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| Blogs > HokieTiger > The boy with kaleidoscope eyes |
hard is easy..... so why is easy hard?
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hard is easy..... so why is easy hard? Why is it that being close is so hard? I am not bragging or being particularly modest in saying so, but it is really easy to be there for people. And, frankly I can move the world as far as most people are concerned; solving problems, making people feel safe and cared about, quieting the chaos in life...... I am great at solving the problems for people that they can't solve themselves. I am straight horrible at being with someone.... I often wonder whether I really just have no clue and am generally vapid when it comes to social situations or if I'm actually fucking up the best things in my life intentionally on some level. To be honest I don't know if it really matters. Sad is sad and the degree to which you crash and burn seems rather unimportant. I do love my friends though; the ones who seem immune to ....me. Whether it's because they don't invest in me to any real degree or because they just let me be me and expect nothing in return I am not sure. As before, I don't know if it matters why or how; not to anyone involved anyways. The only thing that matters to most is what is. It's pretty much universal in all things to all people. Everything else is just an excuse isn't it. And, I think the only universal truth about excuses is that they build up till they just don't matter any more. At what point do I not matter any more? At what point do the things I do and say not matter? And, why does it always feel so inevitable? Is it because it really is..... I am not afraid of death, pain, or losing most any of the possessions or status that I hold. Is that weird? Fucking burn it all to the ground I say. Is it weird that I am afraid of me though, and that it keeps me up at night and freezes me sometimes..... Do people really not see that about me? Do they pretend to be polite? Do they not imagine it possible having seen me do crazy things? Do they care? Do I?  Hope you can't help but find happiness, and pain can't find you even with help! Check out my blog and give me a look loves hokietiger  |
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