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Double Standard
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Double Standard I'm sure everyone has noticed there are lots of double standards on this site. But there's one that really annoys me. It is the cheating man vs. the cheating woman. The women on this site rarely have kind words for that man who is sneaking around behind his wife's back. She's the mother of your ! She does your cooking, cleaning and ironing! How dare you sneak around behind her back? If you want to have sex, just divorce her and start dating then! While I don't date cheating men, but will consider a man in an open marriage if he's my type, a year or two ago I started to understand why some men cheat. Yep. I was watching "Nanny 911." For a while, I was addicted to that show and decided that some women don't just deserve their husbands to sneak around behind their backs, but some deserve a shallow grave in the woods. But not all cheating men are married to complete psychotic shrews that hate sex. Some have wives and mistresses who enjoy sex, but he's cheating on them both, because he can't keep it in his pants. These men, well, divorce the wife and just hire yourself out as a , instead of leading on various women in your lives. Basically, show me a cheating man in a chat room and I'll show you a man who has been ganged up on by most of the women, just because he said hi. A cheating man has to have charm, charisma and intelligence. And know when not to hit on a woman. Then he can just blend in with the color of the room. But, most women will agree, show them a cheating man and they will show you someone they hope beyond hope gets caught by the wife. So why is it different for cheating women? When a woman is cheating, not many seem to mind. Oh, her husband just doesn't pay attention to her, or he's bad in bed and won't take direction, he's more interested in baseball than sex, he's a pig that she's just not attracted to anymore... Everyone has an excuse for the cheating woman. Why? If she doesn't love her husband anymore, why not just divorce him? If he doesn't even notice she exists anymore, chances are he has a girlfriend. So why aren't these women being told to get a divorce? Why aren't they being ganged up on? I've known a few women in my years here who were ready to leave their husbands. They just had to find a man first. MANY of them succeeded in finding a new man to take care of them. The men fell into the trap. Yep. I did say trap. So many of these women are afraid to live on their own, they can't leave their husbands until they have someone else lined up. The men who think married women are safer than single women fall for it every time. Why do they think married women are safer? They seem to think that a married woman isn't going to fall in love and want to leave her husband, that she's just going to be in it for the sex. In 85% of the cases I've seen, nothing could be further from the truth. But back to the double standard. Everyone flames the married men, they scream at him that they hope he gets caught. Right? So why is it when a married woman is caught by her husband, it's a tragedy? OMG, the poor woman, sure, she hates her husband's guts, but this will only add to her hate. How could he do such a thing to her? Why is that double standard so prevalent on this site? Why is a cheating man a scumbag, but a cheating woman is a victim? This confuses me. In my mind, a cheater is a cheater and if you get called out, you knew the risks from the start. So be a man, or a woman and deal with the aftermath. Go to marriage counseling. See if you can't talk through the issues that drove you to cheat. If you can't, get a divorce. Then you can really play the victim and get the sympathy fuck. Or am I betraying the so-called sisterhood by saying what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander? |
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7/22/2008 11:50 am |
You are quite right, Miss Ann. There is indeed a major double standard, though I have to say I have in my time been very off with cheating married women who have the nerve to demand sympathy. There's one female blogger here who cheated on her cousin with cousin's husband. Said husband later tried to attempt suicide. Blogger is terrified of being named as the cheating bitch (her cousin knows about the fact that he cheated, but not with whom) etc etc. My comment was along the lines of: well, you should have kept your pants on if you weren't prepared to face the consequences. Apparently not part of the sisterhood deal.  Blogito ergo sum.
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7/22/2008 1:02 pm |
this analogy is so true, when a married woman fucks around its alright with everyone, especially all the one-tracked-thinking guys who are looking to exploit it, but let a man, under exactly the same conditions find passion in the arms of another and they instantly become a leper in chat............ go figure.......... And the number of single women who say they will NEVER be with a married man is also a line of crap..... I know of a number of friends (single females) who have said that, and every last one of them have been hurt badly by a married male, and YES the women knew the guys were married going into it......... so I take profiles with a grain of salt, because it is more often what the women DONT say that is closest to the truth... As for the women who wont get out of bad marraiges, you hit the nail on the head, most are looking for the next best sugar daddy to make them forget their current probs, only thing is, thats a fantasy on the womens part, those guys dont exist.... for every one who has found that "One special guy" and ran to him from their current relationship, I will show a dozen others that didnt work, and had slim chances of EVER working in the first place.............
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Women get slammed here sometimes for cheating but not as often. I wonder if maybe they aren't as visible as the men, don't hang out in chat rooms, cam, etc. I do agree with you on one huge point, the women that are looking for a man to care care of them so they can leave their husbands. That's just not cool, they need to be able to stand on their own, not just take advantage of some poor guy that gets caught unaware.  Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.
