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| Blogs > rm_gatttorbait > MURKY WATERS |
... what's in a name anyway? ...
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... what's in a name anyway? ... ....well ... it's time to fess up... I screwed up... and I am willing to take the blame... so come on... hit me... cuss me out... call me an asshole... but if I can except my wrongdoings... can't you except my apologies? ... ... so I've been seeing this "girl" for about three months exclusively... it was something I decided to do... and it made for an interesting time... had a lot of fun... and spent many hours talking about what we both needed and felt... but .... ... yep... it's the "but" that continually crept into my thoughts... you see it's tough for me to fall in love... and while I wasn't in love with her... she expressed her love for me... and I had feelings for her... ... I found out a few other things while in the very beginnings of this friendship... some of them were leading towards insecurities she had about herself.... and her self confidence... which seemed odd to me because she had a very outgoing personality... and seemed to have the confidence I like in a woman... but .... ... yep .... there's that but again... ... apparently one of her biggest peeves was that no one... not one soul on this planet should ever mispronounce her name... .... well I did... and on Christmas Eve ... while introducing her to some of my other friends at a private party I was invited too... ... it was an innocent slip of the tongue... or so I thought... not like I did something violent .... just introduced her to another woman with a similar name as hers and in the process made a human error and apologised immediately... but ... ... yep .... you guessed it ... not good enough ... ... it's not like I was making love to her and called her someone else.... I could understand how that would upset her this way... but that simple slip of the tongue changed our friendship from then on... and now has ended that friendship somehow ... ... perhaps I shouldn't use names when introducing people at a party... better if I just use adjectives .... no? ... well ... that and don't drink before you try to speak... ... so I ask you... what's in a name anyway? ... ...signed... ... simply human... |
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1/3/2007 6:13 am |
Seems a bit odd that she would be so upset with you. It was clearly an accident
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... psst... hey Wet ... that's my point ... *nodding* ...
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People mispronounce names all the time....it is a minor thing. If a person can not see "that" as a human error and instead making a big deal out of the situation.....I think it is best for both to move on separate way.
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Uh Luv....you basicly saying the same thing in toooo manyyyy wordsssss.....if a small thing bother her now, what happen with a big issue.....do you see any future in that? It's okay, no need to apologize.....LOL....btw, Happy New Year to ya, and thanks for your flu!!!!
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... OK ... so it's yo ho ho and a bottle of rum eh Teak? ... lol jeezzz... that's not what I meant when I said that I needed to introduce her with adjectives... *shaking head* ... but it's the thought that counts... lol ... and SR what you said was one of the reasons I posted this... ... at the time this happened I didn't know her peeves ... in fact I was just getting to know her... there's know way that I could know all the things that bother a person in such a short time .... ... we didn't live together... and only saw each other on occasion ... maybe once in a week simply because of our schedules ... she worked nights as a bartender... and I work days... ... she was uncomfortable staying with me at my home... which I respected but found odd... ... we spoke often though by phone... and rarely did I use her name when we spoke... mostly pet names... adjectives as I said... ... and as usual I found humor in this situation... but it was sad to see her upset with me... ... and to answer your question Luv... it was a peek at someone who I feel showed a part of her I really didn't know... or care for... ... yes... I realise that we truly learn about people we care about through the tough times ... and part of the reasons this became an even bigger issue for her was that I withdraw this time of year... .. I don't do it on purpose... and I tried to explain this to her... but she expressed her concerns that she felt this was an excuse on my part... and probably this was just another thorn in the paw for me... ... while I understand that for some folks their name is all they have that is theirs to defend... I guess it's the context that makes this important... ... it was an embarrassing moment for me... I had a brain fart and I apologized.... but I do like to choose my battles... and this one definitely became a passionate battle which I can't ... in all honesty... change the outcome of... ... it was just meant to be... *nodding* ...
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... no no no ... you were both right... *smiling* .... ... and could you stop kicking up the dirt Luv? ... you're making a huge hole in the yard!!! ... lol
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Luv...I already told you "no need" to apologize "knowing" that you wouldn't.....lmao....btw, Luv, I am right ALL the time just like you, not just right about something...lol
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... lol Luv ... and we both know how much he'll enjoy having a much larger hole... hehe ... I wanted to say that after reading what you said Luv ... the way she reacted makes more sense... but I still don't think this will go any further... ... I guess I just didn't see that spark that two people need to handle the bad along with the good... ya know? ... ... I'm not making excuses... just using logic... something I do rather well... *smiling* ... maybe this is a curse for Virgos ... so I'm on the market once again... I think I'll bug that certain lady for some fairy dust... *smiling* ... but she knows that you'll always have that l'll chunk... *nodding* ....
