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Don't pee in grandma's sink , don't have gay sex with your cousin's boyfriend , rules , rules ,rules
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Don't pee in grandma's sink , don't have gay sex with your cousin's boyfriend , rules , rules ,rules "You can tell the righteous by how much they give to those who can give nothing back ." Someone (probably) I very nearly named this post "Taking pictures of your ass on Christmas - the easy way" but then I didn't . Why you (don't) ask ? After driving 8 hours roundtrip to enjoy 4-5 hours of Christmas cheer I got home and so exhausted , flopped on the couch , and turned on my old friend the TV . Looking through the guide I saw an infomercial I always see "I hate my butt" . Which made me think I should post something about how I love your butt and your butt is just fine the way it is . Which then transmogrified into me posting a picture of my ass because I also love my butt . I may be a smelly sloppy man-beast in general but my ass is pretty core if I do say so myself . Never having taking a so-called "selfie" (if it can so be called) before I was having a little trouble getting a good shot of my pale yet totally sexy behindus . And as I was balancing with one leg up on the coffee table and my tablet in my hand I thought to myself "40 , what are you doing ? Its Christmas for Christ's sake - and I mean that literally ." I thought to myself , what would Jesus do ? I mean its not Jesus's real birthday , but whatever . So I walked on the water and swam on the ground . I turned water into wine and Tylenol into methamphetamine . Jesus was really cool .  My dad is a big gearhead and when I was a he used to take me to the auto parts store all the time with him . I wish I had learned something about cars when he wanted to teach me but I didn't . Anyway , I used to wander around bored until I found the aisle where they used to always have little things to dangle from your rear view mirror featuring such things as pictured above . Is what why I love asses today ? Perhaps . I'm not sure the brain works so linearly though . People are always looking for the reason why they do/say/like/dislike whatever but its probably a combination of a bunch of different stuff . Speaking of which I had my last session ever with my therapist the other day (as it will no longer be covered by insurance in 2014) and she asked me what I felt I had learned in our time together . "Nothing" I said boobily , "I don't really believe in all this therapy nonsense ." "Then why did you come see me ?" she asked nonplussedly . "It was something to do" I shrugged "it was free so why not ." She seemed okay with that . I know I've said this before but I'm pretty sure she was crazy . Amongst the things she told me is that there's no such thing as friendship . Even if that's true keep it to yourself lady . She gave good head though , I have to give her props on that . Well I guess I don't have to but its a holiday season , a time to be generous . Anyway , at the Christmas festivities , I found myself needing to use the restroom . And so I went to said room and was confronted by some kind of apparatus . Sadly grandma has reached the age where apparati are needed . Anyway when I came out my mom said to me "You can use the one downstairs" to which I replied "I managed" which I did without getting any urine on said apparatus - which is pretty impressive . The ladyfolk like to complain about men spraying urine everywhere , and rightfully so , but until you've tried to use a penis I don't think you realize how suboptimal it is . Its not like a sniper rifle , its like a shotgun - that stuff goes everywhere . And don't even get me started on multiple streams . Anyway , my mom came back with her most horrified "You didn't pee in grandma's sink did you !" Which I found highly offensive . What kind of person just randomly decides to pee in a sink ? I will grant you , ONE TIME , when I was doing laundry and I was to lazy to go up stairs I peed in the cat's litter box but that's it . I think that's 11,805% less pee related hijinks that most men . Which is something I take pride in . Pretty much every other dude I know has a story about being peed on or peeing on their brother and that's when they're sober . Also my sister claimed that my cousin's boyfriend was "flirting" with me . I don't think so , I think we both just like Game of Thrones . He is definitely gay though . One of the more traumatic moments of my life was when I was 14 and my sisters told me one my lifelong friends (who happened to be a girl) was flirting with me . I went berserk . That was the end of that friendship . To this day I wonder if she really was . Probably , I was pretty dreamy back then . Every year I'm disappointed by the lack of Christmas themed porn . Where's Miracle on 69th Street ? North Poles ? Jingle Balls ? XXX-Mas ? Which got me to thinking , how come their isn't and Thanksgiving porn ? Or Independence Day porn ? Or Flag day porn ? Stupid porn industry , they have no creating thinkers amongst their ranks . And finally while heritage and tradition are dumb , I found out that one part of my dumb heritage isn't as widely known as I thought . So here , tradition . Sinter Klaus brings the presents to the good of course , but I guess a lot of people don't know about Krampus - Klaus' buddy who wails on the bad with a birch branch . And if they're really bad steals them away and takes them to his lair , presumably for molestation . I think this is a good system . You can't have the carrot without the stick . "Ho , ho , ho , I saw you masturbating !" 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I'm not sure I buy that difficulty-with-urinating-straight-with-a-penis thing. My old man used to tell me a speck of sand or lint got stuck in there when he missed the toilet. I'm thinking: 2-ft. wide opening and 5-inch dick makes it pretty easy.  Elevate me... 
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Hahaha! What is scary is I actually know a guy who really, actually, pee in sinks. I have never, NEVER invited him over, and can confidently say, every will. He's pretty tall, but that has got nothing to do with why he does it. I don't see him often anymore, but on the rare occasions I do, I still go, "seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?". Every, single, time. 
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What about leprechaun porn for St. Patrick's day? You could have tree (whatever - trying and failing to remember from Narnia books) spirits porn for Arbor Day - armed forces porn for Memorial/Veterans' Day - people in other kinds of uniform porn for Labor Day - or even just your standard "at your desk at work" type porn too - undead porn for Day of the Dead. In Massachusetts you could have patriot porn for Bunker Hill Day. Oh, and pilgrim porn for Thanksgiving - wait, you could have pilgrims and Indians playing with food in a sexy way, however that works, squash or something as butt plugs, maybe, as part of some hot squaw on squaw action? The possibilities are endless, really. You'd have to come up with the titles though. I suck at that, and yours are quite good. *[blog charleyb223]*
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