say with a nervous laugh "oh my god, I swear they are gifts, I swear" cop guy smiles at me, taps my license on the thing the window rolls down into, hands it to me and says "you uh have fun ma'am" so yeah I got out of that ticket too. Come For The Booty, Stay For The Brains |
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If I pulled you over for speeding you would have had to show me how those toys work!! If I were local I would gladly be your driver for a week!
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I always wonder what airport security guys think when they search my checked luggage and find my portable sex dungeon in it. I know they have searched, with around 10 toys to insert in you, in the suitcase they look. I have found the little paper that says they searched. Now my perv mind imagines once or twice they have used the whips on each other in the back room, lol. Here is my plan for you, I work near you for a few weeks and I hire the chauffeur to pick you up. I have never turned a limo into a BDSM scene and we have the option of mfm anytime too. I am only a stranger the first time...  See my Blog everyone [blog sircernuunos] Or join this group SR - THE ADULT Hang-Out =P  If you are into playing a bit more extreme than vanilla ?*
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I would like to formally apply for the position of "Mark." If you would like to review my credentials, I would be happy to give you references or meet you for a face to face interview. I am punctual, hard-working, and eager to please. Always well-groomed wonderful company for those long, hard drives.... hehehe
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1/5/2009 3:00 am |
Being stopped for speeding can prove beneficial for the speeder and the cop.
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1/5/2009 7:27 am |
I love the way your mind flits from one erotic thought to another, seamlessly, and then returns to the first to finish. I have this idea that in a typical day you do this maybe ten thousand times. The cop is probably cruising by your house everyday checking you out with binoculars now. Give him a good show. As far as drivers go, how about a distinguished older man with a mustache and an embarrassing bulge in his trousers?
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Too funny! Could I be a driver? Please?  “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
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1/6/2009 7:14 pm |
Your too much...It could have been worse or maybe it could have been better. What if you were not only driving and not paying attention to the speed limit. But driving, not paying attention and had one of your toys enjoying the warmth of your body when he pulled you over. Would you have had enough time to straightened up or would you have even cared? Hum, nice thought, better sight I'm sure.
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Baby!!! You take driving over the speed limit to a whole new limit. Now If there were only more women cops. I might stand a chance. Though a female chauffeur has a lot of potential. SMILES!!! How is it you relate with that special someone!!! We are Relational Beings and How to Communicate A moment of lust does not equal The eternity of true LOVE Keep your heart true and pure Get it RIGHT Or get LEFT        
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Funny Stuff Girl, A little distracted in the writing, but definitely from the heart. Or possibly somewhere a little lower, and possibly deeper. Now you have me doing it.
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