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7/22/2008 2:53 pm |
I've seen a few things in chat. I see that women, being drastically fewer in number, nearly always have the popular members' privileges, so can view profiles and see that the man is cheating. A man has to be a paying member to see what her marital status is. (That's assuming that everyone is being honest, but many are.) Also, women being drastically fewer in number, if a man *really* wants to get laid, he can't be so picky! Women, on the other hand can be as picky as they like. I've seen married women demanding single men in chat. AND THE WINNER IS ~~~~ [post 2692868]
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I have watched men be beat up in chat over cheating by woman who are friends with woman who are cheating on their husbands. I am not one to sit idly by and say nothing. As soon as someone sees me post 'YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME, RIGHT?' they know I am going to be calling someone out on their BS. There has only ever been one time when I saw a woman brought down, in chat, over the fact that she was cheating on her husband. It's not just that double standards such as whats good for one is not good for the other. There is also a double standard as to whose kink is 'acceptable' and whose is not. Granted some make me squeamish, but to each his own.
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It is, indeed, a double standard. It's just like if a woman has multiple sexual partners, she's a slut, but if a man does, he is a stud. I'm a guy, and I still wonder why this is? Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?
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I don't think you're betraying the sisterhood at all. It is a double standard. I don't go around flaming people because they're cheating, male or female. I'm not in their relationship, so I have no business sitting in judgement. I'm also not going to sit there and use polite euphemisms for your cheating, either. I won't ever tell you that it's ok. I've been in Love Docs more than once and had someone get mad at me because they came there looking for someone to tell them that it is morally ok to cheat, and I wouldn't do it. The only thing I HAVE to do is eat, shit, and die. Everything else is a choice.
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7/23/2008 8:21 am |
I think, for the most part, what you claim is true on this site and place like it. I can't imagine most guys blaming a woman for cheating or calling her a slut if they are on the site to get into an available woman's pants. 848
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I'm honest in that i'm married,upfront every time and only a few times over the years been flamed for it.In Greek chat,most are married men and women and its a society that accepts out of marriage relationships more,no idea why,the French are similar. As for my self,i use to cheat more often,but lately as in the last year only one guy and one that wanted me to move in with him leave hubby which i did last year to be with him,babbling lol either way i fucked up,got hurt big time and now being good sexless wife but it is my choice,who knows if i go back to meeting people for now,here to chat and blog, and honest about that too.Hubby knows i blog and chat and thank goodness has never asked where  as i think he might not see past all those naked dicks if i ever told him or showed himNice post. change of topic and one i know you can answer as you got your brain back,who the hell is LesCooleR129,i have one comment om my blog from him, went to his blog and it seems that lord chaos or what ever his name is,is back,is it him and why? thanksI'm a   and i'm here to stay
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You are quite right, Miss Ann. There is indeed a major double standard, though I have to say I have in my time been very off with cheating married women who have the nerve to demand sympathy. There's one female blogger here who cheated on her cousin with cousin's husband. Said husband later tried to attempt suicide. Blogger is terrified of being named as the cheating bitch (her cousin knows about the fact that he cheated, but not with whom) etc etc. My comment was along the lines of: well, you should have kept your pants on if you weren't prepared to face the consequences. Apparently not part of the sisterhood deal. But anyone who cheats, male or female really should go into it knowing and accepting that they can be caught. Men seem to be more realistic about the possibility. A lot of women just think their husbands are complete idiots who will never find out, even if they get home and find some strange naked man in their bed. I don't get that mentality.
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Before I posted this, I ran it by a friend who is in an open marriage. I didn't want her getting the impression it was about her. She agreed with everything I said. So this so-called sisterhood is a bit weaker than married and cheating would have us believe. The double standard of a married woman having a female lover is societal. Half the time, their husbands know about it and if they're members here, hubby wants to watch. However, I've seen that turn to bitter more than once when she leaves him for her. In most of the cases of she leaving for her, the man pushed her into trying women too. So I find that a bit of poetic justice. As far as men having male lovers, I'm not sure I'd have a problem with that as long as safe sex was practiced and he wasn't being a major slut in the porn house. If the stories written by bi married men on this site are true, there is no thought of protection when they're in the theater. That's rather irresponsible in my mind, men are far more likely to get an STD from another man than women are from another woman. But that's really where the double standard comes in. If you end up with the clap in your ass, you can make excuses to your wife until you're done with the antibiotics. But if you get HIV, you end up sentencing your wife to death too. So many of the cheating women on this site still think that HIV is only a gay problem. So they will flame the ass off of some bisexual man who is interested and not even think about using protection with someone who has straight on his profile. But ask any man who has run his cam on this site. So many of these straight men, (or so their profiles say,) are hitting on the men who are running their cams. So straight on a man's profile to me, means nothing.
