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Love and Lust
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Love and Lust I've recently thought about the concept of having an open relationship. It made me realize that there are huge differences between lust and love. They can both be related, or they both can be completely separate entities in a relationship. How so? Let me rant. The simplest evidence that supports this idea is when you initially meet your partner. You don't start dating them because you love them, already. That's impossible. You cannot truly love someone if you don't know anything about them. You start dating someone because there's an attraction. There is some form of lust that draws you to that person, and from there does love blossom (or the relationship fails). The opposite of that also proves this idea. Take a married couple of 60 years or so. They may have no lust for each other. I'm not saying this is always true, but the sexual drive does lessen with age. Just because the lust dwindles doesn't mean that the love has to as well. If they truly love each other, their love will continue to grow no matter how old they are. Okay, so how does this relate to having an open relationship? Simple... You can have lust and act on it without directly affecting the love that you have for your partner. If you can't satisfy your lust with your partner, there's no real shame in admitting that you may need it satisfied by someone else. As long as your partner agrees, the relationship won't have to suffer for any sexual activities outside of the relationship. Though, I would try to fix these issues inside of the relationship first before resorting to extra-relational activity. As long as you don't form another serious relationship with a random, sexual partner, your love can continue to blossom in your relationship, and you can be sexually satisfied. You might even find your love for your partner growing exponentially because now you're satisfied, and you can focus all of your love and energy towards your relationship. I don't know how often that would happen, but I can imagine that satisfying your sexual desires could have this effect. Of course, this all depends on you and your partner. If you have issues staying faithful to your partner, and you fear that if you try and satisfy your sexual desires elsewhere, you could end up ruining your relationship. Then I would suggest that you don't go looking for satisfaction elsewhere. Truthfully, your relationship is a lot more important than your sexual desires. While it's great to have both, it is not worth the risk to ruin something great that you have. It all comes down to preferences and behavior. If you feel that it's not morally right to do this, then that's your choice. If you feel that this makes your relationship stronger, than that's your choice. Nobody can tell you that you're wrong. Love and lust is different in every person. You have to find out who you are and be comfortable in your skin. Only then can you truly be satisfied. I'm not a doctor, psychologist, or any other professional licensed to give advice to people. This is purely my thoughts, my opinions, and my observations. Feel free to agree or disagree. |
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2/17/2007 5:12 pm |
You make some great points, almost as if you read our minds when we were discussing our desire to swing. We are hopelessly in love with each other and the lust is still there also. We are just sooooo satisfied with each other, we decided to share our passion with others, without personal relationships or worry about them. It has made our love even stronger, even though we didnt think it could get any better. We truly are the happiest couple most people will ever meet, and the swinging is just a hobby that we both enjoy.
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Love, Lust, Sex, Luv, Relationship, Feelings, feelings, and Commitment. All are most definitely related and intertwined, but they are most definitely different. The Greeks have three very different words to identify 'Love'. Clearly they have the right idea. A small true story. I know a priest who has been involved with the same partner for 3+ decades. They seem to be one of those 'perfect' couples. They are both well known worldwide cuz of the priest's writings and speaking tours. Nobody could ever think they are unfaithful to each other. During a talk on the importance of sex in a relationship the subject of an open relationship was included. In the Q&A period, someone asked the priest if he and his partner every had sex outside their relationship. His answer about knocked people out of their chairs. "Yes, of course, that's how we stay together." He also said that the yearning of lust without love is a strong force, and left unfulfilled can cause a strain in a relationship. He said they both have an interest in a particular physical attraction that they can fulfill with non-committal sex. Their love of one another is also filled with sexual attraction and lust. Sex is rooted in the brain and the nervous system. Relationship is rooted in the heart with emotions and conditional trust, respect, loyalty. Love is rooted in the soul with faith and unconditional trust. I'm not quite 60 and I'm so glad my lust, sex drive and ability to love are as strong or stronger than when i was young. Master Will
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