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My Own Worst Enemy?
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My Own Worst Enemy? First off I apologise to those who think I may have been ignoring them. Thats not the case I've just been overwhelmed with things lately. Lifes been messy lately and I'd rather not burden people themselves with concern for me. Its my fault alone for where I am so I should be responsible for that burden. Now I have always considered myself a modest person....humble to a fault. I dont care for public recognition and if anything try to downplay my strengths and, avoid taking credit for positive things I do. So that being said I'm being a bit hypocritical. As the one thing I can't let go of is simple pride. I probably make my life alot better for the moment. However that would take swallowing my pride and asking for help from people I'd much rather just not speak with. It wouldn't be a permanent solution at worst it would only buy some time....I guess thats part of it too I don't want to call in a favor I may not be able to repay, but moreso the problem is that I feel. By asking for help I'm giving up the last thing I'm proud of my independence. I'm not going to ask what I should do because I know the obvious answer....and my response will be easier said than done. I will ask what value do you put on pride and at what point would you swallow it? RF  |
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7/26/2007 2:25 am |
I agree with vern
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Without knowing all the background it's difficult to say. Pride can mean many things, including self-respect - and if that is what's on the line then I would say almost anything is better than compromising your self-respect. I agree with Jazz, that asking for help is a good thing to do, but only you can determine the true cost of asking for it. Where independence is at stake, then, depending on the character of the person/people involved, swallowing your pride and asking for help MIGHT be setting a precedent which you do not want to set. In which case it is better to ride out the hardships and keep your pride. Pride is important to me personally - but I try to determine whether it is self-respect (in which case I'll stick to my guns) or cutting off my nose to spite my face (in which case I'll try to swallow it.)
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7/27/2007 12:01 pm |
Pride is considered to be a deadly sin. Sometimes pride leads you tro be alone, homeless, hungry, hurting others and yourself. When these end up being noticable in your life you may want to step back and figure out why that pride is there in the first place. Sometimes it can lead tos elf destruction which is almost like giving up on life. I try not to think about giving up on life anymore but sometimes I wonder if anyone would care or notice. Needless to say emotionally my pride gets the better of me and I only do it to avoid getting hurt by someone else and end up hurting myself in the process. Seems a bit like a double edged sword eh? `Velvet Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.
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Vern: Funny you use the word stubborn...I agree with that but I guess its easier to see stubborness in others rather than ourselves. At least in my case. MayQ: Thx for stopping by. Jazz: Yeah I know and its hypocritical of me because I would want to help others if I had the power too. I guess my problem may be admitting to others that I might need a hand. Besides I know everyone has it hard I wouldnt want to make things harder on them by putting my burden on their shoulders. Fit: You hit the nail on the head. I abhor asking for help from people I like as I feel one should be independent and be able to take care of themselves. However this would be crossing burnt bridges and dealing with people I disassociated myself with for good reason. To put it simply I'd rather starve than eat their bread. Velvet: Yes I know it is a deadly sin the one I'm second most guilty of sloth being first  . Although, I don't see why it is. In general its a very healthy thing to have. I mean if you have no pride whatsoever then you basically have no self worth. You are right though it can get dangerous and like all good things you could have too much of it. Wherein it can make a person push people away and destroy themselves because they are to proud to admit a weakness/error. RF
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7/27/2007 9:08 pm |
Flagg, First off, welcome back buddy. What a pleasure it was for me to see you in my blog the other day. The only value I put on pride is my appearance without going to extremes like plastic surgery.  