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Well now! I'll, umm, I'll just say... I'll get my coat. B&R xxx
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this analogy is so true, when a married woman fucks around its alright with everyone, especially all the one-tracked-thinking guys who are looking to exploit it, but let a man, under exactly the same conditions find passion in the arms of another and they instantly become a leper in chat............ go figure.......... And the number of single women who say they will NEVER be with a married man is also a line of crap..... I know of a number of friends (single females) who have said that, and every last one of them have been hurt badly by a married male, and YES the women knew the guys were married going into it......... so I take profiles with a grain of salt, because it is more often what the women DONT say that is closest to the truth... As for the women who wont get out of bad marraiges, you hit the nail on the head, most are looking for the next best sugar daddy to make them forget their current probs, only thing is, thats a fantasy on the womens part, those guys dont exist.... for every one who has found that "One special guy" and ran to him from their current relationship, I will show a dozen others that didnt work, and had slim chances of EVER working in the first place............. The simple fact is, these women cannot live without a man emotionally. They feel they're failures if they're not married or don't have a steady man. This is societal. We raise girl children to believe they need a man and children to complete themselves. We raise them to believe getting a divorce makes them a failure. We raise them to believe that without a man in their lives, they are nothing. So they need a new man before they can move out on the husband, otherwise they are failures.
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Women get slammed here sometimes for cheating but not as often. I wonder if maybe they aren't as visible as the men, don't hang out in chat rooms, cam, etc. I do agree with you on one huge point, the women that are looking for a man to care care of them so they can leave their husbands. That's just not cool, they need to be able to stand on their own, not just take advantage of some poor guy that gets caught unaware. As far as the ones who need another man before moving on, every single one I've known has been so emotionally needy it's insane. They are failures without a man. Most of them are that I've known on this site are perfect housewives too, so the men do get live-in maid service in the deal. Just from a women who are so clingy their names should all be Ivy.
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I've talked a few engaged guys who have thought their fiancees will like sex once the ring is on their finger out of marriage. I've led them to the married men who had the same misconception and 20 years later are bitter, angry and cheating, but unwilling to leave their children. I will admit a few of those men did leave once their kids got to puberty or teenagers, as they felt that the kids would accept it more that way. In every single case, the kids have seen the break-up coming since they were seven or eight. These kids all wished mom and dad had broken up years earlier. Children from broken homes do function better in relationships than those from families that stayed together for the sake of the children. That is an actual fact. But no one seems to get that.
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I've seen a few things in chat. I see that women, being drastically fewer in number, nearly always have the popular members' privileges, so can view profiles and see that the man is cheating. A man has to be a paying member to see what her marital status is. (That's assuming that everyone is being honest, but many are.) Also, women being drastically fewer in number, if a man *really* wants to get laid, he can't be so picky! Women, on the other hand can be as picky as they like. I've seen married women demanding single men in chat. You may have a point though that it has to do with the number of women here. I've also seen married women be far more popular with single men who don't want a relationship, because they believe that these women aren't going to get attached. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yeah, right.
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I have watched men be beat up in chat over cheating by woman who are friends with woman who are cheating on their husbands. I am not one to sit idly by and say nothing. As soon as someone sees me post 'YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME, RIGHT?' they know I am going to be calling someone out on their BS. There has only ever been one time when I saw a woman brought down, in chat, over the fact that she was cheating on her husband. It's not just that double standards such as whats good for one is not good for the other. There is also a double standard as to whose kink is 'acceptable' and whose is not. Granted some make me squeamish, but to each his own. Now, the kink double standard is something else entirely. Even I have been attacked for not having the right kinks. And by right kinks, I mean refusing to be treated like some human blow up doll, because that's what's popular in porn.
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It is, indeed, a double standard. It's just like if a woman has multiple sexual partners, she's a slut, but if a man does, he is a stud. I'm a guy, and I still wonder why this is? But you're right. Except as adults, I would hope we'd be past the high school labels. Wait, what am I saying? On this site? She's still a slut. But at the same time, he's viewed as a skank. Because we should all be looking for true love and stuff. At least, that's what I was told when I said a while back that I'm a wannabe slut. I want to be a slut, but I have too high of standards. I was attacked by a woman cheating on her boyfriend. That obviously she had to sit me down and have a talk with me, women are supposed to find true love. I guess she was afraid of the competition.
