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Blogs > crazygirlforlife > My Crazy Life

Lost... I don't know what to think anymore.  

crazygirlforlife 45F
Ask me for a photo
112 posts
8/3/2008 9:33 pm
Lost... I don't know what to think anymore.

Exactly said... not sure what to think. Friends,<b> fuck buddies.. </font></b>whatever you call them... seem to come and go

Whether I was used or they were used or not.. all of it just leaves me empty inside... wondering if anyone really cared or cares. I mean I know deep down everyone is in it for theirself but I find myself get connected and just wanting genuine friendship. And then I wonder.. am I just being selfish...

Ugh.. makes no damn sense to me. Tired of feeling guilty about myself no matter what I do, tired of feeling down about what kind of person I am.. whether I am strong and standup for myself or let others control me and manipulate me. Doesn't bother me so much when it isn't sex related but when it is... it just makes me feel worse. And then I start to think back to when I was young. And I wonder if I was taken advantage of or if I just didn't know what the hell I was doing and perpetuated everything sexual that has happened in my life.

Keeps feeling like I'm making bad decisions trying to make myself feel better by doing sexual acts but it really does make me feel empty sometimes. And then I start a blaming the other person when all along, I often think things really didn't go down that way.

So I'm stuck.. am I horrible & selfish or just weak, stupid and taken advantage of... god I don't know any more.

I know pretty abstract... just don't want to get too specific with everything that has been going on with me.

ducatist3r 45M
Ask me for a photo

2/21/2010 3:57 pm

 I feel the same way . I'd like to have a friend who stuck by me , someone who didn't just vanish into thin air....someone who was consistant... I think the world is full of people who feel that they're horrible selfish and weak...but they are truly not.It's just that we have to go through these experiances to be challanged, so that we may grow into better human beings ,witch I believe , you are better today than you were yesterday! Right?


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