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| Blogs > collaredmuff01 > Life on a Leash |
Q & A time...clarity
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Q & A time...clarity Some very good questions were asked about my incident the other night. In my growing role as a submissive, I thought it was important to post them for all to see. Thanks to [intenseureyes]. Why did you feel the need to "step-out" without his permission? Especially if you knew he'd give it to you? My evening didn't start out with a plan...it just evolved into the above. There would be no permission for BDSM action given, this I know. Was it the need to feel wanted because he was unavailable? It had nothing to do with feeling wanted, I feel very wanted by my master. I needed a fix. Was it because his being unavailable made you feel less important or loved or wanted by him? I didn't feel any of these, again, just a need that I had to take care of. It had been a month since we had seen each other. Was it just the need to feel the pain? Actually it was just the opposite. I needed to get rid of the physical pain caused by my craving. Did you need to feel the pain as a form of punishment for your feelings or wants? Punishment was never a thought, until after when reality set in.. Was it retribution for something? NO. I am not a get even kind of person. Let me add he had done nothing to me anyways. Did you think by stepping out on him, he would just HAVE to react once he found out? NO, I didn't do this to get his attention. He is very good to me. It was stricly a need. Do you equate love with sex and pain? The two go together for me as this is what get's me going and gets me off. I enjoy this or I wouldn't do it. Love comes from my heart, not my body. The reason i'm asking is i've felt in a very simular way before and was curious as to what your motivation was or where your head was at the time. Did the Dom you were with KNOW you were there without permission? He is not a dom, he's a biker.If so, where was HIS sense of honor? I imagine you'd have to ask him that. I have attached a copy of his email to me regarding this night. Maybe that will tell you how certain bikers operate. Especially in when he planned on marking you.. KNOWING your Master would see. I don't think his plan was to mark me, it was to have some great rough sex. There were no markings the next day aside from the burn mark on my neck from ripping my clothes off in the heat of the moment. His email: What happened the other night had nothing to do with love, you and I both know that. Sure I love you, like you love me. As friends. Straight up fucking is all we do. We've talked about it how many times? So I know that isn't why you are mad. I want to tell you something which might make you even more angry I'm not sure. Before I picked you up I knew what I was going to do. I heard the pain in your voice when we talked the other nighteven though you tried to keep it from me. Joking about slapping is one thing. Taking you down was another. When I looked into those little lost eyes it killed me. I can't stand to see you like that. Knew what you needed and you would be easy that night. Was right. What I didn't know is how much it would hurt you. I took you off the beaten path you were on to satisfy myself and made a mess for you to clean up. If I had left you alone youd be your happy go lucky little girl that I love. I am so sorry. I'm sure he's fucking pissed at you but maybe he'll understand if he hears that you were sideswiped and didn't see it coming. But I know that isnt how you are going to play this. Knowing you the way I do I see you taking the fall. It takes 2 Denise remember that. Whether it's us or you and him. My reply: I'll deal with it. I take responsibility for what I've done as always. I'm not going to stick my tail between my legs and run away. That isn't me. I know he's mad, but I'm not going to lie to him. I HATE FUCKING LIARS!! I'm not going to have a pity party over this. It's done, I can't change what happened. One good thing that came from this is I figured out why I went off the beaten path with you. What allowed me to be so easily taken by somebody else. (Which will never happen again even if I die from my feelings) So in the end I've learned something about myself. That in itself is good. What will be will be...and all that good shit. HOPE THAT ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS. Muffy da Brat |
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Anytime...as I said in my email  Muffy da Brat
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Hi again, Thank you very much for answering my questions about that night. i hope you did not take offense to them, as that was not my intention. i am still a novice in this lifestyle. When i find a sister, i tend to ask questions to learn more about them, in hopes i can learn more of my self. i understand your submissiveness and the "need" you refer to. When i feel at my "worst" (not meaning bad) what you experienced that night is what i crave. That need sometimes makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. It also makes me want to go out and search for something, anything, or anyone to ease it. So far i've managed to control it enough to ride it out until the next time. But i fear there may come a day that i will not be able to rein it in and it will control me. Thank you for your frankness and honesty  Intense (f)
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I agree about the physical pain. For me, it is in my wrists. An aching that won't go away even with strong pills. It can be cumbersome. I think some men don't believe this happens to women or that it is in our heads. But it is very real. Call it the female version of "Blue Balls" It sucks.
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Q. is it more like an itch you need to scratch? or like a obsession type of feeling? or like a physical pain? if it is a pain? where is it located physically? what does it feel like? is it constant or in spurts? Thanks Muffy da Brat
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11/27/2006 11:12 am |
Q. is it more like an itch you need to scratch? or like a obsession type of feeling? or like a physical pain? if it is a pain? where is it located physically? what does it feel like? is it constant or in spurts? Thanks    
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