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Luv...you can stop kicking....I think that hole is big enough to put sand in as a bunk....now you can be really nice if you will mow the grass down to 1/8 of an inch to serve as a practice green and I will be along shortly with my sand wedge and balls....thanks Luv, I do need to work on my bunk shots....."S"
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... I do know what you mean Luv... guess that's what I was missing here.... that certain something you need for "forever" ... *nodding* .... and we did discuss this at TEO... ... you want to know the crux to this one? ... I have always trusted my instincts... and I trusted them this time... it's just that I felt the ice melting from several different angles... and I couldn't find the source... ...the problem with this is that if I put more insulation up I won't be able to enjoy the heat when it's right there... ... did you ever notice that when you light a sparkler... all the sparks originate from the center? ... guess I just need a bigger sparkler huh? ... lol
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Luv....once again, it seems my thoughts are faster than my fingers in typing...."bit of embarrassment".....it's "sand bunker" and "bunker shots"....a bunker with sand also called "sand trap"....and one that contains rocks, debris, weeds and also sand is a "waste bunker"....see, it's all your fault again, if you play golf you would've guessed bunk = bunker.....lol
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Luv....this just to prove to you that when I am "wrong", I am still "right".....wrong = right.....see, I am always "right".....lol
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Maybe I never got forever because I never wanted "forever".....does that make sense? Luv, the above is a quote from your post.....have you ever do a deep inner search as to why you never wanted "forever"? Knowing that I could be miles off course.....but, here are a couple of my personal speculations as to why..... 1. fear of the outcomes might not what you anticipated? 2. a thrill seeker.....you need constant excitements in your life? 3. a grasshopper.....thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the hill? 4. not a grinder.....quit if things don't quite suit you? 5. need to be optimistic.....not able to accept the "bads" with the "goods"....believe that ultimately, goods will out weight the bads? 6. more determination...."forever" is the ultimate goal....other aspects can be forego... Enough personal speculations.....going on "forever" you might "smack" me on my head....lol
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Luv...see, there is a serious side of me...lol However, I luv my fun side of me the best....personal preference... Luv, I fully agree that our environments will affect our life's in many ways.....have I ever told you about the odds against me? What kind of odds would anyone given to a kid going to school without shoes in China? Migrate to Canada to learn a second language? Living in poverty? Father was an abuser? Work every day after school just to help put food on the table? Worst of all, constantly looked upon as second class citizen? Racial discriminations and on and on....?...Nah, I am not feeling sorry or whining.....that just a few obstacles in life....no big deal. Luv....I let you in on one of my personal traits.....I am stubborn. I overcome many odds against me because of my stubbornness....I just don't know when to quit....this of course, sometimes work against me. In many ways, if it wasn't for my determinations and willingness to sacrifice at all cost.....life for me today definitely would be quite different...for one, I would miss the personal satisfaction of achievements.....yeah, that personal satisfaction to me is priceless......cuz, I did it against all odds. Enough of the serious stuffs about "forever".....as a side note, Luv, are you accusing me of baiting or talking you to go back to TEO?
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I never learned to trust SR........still don't........does that make sense? Yes! that make lots of sense to me that you don't trust SR.....jeez, Luv, do you have to tell the whole "flipping" world that you don't trust SR??.....there goes my credibility, spoiled my hope of getting laid, thanks a lot!....."rolling eyes"... Back to being serious....it is true that trust can only be cultivated over time and any experience of a violation of trust will hinder the development of future trust in relationship matters. However, by knowing the above, trust verse violation of trust relationship.....one can advance the trust aspects into a different dimension, such as, not all apples are bad in a barrel just because it contains one or two are rotten. Cautious we must when trust must be given.....not able to give is to live in isolation. I will get back later....off to work to make some loonies....lol
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... what a quirk SR ... and yes... Luv called you that... *smiling* ... ... you know what SR? .... it's not the rotten apples that bother me... it's the way we dispose of them that does... ...is it a given that garbage is the things we feel are not worth keeping? ... or is it that sometimes the garbage is a place that those who feel another man's garbage is somebody else's riches? ... and so the turmoil begins... ... I was out helping cook a dinner at the elks tonight... and tomorrow I am packing for a training seminar in Long Island NY... I'll be there for two weeks so I hope you all will keep me company while I'm gone.... but I will be back to get my hands on some of this "meat" ... *they do have WIFI in NY I hear* ... so if I don't post for a day or so you'll know why ... ... it's interesting to hear about all the what ifs ... but we all know what if a certain somebody hadn't decided to do a certain something.... then a certain somebody wouldn't have met a certain someone... and then what would we be talkin about? ... hehe .... ... btw Luv ... while walking into that sunset... did you ever get your nickers wet? ... cause mine are still wet from the night before... *nodding* ... but I have learned who to trust... and when I know who it is... I will let you know... *smiling* ...
