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The Downside to Being a Control Freak
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The Downside to Being a Control Freak In psychology, the term control freak describes a person who attempts to dictate how everything is done around them. The phrase was first used in the late 1960s, an era when stress was laid on the principle of 'doing one's own thing' and letting others do the same. Although being in control has some positive value, seeking control over others (or over outcomes) may not be. Research has found that being overly controlling of others leads to misery and frustration rather than happiness and success—a tendency that, at certain levels, can be symptomatic of a range of psychiatric disorders. The reason behind this is simple enough: When we attempt to control other people too much, they become resistive and most often will let you know. This may explain why parents and employees find spending time with their and their bosses to be pretty unpleasant. and bosses may differ in almost every way, but the one thing they share in common is they frustrate our attempts at controlling them by doing just as they please. Being a control freak when it comes to people and events has actually been found to lower success. Those with a high desire for control tend to surround themselves with yea-sayers, which reduces the quality of their decisions. Being overly controlling is also associated with greater foolhardiness, which also lowers quality of decisions. It only holds that the more in control we are of our internal state, the less likely we are to seek externalizing control over others. Whereas self-control is about willpower—our ability to stick with a goal or abstain from something, "internal control" is more about gaining control over our own thoughts and feelings. It turns out that the more in control we are of our internal state, the less external control we seek. Perhaps the most effective way to gain internal control is by practicing mindfulness—a suggestion you've surely heard often enough. But it should be noted, mindfulness is not for everyone. Plus, it takes patience to practice—something that those with a high control-seeking tendency don't have a lot of. I offer three recommendations for learning how to practice internal control. Steer clear of what you sets you off. "Situation selection" is about avoiding situations that make you feel stressed and out of control. If looking at your smartphone after 9 p.m. disturbs your sleep, make it a rule to disengage from your phone after dinner. The problem with situation selection, of course, is that it sounds simple in principle but rarely is in practice. Let your body do the work your mind is struggling with. What do you do when the unwanted emotion has already crept in? One way of regaining internal control is to use your body language to your advantage. Assume a confident stance. Assuming a "power pose" for just two to three minutes can significantly increase self-belief and confidence. Practice "emotional labeling" which involves coming up with a word or phrase, whenever you're feeling out of control, to describe the negative emotion you're experiencing. So for instance, if you feel frustrated while stuck in traffic, simply validate to yourself, "I’m frustrated." Most people think that emotional labeling will intensify the emotion being labeled. But they are wrong. If you can improve internal control, you'll be much less likely to attempt to control others. As a result, this may prove beneficial to enhancing relationships with others. Is being a control freak affecting relationships with people you care about? Have you encountered a control freak whether in your job or a relationship? How have you dealt with it? |
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>>!?*
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interesting theory !!
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I have tried to life knowing I am the only I can control. Realizing no boss can control me unless you feel you can't leave, then you have given them control. In all he jobs I ever had, my internal thought was always, "I was looking for a job when I found this one, and I never stopped looking" I don't need the responsibility of controlling any body but myself.happym; I believe nothing until it has become history!
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What a good post! People WILL frustrate you when you try to control them. And good for them. My ex was a failed manipulator, and it drove both her and her friends nuts. She didn't keep many friends long. People wearied of it and wandered away. I pushed back at her for eighteen years before I wandered away too, and now I wonder what took me so long! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Fantastic post. I was one until I was given 3 months to live (6 months max) without a heart transplant. Which was not going to happen. So If you have just three months to live and is only 40 years old with 2 kids not even in elementary school and wife working as a Pharmacy tech making minimum wage. You look at things differently. All the medicines that doctors gave me to prolong life like lipitor was making me physically ill and causing tremendous pain, brain fog, weight gain, low libido etc. To deal with the stress I started meditation and stopped medications one by one. 12 years later, I take no medication, did not get a heart transplant, look and feel 10 years younger. Psycological benifits to mindfull meditation if the result of physical changes it causes increase in the pre frontol cortex, left hippocampus, temporo parietal junction and a decrease in Amygdala (control fight/flight) which grows as we are constantly stressed. I had posted an article that touches on the science behind this hereYoga and the Brain A Vision of Possibilities When I came here the bloggers were a god sent. Women and men who were doing/had their doctorates in Physiology, Genets, lawyers, executives etc.(all of us who were used and abused, angry and confused, parents separated, divorced or without a significant other we could count on) helped each other out by posting articles like you in our field of experties. We all came to get laid, but got/gave more than a roll in the sack. We helped each other achieve our life goals. I applaud you for taking time doing this.  "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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I'm not really a control freak but....can I show you how to do that  
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I'm not sure if it's the same as emotional labeling, but sometimes when I'm stuck following someone who's driving particularly slow on the highway, I tell myself it's good for me, it's teaching me patience. There are times I even believe it. lol Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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I am guessing "control freaks" and "micro managers" are synonyms? My last relationship was like that, although done in a very subtle way. Disapproving looks, sarcasm, sighs and eye rolls, continually offering alternatives. Solution: Steer clear and distance... a lot of distance. I do find myself "emotionally labeling" although I don't know where I got the idea from. Once I've established what I am feeling I can consider if this is a reasonable emotion or an irrational one. If it is irrational I can discard it for something reasonable, if it is reasonable I can be happy that I'm "normal". It helps in not being ruled by ones emotions and keeping perspective. Very interesting post, thank you.
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When you have two members of a team and one says this is the sop here and the other person goes what difference does it make, I'll do it the way I want unless you giver me a good enough reason. Who is being a control freak? Please don't let me be misunderstood.
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I have never been in a relationship with a control freak, nor have I engagind in control freakishness myself. But in graduate school I had a friend with a control freak wife. She wanted to manipulate every moment of his life to advance his career. If he watched Friends she would tell him "Executives watch Wall Street Week." If he went bicycling with me his wife would say "Executives play golf." She tried to control every stitch of clothing he wore, every word he said, every friend he hung out with all to push him to be her vision of a successful husband. He divorced her after just three years. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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I manage situations instead of controlling....reactive sometimes and sometimes proactive each situation is different.... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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those three tips are great...I also practice mindfulness...this helps me also! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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I'm a control-freak who knows firsthand how unsatisfying it is to be surrounded by yea-sayers! Honestly I think a lot of self-labeled control freaks like me (with no psychological need to be in charge, just a natural take-charge attitude) simply long to have a partner who will be an actual partner, not just someone who says yes dear just to get along. (and get and keep the pussy!)
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Thank you for your tips. A quick question. With "emotional labeling" are you just saying it in your mind or letting other know. My grand mother was a control freak, each and every aspect of my life. you can imagine that how I react to a controlling woman in a relationship ..lol
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Hmmm. So that's what I'm doing wrong. O well, we are who we are.  Standards are people too.....kinda
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