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On Love And Loss
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On Love And Loss One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it be guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. I think most would agree that the loss of a loved one is one of the greatest causes of suffering in life. Whether it’s the loss of a parent, close friend, significant other, or spouse, the stripping of someone we love and care about from our life is always hard, denuding a part of us that won’t ever be quite the same again. Time may dim the pain—and in some cases even remove it—but that lost relationship has left an indelible mark on us. In some mysterious way it’s helped form who we are today. Things would be easier if we could wipe away the pain and suffering caused by loss, but then again, we would inevitably be bidding farewell to all of the beautiful and meaningful moments as well. It seems certain people cross paths with our lives to guide, love and nourish us. But then after a time, as we continue journeying through life, we lose their company and what remains are remnants of their memory. Some losses like the slow fading of former friendships that only leave us feeling nostalgic, wondering occasionally how we could have been so close to someone we now barely know. Whereas others are tragic, from which the memory of the person—such as death of a spouse or —still causes sadness and pain even on our best days. By keeping their memory alive, by remembering and honoring them with a life that reflects them and their lives of love and service, we are able to continue on in this one. The memory we have of them—despite the aching pain it may cause—allows us to continue to love them. In our mourning and sorrow we are called on hope that isn’t contingent on our feelings or circumstances, but one that endures nonetheless. Coming back to that age-old question about having loved and lost, I can only think that people cross paths with us for a reason. And that is to help us grow and develop inner resiliency and reliance on faith. It is not to harden our heart to the possibility of future love. Have you experienced love and loss? How did you cope?  |
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so true, but sometimes it is hard not to get caught up in the sorrow.
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I have experiences lots of heart ache....I acknowledge my pain and then I practice self soothing....taking care of my emotional and physical health....exercise....staying engaged with other people (rely on friends and family)....take up a new hobby or learn something (take a class)....and journal! It has worked for me. “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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I keep the good things in my mind and forgot about the negative One does need to move on....or you become stuck in the mud... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Re coping: do not fight the grief, allow it to come and go. There will be times that you will want to cry, allow it to happen - don't fight it. Eventually, the grief will become less frequent...you'll have find memories, when they occur, embrace them.
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I have lost friends to war, suicide and disease. My mother to cancer and my dad to just old and ready to go. I have lost love or what I thought was love, many times. My heart has grown hard and cold, mostly after watching my mother die and an aunt that blamed me for not believing in god for her reason not to let go. My children and grand children are the only thing I care about. I do have feeling for others, but those feeling are not very strong.
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I have lost friends, family, co workers and my wife. Each one hit differently and was different to recover from. It takes time to recover. You need to try to remember the good things and fun stuff. Use those memories to get through the pain and anger and guilt. The grief will come in waves, but it will get less immediate with time. Talk to friends, family, people who have gone through similar situations. Sharing helps take the sharp edges off. Do things you enjoy, hobbies and activities to keep you busy. Don't lock the feelings away, or they will come back hard and at random times.
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I met my best friend in the second grade at age seven. He died of a heroin overdose at twenty five. He's still with me and I think of him nearly every day. I wonder "what would he think of this, and what would he have to say?" I suppose I cope by remembering him. He still guides me even in death. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I have lost a few close friends, family members and others that meant a lot to me. By thinking of them, talking to them and remembering all these special moments, they will always be with us, as long as we live. I find this very comforting and gain strength from them to cope with my everyday problems. I like it your idea of having your special dinner for (and with) Dave.
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I think once grief is a forever thing, it isn't always huge and unmanageable like it is in the beginning but it's always there in some way. there was a movie and I can't remember the name of it. but a mother described the eventual sense of loss like a stone that she carried in her apron pocket. and most times it was just there and while she knew it was there it wasn't a thought or even really a feeling but then, she would reach inot the pocket for something and her hand would fall across the stone and she would say, oh yes, this, this..........and it would flood her again. and that I think is so real for me about how it feels most times. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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Your words ring true in so many ways and as we get a little older will go through many more also. A great friends passed not too long ago, meaning years now and still seems like just yesterday and the impact we all have on each other. We attended many Garth brooks concerts together during some of my country days and played "The Dance" at his celebration of Life. And the song is so true "I could have missed the pain. But I'd have had to miss the DANCE". The "DANCE" what a great to journey and so glad meeting and experiencing all of our close family and friends and would not have miss the Dance.
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Yes. Lost someone I loved very dearly. I did not cope very well. Took years, possibly a decade to get over it. Now there is only a scar/scab.
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I shall never forget the phone-call from a relation of an ex girlfriend when I was told she had died in tragic circumstances. I was just numb as we were still on good terms. Took me a while to get over it but I just focused on the god times we had. 