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... yeah ... I know... I'm sorta out there tonight... sorry ... it's just a moment I'm sure... *making a fresh drink* ... ... going for a two week programming seminar... guess I'll learn how to type all over again... hehe ..... but hey ... this is what the future is all about isn't it? ... programming? ... ... I guess I'm feeling some of the residual fallout here... all this talk about how we each saw life... and how we became who we are now... *nodding* ... ... sometimes it's good to see that I'm not alone when it comes to all the BS I saw growing up...
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... I know you're getting set for another three day er Luv... smoochies to you too... and we'll see you when time allows... ... you better have a great weekend too Luv... (((hugs))) ... I'm counting on it... *smiling* ... ... btw Luv... WIFI is free Internet access ... so I will be able to keep in touch during the next to weeks... even though I'm way up there by Canada... *smiling* ...
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....Luv.....no, I am not talking about a group thing....stop being paranoid.....lol You and Gator too have a nice weekend....."S" Gator..... while up by Canada....please leave the Canadian beavers alone.....lmao
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...you want the password Luv? ... hehe
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Sorry it didn’t work out Gator, but I do know of a certain young lady who sprinkles fairy dust everywhere she goes who might be glad to have to have you back to herself… .... uhh.. Gator, hun... did you completely ignore what I just quoted from Luv's post on page1?!... shes right ya know... and I even agree with what she went onto say... although I'm damn sure not repeating it cuz it breaks my heart knowing its true...  but you taught me that there is plenty of Gator to go around to those worthy... I have no problems sharing you!~   uhh... but can we limit the number of bitches I gotta share with to like 10 or so?...
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oh... and just a comment bout this bitch and her stupid name.... there are 2 ways to pronounce her stupid name... and the only difference is the vowel sound of the letter "A".... stupid cow.... she has no clue who she let slip outta her hands.... like I told ya babe... this was simply her excuse to get outta the relationship... its for the best, though... cuz eventually you will make your way to texas... and she wouldn't have stood a chance against your #1~! .... such a stupid cow~~ p.s. you can call me Theresa by mistake any time and I promise the worst that will happen is a smack on your ass!~ 
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... you know what I think Luv... this was a major screw up on my part... ... I understand what was said before... and I realised that this would be a tough thing for her... even if I apologized... ... here's how I think she saw this... ... the fact that we had been exclusive ... I should have at least been able to remember how to say her name... and say it correctly... *nodding* ... so I do understand how she would feel about it... ... I have never said a bad thing about her... nor would I ... this wasn't her screw up... it was mine... and mine alone... ... but there were other issues that crept up that I considered serious as well... and had nothing to do with this particular deal... but in a way they did... ... insecurities can develop over time... and just like mold ....can be hard to remove... perhaps it's best it ended now... maybe just not the way it did... *nodding* ... ... it's OK Reis... I'm a big boy now... and I can admit when I screw up... *nodding* ...
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funny.... luv says i know that she really isn't a stupid cow...(which yes you are right, this i do know)... but ya didn't say a word about me calling her a bitch!~~ lmao... just for the record.... i was just being a bitch myself by calling her that.... but i still say its silly to get so upset about a slip of the tongue...especially when he immediately realized his mistake and corrected himself.... screwed up?...gator you can screw up with me anytime...or screw down... or left.... right.... hell i'm easy!~
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grrrr... Luv.. baby... sweetie....sugah... honey... honestly, I get what you are saying... its just that right now... with all that I've been dealing with... this just seems so inconsequential.... i understand your thoughts here... i can honestly put myself in her situation.. and yes.. if this was the *thing* that pushed my buttons... and mark was my boyfriend.... and he did the thing that i hated... of course.. it would bug me.... jeez, knowing me, it would've made me cry.... but the difference with me.... is... i would've told him how it made me felt... and knowing him the way i do... i know he would've apologized (again) and we would talk it over... my feathers would've been smoothed... he would make me feel better and it would be forgotten... i have never physically been in the same room with this man... but it doesn't change the fact that I honestly consider him a friend that i love... and when i have love for a person... i will always take the time to listen, understand, forgive and forget.... the fact that she couldn't give this to him tells me alot..
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