Pride is the original sin. Whether or not one believes the biblical outlook or not is irrelevant. Look at all the people that did it "my way." What did it get them? There are many times throughout my life where I had to swallow my pride. With my wife, with my parents, with a boss, friends, even my own children. I remember one night about 5 years ago, where I was going over my finances. I remember vividly looking down at my spreadsheet and seeing -$650.00 per month. I sold a bunch of personal possessions to try and make ends meet. Important possessions, things like my Queen Anne's low boy, which I built when I was 16 years old that I won the state championship with. I gave that to my grandmother for mothers day in 1990, and when she passed, it was giving back to me by my grandfather. I sold the majority of my books, including my most coveted, The Summa Theologiae in latin, publishing in 1880 from the University of Paris where St. Thomas taught. My wife and even discussed selling our wedding rings. We were broke, and it wasn't getting any better. I remember looking at everything thinking to myself....shit, I am better off dead. At least that way my wife can collect our insurance policy. At that moment though, I decided to call my Father. My Dad and I never really got along, there was a point where I didn't speak to him for 5 years. I called my Dad for advice. That phone call changed forever my relationship between my dad and I. We now talk at least once a week and are actually investing together in a few new construction deals. The hardest thing for me to do Flagg was to call my Dad. In hindsight, I now realize that I had such a hard time calling him because he and I are a lot alike. We both like to have things our own way, and we both are stubborn Lepra-Krauts! There was a point Flagg where I was $175,000.00 in debt and running negative cash flow every month. There is nothing that wears at a person more than financial strain. But, regardless of circumstance the one place we can always go is home. Both my father and maternal grandfather helped me get back on my feet again. This is what Father's do. They have the most thankless job in the world. But, as a Father, there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of my own sons, which tells me that there isn't a day that goes by that my Dad doesn't think of me. The day that my first son was born, forever changed my life. That is when you stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about your children and their well being. All parents do it, and they want nothing more than to see their offspring succeed and have things better than they do or did. I apologize for the length here bud, but whatever it is you are going through, don't be afraid.
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7/30/2007 1:34 pm |
I will always remember you saying I should be caught in a big fire and I never said anything even close to being that cruel to you. I wonder why SSS seems to forget that or she deletes any reference I make on her blog about that time. I hope you get caught in a fire too. Is that mean ? IT WAS HURTFUL WHEN YOU SAID THAT TO ME SEVERAL MONTHS AGO TOO YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I BBQ Bunny Boilers for dinner !
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7/30/2007 1:36 pm |
I am not hurt now. I am not going to let you forget it. ANYBODY FUCKS WITH MY LIFE, ALL OF THIS SHIT IS GOING TO BE PRINTED ON HARD COPY AND I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU A NEW ASSHOLE. Got that. GOOD. I BBQ Bunny Boilers for dinner !
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7/30/2007 1:37 pm |
That includes your Bunny boiling friend. I am not too worried. I am prepared to pay for a lawyer to bury you bitches in your own shit. Am I being nasty ? It is the only language you understand. I BBQ Bunny Boilers for dinner !
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7/31/2007 12:40 am |
You had this last profile deleted for pointing out to GAGG that his comments to me were cruel and that he crossed the line. You dont want anyone to know that eh ? Like I said, the "paper trail" is there for the right people to see just in case you guys try to play the victim. They don't care if you have a stinky gash or if you are a stupid puppy.
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7/31/2007 12:44 am |
This is the guy who crossed the line you bitch. He said I should be caught in a fire. He wanted me to DIE because I would not roll over in my dispute with you. You NEVER told him to lay off or mind his own business. You are a scumbucket and you deserve everything I said in your blog. Don't pity me. I can get more pussy than this pussy. Flagg, i can even attract women your age which is weird. All you attract are worn out models.
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7/31/2007 7:11 am |
wow, things must really be going well for stevie aka pussy-boy at his new haunt. i sense he has been rejected soooooo very many times there, he has flipped his wig even further. can you say LOOOOOOOZZZZZER! pathetic bastard.
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Trust me on this. You can swallow your pride and not sacrifice your worth as a person or your self-esteem. I've done it. It's hard, but it's better than suffering. It's also better than a homeless shelter. Don't inflict torture on yourself if you can help it. Don't start with how you deserve the pain and suffering. Trust me, I've done that too. It's that final thing those of us who were raised Catholic can't seem to get past. That entire, we can't ask for help because we deserve what is happening to us. Trust me, it's bullshit and you'll be better off and able to get your thoughts together and regroup and recover if you do accept help. I am the voice of experience on this one.
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8/3/2007 5:43 pm |
hey sweets... i am just happy to know you are still around.. krissy    
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