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Very elequent post. Your neurology seems a lot like mine. Our brain produces too much oxytocin. We love deeply and bond permanently. So when I lost 2 of my dear friends, it affected me physically big time. My heart broke literally. The atrial wall that separates the pure blood and impure blood tore, commonly called hole in the heart. Since then I had multiple strokes, lost 100% of vision in my left eye, lost my photographic memory, lost memory of a lot of events and places, lost ability to do higher math(used to be a math tutor in college), my writing became full of spelling, grammar mistakes and disjointed. I appeared to be bipolar with Fibromyalgia and dementia. Got fat and lost libido. Saw the best experts in Psychology, neurology and cardiology from Penn, Princeton, Cornell and Columbia Universities medical colleges. They helped somewhat, but what made dramatic recovery was Tantra and Mindful meditation. I literally rewired my brain. I have perfect vision now,(no glasses) I have a 31 inch waist, and in another 4 months hope to have a 6 pack. Now I am petite with a runners body even though I don't run at all. I can have sex for 2 hours, libido of an 18 year old. Today I am remarkably unremarkable, considering that I was a basket case given 3 months to live a decade ago it is miraculous. To do list. 1.Realize that all life is terminal, you too will die some day. Decide what is really important to you and spend time and money on those. Eliminate things that are not that important. 2.Do not dwell on the loss. Learn to strip away emotion/pain while cherishing his memory as a blessing. 3. Think of all the people who come into your life as a blessing or a lesson. It will help you cherish the good ones and tolerate the pricks without negatively affecting you emotionally. 4.See Dave as a blessing and be grateful for his presence in your life. 5.Celebrate his life not his death. 6. If you do the above 5, it will bring a smile to your lips every time you think of Dave, instead of tears to your eyes. This will turn him to a wind beneath you wings that help you soar instead of a stone that weighs you down with sorrow. 7. Do sign up for Buddhist/ Hindu meditation class or Tantra. Tantra if the ultimate, but exceptionally hard to find a good teacher. Buddhist/hindu practice will balance your emotions (neuro chemicals) in short order by learning detachment. Tantra will supercharge your mind, body and soul in short order. You will learn to control your heart beat, balance your feel good neuro chemicals, shut down a thought or totally focus at will. (fully living in the moment) it will aslo give you the ability to have mind blowing full body orgasm.  That is why tantra is called sacred sex. People do it learn to fuck for hours, but it is actually a side effect. The main effects are life altering. Check out this post even though it looks like a kamasutra manual it is a lot more than that The sub heading is more accurate.Tantric and Taoist Practices to Improve SexHeart and Soul Healing. A women's health physician explores avenues to greater wellness. Marilyn Mitchell, M.D. Psychology Today. You need to think about all the funny, silly things he used to do. You have to stop thinking of him as a tragedy and think of him as a loving and lovable goof ball. Re run those images in your head in loops, this will decrease cortisol, dopamine craving and increase serotonin. "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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A few years ago I lost my beloved mother to lung cancer and I coped with by remaining calm through the whole ordeal. Yet when a certain girlfriend went off with my best friend back in 1989 it ripped a permanent chasm in my heart. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Yes. Lost someone I loved very dearly. I did not cope very well. Took years, possibly a decade to get over it. Now there is only a scar/scab. Even after the funeral we still had to help with my sister she has 2 toddlers, my brother in law's 1 kid and our 2 kids, still make money to pay bills. All of the ladies were in their early to mid 30's. Only my sister survived. Once my heart blew a few months later, from all the stress, lack of sleep and poor diet, there was no time for me to go through the stages like the smiley_97 did. A heart transplant or I was going to be dead within 3 months max and leave 2 disabled kids with a pharmacy tech wife, who made minimum wages. Depending on an individuals neuro-physiology the 4 stages could be months, a decade like smiley-97 or many decades. Some never overcome their grief entirely. So my search with experts were to stretch my life by a few months, till i could put things in order. I needed to increase my testosterone and get into shape before surgery. With a hole in the heart and irregular heart beats normal exercise was not even possible. I was stuck and was done. To cope with it an expert suggested meditation. Though I am of Indian origin, I never thought of mediation as something normal people do. It was what Hindu swami's do, and I am a christian, we don't sit around and go OM. With all options closed i decided to give it a try. But my problem was that when you are hyper vigilant you can't meditate. Luckily I found that binaural music beats can shut the mind chatter and I started meditating. Finally I was able to sleep for more than 4 hours. Then I got into geriatric yoga to help me with some physical activity. I am one of the luckiest person on the planet. I had access to the right people at the right time with right technology. Binaural is cutting edge, even though mindful meditation is 5 thousand years old, nothing increases neuroplacticity and increase the size of the hypo-campus like it. Cure for grief is motion. Do something new or that you are passionate about to get a dopamine flow going and you can shorten the time stuck in each of the stages. Share that activity with another to shorten it even further. "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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7/31/2016 5:35 am |
Many might view it as a cop-out, and maybe it is...but that cuts too deep to even comment on. No offense, myelin. The sore is still too open.
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Love and loss but first to really great love is hard to find you are very sexy lady
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