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| Blogs > keithcancook > The Venting Blog |
O Condom Where Art Thou?
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O Condom Where Art Thou? keithcancook has made use of many tools in the course of his life, but not all the tools. Take a basic tool like the condom, for instance. Honestly, he just doesn't have much experience with 'em. Well, more like didn't actually. He now knows that this tool, and his tool are um, less than friendly. He has experience now. Well enough to post about it anyway. Here are some of his many new discoveries concerning this, this, grrrr, thing - First of all, needing a condom is a matter of timing. Like, when his timing and her timing merged at the same time, but at that time the condom wasn't ready. "Just a sec, lemme get a condom." "OK, hurry" "@#^&!#@! I put them on the bed table. WTF did they go?" "I dunno, hurry!" "@#^&!#@! I can't see anything." "What are you doing?" "I think they fell behind the table." "@#^&!#@!" Secondly, condoms are funny. Or perhaps just slightly amusing. (nervous laugh) "What's the matter?" "I dunno, it won't go on." "@#^&!#@! Hurry!" "I swear, it's stuck or something." "Are you putting it on backwards?" "Um, (beginning to giggle), I think so." (now she's laughing, too) "Well hurry up and flip it over." So he does, and it goes on - sort of. But they're both laughing and it caused Bruiser to start wagging up and down with each little "ha ha" - which caused them to begin guffawing - which must have embarrassed Bruiser cuz he sort of went away... (an unexpected fail safe to the condom's birth control capabilities). ...The laughing stopped, too. Thirdly, condoms are nerve suppressors.  Bruiser was doing his job, hell - he was working overtime trying to pull a Houdini and bust his way through that damn straight jacket - and into heaven - But heaven never came. Nope, this was not heaven. No. This was heaven denied, spread out like Phineas' feast ere Jason landed. So near, so close, Oh! So close he could smell it, - yet taste it he could not. Finally, after further experimentation, keithcancook discovered that condoms are messy. Especially if yer not paying attention when you remove them from your body...  blog on!  |
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Ha! I admitted that one three years ago in one of yer posts, you silly girl.  blog on!
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6/9/2009 1:19 am |
"Bruiser" is far better than some I've heard! I prefer to keep mine anonymous... (that is, my part of me, it's not that there's a name that I don't give out!  )AND THE WINNER IS ~~~~ [post 2692868]
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Hahahaha Sex on the whole is a riot. Best comedy act there is if you really stop to think about it. Luckily for the human race and in the interests of its procreation and survival, raging hormones blot out most thinking processes during the act. Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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I hate em too! Necessary evil! There is one good thing about monogamy coupled with vasectomy though... No helmet needed!
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"Bruiser" is far better than some I've heard! I prefer to keep mine anonymous... (that is, my part of me, it's not that there's a name that I don't give out! )blog on!
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Well, it happens. Jeeze. I was kinda in a hurry, and the whole deal of having to stop everything to ... oh never mind. blog on!
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Hahahaha Sex on the whole is a riot. Best comedy act there is if you really stop to think about it. Luckily for the human race and in the interests of its procreation and survival, raging hormones blot out most thinking processes during the act.
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I saw that moon, and I also thought of you, my naughty asianlady for love.  blog on!
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I hate em too! Necessary evil! There is one good thing about monogamy coupled with vasectomy though... No helmet needed!  blog on!
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Thanks for that, old friend.  blog on!
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 Yer killin' me here! Bruiser......... Pull My Fucking Hair! 
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Go ahead and get a good laugh at my expense. After all, that's why I posted... Blog On!
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living my sex free life i have forgotten what a condom is and what its used for ) I'm a   and i'm here to stay
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Keith knows how to make funny faces!
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That's very punny. But then I've always known you to be a clever fellow.  blog on!
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Ah memories... I used to be like that, ya know...  It's good to see you back in The Venting Blog, candysoveryverycondomless. blog on!
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living my sex free life i have forgotten what a condom is and what its used for )blog on!
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Keith knows how to make funny faces! blog on!
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Don't you just hate it when you try putting it on backwards.....and the struggle to get another out and properly oriented. All you can do is laugh.... Good to see you still blogging my friend.
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7/2/2009 10:14 pm |
Great condom moments in history ...
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*giggles* yea those moments suck i lost my virginity years ago..... but i still have the box.....
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I was told the first condoms were designed to be re-useable...I guess technically they still are... I missed quite a few posts from you this past while fiend, I'll have to catch up!
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7/17/2009 8:03 pm |
*giggles* yea those moments suck
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Why Andrea, you brazen naive little munchkin!
LOL!
So, anyway, that one dude with the glasses. God damn, if I looked like that, I'd shave my ass and learn to walk backwards. Is that what you consider a "hawtie " these days?
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