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I also think that depends on what part of the country you're in. Certain parts of the country, especially in the upper socio-economic areas, when a woman takes a lover in her mid 40s, her friends wonder what took her so long. But in middle class, middle America suburbia, the woman tends to be shunned, it's men who are supposed to have affairs. But while the author of "The Monogamy Myth" would have you believe nearly all men cheat, the actual statistical numbers are closer to 22% of men and 14% of women have had affairs.
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It is the same, regardless, if there is no reason to be cheating. I can't really think of any. I know some 'stay for the kids', but I stayed {then left} because of them. No way in hell did I even want a hint of impression that that was a 'normal' relationship. Having said that, I must also add that PC is not divorced; and although both of them knew it was coming {for a long time} she {and probably all of her friends} are blaming him {and she is of course blaming me as well}. IMNHO the only reason she never cheated is because sex, marriage, kids, and all the other things that don't require her parking her fat ass on a couch in front of the television aren't worth the effort. That's just my opinion{s}, though; I could be wrong. {It would damn near be a first, but yanno. }Some marriages are doomed. I don't know if PC left after finding you, or if he had left then found you and his soon to be ex is just grasping at straws on how to blame him instead of not trying to make the marriage work. But you make parking ones fat ass in front of the TV sound like a bad thing. Oh wait, I don't have TV. So I just park my fat ass in front of the computer. Nevermind...
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I don't think you're betraying the sisterhood at all. It is a double standard. I don't go around flaming people because they're cheating, male or female. I'm not in their relationship, so I have no business sitting in judgement. I'm also not going to sit there and use polite euphemisms for your cheating, either. I won't ever tell you that it's ok. I've been in Love Docs more than once and had someone get mad at me because they came there looking for someone to tell them that it is morally ok to cheat, and I wouldn't do it. I'm still waiting for some married guy to meet some married woman on here, where they have so much in common and discover they're meeting their own spouse. Because you know in many cases both parties are cheating and are afraid of being found out. Chances are, one will fly into a jealous rage and immediately file for divorce. Instead of working on having an open marriage. A while back some married guy on this site did a blog post about how it was alright for him to cheat, but not his wife. Something along the lines of who wants to kiss a woman who has had another man's dick in her mouth. So obviously this man was just cheating with women who were right out of the convent. Or, he refused to kiss any of his dates.
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I think, for the most part, what you claim is true on this site and place like it. I can't imagine most guys blaming a woman for cheating or calling her a slut if they are on the site to get into an available woman's pants. 848
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I'm honest in that i'm married,upfront every time and only a few times over the years been flamed for it.In Greek chat,most are married men and women and its a society that accepts out of marriage relationships more,no idea why,the French are similar. As for my self,i use to cheat more often,but lately as in the last year only one guy and one that wanted me to move in with him leave hubby which i did last year to be with him,babbling lol either way i fucked up,got hurt big time and now being good sexless wife but it is my choice,who knows if i go back to meeting people for now,here to chat and blog, and honest about that too.Hubby knows i blog and chat and thank goodness has never asked where as i think he might not see past all those naked dicks if i ever told him or showed himNice post. change of topic and one i know you can answer as you got your brain back,who the hell is LesCooleR129,i have one comment om my blog from him, went to his blog and it seems that lord chaos or what ever his name is,is back,is it him and why? thanksAs far as Lord Chaos, that is indeed him. The LCR capitalized gives it away. He seems to have found a new cause and victim. I refuse to get involved and well, all I have to say is, all this drama and crap popped up during the return of the Alien Ambassador. But only a handful of people noticed he was back. His last blog post is all pissy because no one cared he was back. But when he's around, trouble follows.
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Wow! You're back! How the hell are you? Men who cheat don't want to leave mostly because of the children or are afraid that this woman who sits at home with dinner warm waiting for him to get home isn't worth giving up half his assets for. Married men having affairs who do leave their wives, well only 3% marry the women they're cheating with. There are women though who badmouth their husbands, talk about how much they hate their lives, but have absolutely NO intention of leaving said life. They're as bad as the men who do the same thing.
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Um... What? Let me get this straight... It's ok for Daddies to make Mommies sleep on the couch, instead of taking turns sleeping on the couch. It's ok to teach the child that parents who hate each other are acceptable. Hey, why not just teach her it's ok for mommy and daddy to beat the shit out of each other? It sounds like this woman wasn't willing to give up what she had. She didn't want the house sold and the money split down the middle. It also sounds like she's one of those emotionally needy women who wasn't going to make a move until she found a new man who would love, love, love her. And has she never heard of birth control? Tubal ligation? Why bother being fertile if you're going to step out with other men? Get yourself fixed. It's not like you're going to be having more kids with a man that you won't allow to touch you.
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