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Father's Day
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Father's Day With fathers day here I’m going to take this chance to talk about something I don’t very often. I’m going to take some time to remember my Dad. Most of you (even my friends here) have probably never heard me talk about him much if you’ve heard me mention him at all. There are reasons for that, some of which I’ll touch on here today. And in the process those of you that are interested will get a little look into some of what made me who I am today. My Dad’s favorite saying was “I’m a nice guy, just don’t piss me off.” When he was in a good mood he was usually a nice enough guy. But he was stubborn and old fashioned about some things. He was also prone to mood swings at what seemed like the drop of a hat. Growing up I always thought he was a hard man. I can’t remember many times when I saw much emotion from him. He was the type that bottled everything up, both good and bad. This is my guess at what caused the mood swings. He never actually wanted to deal with what he perceived as a problem. He expected us to be able to read his mind. When we couldn’t he would blow his top. This meant a lot of yelling, often throwing things even to the point of juvenile temper tantrums. When these would happen he would shut off from the rest of use for anything from a few hours to a couple weeks. This would lead to nothing but awkward silence and rudeness from him during this time. When us were young these mood swings could also mean spankings for us. Don't get me wrong, it was never more then a crack or five on the back side. He never hit us with his fists, just spankings. He also had a thing for springing projects on the family without warning. No one would have complained if he would have given us a few days notice. But he would just decide one day to paint the living room or something. Then when we would finish what he told us (by us I mean my brothers and I ) after working most of the day and sit down not knowing what to do next. We were lazy. He also called me a fag more then once. He was homophobic and racist. He was raised with a very religious background. While he wasn't the most devout person around. That is what he blamed the homophobia on. But I am proud to say that he did take some great strides on the racism front to somewhat (if not mostly) overcome it. For years I tried to please him. Grades, sports. If I got a B, he asked why I didn't get an A. He rarely came to watch my wrestling matches. A lot of the time I understood. He didn't have a great paying job so he worked a lot of over time to make up the difference. But even when he could come he rarely did. While he never pushed my into any sports I still tried to impress him by doing well. Around Junior high I gave up on doing these things to please him. That is when I started doing it for me. I liked getting good grades, I loved wrestling and baseball. When I finally graduated from college, you couldn't believe my disappointment when he didn't show up to the ceremony. He'd gotten upset because I wanted to do the lawn on my time table (read the day after my graduation) and not on his (read that minute of that day). So he did the lawn and decided not to go to my graduation after because his back was sore. Incidentally that is the same reason I didn't want to do that lawn that day. Our lawn mower sucked and would always leave whoever did the lawn with a sore back. After that I only had minimum contact with him for months (keep in mind we lived in the same house). It was awkward to say the least. Thing is I really don't think he understood why I was mad for a long time. It took at least a couple months, but I got into a spot where I had no choice but to call him for a ride. That is when he gave me what he must have thought was an apology. He tried to explain his side to me, but I snapped back with logic and he actually didn't force the issue. It was the start of forgiveness on my part. But still it doesn't come over night. That whole thing cost me months with my Dad. It wasn't much more then maybe 6 months or a year after that. That he passed away unexpectedly. I know I have highlighted a lot of Dad's less appealing qualities so far. Heck I haven't even mentioned the flack I took from him because I could still sit and enjoy<b> cartoons </font></b>(be it Bugs Bunny or Anime) well after the age that he thought I should. Because "cartoons are for ." But he wasn't all bad. He was hard working, and did what he had to so that we were provided for. While he wasn't a great teacher, I did learn the value of honest work from him. He was usually reliable. He helped me out with automotive issues more often then I can count for example. We did have out "bonding" time. Thing is, that it was over the "professional wrestling" shows. Hey don't laugh. It was the one thing no matter how angry we may have been at each other, we still watched together. I still watch them to this day. In time I came to realize that he did care. Although he wasn't the type of man that was good at showing his feelings or emotions. He let his actions do that for him (usually). However the sad thing is I didn't really fully grasp this until after he passed on. I was talking with someone he worked with at the wake. This person told me how much he bragged about us and how proud he was of us. This was the first I'd ever heard of it. I do miss my father. He wasn't an easy man to live with. He wasn't a great teacher. But he did instill in me the some of my core values. In no small part because of him I hold respect for others in the high esteem that I do, my work ethic came in part from him. Even my sense of honor was in part because of him. Even if he wouldn't call it that. I'm also not complaining. I know that many of you probably had it far worse then me in this department. I'm simply using this forum to explain a little about my past and possibly why I am who I am today, for better or worse. No big question today, if you want to leave a comment, then comment as you will. Those of you that can, give your fathers, step fathers, or father figures a big hug on fathers day. Those of you that can't for one reason or another keep them in your minds and hearts. |
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I have a pretty shallow relationship with my own father. We can only discuss a few topics. I wrote a post about him last year or the year before for father's day. Even though he was not affectionate I know he cares about me very much. Thanks for sharing this, HG. ***
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